I don't need muscles to be confident.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    Argue this statement.

    Historically, muscles have always signified strength, power and physical prowess. Do you think guys these days still try to live up to that image? Is it in some way a competition to see who can look the fittest just as girls compete to look the thinnest? Granted, not all guys care about appearances to even step into a gym (like me), but for those that do, is there some sort of underlying pressure once you start? ... 'That guy's got bigger biceps than me; that dude has much more defined abs than me; I need to work much harder'. Similarly would you view a skinny/fat guy as weak and feeble and perhaps less 'masculine' than their more hefty male counterparts?

    Muscle building is a lifestyle: the routine weight training, the profuse calorie consumption on a daily basis and if you don't keep it up you 'lose it'. So tell me, does building muscle help build confidence or does it actually cause insecurities to manifest?

    *For those that say 'I just enjoy weight lifting as a hobby, not to look good' or 'my sport requires me to weight train', what if one day all that you worked for was taken away from you?

    Share your thoughts.


  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 27, 2010 1:17 PM GMT
    When I look at other guys in the gym, or pictures of guys on the internet (say, on RJ), I don't look at their bodies and feel inadequate, or like I must try harder. Rather, it's more of an inspiration to continue the work I'm already doing, with the goal of having a body that others don't mind looking at, too.

    I feel much more self-confident now about my looks than I did when I was 180 pounds three years ago. I don't look in the mirror and see the things that I haven't accomplished yet (the insecurities you mentioned), I look and see how far I've come. So I feel that, in my experience, working out and becoming more comfortable with how you look builds more confidence than it causes underlying insecurities to manifest themselves. A lot of my insecurities (but not all of them) have dissolved thanks to the work I've put in at the gym.
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    Jun 27, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    I don't need muscles to be confident. I need muscles to ejaculate. The fetish was there long before I ever associated muscles with strength and power.
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    I like working out and I'm not lifting to build up confidence; the confidence issue lays elsewhere. In several instances I've observed, however, becoming fit did alter individual's personality (in terms of confidence).
    For me, it affected my point of view, the way I perceive some things.
    As for other men, see the comment on top of mine icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:15 PM GMT
    Eeh for some time now, ive carried the mentality that who I am is pretty okay, my body needs work but that's a me thing and I kinda run that path, I don't bother posting photos of my self below the neck, not because I don't have some wildly amazing body but because I'm rocking a personality over a body, my looks will fade and my body will wither, eventually all that will be left of me is a shell of something I once was physically, but emotionally, mentally, I will always be here, just as I always was, the rest is purely superfluous to finding the joy in my life.

    Plus, the guys I go after, the ones I like, the guys I crave and the ones that let me hold them in my arms, they already think my body is awesome.... Who else do I need to impress? Cause those big buff boys, they ain't doing it for me in the sack... Pretty to look at, not much to behold.

    Live life, live it for you, live it for those you love, aim to hurt as few people as you can by being upstanding and open with truth and honesty, those you do find, leave them better then you found them, not with good intentions, but with helping them find there joy, helping them find there strength and loving them as a person rather then our own ideal.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 27, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidI don't look at their bodies and feel inadequate, or like I must try harder. Rather, it's more of an inspiration to continue the work I'm already doing


    Yep, if anything it's more inspiration than anything for most I think. Same as music, art, or any other endeavor. Some people can be competitive, but probably more have a healthy mutual respect and admiration for others in their domain.

    For me the processes is almost meditative. It's hugely stress-relieving; like a lot of people's relationship with yoga. Obviously I'd be unhappy if I lost all my muscle or definition; I like having a developed body. Though -- if I had choice between superhuman athleticism and a skinny-looking body or vice versa, I'd take the functional over the aesthetic in a heartbeat!


