Dating a Sex Pig and Barebacking

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2010 7:14 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship for just over a year. We are compatible in numerous ways (education, career ambitions, values, and so forth). The sex is good, too, but he is (in his own words) somewhat "piggier" than I am. Specifically, he really likes cum. He wants to cum in my ass, he wants me to cum in his ass, when he watches porn it's often bareback. Once we had been together for about nine months and both tested negative for HIV and other STD's, he felt like we could quit using condoms. Fucking without a condom is like riding a motorcycle without a helmet, as far as I am concerned: I can easily see why some people love it, but the risk involved would kill my enjoyment. From his perspective, the situations are completely different: we're both negative and we're not sleeping with anyone else, so there's no risk. Sex without condoms is one of the advantages of a monogamous relationship, in his opinion. I can understand his logic, and I do not believe he would cheat on me, but I still don't like the feeling that I am gambling on his faithfulness. Even if the risk is relatively small, the potential consequences seem grave to me. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem entirely fair that his sexual pleasure is compromised by using condoms, whereas mine isn't really affected.

    Has anyone on here ever been in a similar situation? Am I being paranoid, or am I making reasonable decisions to protect myself? Does anyone know how to keep a committed sexpig happy and still play safe?
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    Jun 29, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    It is common for couples to start barebacking in a committed relationship after some time has passed and getting tested. I would almost say it is expected - certainly in the straight world, so why not the gay world? In my prior 10-year relationship, we started barebacking after a year together (and negative tests).

    However, you are the one who would have to deal with the consequences. If you don't feel safe with him, there may be a reason for your fear.
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    Jun 29, 2010 7:34 PM GMT
    halfjock said...we're both negative and we're not sleeping with anyone else, so there's no risk.

    There is the heart of the matter for you. Are you certain he's not sleeping with anyone else? Because if he is, and you're barebacking with him, he can kill you, as well as himself.

    That's what killed my late partner and his former partner, and also the partner of my current mate. You better be sure your guy is monogamous if you're gonna bareback with him. After only a year together I'd have kept the condoms on, but this is your decision, based on your evaluation of him. Which I would be concerned is not entirely confident, or else you wouldn't have made this your first post here.
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    Jun 29, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    He he wants it then he better put a ring on it. For me, barebacking is like marriage. One year in a relationship is not nearly enough to give that.

    He has a fetish and you do not. Barebacking is just like watersports or dressing as a French maid. And like all couples where two people don't share a fetish you have to work it out. Perhaps shooting into his mouth will give him a taste for cum. Maybe you could use a cum-like lube. Use a polyurethane condom and fucking him with an ass full of lotion.

    Yeah, it is not the same thing but it is also a reasonable accommodation.
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    Jun 30, 2010 1:37 AM GMT
    Coming from another pig that loves and is turned on by barebacking, I still don't do it. I don't get off to non-bareback porn. Most of the time when I bottom, I imagine barebacking. I got a piercing so that I can feel more sensation when I top with a condom. I've learned that just because I'm into something as a fetish, doesn't mean it's safe or healthy. It's just not worth it to me to catch something (not just HIV) because I want to get off.

    When I'm in a relationship, I will only date other kinky / piggy people. If someone isn't able to keep up with me in the play room, then it's not going to work out. I expect the same vice-versa. If I'm not willing to do something that gets someone off, I would hope they would go and find someone else who would rather than me. Barebacking is one of my hard limits within the first couple years of dating someone, and if I'm with someone who is insistent on barebacking after I've explained my limits, it would be in the back of my mind that they probably went out somewhere else to fulfill their desire, making me even more firm in my no-barebacking rule.

    If you two are seriously committed, and you have no fears whatsoever about barebacking with this guy, then I'd say go for it. The fact that you posed the question to a forum makes me think that you do have fears about it, and should stick to your guns of not doing it.
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    Jun 30, 2010 5:09 AM GMT
    For us it was about 2 years. A lot of talking and emotional exploration as well as talk about personal values and ethics. I know, drab, eh? Lol, it worked for us.

    -Doug
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    Jun 30, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    If barebacking isn't your thing then he should respect that as your sexual choice and not let these human urges and desires become deciding factor in your relationship with him.

