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Separating this gay soul figure from enmeshment with his gay shadow proved a difficult and painful process that entailed naming and then parenting hard-to tolerate feelings. The technique of working with and integrating powerful gay feeling was also transformational for Johnny. The process began to calm the chaos of his mind. It liberated him from the mental mush of the deadly heterosexual mass mind, opening his heart to the river of love hidden within each homosexual sexual encounter.

The next stage of gay liberation has to entail a type of psychological mindfulness that extends past the bourgeois limits of the consulting room, but enters into our daily lives and sexual practices – if we are to survive as well as realize our potential as gays. But psychological mindfulness here doesn’t reduce our problems merely to unfinished family business, although early-childhood trauma plays a key role in how we act out. Gay-centered inner work sees our historic problems as gateways into the future, for pathology both covers up as well as draws us into a relationship with homosexual spiritual needs as values. How the homosexual acorn can grown into an oak, and not just an assimilated donkey.
The realization that Johnny carried at least two sub-personalities inside his unconscious psyche did not transform him overnight. Staying “conscious and real” was not always encouraged by tricks. But eventually he managed to sleep with the same man for three months. He stopped using crystal to stay up all night. He cried when a man confessed feeling of love for him. As he opened up, sex became less about soothing the crying infant within with sour milk, and he found himself able to bathe in the elixir of erotic attraction without having to devour the man’s body parts ravenously; although he could certainly still feel the vampiristic place in him.

The soul figure in each gay man offers such profound wisdom and pleasure we can’t begin to think of how much we could grow and change.

Gay men are at a crossroads now. It seems safe to say that many gay men are unable to love without the shadow of repressed toxic shame invading the relationship through either suicidal acting-out or codependent set-ups that demand certain feeling not be broached. But the reason to begin to look inside isn’t only to cure us of our pathologies. We are not sick; we are merely uninitiated. The Myth of Homosexual as sexual being has to give way to the myth of the Gay Psychological Being seeking a relationship with his erotic soul figure through dealing fairly and squarely with the repressed toxic reactions provoked by love.

As society spirals toward a dysfunctional corporate mass mind, providing the illusion of individuality while enticing us to log-on, it needs the healing power of the gay shaman warrior now more than ever. Every sexual encounter for men like Johnny becomes not just another sick way to reinforce homophobia, but rather an avenue to relate to the most profound realities inside the energy system we call the gay mind, moving evolution one step further for everyone.