I really don't know about the “most gay men” thing; but I can answer based on what I have learned over the last couple of years (yeah, I was diagnosed at around 30 years old... and I am apparently more that “just a bit” ADD). I don't mean to be critical, but there is no difference between a gay man with ADD and a straight man (at least not that I can see.) You may consider leaving orientation out of this while you figure out how to deal with ADD- you will be dealing with the same effects and the same challenges as well as reaping the same benefits of ADD as every other person who has this interesting “condition.”
I have chose to take Ritalin; it really is a personal choice to deal with it drug free or to use drugs. For me, I have discovered that I can make it through a meeting and I can deal with a group of people if I take my medication; without it... well, it's been an ugly three decades. I do not always take it (hell, imagine somebody saying here is a pill to help you focus and remember- now just remember to take it!) I really think that you need to figure out why you are avoiding medication if it could help you. Is it because you don't consider ADD to be an actual, physical, treatable condition- do you think it is all in your head and believe what you have been told your whole life- that you just need to “try harder”?
Please do not get me wrong- I am not knocking the decision to not take medication. It is a personal choice- I just want to be certain that you are making the choice for the right reasons (one would be if you have high blood pressure- the last thing you need is a stimulant running through your system..)
Having said that, there is a book called “delivered from distraction” that I have found to be a huge help with everything from how I view my ADD to different strategies to deal with it. It contains information on medications but also has a section dedicated to nutritional treatments. I would list them here, but I am afraid that I misplaced the book when I took it to the doctors office with me two weeks ago when I stabbed myself (yes, it could easily be considered ADD related.) The book is missing and it has to be somewhere as I did take it back from the doctors office.
To answer your questions, yes- ADD often goes hand in hand with depression (and if you get the ADD under control it can cause the depression to intensify as you are able to concentrate on what a disaster your life has become.) Again, this is true of gay men, straight men, women and children. It often is associated with dyslexia and many other “conditions” as well. Quite likely you are hypersensitive to loud noises because you “hyper focus” on them and lack the ability to tune it out. One of the problems with ADD is that while you can not focus on what you want to you do hyper focus on certain things...
I do not think that I have read about any correlation between ADD and being emotional. So far as I can tell it has nothing to do with that unless you have depression or anxiety from ADD. Often, apparently, people who have ADD suffer from post traumatic stress disorder from being able to change their focus from hurtful events to other things and never deal with the “hurt” (at least this is what the “good book” tells me.)
Well, there it is- a post that is far too revealing (I'm living safe in the promise that I can just delete my profile...) Best of luck dealing with the negative effects while keeping the positive aspects intact- do pick up the book I had mentioned; it is not a “cure all” but it does have lots of strategies and will likely help you to understand your reactions and decisions better.