A "stalker" situation

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    Hey all

    So I've not really been sure how to react to this, but it seems I have a stalker of sorts, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it.

    He found me on another gay social networking site, and sent me a message, I wasn't very interested in him (not my type, not out of the closet and older than me, just didn't have much to talk about) but I generally try to be cordial either way.

    He started to get relentless.

    He lived close so he kept trying to get me to meet up with him. I declined, simply because I just didn't get the whole "maybe we'll be symbiotic friends" vibe from him, and just felt that it would make my life more complicated if I were to force myself to meet up with him simply to be nice. Then he started sending me more messages and I would ignore them because I really had nothing left to say.

    Then he started writing me these really bizarre, novel length love notes, so I started to get a little scared and blocked him. He made another user name and continued, somehow got my aim handle, and to this day somehow manages to find me on every form of gay social media that I'm a part of. Needless to say my membership to such sites has declined.

    To put the icing on the cake he found me at school one day a couple months back. I have no idea how he found out where I went to school or how to find me (my school has over 30,000 students) but it was a really scary event for me.

    What should I do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    Tell him he's stalking you.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    I did, and explained that his desperation and persistence is what frightened me. He didn't seem to get it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    lol, well now you can be angry, not scared; be very direct and tell him he's pissed you off and that you find him repulsive.
    Bill says tell him that you're so turned off your nuts retract all the way up into your throat when you hear from him. icon_lol.gif


    -Doug
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    Jul 03, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    Tell him you want to marry him and adopt 5 kids with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    Why don't you go to the police, I mean he can be a psycho or who knows what? better safe than sorry
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 04, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    Dude I think you should be concerned.....If this fucker actually came to your school....that's pretty weird......Be aware of your surroundings......share your concerns with your friends so they're aware...Lastly.... if he shows up at your school again contact campus security.....I have had this happen to me in the past but over time they lost interest....Stay strong brah......BUD
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    Tell him you'll be his boyfriend but only if he gives you a $5000 monthly allowance. If he agrees send him my way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    Im concerned as well... i would indeed think about contacting authorities if he does not comply with your request to leave you alone from now on...
  • gymlocker

    Posts: 159

    Jul 04, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    tell him that if he EVER tries to contact you again, or shows up within 500 feet of you, you will get a restraining order. It's the only thing some people seem to understand.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jul 04, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    You should be concerned for your safety.

    Go to the police. Ask for advice. You might ask them if they advise getting a cellphone pic of him or looking him up through the website where you first met him.

    This seems to have gone well beyond any kind of normal infatuation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:15 AM GMT
    Contact the police. If/when he realizes he is permanently rejected, he could come at you armed. Don't take a chance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidTell him you'll be his boyfriend but only if he gives you a $5000 monthly allowance. If he agrees send him my way.
    I'll give you a $5000 monthly allowance.
    If you don't mind Monopoly money.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    128784628562033467.jpg


    im really surprised that no one has done this yet


    and on a more serious note
    http://www.howtogetridofstuff.com/people/how-to-get-rid-of-a-stalker/ ( some of these are extreme but if u really feel threatened then you have nothing to lose.)

    http://www.ehow.com/how_18084_deal-with-stalker.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    i doubt the police can do anything if he hasn't actually done anything except contacted you.

    something else you might try is to talk to a counselor and find out how to deal with a guy like this. the more you push him away, the more he will follow. i would think guys like that are pretty predictable and can be dealt with with some tried and true strategy...which would be something a counselor would know about.

    meanwhile, i would take steps to keep your on-line activity low. maybe someone else will catch his fancy and he'll forget about you.

    good luck...welcome to the interwebz.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 04, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    Thats outragious and yeah, he's a stalker and one that has some serious issues. When I started reading this, I thought, "this is probably just someone who's gone a little overboard".. I think it's more than that.

    However, you didn't say what you've said to him. Have you been clear that he is to leave you alone, not come near you or call you in any way? If not, way past the time. No niceness, politeness (thats all out the window). I'd say, "I've had enough, stay away from me, don't call, write or come around or I will contact the sheriff, my attorney and have a restraining order placed against you".

    Do it, get it on record. I'd be concerned if I were in your shoes.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jul 04, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    ugh, how gross!!
    stalkers are so pathetic. .

    If i were u, I'd confront the dude and tell him to back the fuck off.
    He has no right to follow u around, what a creep.


