I need to cry...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 6:57 AM GMT
    ...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    hugs.jpg

    xoxoxo -us
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 4:04 PM GMT
    GAMRican said...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?

    I focus on the job to be done, and put concerns about myself out of my mind. When others are depending on me, I defer my own needs, knowing I can always look after myself later, whereas the other people affected might not have such a choice for themselves during a crisis.

    I am actually rather good at prioritizing the urgent from the non-urgent, the essential from the non-essential, the needy from the non-needy. In this way I can turn what otherwise might become emotionally draining experiences into very easy, logical actions.

    But I'm additionally fortunate in this regard, with a perverse automatic tendency to become calmer when a situation deteriorates, and the worse things get the stronger I become. I don't know any way to learn that natural trait, except perhaps to keep reminding yourself it's what you must do.

    If this matter concerns the things we talked about when we last met here, then I can understand your feelings. And dealing with tragic inevitabilities are among the toughest to face. So you're correct -- no time for crying right now. That will have to go onto your list of things to do another day. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 4:17 PM GMT

    Well....I just had a good cry for him.

    -Doug

    Photobucket
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    In time like that, when you 'energy tank' is empty, that there is no reserve left, you can still go on a long time. Knowing that doing so, you hurt yourself, and will need recovery time later, when situation allow it.

    If it last too long, you need to balance your duty to others with your duty to yourself. After all, triggering a nervous breakdown out of exaustion and emotional pain don't put you in position to help others.

    How much you can handle ot of duty tells a lot about both your inner strenght and your devotion to others. But be carefull, putting others needs above your own can also be unhealthy.

    You have my respect for having such dilemna,

    (hug)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    GAMRican said...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?



    Not a place to post this I'm sad to say...

    Pretty sure you will receive alot of "grow a pair" or "man up" or "bottoms are useless" type of responses on this macho man site....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    *hug*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    Wilton, you seem to know me oh so well!

    Wilton said

    I focus on the job to be done, and put concerns about myself out of my mind. When others are depending on me, I defer my own needs, knowing I can always look after myself later, whereas the other people affected might not have such a choice for themselves during a crisis.

    I am doing this. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.

    I am actually rather good at prioritizing the urgent from the non-urgent, the essential from the non-essential, the needy from the non-needy. In this way I can turn what otherwise might become emotionally draining experiences into very easy, logical actions.

    I am doing this also. Again, it is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.


    But I'm additionally fortunate in this regard, with a perverse automatic tendency to become calmer when a situation deteriorates, and the worse things get the stronger I become. I don't know any way to learn that natural trait, except perhaps to keep reminding yourself it's what you must do.

    You're 3 for 3. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional. I am the calm.

    If this matter concerns the things we talked about when we last met here, then I can understand your feelings. And dealing with tragic inevitabilities are among the toughest to face. So you're correct -- no time for crying right now. That will have to go onto your list of things to do another day....


    Part of it is what we discussed, but that situation is relatively stable, although in a degraded and precarious state. There are no tears there. Not yet.

    My love to you and C. on this Independence Day holiday. Thank you for both your's and C's service to our nation as veterans of the armed forces that keep our Constitution and our nation standing. May God continue to bless you both richly as you bless others.

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 8:21 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    GAMRican said...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?


    Not a place to post this I'm sad to say...

    Pretty sure you will receive alot of "grow a pair" or "man up" or "bottoms are useless" type of responses on this macho man site....


    No worries, Aggieboy. Words that lack compassion or which are charged with any kind of negative have no sting and mean nothing to me at this time. I am seeking diamonds of wisdom and I know them when I see them. Everything else falls away like chaff.

    Thanks for showing concern. Have faith. For every insensitive asshat here, there are plenty of other RJ'rs who have valuable experiences and insight to share.

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Well....I just had a good cry for him.

    -Doug


    Aloha e Doug! Thanks so much for your call today! You put a big smile on my face, and a warm "across the miles" hug on my heart.

    I am grateful to be part of a virtual online community that can reach out and hold each other up in real life, in person or across the miles in real time.

    Hugs to Bill and the kids!

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 10:03 PM GMT
    Yes, all the time.

    I tend to foucs on someone else's problems to take my mind off my own. But doing something that you really enjoy is another good distraction.

