- Vote him Man of the Day
- Member since: 12/03/11
- Last active: More than a week ago
- Age: 43
- First location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
- Second location: Kingston Upon Thames, Kingston Upon Thames, United Kingdom
- Travel location: Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires, Argentina
- Relationship Status: Single
- Looking for: Friends, Dating or Relationship, Hookup, Training Buddies, Online Chat, Web Cam
My Stats and Info
- Build: Defined
- Height: 5' 10''
- Hair color: Brown
- Eye color: Green
- Ethnicity: White
- My gym: Virgin Acitve
- Weight training: 3 times per week
60 minutes per session
- Cardio training: 3 times per week
25 minutes per session
- Sports I like: Bodybuilding, Boxing, Gymnastics, Kickboxing, Rock Climbing, Rowing, Squash, Swimming, Wrestling
- Other sports I like: Yoga instructor
- HIV status: HIV -
- Safer sex?: Sometimes
I took a day from my life – and made a jump to do something I have never done before and never thought I ever would….I confessed to love my best friend – not in a lover, sex kind of way, but in a really scary, confusing and insecure kind of way. I did not want to lose my friend and I also needed to tell him that what he does and say and do to me has consequences.
I never wanted it or expected it, getting so close to this friend of mine, but we “get” one another and I can only say that this friend had me in awe with his dedication, discipline, work ethichs, sense of humour, intelligence and yea he is damn cute and sexy. Tho I don’t fall for cute and sexy, despite what people assume of me, I have slept with the most beautiful men all my life, no lies. So I thought this friend knew how I felt and that it was mutual. I think I was mistaken, and for that I am not sorry, I just feel totall stupid and foolish.
This friendship is tough, it is complicated and it is under cover, because we are told by the world and society that it is wrong. I don’t want to date this friend, or want to be lovers because he needs to be free to live as I have lived and experience. But I have a heart and I have a past with a bucket load of hurt and disappointments and betrayals and being used, abused and recylcled again, so I have certain things I don’t do.I speak my mind, I tell what is in my heart and I risk anger, rejection and disapproval> But you will always know where you stand with me. I am morally confused, live beyond the prescriptions and fake morals and rules of this fucked up world ,because it only serves to control what is beautiful, fun and free to suit their controlling small minded worldview. So yea, I am an ass, I am not normal and I don’t do normal> I never have and never will.
It is not right maybe to speak your heart, but hell yea necessary. A bit like culling things i suppose....i get very deep and down and open things up that should not be said or spoken about until I understand it and me and how it all fits together. I have a die-hard stubborn refusal to allow life and its nasty makers of rules' let me be conquered to a state of age, fear, weakness, defeat and mediocrity. See this friend of mine was like being reborn to an allegiance to defy suburban dullness, the rules of normal and boring. We were contradictory and different on so many levels but never, cruel, false or ignorant of our supposed truths. We are meant to be happy, we are meant to have fun and enjoy everything and all in this creation.
I believe that we were born to crush those who fear and doom and sabotage and oppress the lightness of being,or being a being of light. Not in the name of society’s chosen/inherited/brainwashed version of what makes something or someone good or bad. I dont buy it and dont believe it unless you get to experience first hand...lol. so how do i know if something is right or wrong for me...if there is laughter and peace and i am feeling love, I feel light, be it friendship, an awesome one nighter or mates for life, it is good. When we need no words and we get it, it is good. My friend and I were like this.
I am sexually terrible and doomed to the lower hells of all religions and yet I know I know God and that he knows me. I replied to a social bud, cool blog stuff: sex in the non-extremis, funny you should say that, i am very sexual and expressive and adventurous in a fun way with it, but bra, i have been around the block and a few town ships and tried more things than most people can imagine people would consider doing for kicks. I don’t need to sleep with anyone or try anything I don’t value to be good – in my definition of the word. And then one day it clicked: so how far must you keep on taking it then, all this sleeping around and not making choices and not sticking to them? Its not about the acrobatics, costumes, role games, gender, amount of men or women and all the outside fucking drama and dressing that makes a lover or a shag unforgettable - it is a rare and not often found connection where you get turned on cause you turn him on and he gets then turned on cause you so into him /each other - then the mechanics and moves get replaced with a language that two bodies read and understand, and the joy and ecstacy to relax and surrender and let go cause its all good and void of outcome or timed expectation! lol. hope u get me...i kinda get tricky with wording my body wisdom lol
I only once had it with this friend of mine and was neither cheap or sensational or anything like that – it was unbelievably special and truly appreciated and treasured to the deepest depths of my heart and my soul. It touched me to the core! I will never forget it or speak to it to anyone because it is something I will always remember and hold close in my heart.
So to this friend I need to say:I was so ready to have met you my mate. You tought me so much, good things, allowed me to be proud of me again and look at life and people and situations with fresh and new eyes. I was tired of hit and run and getting hurt or being alone. ..after all what is the sound of one hand clapping ...
To all whom I meet I say: let love be such that I would give u my heart and trust u so deep that I know u would return it to me unharmed...and let me set you free to do what you must but never allow you to step on me. I am your blanket, not your doormat, I am your ear, not your speaker, I am your mate, not your shadow. I share because we both win, I don’t give so as others can use me to get what they want only for themselves – because I will never ask that of any friend of mine. I don’t play games and wont allow you to use me as a tool in your own private games. I am too proud, too special and I hurt to and feel too deeply. Life is special and I live it, I don’t play it. I am happy and need very little, so I never ask for much. I share what I have because I can, not because I expect anything in return. I have bled, I have cried and I have seen more pain and suffering in this world so as to understand that maybe, just maybe I can add to your life, make your life a little lighter, your memories a bit more sunny and make you feel that you are ok just as you are.
