Who's the douche here? Want some objective opinions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 6:08 AM GMT
    Marc and Chris have sex. Chris warns him he's not looking for anything serious, but it's not 100% clear where things are going since they both still text each other (very general texts, but the fact he texts at all shows interest). Chris then decides to let him know officially he's not ready for a real gay relationship but really wants to stay friends. Marc agrees they should stay friends and says he'll call the next day. He doesn't. He texts Chris a week later, gets a text back and ignores Chris' question.

    Marc meets a new guy and gets into a new relationship. Chris tries to contact him a few times, but Marc is either busy on the phone or not returning text messages. Chris finds out about his new relationships and Marc doesn't know he knows. Chris decides to stop trying to contact him. Marc and the new guy break up and he finally texts Chris. Chris doesn't text back. And that's how it ends though it seems both are mad at something.

    Who's in the wrong here?
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jul 05, 2010 11:26 AM GMT
    IMHO They are both wrong, but I think that Marc was more wrong. If they agreed to be friends, Marc should have text and called Chris back. He should have told Chris about the new relationship. It is rude to try to contact someone and never get a response. Even if you are busy at the time, you can text later and explain the situation!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 11:30 AM GMT
    Sorry to tell you that you both are and it doesn't really mater who has the larger percentage.

    Replying to someone who hit you with a text isn't necessarily showing interest. It's just polite. Had you both replied to each other's texts and kept the lines of communication open there would have been a LOT less drama and you two would have probalby stayed good friends if nothing else. My humble opinion.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 11:40 AM GMT
    It would appear to be a joint effort. There was not really any obligation on either party to keep in touch. If you want to be friends, get on with it. If not, move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:04 PM GMT
    uprising saidMarc and Chris have sex. Chris warns him he's not looking for anything serious, but it's not 100% clear where things are going since they both still text each other (very general texts, but the fact he texts at all shows interest). Chris then decides to let him know officially he's not ready for a real gay relationship but really wants to stay friends. Marc agrees they should stay friends and says he'll call the next day. He doesn't. He texts Chris a week later, gets a text back and ignores Chris' question.

    Marc meets a new guy and gets into a new relationship. Chris tries to contact him a few times, but Marc is either busy on the phone or not returning text messages. Chris finds out about his new relationships and Marc doesn't know he knows. Chris decides to stop trying to contact him. Marc and the new guy break up and he finally texts Chris. Chris doesn't text back. And that's how it ends though it seems both are mad at something.

    Who's in the wrong here?


    Wow this sounds like EVERY sexual encounter I've had with a dude in LA.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:30 PM GMT
    An opinion is by definition subjective, not objective.

    Now I'm the douche! /รถ/

    Let's see if I got the question. Chris tells Marc "I just want to be friends" (douche), and Marc says "I'll call you tomorrow" but then doesn't (asshole). Chris tries to keep in touch with Marc but Marc is not really responsive. Chris hears from the grapevine that Marc is in a (new) relationship (not really new here since Marc and Chris were never in a relationship) and stops trying to contact Marc (good). Marc and new guy break up and Marc texts Chris. Chris ignores him (fair enough).

    Ok, by my tally Chris is the douche here. He dumps Marc but wants to keep tabs on him or something. Marc texting Chris after break-up with new guy I ascribe to wanting some forget-him-sex or Marc figuring that Chris maybe wanted a relationship after all.

    EDIT: the forum software keeps killing my back-slash. Is there an escape character?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 05, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    I'd probably avoid both... LOL

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 05, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    uprising saidMarc and Chris have sex. Chris warns him he's not looking for anything serious, but it's not 100% clear where things are going since they both still text each other (very general texts, but the fact he texts at all shows interest). Chris then decides to let him know officially he's not ready for a real gay relationship but really wants to stay friends. Marc agrees they should stay friends and says he'll call the next day. He doesn't. He texts Chris a week later, gets a text back and ignores Chris' question.

    Marc meets a new guy and gets into a new relationship. Chris tries to contact him a few times, but Marc is either busy on the phone or not returning text messages. Chris finds out about his new relationships and Marc doesn't know he knows. Chris decides to stop trying to contact him. Marc and the new guy break up and he finally texts Chris. Chris doesn't text back. And that's how it ends though it seems both are mad at something.

    Who's in the wrong here?


    Wow this sounds like EVERY sexual encounter I've had with a dude in LA.


    bitch i totally sexted you back
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Jul 05, 2010 12:41 PM GMT
    First of all i am happy to have confirmation that people in other parts of the country use the term "douche."

    I don't think either of them did anything wrong. If they had established a lifelong friendship and one of them dropped the ball on returning a message, that would be a douche-bag move, but if you've established a friendship with someone and you don't make an effort to contact a person a second time, that's also douche-nozzle material.

    In this case neither owed the other anything. They weren't friends--they were two guys who had sex and then tried to build a friendship after the fact. So they were trying to do it backwards, but neither owed the other anything. The people in our lives do not belong to us, period. No one is obliged to stay in my life and I am not obliged to stay in theirs (barring some formal commitment).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    The problem with kids today is that they spend too much time online, or texting from their goddamn mobile phones, reading sound bites and misinterpreting everything - and I do mean everything.

    Jesus, people, whatever happened to eye-to-eye contact and actual conversations?

    If your primary form of communicating with each other is via text messaging, then I think you're both douchebags.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:48 PM GMT
    Texting back and fourth by means of communication is very passive aggressive, who does that? Are they in high school? Would you text anything serious to another or have a real conversation? Texting is for quick information. Your either in or out when it comes to dating. Their both wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    reppaT saidThe problem with kids today is that they spend too much time online, or texting from their goddamn mobile phones, reading sound bites and misinterpreting everything - and I do mean everything.

