How do you lure someone that's only into you when you're acting submissive?

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    Jun 29, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    I'm interested in general thoughts on this, and not just in my specific situation, but I'll provide some details about what put it on my mind. Got a friend that I know 100% is into dudes, though he's sometimes into women and is straight to everyone he knows. He's always been really playful and flirty with me, and I've always liked it, though I interpreted it different when I thought he was straight. He's got increasingly sexual in his teasing, and he loves it when I act embarrassed or bothered by it (in a fun way). He'll say real dirty stuff about what he's going to do to me (supposedly joking), or find reasons to strip, or touching me in ways that are not platonic.

    Since I've known guys get him going, I've been a little more aggressive with him, trying to make something happen, but it changes his mood instantly, and fun's over. This has been plenty of times and the pattern is the same. I wouldn't mind letting him take the lead, but he keeps cutting the goofing around short in ways that are a bit 'frustrating'. He actually called me 'submissive' the other day, and got the gears turning. Makes me think the submissive thing is what does it for him, or else he's just terrified of letting the gay out. I'd like to fool around with this dude because I can tell he'd be a lot of fun, but need some ways to give him permission without making him think it wasn't his idea, since he clearly wants to be the one taking charge.

    Have you guys been in similar situations or with similar people?
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    Jun 29, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    If he were really dominant then he would likely just take what he wants sexually without cutting anything short of outright domination. It sounds like he's entertaining the idea of dominance but isn't very comfortable with dominating, or perhaps with homosexuality. The only alternative I can think of is that he has an emotional sadistic streak and likes how frustrating it is for you.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 29, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    Well, if you want him you might want to play the game his way. If he starts stripping or grabbing you, go along with it. Strip to. Then splay yourself out and look into his eyes and tell him you want him to take you. Maybe something like that?
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    Jun 29, 2010 6:35 AM GMT
    Hmmm, sounds too complicate... I'd ve already given up here ..
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    Jun 29, 2010 6:56 AM GMT
    slowcore saidI'm interested in general thoughts on this, and not just in my specific situation, but I'll provide some details about what put it on my mind. Got a friend that I know 100% is into dudes, though he's sometimes into women and is straight to everyone he knows. He's always been really playful and flirty with me, and I've always liked it, though I interpreted it different when I thought he was straight. He's got increasingly sexual in his teasing, and he loves it when I act embarrassed or bothered by it (in a fun way). He'll say real dirty stuff about what he's going to do to me (supposedly joking), or find reasons to strip, or touching me in ways that are not platonic.

    Since I've known guys get him going, I've been a little more aggressive with him, trying to make something happen, but it changes his mood instantly, and fun's over. This has been plenty of times and the pattern is the same. I wouldn't mind letting him take the lead, but he keeps cutting the goofing around short in ways that are a bit 'frustrating'. He actually called me 'submissive' the other day, and got the gears turning. Makes me think the submissive thing is what does it for him, or else he's just terrified of letting the gay out. I'd like to fool around with this dude because I can tell he'd be a lot of fun, but need some ways to give him permission without making him think it wasn't his idea, since he clearly wants to be the one taking charge.

    Have you guys been in similar situations or with similar people?


    is it creepy how we think so damn similar? wow
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jun 29, 2010 7:23 AM GMT
    hmmm, get him drunk?
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    Jun 29, 2010 8:24 AM GMT
    I used to have two roomates that were together as a couple, and they would play the "slap game." Oh God! It bored me to death! It was about as annoying as a 10 year old girl shrieking, and just as childish, but it seemed to bring them some sort of intimacy through the action (but of course that isn't something you would say, because that would make it too...faggy...if you said "intimacy").

    Sad to think that in some way that the only way that they could express themselves was through mild violence, but I suppose it could be worse, and I also suppose this is not that uncommon, Rawhide!

    But my point is that maybe this is the only way he feels comfortable associating himself sexually with men. Ever play "smear the queer" in football? It gives straight men (deeply insecure straight men) a sense of superiority, because they are not gay, a sort of affirmation that comes in the form of feelings of goodwill to... not be the queer.

    Perhaps this turns him on? Maybe it is the only way he can accept his feelings, sad...but maybe true?