    If he doesn't stop, I'm afraid you'll have to get a restraining order, as he may get so obsessed it could become dangerous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    Lesson for everyone....

    Block .....don't feel bad when you block someone....even if it's only after a few exchanges...and you have gotten the hibbie jeebies from the guy.

    I've gotten those messages too....
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 04, 2010 1:48 AM GMT
    Continue to block him, regardless of how many accounts he sets up. Do not engage him in any way. Engaging him in anger will most likely make this a hostile situation.

    Getting campus security when he comes on campus is a great idea. This is most likely a pattern for him and he might already have a past in terms of stalking, etc. This type of situation happened to a friend of mine in college and the women in question was already not allowed on campus from a past indiscretion where the woman threatened a pregnant instructor on campus.

    If you have a facebook or myspace(lol) account you might need to hide or delete it for awhile.

    As someone else said, let friends know you are being stalked. They might be the ones unknowingly supplying him info on you.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 04, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    seriously, you're being too cordial with the dude. be more than blunt. tell him to get the fuck away and do so in the cruelest way possible. tell him you think he's ugly, that he's old, that he's crazy. i know it might seem mean, but the only way to deal with people like this is to cut the balls off them (figuratively). and if that doesn't work, tell him you'll cut him and call sukurity.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 04, 2010 1:58 AM GMT
    wow... that definitely qualifies as stalker behavior. I had a stalker a few years ago. The only thing was I had absolutely no clue who he was. I just remember leaving work and seeing him in the parking lot one day. A few days later, I noticed the same guy was following me down the road, and I started making random turns down various avenues to see if he was really following me. Every single move I did, he shadowed... and didn't do a good job trying to hide it. I eventually lost him, but 5 minutes later, he found me again - and I lost him again later that afternoon. A week later, I got home late one night, and guess who pulled up in my driveway... but didn't get out of the van.

    He eventually drove off, but the fact the guy knew where I worked and where I lived was really disconcerting. A few weeks later, while I was out jogging, I saw the same guy in the van parked along the road watching me jog. It got to the point I carried a serrated buck knife with me when I jogged... an unusual complement to my MP3 player. After a few months, I never saw him again, but needless to say, it was really unnerving since I didn't know who he was or how he was able to find me in so many places. For the record, I didn't use any social networking sites during this time... nothing, not even Facebook.

    As for your situation, it is really disturbing this guy can find you online and literally in person. All I can say is be extremely observant, and tell someone else about what has happened to you. I told my father about what was happening to me, and he wasn't happy about it at all. After I told him, he used to call me a lot. He'd ask me the usual stuff like how was your day, and where are you... and so on. I'd say if it gets threatening or it starts to seriously bother you... tell law enforcement you are being stalked. It'd also be advisable to document what he is doing to you (i.e. save emails, IMs... note when, where, and how many times he's approached you after telling him to leave you alone)
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Ciarsolo saidTell him you'll be his boyfriend but only if he gives you a $5000 monthly allowance. If he agrees send him my way.
    I'll give you a $5000 monthly allowance.
    If you don't mind Monopoly money.


    I get the thimble.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jul 04, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    Wow. Well, you should be keeping and collecting the evidence -- not discarding a thing -- and you should report him to the police.

    You don't mention whether he's at all threatening. I'm not sure whether you can get a restraining order on him under the circumstance, but he's obviously an obsessive type. I'm not sure whether he's dangerous, but this does constitute harassment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    rangard saidi doubt the police can do anything if he hasn't actually done anything except contacted you.

    something else you might try is to talk to a counselor and find out how to deal with a guy like this. the more you push him away, the more he will follow. i would think guys like that are pretty predictable and can be dealt with with some tried and true strategy...which would be something a counselor would know about.

    meanwhile, i would take steps to keep your on-line activity low. maybe someone else will catch his fancy and he'll forget about you.

    good luck...welcome to the interwebz.

    The police can advise as to prudent measures the OP can take, knowing the environment and circumstances. They can also search the stalker's background to see if there are any outstanding warrants, etc. They can also interview the stalker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    paulflexes said
    Ciarsolo saidTell him you'll be his boyfriend but only if he gives you a $5000 monthly allowance. If he agrees send him my way.
    I'll give you a $5000 monthly allowance.
    If you don't mind Monopoly money.


    I get the thimble.
    Deal. icon_biggrin.gif