Is there a gay bar like this message board?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 3:21 PM GMT
    I really like coming to this message board and this chat room. The guys here are all pretty normal. I wish there was an actual gay bar like this, but most gay bars make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like the last thing I can be in a gay bar is normal. But is that just my limited experiences? Are there places you can go where most of the guys are just normal guys who happen to be gay, like the majority on this board? Or is this only an online phenomenon?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    Well, I don't know about other areas really, but here in Dallas, you won't find it. Actually, I'd imagine you won't find that anywhere.

    If you go to a gay bar/club, you will not find "normal". As in any place you go to (especially that type of setting), you will have your closet-cases, "masculine" guys, "fem" guys, drag queens, transsexuals, annoying straight women, and everyone in between.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 4:06 PM GMT
    From my own experience, Levi/Leather bars are where you're more likely to find masculine, average Joe kinda guys.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 30, 2007 4:22 PM GMT
    Alot in NYC, but I'm not into the scene, and have a great guy.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    May 30, 2007 4:35 PM GMT
    Hahaha. You lot crack me up.

    This is an anonymous message board on the internet. It's not real life and like a lot of things on the internet it's full of people who lie.

    You need to go out there and grab life, not sit around moaning about the Gay scene and the diverse guys (and girls) who go out on it.

    If you want to meet other guys who you see as normal (I think you mean people who are interested in fitness...what is normal anyway?...we certainly aren't on this board), perhaps you should seek out a Gay gym or gay sports club, there seem to be many around in the larger cities and there you'll meet like minded guys.

    Perhaps it's the getting up the courage to strike up a conversation and show your face that you don't like about actual Gay bars.


    ps. And please can we stop this constant vitriol against other sections of the Gay community (trannies, fems etc)? It's getting very boring and seems very small minded. You lot, as proud Gay men, should be bigger than that.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 5:29 PM GMT
    Nice broad brushstroke, there, Laurence. I certainly wasn't moaning about sections of the gay community. I no longer go to bars because I don't like smoke or drunks, but I would be just as inclined to go to a twink dance club as a Levi/Leather bar.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 30, 2007 5:39 PM GMT
    I want a shortbus

    Less for the group orgy and more for the interesting dialogue...oh, and the arty films that actually mean nothing at all.

    ahh, shortbus. Where art though?
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 30, 2007 5:42 PM GMT
    wow - I'm never gonna be cool if I never learn to spell

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 5:52 PM GMT
    And, I'm never gonna be cool if I don't learn what the hell a shortbus is.

    :::: frantically Googling ::::
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 30, 2007 5:55 PM GMT
    haha, I'll give you a hint - Sook-Yin Lee
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 7:14 PM GMT
    to lawrence: here, here

    a shortbus would be gross and i doubt you would find "normal" people there: just a big old mess. though i did like the movie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    I think you mean "salons" and we're ALMOST getting pretentious enough to have them here. Except in the movie, they don't usually include orgies, as far as I know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 9:19 PM GMT
    I've been to several gay "salons." Know what they do?

    Lounge about someone's house, drink and whine about gay life.

    I got invited today to a friend's regular "Cultural Friday" get-together. Know what they do?

    Lounge about a restaurant, drink and whine about gay life.

    BTW, Shortbus was an actual salon in NYC. Its host was the guy dispensing condoms in one scene. I liked the movie a lot, but not as much as Hedwig, John Cameron Mitchell's earlier film.

    I want to go to Laurence's salon and abuse all the whiners.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 9:22 PM GMT
    Salons!? God, I laughed at that one! You're right, of course.

    If you're interested in meeting "normal guys" then why not go to just any bar? Percentage wise, there's bound to be one or two gay men in the room, even if you won't be able to pickt them apart.

    Now, for a better question: what is normal and why is it so coveted?
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 30, 2007 9:30 PM GMT
    For a definition of normal, please see the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

    "And we have normalacy!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 11:44 PM GMT
    OK, I wasn't trying to start an argument about "normal" vs. "effeminate" or whatever. Perhaps a better word is "ordinary." I like the fact that most of what goes on here is relatively day-to-day stuff. It's more sports bar conversation than gay bar conversation. I realize there are gay sports bars, but my experience has been that's it's a place where guys gather to watch Will and Grace. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But since I like this board so much, I was wondering if there was a 3D version, or is everything in the gay scene always going to tend toward the "extraordinary?"
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 31, 2007 2:23 AM GMT
    Life is 100% what you make of it dude - if this kind of friendly banter is what you want, then surround yourself by those who can banter back and forth like this.

