Male/female child preference affected by gayness?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2010 1:58 AM GMT
    So.. I just spent some time hanging out with a friend while she was babysitting. And an interesting question popped into my head. See.. I really want children some day. (in no hurry) But I'm really looking forward to dad-hood. But whenever I hang out with kids of different sexes, I ALWAYS end up really getting along with the boys, and being annoyed by the girls.

    Little boys are just.. fun. I could take a son and have the best time.. never get tired of their energy, or trouble making. It would be the best. I just connect with them on a great level because I'm so motivated by them. I really want a son.

    But little girls are so freakin annoying. I always think they smell gross as hell, and no matter what they're doing or saying I feel like it's stupid and I want no part in it. I'm not only unmotivated when it comes to girls.. but even if I wanted to show one a good time, I wouldn't know how. I feel like I'd hate my life if I ever had a daughter.

    All this could be unrelated.. but I wonder if this preference shares some sort of kinship with my sexual preference. If I were straight, would I get along better with little girls? Does the same thing that makes me enjoy men sexually as adults, make me enjoy boys emotionally, as children?

    Try to avoid the pedophile jokes. lol All this is of course non-sexual. I'm curious if there's a bias out there in the rest of the gay world for gay guys to prefer having SONS rather than daughters. What do you guys think?
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    Jun 26, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    If I were forced at gunpoint to adopt a kid I'd take a bullet...oops I meant a boy.
    Reason: I just get along better with guys. Except for a few of my girlfriends who are just as crass as me, if not more. But those kind of girls are rare.
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Jun 26, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    I REALLY want a family one day and always pictured myself with 2 girls and a boy, in that order.

    I'm not sure why, just seems to me that giving my son two older sisters would be great...maybe because it's the opposite order of how I grew up (Eldest of 3, 2 boys and a girl) even though my relationship with my siblings is better than most people I know.

    Strange thing is even though I can picture my kids, and our fancy car, I can't picture a guy next to me...maybe I'm destined to be a single dad.icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 26, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    I want to adopt one day... out of all the things I dream for my future child... out of all the things I want for them... gender is not something that really concerns me.

    I could see myself with both a male or female. My future child in my dreams... is genderless.
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    Jun 26, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    Girls are way more expensive than boys as well.
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    Jun 26, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    haha if i ever do have my own guys i'm gonna coach them to become good athletes or at least lead healthy lifestyles
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    Jun 26, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    JackBlair saidGirls are way more expensive than boys as well.
    Oh no they're not! I can outspend a bitch in 2 seconds flat.
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    Jun 26, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    @ conscienti1984... I guess I was being dramatic about the "hate my life" bit. If I didn't adopt, and had a child the good ole fashion way, then I would love them and be the best dad possible no matter what sex they kid was. I just feel like I wouldn't know how to be a good dad to a girl.. like it would just be better if it didn't happen. But you never know.. maybe I'll have a girl and she and my partner will be inseparable. Who can tell..

    @Hokenshi... I hope that's something all parents take into consideration. I always wish my folks would have forced me into a sport, or some sort of physical recreation when I was young, and then made me to stick with it. Maybe I wouldn't have in the long run.. but having a higher level of fitness throughout my childhood would have made for a substantially higher standard of living, especially emotionally. And I could have used that momentum later in life constructively, to launch into something I was genuinely interested in.

    I will definitely be enrolling my kids in SOMETHING!
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jun 26, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    I think I'd like a son if I had my own kids. I think I'd like a daughter too, but my poor children would not last in public school. I'd genderbend them and make them eat healthy. icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 26, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    lol, if you had a little girl she'd immediately become your princess.

  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Jun 26, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    KentuckyTuss said I always wish my folks would have forced me into a sport, or some sort of physical recreation when I was young, and then made me to stick with it. Maybe I wouldn't have in the long run.. but having a higher level of fitness throughout my childhood would have made for a substantially higher standard of living, especially emotionally. And I could have used that momentum later in life constructively, to launch into something I was genuinely interested in.

    I will definitely be enrolling my kids in SOMETHING!


    My parents did that. Only I would lose interest in the activity and move on to another one. And they sort of half-assed tried to stop me. I wonder how that affected my discipline later in life.

