I'm nervous. . .

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    Long story short: since the beginning of May I

    -relocated back to the midwest for my Aud/PhD. It's good to be close to my family again.
    -found out that my boyfriend since 2007 had been meeting numerous (who even knows how many) men for casual sex while we were together. Mainly sex parties, sex in his office at work, manhunt.com, adam4adam, craigslist, etc. . .
    -am finally able to afford an apartment on my own without a roommate. I move in next week.
    -have two full time jobs (I have fell in love with) that I'm currently working for summer. Last week I did 96 hours. These two jobs could never come at the best time.

    So, these are all really good things going in my life. I'm completely nervous about a boy. I've worked with him at one of my jobs for about a month, and for some reason I still get that pee-part tickle when I see or think about him. C'mon I'm 29 already, wtf? BTW, he actually asks me questions about my life and is somewhat interested in what I have to say.

    So, I made a chance to have a long drawn out conversation with him when he got off work tonight. I uncomfortably got his phone number, and we've of course texted back and forth for the evening. I can definitely tell he's really nervous as well.

    Back to the point, he's 22, and I'm 29. I'm petrified because my ex (see above) was three years younger than me. I'm completely scared that I might fall to be too close to someone again and get hurt.

    Should I be concerned about this age difference? I would never mix business and pleasure, but this is the job I'm giving up when school starts. Your thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 11:53 AM GMT
    You only live once
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    Jul 02, 2010 12:01 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidYou only live once


    ditto!

    you can't let your past dictate your future!

    go with the "pee-part tickle" and run with it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 12:02 PM GMT
    Stop over thinking everything
    do u like him? does he like u?
    if so..... then do it
    get over the age thing not everyone is bad immature and twisted
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 02, 2010 12:04 PM GMT
    I understand some of your points... and I think you are going to get a variety of responses here, but here's what I think:

    First, I think you ought to get yourself out there, but use what you've learned to become a more astute guy. Don't use age as an agent for your worries.. take what you know and move forward. Your new guy is 22 and you are 29.... thats a difference because of some of the real life experiences you have had and he hasn't.. that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him, it might be fine.. just go in with your eyes open. We also know nothing about your new interest except he's 22. My point... enjoy it, but don't put yourself out there to get hurt...you've been there and done that recently. Keep it light.. maybe date some others as well.

    Second, we all get that "prickly feeling" you talk about. Its an awesome part of life... and living. Everybody should have that feeling, straight or gay.

    Thirdly, 96 hours a week is a lot of damned work. Do you have to work this many hours for financial reasons? Don't forget to enjoy life as well.. don't make it all about work. Your 22 year old (or anybody) may not understand that too long.......
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    Jul 02, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I figure I'm gonna run with it. I haven't had this giddy little feeling in quite a long, long, long time. It hasn't went away yet. So, for whatever reason I'm gonna get to know this handsome fella a little better.

    BTW, I'm working this much for 1) financial reasons, 2) to keep myself from being idle and thinking about what has happened, and 3) I absolutely love my second job. I have the opportunity to work with adults with mental disabilities. Basically I just play all day and get paid for it.
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    Jul 02, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    danielryan said
    TheIStrat saidYou only live once


    ditto!

    you can't let your past dictate your future!

    go with the "pee-part tickle" and run with it!



    Very Good Advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    Take it one day at a time and see what happens.

    Go on a date and proceed from there. Don't look a your past mistakes/misfortunes/betrayals as a source of fear/sadness, rather, look at them as a learning opportunity and use what you've learned from them to make this new relationship all the more better. Your last relationship left you hurt, but it probably also left you with alot of source material to learn from..use that knowledge and apply it to this new guy.

    Realize that just because the last guy hurt you doesn't mean that this guy will do the same. You gotta go through a few duds before you meet the right one...other wise it isn't as special icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    Ok ...Here is my theory

    All relationships fail....until they don't

    And you must learn to love again...one more time


    That's it. Good luck
  • zenny

    Posts: 229

    Jul 02, 2010 5:53 PM GMT
    Stop thinking like that. Not all young men are horndogs or sluts. Give it another chance, who knows maybe this guy is the guy you've been looking for.
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    Jul 02, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    hauptstimme said
    Back to the point, he's 22, and I'm 29. I'm petrified because my ex (see above) was three years younger than me. I'm completely scared that I might fall to be too close to someone again and get hurt.