    So, if you are into it, or him, play the game and play it well.
    It would all seem so very contrived to me, and so I cannot advise you other than people who are trying to capture someone like this usually use what I laughingly call the Buffalo Bill method...learn everything you can about him (weaknesses) and then find ways to exploit (the game)

    Good luck! Have fun!




  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 29, 2010 10:48 AM GMT
    He's dabbling in the kiddie pool ....

    When you call him on it he's getting scared and runs away
    You want this guy?
    It's gonna take a LONG time ... and lots of effort on your part
    You sure it gonna be worth it? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    Be submissive for him and let him pursue you
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    Jun 29, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    Satyricon331 saidIf he were really dominant then he would likely just take what he wants sexually without cutting anything short of outright domination. It sounds like he's entertaining the idea of dominance but isn't very comfortable with dominating, or perhaps with homosexuality. The only alternative I can think of is that he has an emotional sadistic streak and likes how frustrating it is for you.


    As someone with plenty of experience in the kink community I can tell you that all Doms don't start off that way. In his sexual fantasies he is a total top Dom-daddy that will turn the manliest of men into a bitch bottom. But, when wading in the kiddie poll, as GQ called it, he doesn't have the experience and confidence to follow through.

    If you are into this guy and want to play, I think you are going to have to initiate. This is called toping from below. Next time he is touching you and teasing you you are going to have to take it to the next level. Kiss him or get on your knees and ask "may I give you a blowjob, sir?".

    But if he starts some bullshit about not really being into you or some crap, tell him to stop toying with you and be firm about it. As hot as he is, if he is just dicking around you don't need that in your life.
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    Jun 29, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidKiss him or get on your knees and ask "may I give you a blowjob, sir?".

    Yes, you may, but if I feel teeth I shall punish you so badly you wont walk for a month!!!!!
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    Jun 30, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    Tell him you're messing around with somebody else, but keep playing 'submissive'.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jun 30, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    Wow. Congratulations for having the patience. Seriously.

    At this stage in my life, game night is a scheduled event and includes good friends and dice or cards. Personally, I'd have either grabbed him by the ears and pinned him up against an alley wall and kissed him into submission or run him over with a car by now.


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    Jun 30, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    MunchingZombie saidKiss him or get on your knees and ask "may I give you a blowjob, sir?".

    Yes, you may, but if I feel teeth I shall punish you so badly you wont walk for a month!!!!!


    Are you saying that because you want to feel teeth? Because I sure as hell would love to be fucked so hard I couldn't walk for a month. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 30, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    This situation sounds like entirely too much work. But then I've never been one to find obstacles to pleasure the least bit enticing, which is not the norm.
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    Jun 30, 2010 12:51 AM GMT
    the games people play wear me the hell out. i'm a direct kinda guy so my advice is to lay it out there simply and directly. life is too short for labrynthian dating.
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    Jun 30, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    lilTanker said
    MunchingZombie saidKiss him or get on your knees and ask "may I give you a blowjob, sir?".

    Yes, you may, but if I feel teeth I shall punish you so badly you wont walk for a month!!!!!


    Are you saying that because you want to feel teeth? Because I sure as hell would love to be fucked so hard I couldn't walk for a month. icon_biggrin.gif

    I have told you wll that you need to know, if you fail to satisfy me, you'll pay for it!
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    Jun 30, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    If you are into this guy and want to play, I think you are going to have to initiate. This is called topping from below.


    icon_lol.gif I love this...
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    Jun 30, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    RunintheCity saidThis situation sounds like entirely too much work. But then I've never been one to find obstacles to pleasure the least bit enticing, which is not the norm.


    Ditto.
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    Jun 30, 2010 10:06 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    RunintheCity saidThis situation sounds like entirely too much work. But then I've never been one to find obstacles to pleasure the least bit enticing, which is not the norm.


    Ditto.


    I definitely agree that this is too much work and concern for a small return. But, I'm a geek and the more complicated the more fun. Starting to see more signs this is more about him being scared of his own gayness, and that's a situation I'll definitely run from. A lot of good comments though, thanks. And, I agree that "topping from the bottom" is an excellent phrase.