    As for myself, I doubt I'll have kids, though I may change my mind when I get older. If I adopted, I would want a boy and a girl I suppose, since that's how I grew up. I don't like children much, but they tend to like me... both boys and girls. Really they're both annoying in their own unique ways. icon_razz.gif

    I did have this silly idea of having two boys - one with my y and my partner's x, one with my x and my partner's y. Assuming the technology accommodated it, and I had the money, and was frivolous. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 26, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    meninlove said lol, if you had a little girl she'd immediately become your princess.




    exactly. i agree with this.
    i never really liked little kids..
    then my brother had a son, and he has pretty much become my pride and joy even though im not the dad lol. i spoil him way too much. icon_smile.gif
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    Jun 26, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    I want 3 boys. Is it sad that i have there names already lol My friends always say im gonna get stuck with girls for saying that but whatever. Its not that i dont like girls its just i know how guys are(over generalize I know but hey). So i would feel bad if they hooked up with guys that are players like my brothers. I think i would be better to sons. i dont know what little girls like

    And i also spoil my nephews way too much
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    Jun 26, 2010 5:46 AM GMT

    As the father of a 12 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter I can say with all honesty that they are both awesome - but in different ways.

    Before the children were born I had a distinct preference for sons (which I dared not voice). I was thrilled when our first born was a boy. I didn't know we were having a daughter until she was born. But within minutes of her birth I noticed that my reaction to her was very different from my reaction to our son's arrival.

    When he was born I was relieved and proud and thrilled. When Katherine was born I was those things, but also awe struck by her beauty. I don't recall shedding a tear when my son was born. I'm not usually very emotional. But for three days after Katherine was born I would bawl every time someone commented on how lovely she was.

    Since then I have noticed that my relationships with the kids are different, but both very close and immensely important to me. It's hard to say how much (if any) of my kids' preferences have to do with genders and how much with other aspects of their constitutions and how much with their upbringing.

    I guess my general approach to parenting them has been that I have tried to expose them to as much of what I know and like and am interested in as I can. Sometimes they've taken to stuff right away and kept on loving it - (e.g.my daughter and riding or my son and fishing). Other things they've tried, not liked and then tried again and liked (fishing for my daughter and cooking for my son). Somethings they've tried a few times and still not liked (gardening for my daughter and skiing for my son). Some things they liked at first, then didn't like, then liked again - rock climbing for both of them. And some things they've learned to like on their own - trapeze flying for my daughter and crypto-zoology for my son.

    The older they get, the more we can share. And that sharing takes on more nuance as time goes by.

    Bottom-line: before the kids were born I had a definite preference for sons. From the moment the kids were born that got blown out of the water. Yes, there are 'girly things' I will never get, but those just fade to insignificance.

    When I think about possibly adopting more kids, gender is pretty much a non-issue.

    It may be that other parents have a complete different experience and view of this, but - in a jumbled kind of way - that's what I've found.
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    Jun 26, 2010 5:47 AM GMT
    KentuckyTuss saidSo.. I just spent some time hanging out with a friend while she was babysitting. And an interesting question popped into my head. See.. I really want children some day. (in no hurry) But I'm really looking forward to dad-hood. But whenever I hang out with kids of different sexes, I ALWAYS end up really getting along with the boys, and being annoyed by the girls.

    Little boys are just.. fun. I could take a son and have the best time.. never get tired of their energy, or trouble making. It would be the best. I just connect with them on a great level because I'm so motivated by them. I really want a son.

    But little girls are so freakin annoying. I always think they smell gross as hell, and no matter what they're doing or saying I feel like it's stupid and I want no part in it. I'm not only unmotivated when it comes to girls.. but even if I wanted to show one a good time, I wouldn't know how. I feel like I'd hate my life if I ever had a daughter.

    All this could be unrelated.. but I wonder if this preference shares some sort of kinship with my sexual preference. If I were straight, would I get along better with little girls? Does the same thing that makes me enjoy men sexually as adults, make me enjoy boys emotionally, as children?

    Try to avoid the pedophile jokes. lol All this is of course non-sexual. I'm curious if there's a bias out there in the rest of the gay world for gay guys to prefer having SONS rather than daughters. What do you guys think?


    I don't think this a matter of your sexuality but more your sex. Don't most men want to have a son so they can teach them to play ball, go in the soap box derby and fish?
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    Jun 26, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    It could be that it's just the male instinct that leads me to want a son, much more. But that's what I wanted to explore in the thread.. if the gay had anything to do with it, or if that was just a coincidental factor.

    And very sweet flieslikeabeagle. I'm sure that if I had a daughter I would be too happy to care about what sex. But I was more curious about the before-hand-notion that I have.

    Keep the opinions coming guys.
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    Jun 26, 2010 6:00 PM GMT
    I wanted a son so bad years ago, and then I met an awesome little 4 year old girl. She was in preschool when I taught elementary school, and I realized that I want a little girl. And I hope that my daughter would be as awesome as that little girl.

    There is plenty to do with girls. I often thought about fun it would be to have her dress up and have a tea party (I just saw Alice in Wonderland). How cool it would be to go to her dance recital or gymnastics meet. I have an awesome relationship with my mother, and feel like I would have the same relationship with a daughter. I already have her name picked out.

    Not to mention watching Mean Girls, Bring It On, and the Devil Wears Prada when she gets older.
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    I think your beforehand notion is just that: i.e. something that would change if a daughter shows up.

    I grew up with three younger sisters and until I was well into college age I found them incredibly annoying. I also tended to find friends' daughters tedious - bothersome even. I'm sure that had a lot to do with not really wanting to be a part of what I saw as the idiotic and incomprehensible stuff my sisters did.

    Now that I am raising a daughter, I find the stuff I used to find so grating (e.g. obsessing over stuffed animals) either mildly amusing or something I just roll my eyes over.

    That's not to say that it's always a perfect mind meld. For instance, a while after I separated from the children's mother, my daughter showed real unease about staying at my house. After much looking into things, it was clear that my place had taken on the air of a kind of frat house. I was there with one of my friends and employees full time, a couple of other guy friends hung out there a lot, and my son was there. Entertainment was messing around with dogs, target shooting, Wii, MMA, cars, etc. And the level of introspection and expressed interpersonal sensitivity about where you might imagine it. Once I realized the error of my ways and carved out a 'girly haven' in the house and made time to hang out one on one with my daughter, she started having a great time and I developed a much better appreciation for this nuanced, complex, brilliant little person.

    Trust me, nobody has been more surprised at my almost completely untutored turn around than me.
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    KentuckyTuss said
    Little boys are just.. fun. I could take a son and have the best time.. never get tired of their energy, or trouble making. It would be the best. I just connect with them on a great level because I'm so motivated by them. I really want a son.

    But little girls are so freakin annoying. I always think they smell gross as hell, and no matter what they're doing or saying I feel like it's stupid and I want no part in it. I'm not only unmotivated when it comes to girls.. but even if I wanted to show one a good time, I wouldn't know how. I feel like I'd hate my life if I ever had a daughter.


    Chilrdren are born without notions of gender roles. Some stuff is genetic, but a lot of personality comes from the way they are raised and cultured, and taught to believe about being a "boy" or a "girl."

    Whether you have a son or a daughter, you can teach either one to play ball or with barbies or have long or short hair. It doesn't matter.

    It sounds like your own gender bias is preventing you from even listening - let alone hanging out with - little girls. I don't think it has to do with your sexuality, but with your sexism. Maybe you should think a little harder before having kids; maybe you're not ready yet.

    No offense intended; Hell, I'm not ready to have kids, and who isn't a little sexist? Just my two cents!
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle said
    As the father of a 12 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter I can say with all honesty that they are both awesome - but in different ways.

    Before the children were born I had a distinct preference for sons (which I dared not voice). I was thrilled when our first born was a boy. I didn't know we were having a daughter until she was born. But within minutes of her birth I noticed that my reaction to her was very different from my reaction to our son's arrival.

    When he was born I was relieved and proud and thrilled. When Katherine was born I was those things, but also awe struck by her beauty. I don't recall shedding a tear when my son was born. I'm not usually very emotional. But for three days after Katherine was born I would bawl every time someone commented on how lovely she was.

    Since then I have noticed that my relationships with the kids are different, but both very close and immensely important to me. It's hard to say how much (if any) of my kids' preferences have to do with genders and how much with other aspects of their constitutions and how much with their upbringing.