    Other times, I go to a really scenic and quiet place that I enjoy and I let it all out. It doesn't do much for your health if you hold it all in...

    Take care

    Glen
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jul 04, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{GAMRican}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} = A giant hug for you! Hope things get better for you soon and when you do find the time have a really good cry.icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    GAMRican said...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?



    Not a place to post this I'm sad to say...

    Pretty sure you will receive alot of "grow a pair" or "man up" or "bottoms are useless" type of responses on this macho man site....


    LOL, you couldnt have been more wrong, and Im glad you are icon_biggrin.gif

    I find these kinds of posts to get the most interesting threads and responses ;)

    Ehm , well, I cant say what I would do in your situation... to be honest.. it doesnt take me any effort whatsoever to support other people through their pain...

    As for as my own crisis.. I dont even bother trying to manage, I just let it be... go on to doing other things... if this is one of those crises that "letting go" giving up" requires time to work through, you have to just take the time... its the only thing that can make you resilient...

    Compare it to a flesh wound... you cant make a flesh wound resilient by injuring it more or doing anything with it.. you have to let it be... then it will grow a hard surface and then you can work on hardening the skin (like building a callous layer icon_razz.gif)

    Same with exercise... after heavy exercise, your muscles hurt becasue the fibres have stretched and sustained damage... it needs a day of rest to rebuild itself, after which it is in fact, slightly stronger than before...

    Hope that helped,

    Love
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidWilton, you seem to know me oh so well!

    Wilton said

    I focus on the job to be done, and put concerns about myself out of my mind. When others are depending on me, I defer my own needs, knowing I can always look after myself later, whereas the other people affected might not have such a choice for themselves during a crisis.

    I am doing this. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.

    I am actually rather good at prioritizing the urgent from the non-urgent, the essential from the non-essential, the needy from the non-needy. In this way I can turn what otherwise might become emotionally draining experiences into very easy, logical actions.

    I am doing this also. Again, it is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.


    But I'm additionally fortunate in this regard, with a perverse automatic tendency to become calmer when a situation deteriorates, and the worse things get the stronger I become. I don't know any way to learn that natural trait, except perhaps to keep reminding yourself it's what you must do.

    You're 3 for 3. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional. I am the calm.

    If this matter concerns the things we talked about when we last met here, then I can understand your feelings. And dealing with tragic inevitabilities are among the toughest to face. So you're correct -- no time for crying right now. That will have to go onto your list of things to do another day....


    Part of it is what we discussed, but that situation is relatively stable, although in a degraded and precarious state. There are no tears there. Not yet.

    My love to you and C. on this Independence Day holiday. Thank you for both your's and C's service to our nation as veterans of the armed forces that keep our Constitution and our nation standing. May God continue to bless you both richly as you bless others.

    Aloha and Be Well!

    I usually do the crying when singing in concert.... its the appropriate place... to do so... and strangely enough, it makes everyone feel better
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidWilton, you seem to know me oh so well!

    Wilton said

    I focus on the job to be done, and put concerns about myself out of my mind. When others are depending on me, I defer my own needs, knowing I can always look after myself later, whereas the other people affected might not have such a choice for themselves during a crisis.

    I am doing this. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.

    I am actually rather good at prioritizing the urgent from the non-urgent, the essential from the non-essential, the needy from the non-needy. In this way I can turn what otherwise might become emotionally draining experiences into very easy, logical actions.

    I am doing this also. Again, it is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional.


    But I'm additionally fortunate in this regard, with a perverse automatic tendency to become calmer when a situation deteriorates, and the worse things get the stronger I become. I don't know any way to learn that natural trait, except perhaps to keep reminding yourself it's what you must do.

    You're 3 for 3. It is my nature as a project manager, and business continuity / emergency management professional. I am the calm.

    If this matter concerns the things we talked about when we last met here, then I can understand your feelings. And dealing with tragic inevitabilities are among the toughest to face. So you're correct -- no time for crying right now. That will have to go onto your list of things to do another day....


    Part of it is what we discussed, but that situation is relatively stable, although in a degraded and precarious state. There are no tears there. Not yet.

    My love to you and C. on this Independence Day holiday. Thank you for both your's and C's service to our nation as veterans of the armed forces that keep our Constitution and our nation standing. May God continue to bless you both richly as you bless others.

