'morning, having a good one thus far?

My name's Nick, and I am gay / atheist / feminist / abstinent-but-not-chaste (with the exception of an occasional cup of tea) / socialist-oriented (though with a tawdry affair for liberalism) / Norwegian-American / an INFJ / a graduate student in Political Science / not relationship oriented / an egoist and a pragmatic / a penetratee (yet have felt some recent urge for penetrating) and a social science experiment of my own reflection.

I am here on RealJock because the site advertised on GayGamer and seemed like a fun place to hang out. Whether I'd consider myself a "real jock"...meh, I'll stay until the administrators decide (if they decide) to take RJ down the BigMuscle route.

As for scenes, I'm too into my thoughts and thoughts about my thoughts to really enjoy any known party scene. Instead of getting into a groove, I'll maintain lookout for possible trouble, make sure people are being attended to, and observe and reflect on the people in my surrounding (and that each person I see is a human being with thoughts, aspirtions, and an eventual expiration date).

I have an unfortunate tendency to bottle myself up. Not just anger, but most of my creativity and honest expression. It's unfortunate because it ends up festering and I then have to invest myself into not only the bottling and self-repression, but also into the management of any unwanted releases. I also have (partly inherited / partly self-built) tendencies toward depression and a kind of self-based fatalism, and their stalkerish desperation. The last part is particularly frustrating as I have, through it, injured or irreperably damaged some potential friendships / acquaintanceships.

However, I recognize that depression and its low self-esteem are means of defense: by withdrawing from one's surroundings and carrying little expectation of them (and trust in their improvement), one inures oneself against disappointment. How can a world without promise not live up to expectation?

After years of closetedness and denial of my sexual self (including refraining from learning masturbation until I was twenty, probably the dumbest series of decisions and denials I've put myself through), I've grown to enjoy my sexuality in almost all of its forms.

You build and establish a whorehouse a la that of Fall-from-Grace's from Planescape: Torment (and with an everlasting scent of lilacs) and you will have built a place from which I will have no good reason to leave.

I am looking for friends and friends interested in occasional sex (of course, the latter can be tricky as I'm the only RJ member who lives where I live).

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