    I guess my general approach to parenting them has been that I have tried to expose them to as much of what I know and like and am interested in as I can. Sometimes they've taken to stuff right away and kept on loving it - (e.g.my daughter and riding or my son and fishing). Other things they've tried, not liked and then tried again and liked (fishing for my daughter and cooking for my son). Somethings they've tried a few times and still not liked (gardening for my daughter and skiing for my son). Some things they liked at first, then didn't like, then liked again - rock climbing for both of them. And some things they've learned to like on their own - trapeze flying for my daughter and crypto-zoology for my son.

    The older they get, the more we can share. And that sharing takes on more nuance as time goes by.

    Bottom-line: before the kids were born I had a definite preference for sons. From the moment the kids were born that got blown out of the water. Yes, there are 'girly things' I will never get, but those just fade to insignificance.

    When I think about possibly adopting more kids, gender is pretty much a non-issue.

    It may be that other parents have a complete different experience and view of this, but - in a jumbled kind of way - that's what I've found.



    ..oh sheez.. that was an incredible read. We're both sitting here with rather large and unblinking eyes. Thanks.

    -us guys
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    Jun 27, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    I love children, period!! I have four teenage nieces and two little male second cousins. The boys are great to hang around with because they respond well to physical activities such as sports. My nieces on the other hand are wonderful conversationalists and emotionally stimulating then my boy cousins. It has been my experience as a four times uncle and a once in a lifetime shot at parenthood, that girls are a lot more emotionally opened and more accepting of differences then boys are. When my sister divorced I helped raised her first born. From the age of 18 months til the age of five I took the Daddy role of my niece until her mother(my sister) remarried.

    I think parenthood is way more then just raising a child so as to just have fun with them, or simply because you feel the urge to have them; there is sooooooo much more involved. I hope the OP realizes the other side of parenthood that most people don't seem to know until they actually have them when it comes to taking responsibility for their lives and overall well being!

    I remembered when I took the temporary Daddy role of my niece how physically, emotionally, and financially demanding it was for me; and yes even thou there were times when I hated my sister for having this child before she finished her career, I thank her for allowing me the opportunity to know first hand what it is like to have a child no matter which gender. I also have two little second cousins (boys), and even thou are well behaved and well adjusted kids they are nonetheless extremely physically active little boys. Overall gender have never being an issue with me, but in today's world both the emotional and financial stresses can be overwhelming to say the least.

    So even thou I experienced parenthood, enjoyed the emotional highs it brought into my life, and my personal preference to girls over boys, when I think of the huge financial responsibilities, and the lack of values society as a whole have nowadays, I get turned off and frankly become very discouraged about my desires of raising a child, of their future and mine!!


    Leandro ♥
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 27, 2010 8:47 AM GMT
    I always notice little boys, and I think that they're so cute that I just want to hug them. No sexual feelings there, at all. But, I don't think that little girls are cute at all. And, I certainly don't feel like hugging them. Just being honest. That said, I've always been uncomfortable around all children. I don't know how to play with them, what to say to them, what to do with them. I feel as if I don't have anything in common with children.
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    Jun 27, 2010 9:22 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said...I hope the OP realizes the other side of parenthood that most people don't seem to know until they actually have them when it comes to taking responsibility for their lives and overall well being.


    If a majority of people don't realize this until -after- becoming parents.. then I'm probably no exception and won't fully understand it either, until after I become a father.

    And take a look at the subsequent replies I've made so far. I would say it's easy to tell that I realize it wouldn't be all fun and games. I'm no expert on the matter.. but I guarantee I would be an amazing father, if not for the simple fact that when I do have a child I want to devote my life to his/her happiness and success.

    In this thread I wanted to focus on my overwhelming want for a son. Is it inherently male? Or does it have something to do with the gay? icon_razz.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Jun 27, 2010 9:36 AM GMT
    I actually like them both, but for some reason I kind of want a girl. I have an idea that they're a bit more calm, although this might be due to social inheritance and it'd be interesting to raise a girl that bites off the norm a bit more.
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    Jun 27, 2010 12:54 PM GMT
    Pretty much all children are evil pretty much all the time. There are brief windows when they are tolerable. These are brief. They depart with celerity, then they are gone and you are left with the monster again