    Jesus, people, whatever happened to eye-to-eye contact and actual conversations?

    If your primary form of communicating with each other is via text messaging, then I think you're both douchebags.


    Dude i'm with you on that!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    I'm so confused by the whole thing.

    In the end Marc broke up with the guy and text Chris so the ball is in Chris' court. I don't think either guy is a douche necessarily there are just a lot of mixed signals.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    reppaT saidThe problem with kids today is that they spend too much time online, or texting from their goddamn mobile phones, reading sound bites and misinterpreting everything - and I do mean everything.

    Jesus, people, whatever happened to eye-to-eye contact and actual conversations?

    If your primary form of communicating with each other is via text messaging, then I think you're both douchebags.


    DITTO..COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 1:25 PM GMT
    Giving the information as thorough then:

    Chris was honest and communicated his expectations. Marc didn't. Marc also lied up front.

    While Chris was foolish to try to maintain a faulty relationship, Marc is the 'douche.'

    Next question in the relationship SAT......
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 05, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    I think Marc is the douche. I mean you were told that Chris was not looking for anything serious. I don't care if he was texting you on a regular basis. He said he was interested and you should have left it at that. If you could not control your feelings and keep it that way you should have told him you can't keep doing this. Secondly, Marc got himself a bf and then cut off all contact with Chris and we he gets dumped he tries to pick back up where he left off with Chris. Chris is a smart man for not getting back in touch with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    uprising saidMarc and Chris have sex. Chris warns him he's not looking for anything serious, but it's not 100% clear where things are going since they both still text each other (very general texts, but the fact he texts at all shows interest). Chris then decides to let him know officially he's not ready for a real gay relationship but really wants to stay friends. Marc agrees they should stay friends and says he'll call the next day. He doesn't. He texts Chris a week later, gets a text back and ignores Chris' question.

    Marc meets a new guy and gets into a new relationship. Chris tries to contact him a few times, but Marc is either busy on the phone or not returning text messages. Chris finds out about his new relationships and Marc doesn't know he knows. Chris decides to stop trying to contact him. Marc and the new guy break up and he finally texts Chris. Chris doesn't text back. And that's how it ends though it seems both are mad at something.

    Who's in the wrong here?


    Wow this sounds like EVERY sexual encounter I've had with a dude in LA.


    D-ng, I aint going to LA, that just sounds like a permanent headache.. WOOF

    Yeah ehm, Marc is the bigger douche, even though they both are really
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    reppaT saidThe problem with kids today is that they spend too much time online, or texting from their goddamn mobile phones, reading sound bites and misinterpreting everything - and I do mean everything.

    Jesus, people, whatever happened to eye-to-eye contact and actual conversations?

    If your primary form of communicating with each other is via text messaging, then I think you're both douchebags.


    clapsm.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    I didn't see anything wrong here. Both dudes had their own agenda to persue. Nobody deceived anyone. They should just remain occasional fuck buds. Nothing to be mad about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    I see no "greater wrong" here. Thus, since the ball is now in Chris' court, Chris should lose the drama and give Marc a call, and make clear what it is that he wants from Marc at this point -- to be friends, to be more than friends, or to be nothing and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    Sounds like both, as usual. I've been in that situation a lot too. No win.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    I assume that this is not you, this is just someone you know, a friend, right?

    OK, what you have just described is basically the way douche bags communicate. So, unless one of them decides to have the balls to pick up the phone and talk, or better yet, arrange a meeting to discuss, then it seems kind of petty bullshit, in my objective opinion.

    No offense...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    Marc and Chris have sex. Chris warns him he's not looking for anything serious, but it's not 100% clear where things are going since they both still text each other (very general texts, but the fact he texts at all shows interest).

    ...so far so good

    Chris then decides to let him know officially he's not ready for a real gay relationship but really wants to stay friends. Marc agrees they should stay friends and says he'll call the next day. He doesn't.

    ...I'm not surprised as Chris has just turned Marc down. Marc's obviously disappointed
    He texts Chris a week later, gets a text back and ignores Chris' question.

    ...Ignores? Chris is not being empathetic towards Marc's attempt to get on with his life.

    Marc meets a new guy and gets into a new relationship.

    ...which is what should happen. Good for Marc.

    Chris tries to contact him a few times, but Marc is either busy on the phone or not returning text messages.

    ...well, of course, Marc is moving on.

    Chris finds out about his new relationships and Marc doesn't know he knows. Chris decides to stop trying to contact him.

    ...finally, Chris realizes you can't force a friendship, and after rejecting Marc's initial advances, takes a more mature approach


    Marc and the new guy break up and he finally texts Chris.

    ....because a friend, which is what Chris offered to Marc, should be there and available when the going gets tough. one of the important parts of true friendship.


    Chris doesn't text back.

    ...hmmmm, Chris is getting even.

    And that's how it ends though it seems both are mad at something.

    Chris demanded too much of Marc. He didn't give Marc a chance or breathing room to get over him.

    Who's in the wrong here?

    I'll leave that up to you to work out.


    -Doug
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 05, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    Other than both parties ignoring basic rules of common courtesy, there is not much to this story. Both individuals were boorish in their behavior and Im not sure if that would ever change in the future for either party.

    Wrong place, wrong guy, wrong time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 05, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    Junior high school is soooooo dramatic