    I'll use myself as an example because...well, 'cause I'm awesome, lol.

    I do tons of stuff with my frat - squash, running, CTF, tag, Open Mike Nights, poker, pub-crawls, movie nights, parties - all sorts of things.

    I also got introduced to my fratmates through a homo brother I met through the gay club at my university.

    My fratmates are 100% cool with homos in general - sure, there's homo-'bashing' (ever heard of sucking dick by proxy? hahahahahahahha) but there's just as much breeder-'bashing' - it's all jokes.

    I have surrounded myself with like-minded people where sexuality really only matters in the bedroom. Searching for the 'gay equivalent' to a straight life is a waste of time. Stop searching and start MAKING IT HAPPEN. End of story.

    Life is, was, and always will be what YOU make of it - Reality is what you perceive it be.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    May 31, 2007 2:53 AM GMT
    Bio Matty, you have the right idea, I think as we get older we all realize life is what you make it. I for one run a gay men's book group where we get together once a month. Join a gay bike club, gay choir or whatever. There are some really nice down to earth guys out there to meet.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    May 31, 2007 6:21 AM GMT

    I agree with you. There are wonderful social/active groups for gay men and they tend to attract the NON bar-goers.I run a Gay Vollleyball club in Los Angeles and although we have a few of the bar-hoppers, most are a good cross section of well adjusted "normal" people. Hmmm what does "normal" mean ? hahahah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 01, 2007 1:59 AM GMT
    BioMatty> like-minded people

    Yup, that's the key to "normal" or "ordinary". PLU (People Like Us).

    I think that's part of my problem with the bar scene. It appeals to the lowesst common denominators: sex, alcohol/smoke, loud music/dancing - and none of those are my scene. (Er, to explain the sex part... I'm already monogamously partnered.)

    Don't see what you want out there? Carpe diem. Make it happen. I find it quaint that with all the "overachievers" out there, so many people are sitting around waiting for someone else to pick up the ball and run with it - for them and in the exact direction and way that they want.

    I'll take myself as an example (because I'm even more awesome than BioMatty (: ).

    Years ago, before the internet, the Univ. of Michigan had a LGBT on-line forum on the mainframe. I had recently graduated and was just out of a 2 year relationship... and it freaked me out that all the (mostly) students in the room had never met one another in real life - despite often living in the same dorm. So, along with a friend, I organized monthly BBQs. First at my apartment, then at local parks (just couldn't fit 125 people into the living room). The last remaining piece of this is the local annual Pride Picnic.

    Three other friends, with university sponsorship, started something called "Club Fab". Basically a chem free bar - with the music they wanted.

    Most recently I started a gay football team here in Michigan. No one complained that our games (in a local str8 league) conflicted with "Shear Genius". (:

    I think there used to be more gay venues (not just bars or the net). I once theorized this was because being gay had entered the mainstream; people were out to their book club (or frat) and thus didn't need a gay book club (or gay frat) anymore. Now I wonder if it's because it is easy to find a hookup (to satisy one's gay needs) such that there is no need for a larger gay community. But then, there were always cruisy spots for that. So maybe it's a combination of all that, plus burnout by those who were running with the ball and inertia (or lack thereof) by those who weren't and won't.

    So, to get back to the point, if you want to see X happen, make it happen. If not you, then who? If not today, then when?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2007 12:31 AM GMT
    I found that the least glamorous of the gay bars are often the most comfortable, where I can walk in, wearing jeans and a tee shirt and not feel gross. Sometimes I love a queenly night out though, but sometimes just being a guy without crazy expectations is nice.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jun 04, 2007 12:41 AM GMT
    Went out to the gay bar in my city, and again was dissapointed.

    Though there was one incredibly hot dancer....*damn*


    I much preferred my friday night out at the 'straight-esque' shithole - cheaper drinks, better music, and much more fun.

    Cept for that one guy dancing. Damn, I like, STARED for 10 minutes.