Need Advice on Broken Heart

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    I am fairly new to the gay dating game and need some advice. Normally, I am a very cautious person with my emotions and don't go rushing into things. However, I recently met someone who I really liked and I actively pursued him. He doesn't live in the US. We met in his city for about a week in April. We had, what I thought was a wonderful time. I stayed with him the whole time and we were both vulnerable and sweet with one another. However, I got some mixed signals which basically said that he wasn't quite into me as much as I was into him. Still, he wanted me to come see him in the US when he was here. Two weeks ago I spent a week with him in the US. We were together basically 24/7 and again had a really great time. He was tender and nice and we were very passionate together--i.e. holding each other for hours, making love, looking into each other's eyes. Now he is back in Europe and he tells me that he doesn't love me and that "the spark isn't there" that would make him want to fly across the Atlantic to be with me tomorrow.

    My question is how can someone fake those emotions for a week?? This situation makes me feel used and frustrated and angry and many other things. I feel like I won't be able to ever trust my instincts again about when somebody really likes me--because he gave off every signal that he did.

    You see, I can't fake stuff like that. I can't act passionate about somebody unless I feel passion for them.

    Now I am just sad. I feel "played" in that I took a chance, exposed my vulnerabilities and now got burned.

    Thanks guys.
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    Jul 01, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    "I feel like I won't be able to ever trust my instincts again about when somebody really likes me--because he gave off every signal that he did."

    Please don't feel this way, though it's understandable. We know, having both been there. Bill and I never stopped trusting our instincts, and we each discovered that the anguish of failed relationships were worth the eventual successful one.


    -Doug
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 01, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    Hey guy! We are all human, with ups and downs, today we love, tomorrow we hate! You don`t know what he was looking for, you don`t know what he is seeking for.

    I think you have to put in your mind that you lived a great and unforgetable moment with him, if he loved/loves you or not is not the question. Were you happy? If yes, DO NO GIVE UP.
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    Jul 13, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    He needed a tour guide. So he enjoyed the security you gave him while he was here. Once he returned to familiar territory, he reassessed things and realized he did not need you anymore. Yes, it's harsh, but unfortunately some people are like that--they use people as emotional crutches and then one day, when they no longer need them, toss those same people aside.

    If your authentic and genuine feelings cannot find a home in the heart of the other person, it's better to learn that earlier rather than later. It does not assuage the current hurt by any means, but it does limit the long-term pains that he could have caused.
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    Jul 13, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    It's called being gay. Sadly it's part and parcle of the gay world it seems.

    Don't let this discourage you from still being open to the opportunities of love. With risk comes rewards. You will learn to navigate thru the flakes.

    Grieve a little, mope some more, but not too much- and try your best not to think about him. Time will heal the wounds if you don't continually pick on them.

    The very best to you. We've all been there.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jul 13, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    Wow, these are some of the best and most sensitive yet realistic responses I have read in a Real Jock forum. All good advice. It is important to keep sufficient sense of self and self-confidence so that when you're disappointed emotionally you are not devastated...or not permanently. A little emotional devastation is appropriate for a limited time. But opening up to someone emotionally and connecting with the right guy, when it happens, makes all the earlier crap worthwhile. Good luck!
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    Jul 13, 2010 10:38 PM GMT
    Austin20 saidI am fairly new to the gay dating game and need some advice. Normally, I am a very cautious person with my emotions and don't go rushing into things. However, I recently met someone who I really liked and I actively pursued him. He doesn't live in the US. We met in his city for about a week in April. We had, what I thought was a wonderful time. I stayed with him the whole time and we were both vulnerable and sweet with one another. However, I got some mixed signals which basically said that he wasn't quite into me as much as I was into him. Still, he wanted me to come see him in the US when he was here. Two weeks ago I spent a week with him in the US. We were together basically 24/7 and again had a really great time. He was tender and nice and we were very passionate together--i.e. holding each other for hours, making love, looking into each other's eyes. Now he is back in Europe and he tells me that he doesn't love me and that "the spark isn't there" that would make him want to fly across the Atlantic to be with me tomorrow.

    My question is how can someone fake those emotions for a week?? This situation makes me feel used and frustrated and angry and many other things. I feel like I won't be able to ever trust my instincts again about when somebody really likes me--because he gave off every signal that he did.

    You see, I can't fake stuff like that. I can't act passionate about somebody unless I feel passion for them.

    Now I am just sad. I feel "played" in that I took a chance, exposed my vulnerabilities and now got burned.

    Thanks guys.



    That's too bad man... the best advice I can give you is that time will make you feel better. You may have had strong feelings for him, but there's nothing you can do to force him to have them back. Maybe he just wanted to give you another chance and he decided it wasn't worth it to continue a long distance relationship and the difficulties that can accompany it. Don't have any regrets on putting yourself out there. In finding the right person you will get hurt, probably more than once... don't hate him for giving it a chance as well.
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    Jul 13, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    meninlove said"I feel like I won't be able to ever trust my instincts again about when somebody really likes me--because he gave off every signal that he did."

    Please don't feel this way, though it's understandable. We know, having both been there. Bill and I never stopped trusting our instincts, and we each discovered that the anguish of failed relationships were worth the eventual successful one.


    -Doug



    This is probably the best advice you'll get.
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    Jul 13, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    At least the guy told you that he doesn't want to be with you any more. Most gays leave without an explanation and shut you out of their life permanently.
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    Jul 14, 2010 3:44 AM GMT
    I fully agree with Aggieboy. It's been my observation as well. You do need to applaud the guy for being bold and forthright.
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    Jul 14, 2010 3:51 AM GMT
    WRESTLINGGUY saidHey guy! We are all human, with ups and downs, today we love, tomorrow we hate! You don`t know what he was looking for, you don`t know what he is seeking for.

    I think you have to put in your mind that you lived a great and unforgetable moment with him, if he loved/loves you or not is not the question. Were you happy? If yes, DO NO GIVE UP.



    I think u said it well, if you were happy with him while u were together, then that should matter the most, we're all humans, we have mixed emotions day in and day out, but makes the most out of it while you have it, when you dont, bask on it and move on,....Embrace and enjoy the moment you had, no need to be angry or frustrated, it will only make you sad, and then the estrogens will kick in and you know the spiel....