    Should I be concerned about this age difference?
    No.
    There are over 7 BILLION people in the world. Drawing a conclusion of what others are like based on just one person is ludicrous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    Live and learn. Don't let the one time experience be a deciding factor however don't let the opportunity to learn from it slip by you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    screw the fear. Enjoy it. jsut keep it casual and fun ... its Friday after all.

    but dont put all this extra "possible future long time boyfriend" shit on ur mind. jsut enjoy the moment and hang out and have a good time. stop with the over thinking. you'll end up ruining a good time with a fun guy

    and as far as the age goes dont wory about that. some 30 year olds are as mature as 16 year olds. some 18 year olds are as mature as 27. he could be anywhere in maturity level. once again. dont worry.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Jul 02, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    I know young guys who are pretty reserved and old men who can't keep it in their pants. Age matters for some things--not so much for fidelity. In any case, age is probably irrelevant as you are both really in the same basic age group.

    The bigger question is: Do you have a pattern here? If this guy turns out to be like the last, or the one before last was also a dog, then you may be subconsciously picking guys who are incapable of stability. If not, then relax and enjoy the new guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    Any relationship is a risk.

    Relationships of all kinds can be extremely rewarding, but they can also cut you to the heart. You can avoid the pain but only by cutting yourself off from the rewards as well.
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    Jul 04, 2010 10:26 AM GMT
    Thanks again guys. He seems to be a sweetheart. At least he can keep a job (a plus), and he doesn't have a felony.

    I got the full time position with my second job (the one he doesn't work at) that will not interfere with my school schedule at all. So, working together will probably dissipate within the next six weeks. Really still so nervous, but what would performance be without a little nervousness. Just trying to enjoy being a little excited again for once. Happy Fourth! Thanks!
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    Jul 04, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    You only live once is right!
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    Jul 19, 2010 7:47 AM GMT
    UPDATE:

    Since the 4th...

    -I'm putting my notice in tomorrow at the job we both work at.

    -Well, we've continued to talk/text.

    -We went on a really casual date a week ago with great conversation.

    -We met for breakfast the other morning and finally kissed early in the morning out on the busy street. It was honestly one of the best kisses I've had in years. After that I received a text, "That was unexpected. I guess if you want something just go for it. I'm glad you did;) That was amazing."

    So, we are both incredibly nervous around each other, and I still get that tickle when I think about him. I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual.
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    Jul 19, 2010 8:57 AM GMT
    im 31 and it still "tickles" mate ;)
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jul 19, 2010 9:04 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI understand some of your points... and I think you are going to get a variety of responses here, but here's what I think:

    First, I think you ought to get yourself out there, but use what you've learned to become a more astute guy. Don't use age as an agent for your worries.. take what you know and move forward. Your new guy is 22 and you are 29.... thats a difference because of some of the real life experiences you have had and he hasn't.. that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him, it might be fine.. just go in with your eyes open. We also know nothing about your new interest except he's 22. My point... enjoy it, but don't put yourself out there to get hurt...you've been there and done that recently. Keep it light.. maybe date some others as well.

    Second, we all get that "prickly feeling" you talk about. Its an awesome part of life... and living. Everybody should have that feeling, straight or gay.

    Thirdly, 96 hours a week is a lot of damned work. Do you have to work this many hours for financial reasons? Don't forget to enjoy life as well.. don't make it all about work. Your 22 year old (or anybody) may not understand that too long.......


    i agree with this completely. just because one younger guy hurt you doesn't mean they all will.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 19, 2010 11:01 AM GMT
    Keep eyes wide open and place one foot in front of the other
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    Jul 19, 2010 11:05 AM GMT
    Will you know if it was worth it without giving it a try. If somehow you can answer yes to that, then forget about him and move on, or else jump on the train before it leaves the station.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jul 19, 2010 11:35 AM GMT
    go for it my boy! and do us proud! not everyone is going to turn out a cheating bastard! best of luck to you!
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    CHRONOS:

    - We sat up til 3AM talking last night. I honestly don't remember the last time I was able to have an in depth conversation with someone like this.

    - He told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since we first met (the end of May).

    - It finally happened;) It was quite beautiful.

    Wish me luck guys! I'm totally smitten, and so is he;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    I'm just loving this!

    -Doug