Gay Love on condition- Now a days not quite unconditionally. We try harder to save our jobs then our relationships

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    Jul 01, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
    Guys,

    I was reading many posts and I started wondering why is it that day in and day out, we start loving on conditions. Loving now a days seen so terrible. I hear break-ups because I am bored, we live too far, I am still married, sex isnt great. I start to wonder why people don't fight for their love anymore. It seems like in our individualistic society. we get lost in our selves. I remember how my parents were in love, its like they went through a lot but you can still see the love in their eyes. My dad wrote a journal to my mother from the day they met to when they got engaged. My grandma raised my grandps kids he had out of wedlock. Her heart was so pure loving him.

    - When was the last time you mailed a love letter to your guy?

    - How often do you remember staring in each others eyes for hours without talking?

    -Can you even remember what he wore on a certain day from head to toe?

    - When was the last time, you slipped a love note in his pocket on his way to work?

    - if distance is the issue, how often do you pop up unexpected to take him out to dinner?

    DID YOU TRY EVERYTHING BEFORE CALLING IT QUITS?


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    Jul 01, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    I cant wait to hear Doug and Bills post on this.. icon_wink.gif

  • Jul 01, 2010 6:17 PM GMT
    WELL SAID MAN..AND THANK YOU FOR THE REFRESHING BOOST ...I DEFINITELY NEEDED THAT AND GREAT POST
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    Jul 01, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    DO you love him enough to do this?

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    Jul 01, 2010 6:31 PM GMT
    I mean this kind of love





    Many of us would have left after a few minutes...........
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    Jul 01, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    I personally believe straight couples will always be more successful, by the time they get bored or they realize sex isn't really that great, there's a child already on his way. This will always bring the greatest motive to love ur partner, it's no longer about u, it's about that child and the opportunity to share this sentiment with ur couple, brings happiness, motivation and makes most problems simply trivial and manageable.

    Of course there are a whole bunch of other factors, and not all parents live through a successful marriage, not even close but it definitely makes a difference.
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    Jul 01, 2010 7:32 PM GMT
    charlitos saidI personally believe straight couples will always be more successful, by the time they get bored or they realize sex isn't really that great, there's a child already on his way. This will always bring the greatest motive to love ur partner, it's no longer about u, it's about that child and the opportunity to share this sentiment with ur couple, brings happiness, motivation and makes most problems simply trivial and manageable.

    Of course there are a whole bunch of other factors, and not all parents live through a successful marriage, not even close but it definitely makes a difference.


    Then find something to grow to not be so self absorb.. get a pet or even adopt a child. join a summer camp together every year to help kids become better adults.. volunteer together... icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 01, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    MrNomore said
    charlitos saidI personally believe straight couples will always be more successful, by the time they get bored or they realize sex isn't really that great, there's a child already on his way. This will always bring the greatest motive to love ur partner, it's no longer about u, it's about that child and the opportunity to share this sentiment with ur couple, brings happiness, motivation and makes most problems simply trivial and manageable.

    Of course there are a whole bunch of other factors, and not all parents live through a successful marriage, not even close but it definitely makes a difference.


    Then find something to grow to not be so self absorb.. get a pet or even adopt a child. join a summer camp together every year to help kids become better adults.. volunteer together... icon_razz.gif


    A pet? Summer camp? Sigh

    Gay couples don't have it very easy when it comes to adopt a child and it requires a lot of planning in advance. Yes it's possible and many have done it but there's not surprise factor, still my point remains the same. I'm not saying gay couples cannot try harder to show love to each other, I'm just stating one reason why many straight couples sometimes are more successful.

    Would u have a conversation with ur partner and be like, honey this is not working, let's go to a summer camp! Or even better! Let's get a cat!!

    On the other hand I can perfectly picture a straight couple arguing and all of a sudden the woman would go like....I'm pregnant...classic and at least makes emotional sense. Also after u have children u don't want to brake up, u don't want to separate from ur kids, ull try harder to make it work, it's sometimes inevitable.

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    Jul 01, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    Hmmm...while we both agree that kids can be a glue, it's not always a great reason to stay together. (Doug's sister is reading over his shoulder and says it's one of the worst reasons to stay together, lol - she's married with two teens, our god children)
    Many straight people have told me over the years that they came from families where their Moms and Dads stayed together only because of the kids. Home life was nasty and as soon as they could, they moved out. Some of them say they'll never marry because of what they saw and perceived as marriage when they were young.

    A lover's love we consider conditional. Shocking, eh? LOL, not conditional as has been described by our own romantic MrNomore. The conditions we refer to are the vows two people make to each other, whether it be a monogamous or open relationship.

    Fidelity. (yes you can find this in open relationships as well as monogamy)
    Trust.
    Reciprocity.
    Honesty.

    How picky people get over the four conditions we mention is a problem when those conditions are looked at and handled in a shallow fashion.
    For example,
    "I broke up with Bob because he lied (honesty) about eating ice cream after lunch when we were both on diets."


    -Doug and Bill

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    Jul 01, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    I believe this is a sign of the times we live in. Ppl aren't kind to each other generally and chivalry in general just isn't practical, more or less look out for yourself and hope the other can keep up in relationships. Love isn't at the forefront of anything...

    I think sometimes some ppl aren't taught how to love. The fact you showed how your grandparents and parent continuously showed unconditional love to each other shows you "learned" this concept. Not saying ppl can't learn this in a single family but in a traditional family "love" shows up genuinely more often than not(not in all cases however).

    Kids are nice and it can help a couple refocus on why they took the journey of life together. As gay men, we generally live in world where promiscuity reigns supreme. Everyone wants to compete to have the best sex, hottest dude, straightest acting man, smartest man, etc. . Perhaps that's just in our general nature as men to compete with each outer, just like our straight bros compete for prize 'hogs" wifes lol.

    Many factors... I guess you just gotta put in that good fight if you really wanna make it last icon_biggrin.gif
  • nv7_

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    Jul 01, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    kevinsbeach saidMan you nailed it on the head. Beautiful post and so true. I can certainly relate. Other than one person I was with in particular a number of years ago, the others I chose to 'date' or get involved with simply threw in the towel ridiculously over bullshit. Throwing a tantrum cause you're not getting your candy. At first I wondered if maybe I did or didn't do something, then I soon realized that 'no it wasn't me at all. It's not my style to throw in the towel unless they did something of a serious nature (i.e. abusive or cheating) It's not in my blood to keep searching, searching for something else either. I sent my last serious one a love letter and that did nothing. We were still hanging out and talking and still to do this day even though our friendship was broken over it, we can't reach a truce. It's been a year since the incident. Too much water under the bridge and I'm still not sure what he wanted exactly.


    Agreed. "I love you for who you are, oh wait a minute, I don't." icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 01, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    My last potential LTR ended after 3.5 years because I ended up losing my job to save the relationship...but it was too late. I dumped him 'cause he almost cost me my entire career. I told him if he'd truly loved me, I wouldn't have had to give up my job because of him. Then I stopped answering his calls and haven't talked to him since.

    Then again, I tend to love the way my parents did: completely unconditional (for each other only...long story about me & my dad).

    Even though I'm thoroughly loving the single life now, if a man came along who stole my heart away (again), he'd get all those "little things" like stated in the OP, because it's the little things that truly matter. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 01, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidMy last potential LTR ended after 3.5 years because I ended up losing my job to save the relationship...but it was too late. I dumped him 'cause he almost cost me my entire career. I told him if he'd truly loved me, I wouldn't have had to give up my job because of him. Then I stopped answering his calls and haven't talked to him since.

    . icon_biggrin.gif



    awe. sorry to hear that.
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    Jul 01, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    Duh! of course we try harder to save our jobs. Coz according to 98% of the guys who posted on a previous thread ... they would not date a guy who does not have a job. Is there any wonder then?

    Of course they've got jobs and yet no man- so you have to wonder sometimes ..
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    Jul 01, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    paulflexes said it's the little things that truly matter. icon_biggrin.gif


    I use to love when my parents argued because she'd always say "little things don't make the lights come on" Financial issue were often the center of many arguments in my house. We always made it by though icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 01, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    Ricovelas said
    paulflexes said it's the little things that truly matter. icon_biggrin.gif


    I use to love when my parents argued because she'd always say "little things don't make the lights come on" Financial issue were often the center of many arguments in my house. We always made it by though icon_biggrin.gif
    After struggling to make ends meet with a new career, I finally gave into the pressure to do adult work. All it took was someone telling me "this is Miami - morals won't pay your bills here."

    Haven't looked back since. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 02, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    Mrnomore, everyone loves on condition. Even for straight couples who are married with children it does not stop them from seperating and eventually divorcing when things get really bad and there is no way of saving the relationship just look up the statistics. Any one who expects me to risk my job for their 'love or to save a relationship' is really being selfish and disrespectful to me. A person who loves me would be supporting me in my career as much as possiable not expecting me to choose between a relationship and trying to put bread on the table.