    If he can't handle that then maybe you should start worrying and wondering because as they say "What one won't do, another one will." If he can't contain and subdue his urges for some something that you aren't particular fond of then the risk of cheating becomes very probable.
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    Jun 30, 2010 5:31 AM GMT
    Child, the reason they call it cheating is cause you never know it's going on.
    So if your partner decided to cheat on you 3 years from now and couldn't bring himself to tell you, you could be exposed at that time. 3 years after being ok with it. You feel me?

    However, if you both communicate with one another extremely well, have a great amount of trust, and the understanding that you'd talk if there was ever a time when you felt that either of you would stray, then I think you're ok.

    Bottom line, you have to have a strong relationship first.
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    Jul 04, 2010 7:07 AM GMT
    Has anyone been there? More likely everyone over the age of 30 has been there! The bottom line is that it's a personal choice. Whatever you're comfortable with. So don't feel pressure. And if he's a good guy and really into you, he'll be fine with that. It took me 4 years before I was good going bareback with my (now) husband. We're together 15 now. Good luck!
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    Jul 04, 2010 7:25 AM GMT
    I feel best not to risk it anyways. Monogamos or not. Just protect yourself, or think of your partner's safety. He is at more risk if he is a bottom. Bodily fluids are not something to mess with or to be taken lightly. Do some research on HIV and how it is transmitted. Wiki HIV. It really helps. I personally, being who I am, and knowing who I am in bed, I would rather be safe for as long as my relationship lasted, which I hope forever. =D
  • leeruo

    Posts: 2

    Jul 04, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    Do what you think is right!
    If he really love u,he couldnt be of not knowing how to protect you.
    just remerber U worth he do that for U!


    wish U forever!
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jul 04, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    halfjock,
    I wish I would have listened to my own feelings when I was with my ex. We stopped using condoms after about a year. I was deep in love and never thought he would cheat on me. All it takes is one time. I never screwed around. He did. I am now HIV+.
    I am not saying you or he will cheat. As I said, all it takes is one time. Is it worth the risk? I think not!
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    Jul 04, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    It's a trust issue with him. It's not about the physical act, it's about the trust
  • tobiasschnell

    Posts: 7

    Nov 09, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    Do what you think is right!
    If he really love u,he couldnt be of not knowing how to protect you.
    just remerber U worth he do that for U!
    manchester escorts
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    In our relationship we trust each other enough to b.b. Each couple has to decide this together.

    When I was single it used to floor me when some guys (bottoms) wouldn't even care if I used a condom. I'm amazed how many guys b.b. nowadays - with guys they haven't tested with.

    Don't do it guys. Be safe.

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    Nov 09, 2011 8:30 AM GMT
    If you decide to indulge his fantasies and bareback with him, why not make him agree that every couple months (or every month...whatever time interval you prefer) you both go to get tested.

    On the one hand making him agree to this deal might indicate to him that you don't trust him and may cause a rift in your relationship, but on the other hand if he knows he's going to have to prove his HIV status to you regularly, it may act as a deterrent for him to bareback/sleep with other guys if he ever gets the urge to do so.
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    Nov 09, 2011 8:49 AM GMT
    This is a difficult question. I've held end-stage HIV patients while the doctor is trying to get a spinal tap, and seen the effects of HIV first hand. I know people with HIV and see how their lives have been effected.

    At the same time, if I cannot trust the people I love, who can I trust?
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    Nov 09, 2011 8:50 AM GMT
    Cardinal724 saidIf you decide to indulge his fantasies and bareback with him, why not make him agree that every couple months (or every month...whatever time interval you prefer) you both go to get tested.

    On the one hand making him agree to this deal might indicate to him that you don't trust him and may cause a rift in your relationship, but on the other hand if he knows he's going to have to prove his HIV status to you regularly, it may act as a deterrent for him to bareback/sleep with other guys if he ever gets the urge to do so.


    I have to say I'd be skeptical to do so. Guys who are into "pig play" are generally self destructive...and if he cheats he is probably going to do it unsafely.

    I say get a private investigator to follow him for 2 weeks......check his cell phone, e-mails, etc...then maybe consider it lol.