    Anyway the whole "I don't need muscles to be confident" is a pretty lame statement. It's like saying "I don't need too be good at music/able to dance/have a high-paying job/whatever to be confident": *shrug* icon_rolleyes.gif, okay, so what's your point?
    That athleticism isn't your thing (oookay, so?) or that you think athleticism isn't something people should be allowed to be pleased with themselves for (kinda silly)?
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    what's this OP doing on a site called REAL JOCK? lol its an interesting post but i wonder what drew him here if he really doesn't care about looks or fitness or gyms.
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    Jun 27, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    I was thinking about this just yesterday. In the past I used to work out at least 4 times a week but recently I haven't been to the gym since January yet I feel more confident and happy with my body than I've ever been. I'm at a place where I realise that if i'm happy and comfortable with myself on the inside then my confidence level soars.

    Coincidentally The Guardian posted an article today on the idea of the perfect male body

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/27/mens-health-weight
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    Gbob saidArgue this statement.

    Historically, muscles have always signified strength, power and physical prowess. Do you think guys these days still try to live up to that image? Is it in some way a competition to see who can look the fittest just as girls compete to look the thinnest? Granted, not all guys care about appearances to even step into a gym (like me), but for those that do, is there some sort of underlying pressure once you start? ... 'That guy's got bigger biceps than me; that dude has much more defined abs than me; I need to work much harder'. Similarly would you view a skinny/fat guy as weak and feeble and perhaps less 'masculine' than their more hefty male counterparts?

    Muscle building is a lifestyle: the routine weight training, the profuse calorie consumption on a daily basis and if you don't keep it up you 'lose it'. So tell me, does building muscle help build confidence or does it actually cause insecurities to manifest?

    *For those that say 'I just enjoy weight lifting as a hobby, not to look good' or 'my sport requires me to weight train', what if one day all that you worked for was taken away from you?

    Share your thoughts.





    Muscles don't make the man, the man makes the muscles......
    Confidence is a state of mind and a self perception. If you lift or run or use your physical self to show or build your confidence...that is your own personal choice. If you are so busy building only your physical muscularity, something else in your life is being sacrificed to make the time, and you are making the choice of what you are willing to sacrifice.That's fine and perfectly acceptable.... if it is achieving your personal goals. I won't judge the goals or desires of others.
    Personally, I don't have a "ripped body", although I tend toward "muscular". I know that "appearances" are a facade...because gravity and time will always win. I do run about 35-40 miles a week and lift 3X per week, swim, bike and all the other fun things. I do this because I enjoy them, but also because I used to weigh about 425 lbs and I enjoy the health, mobility, strength and flexibility I have now, that I never had before in my life. I know that I would like to have plastic surgery to remove the excess skin from my torso, but This is not about "appearances". My confidence has never come from my appearance, but from my knowledge, skills, experience and expertise...it is part of my personality. This part of me has never changed. What has changed, is how others perceive me now that I am OBVIOUSLY much slimmer and more fit. I think the original thesis statement from the OP is looking at only a small part of "muscles".....Society assigns more "status" and "implied importance" to muscles than I do and that, in my opinion, has alot to do with the relative poor education, short attention span and sound bite mentality of the populace.....
    I believe BALANCE is a personal source of confidence, along with success and experience. Once you believe in yourself and have tasted success, you are more confident and have reason to be....icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    le_cool saidI was thinking about this just yesterday. In the past I used to work out at least 4 times a week but recently I haven't been to the gym since January yet I feel more confident and happy with my body than I've ever been. I'm at a place where I realise that if i'm happy and comfortable with myself on the inside then my confidence level soars.

    Coincidentally The Guardian posted an article today on the idea of the perfect male body

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/27/mens-health-weight



    "WHICH IS NOT TO SAY that the cultural imperative to be extremely skinny has replaced the cultural imperative for men to be buff. It hasn't. The muscular male ideal has somehow, simultaneously, remained current. The publishing miracle that is Men's Health – a monthly men's glossy magazine which boasts robust circulation figures (more than 250,000 at the last count, the 16th annual increase in circulation) at a time when other men's titles are floundering – has built its brand on cover image featuring extremely well-toned blokes.

