Being a good person sucks!

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jul 02, 2010 8:15 PM GMT
    I am growing sick lately of people that are exploiding me. I love to do good deeds, I try to help out the People I care about, I am always helpful and believe in the good of People, but I always end up feeling miserable.

    Last week one of the People I consider a good friend, tricked me to call his boyfriend and ask him when he is gonna come home, eventhough he knew exactly that his boyfriend would go up in a explosion. Now the only thing I heard from him all week was "Dont call me".While I am completly confused and miserable as to what and why it happened. I never thought I would do something wrong since I was a friend of his boyfriend too.

    Thats just one example of how people are screwing me over in the past. So is the only solution to close myself up completly? I already stay away from dates and new encounters. I am very happy with finally being open, but it just doesnt help a bit. Not to sound melodramatic, but I am about to give up if I cant manage to be happy at least.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2010 8:18 PM GMT
    Most grumpy old men started off as helpful and sweet young men.
    Now you know why. Nice people always get fucked over the most. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 02, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    You might consider being choosier about whom you help, how/why you help the ones you choose, and whether or not your expectations should have anything to do with how this obligates them to you (or not). You can be kind without becoming a martyr for trivial causes.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jul 02, 2010 8:24 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidYou might consider being choosier about whom you help, how/why you help the ones you choose, and whether or not your expectations should have anything to do with how this obligates them to you (or not). You can be kind without becoming a martyr for trivial causes.


    Just to say one thing, I dont expect anything from the People I help. I am not as naive to think that most people feel the same obligation as me eventhough I do expect that they wont do anything bad to me in return, is that so wrong?
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    Jul 02, 2010 8:33 PM GMT
    I think you set yourself up for this... stay out of other people's relationships. You are the only one who's gonna get hurt..and you did.
    So, lesson learned, I hope...and move on. And stop trying to be Mr. Fixit.
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    Jul 03, 2010 1:54 AM GMT


    O.K. So here's some sound advice..... I thinkicon_eek.gif

    Your intentions and your decision to be a good person should remain intact. Know that in doing so often you will be unappreciated and fall victim to the selfishness of others. Don't get side tracked Look for nothing in return. no relationship is 50/50 Every lesson is a life lesson. Closing yourself can only result in you feeling bitter.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 03, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 03, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    read about the terrible ending THIS guy had to "doing the right thing".


    http://helpbrian.blogspot.com/



    icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.



    me too...sorry
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    maximumrisk , if you stop helping people out you'll have to change your nick to "norisk" . :p



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    Jul 03, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    I feel you man, sometimes it's like being a good person doesn't get you anywhere. I guess it depends if you believe in karma or not.... anyway, all I can say is, if people exploit you like that, then they don't deserve to be in your life. I would cut those people out of your life, as they clearly aren't true friends. Do your best to open up and get yourself out there, so you can meet other good people who won't exploit you and who you'll be able to build great relationships with...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 03, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    Bunjamon said
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.



    me too...sorry


    I understand that you need input. I'd just be careful about what you do for "friends". Think about when you are asked for a favor or to put yourself out. Are they doing the same for you?
    And as far as the "exploding comment".. well it is the 4th...
    (sorry jk).
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    You sound like a very kind and decent man. But, you need to learn to set boundaries and say "NO."

    Be more selective about those people you decide to help. I understand where you are coming from. But most people are not as good hearted as you and have no qualms about using your good intentions for their own personal gain (at your expense).
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:22 AM GMT
    I'm a nice guy and I have yet to be fucked over. Why you ask? Simple. Because I know when to be nice and when to be realistic about certain situations and just say "no" to them. When they say "Nice guys finish last" it's a phrase used for those who allow themselves to finish last.

    It's one thing to be nice. It's another to allow yourself to be used and taken advantage of. It's ok to say no sometimes. You just have to pick and choose when. You will still be nice.
  • hdbu

    Posts: 19

    Jul 03, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    <3
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    Yeah, Good people do get taken advantage of. There are people who will use you. There are people who will never appreciate your open heart. Don't close it off. There are people who appreciate you for your goodness. Just don't let users make a sucker out of you.

    I can't make a sound judgement of your situation based on what you wrote, but it sounds like boundaries may be an issue. You knew the situation was volatile. It was not YOUR place to call HIS boyfriend to check up on him. It sounds like your friend is a weenie. If he's too afraid to call his own boyfriend...

    I have been where you are. My own desire to be/do good led me through some eye opening lessons into human nature. icon_eek.gif

    Always be true to your heart and your conscience, but understand that the world is a fucked up place. Bad people prey on the good.

    Trust your gut. If it feels strange, there is something wrong. I ignored that sensation a few times. I paid a price. I learned to rely on that initial gut reaction. I haven't been wrong since. You said you knew the boyfriend would blow up. Gut reaction. Trust it.

    You will lose out on so many beautiful opportunities and beautiful people if you shut your heart off.

    Just be realistic and pragmatic. Trust your gut! Protect yourself from users, and learn boundaries. the word, "NO" is one of the shortest and most effective words in our language. It's also the most difficult word for some folks to say. Exercise that muscle!

    Keep your loving heart. It is the greatest gift humans have.

    I hope that helps.
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    catfish5 saidYou sound like a very kind and decent man. But, you need to learn to set boundaries and say "NO."

    Be more selective about those people you decide to help. I understand where you are coming from. But most people are not as good hearted as you and have no qualms about using your good intentions for their own personal gain (at your expense).


    We read each others minds. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.


    we all knew what he meant dont mock ...
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:41 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI'm a nice guy and I have yet to be fucked over. Why you ask? Simple. Because I know when to be nice and when to be realistic about certain situations and just say "no" to them. When they say "Nice guys finish last" it's a phrase used for those who allow themselves to finish last.

    It's one thing to be nice. It's another to allow yourself to be used and taken advantage of. It's ok to say no sometimes. You just have to pick and choose when. You will still be nice.


    agree. This is how I am also.
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.


    I also had a little giggle over the next sentence. So I guess I must also say I'm sorry.

    maximumrisk saidI love to do good deads
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    Nice people can say "NO" as well. If he calls you a bitch, then so be it... just be the nicest bitch around. You are an adult and you are the only person who can fix you... learn from your "mistakes" and move on. If you continue to do the same acts, what use will it be telling someone?

    Do not get bitter, just become more educated.
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    tereseus1 said
    Bunjamon said
    maximumrisk saidI am growing sick lately of people that are exploding me.


    I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh.


    we all knew what he meant dont mock ...


    I do not really think anyone was trying to be mean, it was just a little teasing. I really don't think anyone who has commented in this thread thinks bad of the OP or dislikes him.
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    Jul 03, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    This advice is to ME, so I'm not (necessarily) telling you what to do.

    Don't be a doormat.

    Question why you are being "nice." Are your motives pure? or are you trying to manipulate and get something out of the deal?

    Trust, but verify.

    Understand that people will survive without your help. Of course, it's great to help someone in need, but you have to take care of you first. Otherwise, people will take advantage of you and then you'll be of no help to anyone.

    Play your cards close to your vest.

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    Jul 03, 2010 2:58 AM GMT
    I want more people like you in my life, maximumrisk.

    Altruistic to a point and kind.
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    Jul 03, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    im a bit confused... sorry about that is the example you gave meaning

    a friend ask you to call his boyfriend
    ask him when is he coming home
    then you get yell at over it and become the bad guy
    and followed by the friend not talking to you since i guess you "by your own choice" tried to put presure on his boyfriend to spend time with him

    ... if my take is right then i would be upset if i where you but you know it part of the job of being a friend or being nice to take the hit and crappy end of the stick so everyone else lifes are "a little bit" better icon_biggrin.gif

    ... to be nice is to do good deeds for others and expect nothing in return and even if the good deeds may have consequences for yourself