I refuse to live small and afraid and judgemental. Allow me freedom of expression; let my confidence be such that opposing ideas and beliefs are just that. Be spiritually evolved enough and claim your faith in God by showing that you allow the sun to shine on us all. Hold me when I am sad and laugh at my jokes and let me heal your hurt. My values are private - I collected them carefully through years of trial and error and by surviving near to impossible situations! Never tell me what I should or should not, beccause I don’t do that to you – I suggest or recommend unless its workrelated or required in certain situations. Then I ll pretend to play my expected part to save us all some tears and problems. Like you, I do what I will and when I want.
And deep down inside, when I happen to fall asleep on someone’s chest, I know without a doubt that there is true love out there, I look out for it everywhere, it finds me in strange places with odd companions. It is alive and all living things need constant change, it must be sensed, enjoyed and left to leave when the time arrives for it to carry on its journey further. For me, true love, friendship and mind-blowing sex and adventure should lodge effortlessly between my life mate and I, my friend and I, or my shag mate and I – and I come very close to that with an amazing group of people.
I am despondently sad and mourn it deeply when it has to go or when my friends run from disagreement rather than understanding differences in viewpoint, perception or opinion. . I look for a quiet sense of compatibility and a feeling of being welcomed home, be it in your thoughts, in your body or talking nonsense, without negative energy over an ice cream or a burger….because I wish you no ill, I want nothing from you and I love you just because of YOU, not because of what you give, do or pretend to.
One of my favourite spiritual quotes comee from the book of Eliphas: Ah, you humans. You vaguely interesting humans. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Right, wrong, right wrong -- such futile, little things. Everything that you do is right because being who you are is human, and humans err, humans fail, humans die and God is greater than any of your wrongs. So be! So love! So play! So Share! You are fated to be who you are, destined to be who you will be as are all the others before you. All things are predetermined and fated, you are blameless and so are all others in Creation as long as you heed that God allows me, the devil, freedom to judge and punish in the same measure you judge and punish those who he sends as gifts onto your hearts… so listen: never judge and never punish, because that God creed to be mine! - Lucifer to the Archangel Michael
So I sat and thought by myself: am I shallow and nittpicky? Am I false? It took a while to get the answer - no I am not. I am authentic - within and without. What u c in me is what there is and I dont play games. I like or I dont. I will or I wont - sometimes for reasons that elude me. Most of the time I don’t understand myself but I am good and I am ok. My yes or no is in sync with my heart, my balls, my cock, my mind and my soul. Its that complicated and that simple. So if you don’t like what I feel or do or say, that is your problem, not mine.
So all this keeping busy and perplexed in this thing called life - I embrace the human condition(what makes us human), I live the good and the bad in terms of the total experience, the whole of life, rather than how I am supposed to behave or according to your beliefs and your rules to live life. I guess i live and fuck and laugh and weep, but always am I “ it “ and so in that moment I am who and what I am, I do not pretend: heart and body and soul. And that scares people, that upsets people because they want to pretend that nothing matters and all is ok. I believe that everything matters and things are only ok if we agree on it. My issues are not yours, so don’t get angry when I feel one way and you another. Let us each deal with our issues and still have the mercy and grace to give a hand and send a hug, or a smile, or just a hallo.
I accept that i express myself as a paradox – contradictions that sometimes may seem false. I see no colour, age or type, but I sense that spark, that mutual beauty and ability to glow like stars once naked, meaning open to each other, not as in naked. Crucify me for being an ecstatically happy slut. I adore hot men, i get consumed and recreated and end up fully replenished when a man collapses sweating and shooting his genome blueprint up my twat. And there, wet, spent, fulfilled, regenerated i quiet my mind, I feel deep gratitude to be alive, be here, be absolutely sensual and beautiful. I cry far into deep space an unconditional thank u! to the Creator for this gift that is my body. And as i lie there in his arms i hear the voice of God in silence, and get up redeemed, for i gave a man the highest most precious gift any mortal human being can – all of me and what I am. So I never, never, drop my pants unless it matters, unless I care, unless it is agreed, unless I hope it to be good. I never regret dropping my pants either!
Dont let my playboy image fool you, or my teachers one, or my mask I have to show the world to do good and do my work and do it to the glory of God and the bettterment of others. I live by the motto to leave everyone and everything better or the same than I found it. I fear very little and I don’tdance to the drum of the outside world. I do things upside down, backwards. But always from the gut and I have an exceptional mind and rare intelligence.
I love sex, who doesn't, but deep down I am serious, I know what I want and what I like, independent, interesting, intelligent and please, let's laugh about life, the universe and everything. I love life, live it to the brim, and ultimately looking for the those that matter in my life and prepared to stick it out when things are rough, tough, unpleasant or in conflict. Because the sun always shines again if you stick it out in a spot, but it never does if you keep on running to the clouds….
So I want to say to this friend: you touched me, you fill my life with fun and happy times and you inspire me to create, to live fully, to give what I can…I have only spoken good about you to all I meet and I have defended you bitterly to those that don’t like you or want to put you down. I have your back, always!
So to this friend : don’t give up on me, on us, on our friendship – it has nothing to do with jealousy or posession or expectations or rules or bullshit>it has to do with me and the things that I know I cant do or wont do because it is not in agreement with my beliefs or my heart.
So to all I meet or know I say: pass me by gently, shag me as if its your last blast on earth, leave with a smile and when we do meet again, have the human decency to greet me kindly. The human condition is fairly simple - we want to be validated, seen, noticed and in relationships, we need witnesses for our lives to say I am, I have been, and it was good And we want to share what we feel and think and believe, without the fear of being judged, or rejected or taken revenge on.
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