    The most successful male model in the world currently is David Gandy, a ridiculously muscular Essex boy who made his name frolicking semi-naked in a rowing boat for a 2007 Dolce & Gabbana perfume ad. A year ago I interviewed David Gandy about his career. He told me he had no idea why he was suddenly successful – he'd struggled for a long time to get jobs in a fashion climate that favoured Slimane's skinny boys. "No one was using me, and my mum was going: 'I don't understand why! You're so handsome!' But I was like: 'Mum. There is a reason.' No one wanted the big guys. It was all the skinny, androgynous look. People would look at me very, very strangely when I went to castings.""
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    . Being huge has nothing to do with being confident. I know alot of guys who are an Adonis who are totally insecure and it makes this smaller guy laugh. I base my confidence on knowing myself as a person and appreciating that in all its aspects. I did not gain the respect and infamy at MSU just by being buff...I gained it by being a responsible, intelligent and funny guy and whatever I lack I am not concerned about. Confidence has nothing to do with muscles...they are just hella hot!
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    Big muscles don't translate to being a good thing for every sport. I am a swimmer, I would rather be faster in the pool than have large muscles. In college, I was one of the faster ones on my team but one of the weaker ones in the weight room. I'd rather have school swim records than lifting records. And I always kinda liked racing some big muscled guy and kicking his ass... only to prove that muscles ARE not always better.
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidwhat's this OP doing on a site called REAL JOCK? lol its an interesting post but i wonder what drew him here if he really doesn't care about looks or fitness or gyms.


    You have a good point there. What I should have said is that I don't care about my physical appearance enough to take the effort to go to the gym. A bit of a mouthful!

    As for what I'm doing here, the real reason is to make friends because I'm not actually out yet. It just so happens to be a site full of good looking guys...but I'm not complaining.
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    Jun 27, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    jprswim saidBig muscles don't translate to being a good thing for every sport. I am a swimmer, I would rather be faster in the pool than have large muscles. In college, I was one of the faster ones on my team but one of the weaker ones in the weight room. I'd rather have school swim records than lifting records. And I always kinda liked racing some big muscled guy and kicking his ass... only to prove that muscles ARE not always better.


    Nice! I got a good laugh when 3 really buff butch guys had no idea what to do when our tire blew and I was the one to put the doughnut on!
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    Jun 27, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidEeh for some time now, ive carried the mentality that who I am is pretty okay, my body needs work but that's a me thing and I kinda run that path, I don't bother posting photos of my self below the neck, not because I don't have some wildly amazing body but because I'm rocking a personality over a body, my looks will fade and my body will wither, eventually all that will be left of me is a shell of something I once was physically, but emotionally, mentally, I will always be here, just as I always was, the rest is purely superfluous to finding the joy in my life.

    Plus, the guys I go after, the ones I like, the guys I crave and the ones that let me hold them in my arms, they already think my body is awesome.... Who else do I need to impress? Cause those big buff boys, they ain't doing it for me in the sack... Pretty to look at, not much to behold.

    Live life, live it for you, live it for those you love, aim to hurt as few people as you can by being upstanding and open with truth and honesty, those you do find, leave them better then you found them, not with good intentions, but with helping them find there joy, helping them find there strength and loving them as a person rather then our own ideal.


    Great post man!

    I completely agree with you on some of the big buff boys. There's one in my gym who I call Superman. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes and a body worthy of Superman. Despite how good looking he is, he has the sex appeal of a loaf of white bread.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 27, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    Workingout made me more confident for sure. To me, life is about controlling your domain. I was young, dumb, scrawny, and depressed...I went to uni, started a serious fitness oriented lifestyle and started playing team sports. The gym isn't responsible entirely for my state of mind and I still see guys I want to look like...but it's night and day from how I felt 8 years ago.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 27, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    My primary motivation is staying healthy. Confidence is only a byproduct. I've always been pretty slim. Even when I took a break from working out for three years, I lost some of my muscle mass but still retained some definition. So, I've already had a taste of your premise. But, the affect of not working out did affect my ability to deal with stress. Working out can be an escape. It's not yoga, but it does put your mind in a different focus. And the exertion can be an excellent way to direct frustration. So, I feel much more relaxed working out again than when I wasn't working out.
  • photokunstler

    Posts: 75

    Jun 27, 2010 5:47 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidEeh for some time now, ive carried the mentality that who I am is pretty okay, my body needs work but that's a me thing and I kinda run that path, I don't bother posting photos of my self below the neck, not because I don't have some wildly amazing body but because I'm rocking a personality over a body, my looks will fade and my body will wither, eventually all that will be left of me is a shell of something I once was physically, but emotionally, mentally, I will always be here, just as I always was, the rest is purely superfluous to finding the joy in my life.

    Plus, the guys I go after, the ones I like, the guys I crave and the ones that let me hold them in my arms, they already think my body is awesome.... Who else do I need to impress? Cause those big buff boys, they ain't doing it for me in the sack... Pretty to look at, not much to behold.

    Live life, live it for you, live it for those you love, aim to hurt as few people as you can by being upstanding and open with truth and honesty, those you do find, leave them better then you found them, not with good intentions, but with helping them find there joy, helping them find there strength and loving them as a person rather then our own ideal.


    awww liltanker you're so wonderful icon_smile.gif loved reading this. you are quite a catch. inside and outside. icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 27, 2010 6:00 PM GMT
    when i hear some one say that it reminds me a lot of sisters who use to get mad at me because i would say i want someone who is athletic and takes care of themselves both physically, emotionally and spiritually. listen, having big muscles doesn't give you confidence but it does help you feel better about the hard work you have been putting into the gym. the reason most people work out because they know it is good for them. when i hear someone say they don't want to workout it makes me think of them as being lazy. to me you do not value your body. i workout because like another poster said it allows to me to calm down after a stressful day. i also played sports in college and continue to play now. i guess what i am trying to say is that not everyone is into weight training for the superficial aspect. most are in it because they like it makes them feel after a great workout. oh and the results are bad either.
    i say one last thing. if you aren't currently working out. i think you should start.no one says you have to lift to be a body builder but you can put on some mass. weight training has all types of benefits especially when you get older.
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    Jun 27, 2010 8:40 PM GMT
    OP, it's not just about being fine with oneself. We are too sexual beings who need to be attractive to the ones we find attractive. I go to the gym because the guys I find attractive are usually not into my body type. There's no evil media, no self esteem problem, no conspiracy. It's just about being attractive to them.
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    Jun 27, 2010 8:43 PM GMT
    its about being on a website for weight lifting enthusiasts
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    Jun 27, 2010 8:59 PM GMT
    bachian saidOP, it's not just about being fine with oneself. We are too sexual beings who need to be attractive to the ones we find attractive. I go to the gym because the guys I find attractive are usually not into my body type. There's no evil media, no self esteem problem, no conspiracy. It's just about being attractive to them.


    I totally agree dude. I think Gbob was being pensive on this one... its a interesting dynamic to be sure.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 27, 2010 9:03 PM GMT
    More than anything else I workout to relieve stress. I have a tenancy to hit things otherwise. I just pay attention to what I do in the gym so I don't look goofy (ie, skinny leg syndrome). I don't need muscles to ejaculate, as someone said higher up. My partner is not physically fit.
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    Jun 27, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    This site isnt for guys that are all muscle. Geez, look at my body... all skinny
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    Jun 27, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    If there's a part of my body that I can't get to look the way that I want, I find a guy who has it. icon_wink.gif

    Calling all men with awesome big calves!