    Aloha and Be Well!

    I usually do the crying when singing in concert.... its the appropriate place... to do so... and strangely enough, it makes everyone feel better
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    GAMRican said...but can't. There is no time for crying right now.

    Have you ever had to be the strength, the calm, for others despite your own pain?

    What have you done that works when you manage through crisis.
    What do you do to be more personally resilient?


    there is always time for crying as long as it's not over a movie.
    have a good cry (not over a movie:!icon_smile.gif get up, dust yourself off and try to move on. tell yourself this too shall pass
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 04, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    I press forward as I know things could be worse and it just my turn to go through/struggle.

    I know it doesn't answer questions, but I know life could be much worse off. For example, I saw these homeless ppl at South Beach today and I sat and watched them and talked to them for a bit and realize that, even though I don't have much, and I don't have all I want I have enough to say i'm fortunate to be where I'm at now.

    I could be worse off but I'm not. Someone out there is doing alot worse than me/you. So if I don't push I have the opportunity too then I setting myself up to fail.

    We will get dark points sometimes, or more than others but it's good to remember that good times will come and things will get better. It's good to have good friends to talk to make the bad days a bit better. I mean really good friends at that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:09 AM GMT
    You don't HAVE to be the strength for others. You don't HAVE to do a damn thing. Just remember that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    I want to give you a big hug.
    If I had super powers, taking people's sadness away would be mine.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jul 05, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    Breathe deeply, focus, plunge forward into the task.

    No you don't HAVE to do it, but it is obvious from your asking that you want to do it. It is the wanting to be there for others that is your source of strength.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 8:26 AM GMT
    LJay saidBreathe deeply, focus, plunge forward into the task.

    Yep. Doing that. One moment at a time, one day at a time. My only prayer is, "Please show me the next right thing to do, and please give me the strength to to that next right thing. The breathing deeply thing can sometimes get "shallow". I hit the stairmaster when I'm noticing a lot of shallow breathing.


    No you don't HAVE to do it, but it is obvious from your asking that you want to do it. It is the wanting to be there for others that is your source of strength.


    Yes, you are right. I absolutely have "free will", and could most certainly walk away from just about all of what has me in crisis. However, it is my choices that bring me to crisis. And, these choices are core to who I am, and what my purpose in being is all about. It's all about promises, and how hard we will work to assure our word and our character is something that can be "banked" upon.

    I'm doing better today. What is challenging me is making me stronger. What is ripping at me is only making me more resilient, agile, flexible, and calmer. I am being prepared for something, like Excalibur in the forge. I know not for what. But I know that I will make it. I have made promises, and they will be kept.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 10:06 AM GMT
    Yes, focus on the task(s) at hand, what must be done.

    I tend to shift into 'auto pilot' in those moments and the emotions kinda shut down. Then when I have a quiet, private space and moment the dam usually bursts and it all comes out - and if I don't have that space or moment I create one for myself by going for a solitary walk or something like that - cause I know at some point all the emotion is going to come out so I allow it to in a controlled way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 10:08 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidWhat is challenging me is making me stronger. What is ripping at me is only making me more resilient, agile, flexible, and calmer.



    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" Friedrich Nietzsche

    You go bud
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2010 10:11 AM GMT
    I honestly hope that you have now found the time to have a breakdown- it has been long enough.

    To answer the question- and without getting into detail yes, I have had to be the strength for others when I really needed to lean on somebody. I cultivated that "auto-pilot, crisis manager” individual who emerged. I promised myself that if I could make it 3 days I would allow myself a breakdown and kept that promise. I only had time for 5 minutes but I closed the door, sat on the floor and fell to pieces before pulling myself back together and dealing with the situation.

    I made it the two months that were required in this manner. Two minutes here, five minutes there and the rest of the time being in control. I have no doubt that it contributed to the total time to “heal” as I could not process anything aside from the information at the time and had to leave emotions and pain for later. If you are unable to switch from emotional train wreck to emotionless, rational drone at the flick of a switch I have no idea how you would go about long-term crisis management and being the rock for others.

    Again, I have no idea what prompted the question, what the issue is or who you need to be strong for; but I hope that you are managing... and I hope that you have taken some time for yourself at this point.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2010 10:28 AM GMT
    watch this

    Guaranteed to make you teary: