What can I do to be more confident?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    I have been reading the forums and reading about muscle models like Jeremy Gilitzer and I have been noticing an underlying problem in myself. I think I myself am a bit too obsessed with becoming the "muscle jock" tho I don't see myself becoming a muscle jock or manorexic at all. I am shorter than ave. (5'6') and am 145 lbs currently. I actually read somewhere that 150lbs for ppl that are 5'6" is considered overweight (obesity being another thing entirely). I have been slim my entire life. I still am slim. Oddly enough, all of the excess fat is only in one spot, my midsection. it's not that noticeable, but is progressively getting worse. I have wanted to gain weight until now. I really wouldn't want to loose any weight either, just loose fat in my midsection. I am worried I will not be satisfied unless I get a perfect six pack and muscles. I have worked out before, but never have the motivation to keep going and feel weaker than most other guys in the gym.

    Is this something to strive for or am I just caring way too much?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    Strive for it. It's within reach. Go to the fitness forums/topics that talk about this and post. They'll help motivate you. icon_wink.gif

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    Jul 04, 2010 5:52 AM GMT
    I agree with meninlove—just keep trying. In the meantime be confident that you're working towards your goal and care about yourself enough to want to make the most of yourself and be the best you can be.

    I'm about your height and unless you get a leg bone implant or wear platform shoes all the time it's not going to change. Stand tall, be proud and keep working towards your goals.
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    Jul 04, 2010 6:10 AM GMT
    Confidence cannot be learned overnight (except in rare cases).
    A good start would be to realize that your idea of "hot" is not the same as everyone else's. That way even if you're not attracted to your own body, you can rest assured that some people will be. The confidence from that will double your sexiness to most people.
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    Jul 04, 2010 6:21 AM GMT
    Watch what you eat, eat small meals six times a day, do your cardio 3 times a week, other days lift weights, one day rest, sleep.
    But most important thing of all, do everything you can to at least LIKE yourself. When you get to that point, everthing else follows.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 2026

    Jul 04, 2010 6:22 AM GMT
    I think you're a very handsome guy.
    For a week or two, stop comparing yourself to guys in magazines (most of whom are photoshopped to look better, and/or taking steroids) and start comparing yourself to "real" guys walking down the street, in your office, etc. I'm sure you're much cuter than most of them. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 6:24 AM GMT
    . . . and remember that Lawrence of Arabia was 5' 5" . . .
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 04, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    Don't dwell on the negative
    You're slim? Get to the gym and start working out
    Not seeing progress? Talk to the guys on here and get a trainer and get the answers that you need
    It's not rocket science
    anyone can get a better body ....and improve physically

    But is that going to be enough?
    I don't know
    Maybe that's a question you're going to have to answer down the road
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2010 1:23 PM GMT
    I think it's good that you're exploring your self awareness and trying to identify your "underlying problem." It's good to be self aware. However, while you're exploring, also seek out your underlying, unacknowledged strengths.

    I'm taller than average (6'8") and am 207 lbs currently. I was obese (up to 307 lbs) until I came out. I, too, want to gain weight and just loose fat in my midsection. I have worked out for years, with trainers and without, and feel weaker than most guys in the gym. But, I'm also a foot taller than most guys in the gym, which makes me feel worse about being weaker than them.

    I'm not parroting you, I'm just demonstrating that many of us feel the exact same pressure.

    I light of all that, I try to remember that I won't get in better shape by hating my body and letting that stop me from going to the gym. I realized a few years back that if someone ever spoke to me the way I speak to myself, I'd punch them - so why do it? Why be your own worst enemy?

    The great thing is that you're young, not unhealthy or obese, and therefore can more-easily begin positively changing your self-image and workouts. Per KissTheSky's note, stop comparing to the f'ing magazines and steroid beasts, and try to find what will be a good goal for you. The, begin the journey and work to move in that direction.

    If you're able to work with a trainer, even just once per month, they can show you how to workout with just your body weight and exceptional form, and move in the direction you'd like. Plus, the other guys' recommendations to search the forums on here are great.

    Finally, remember to seek out your underlying strengths. Whether it be intelligence, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, speed, great in bed, whatever... Remember to balance your harsh internal criticisms with those affirmations and self-encouragement.

    I tell myself that I may look and move like Woody from Toy Story but I'm fun, great in bed, healthy, and finding workouts that will help me stay on course and have a diet better than 95% of Americans.

    Good luck!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16414

    Jul 04, 2010 1:44 PM GMT
    I would say you are really asking two questions in your thread... how can you be more confident... and input on your fitness goals. They certainly can go hand in hand, but not necessarily.

    I would just say, be realistic. You might want to visit with several professional trainers and gain their insight into what would be appropriate for you and their ideas on how to reach them. Remember, nobody's perfect, don't get pulled into the hype of whats "hot" on a guy and what isn't... you are uniquely you. Be the best you can and be confident you are reaching YOUR identified goals... not those that society seems to value.