Nicknames and labels

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    I understand this could be a cliche but I'm just confused here.

    My bf, who is white, likes to call me 'Asian'. He often uses it, mostly on MSN, to get my attention or as some sort of a nickname. For example, he might say "Good night my Asian!" or "There's my Asian!".

    I personally find this quite annoying. This is probably because I've been labeled and bullied for being 'Asian' through my teen years in New Zealand. I guess it brings back my scars from those years. I always felt excluded and labeled whenever people called me by my race...as if I were an 'exotic animal' or an 'abnormal person'...I was always an 'Asian person' not a person, if you know what I mean.

    I have specifically asked him, and explained why, several times not to call me 'Asian'. He still calls me by that and I've been trying to ignore but tonight we had an argument about it. He doesn't seem to understand that his jokes can be offensive and thinks I have no sense of humour. He says he gets my point but I'm not sure if he really understands why I feel this way.

    He says he doesn't objectify or label me and respects my feelings. Yet, I'm starting to wonder if I'm being objectified into an 'Asian body' as if I'm an object he owns.

    Am I just being an over-sensitive control freak? Does anyone else have experiences where the boyfriend calls you by a 'label'?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2010 4:13 PM GMT

    Well, I'd consider you Asian if you were raised in an Asian culture, but you're from NZ, right?

    I do think, though, that by focusing too much on this you keep it alive. Next time he calls you Asian have fun with it. Tell him he may address you and bow appropriately as 'Heavenly Divinity' as is fitting because you're a direct descendant of Emperor Yandi, lol!

    -Doug

    PS try bear in mind that he obviously views your racial heritage as a wonderful asset, and hopefully that will dis-spell some of your misgivings.
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    Jun 25, 2010 4:17 PM GMT
    I don’t think you are being over-sensitive at all, you have told him you don’t like it and why and he still does it.
    I think it goes to respect and clearly he does not respect your feelings. I don’t see where there is any compromise. I can only offer; you start calling him something that he may find off-putting.
    Here is a good one… “good night my little bottom boy”
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    Thank you for your replies. I appreciate your input =)

    I think I am putting too much weight on this issue. Often, I feel like I stress over little things and waste my energy.

    On the other hand, I didn't think how he would see my 'Asian-ness' as a good asset. Thank you for opening up my eyes on this issue =)

    I do agree he is being rather insensitive though...I hope he really does understand why I would ask for such.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    Sounds to me that your bf is not mature enough to be in a relationship. Give him back to his mom until he grows up.
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    I can understand why you feel that way. I find it extremely annoying when someone tells me repeatedly that am exotic looking. I don't even know what they exactly mean. But if I tell him that I don't like and he still repeats, am out of there.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 27, 2010 9:05 AM GMT
    Regardless of what he calls you, if you don't like it, and you've told him so, yet he persists, then he has no respect or concern for your feelings. Sooner or later, this will get worse to the point of driving you apart. You deserve better.
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    Jun 27, 2010 9:56 AM GMT
    Yeah I agree with the others- he's not respecting you at all by continuing. So I'd be telling him to shut it or get lost.