Just been stood up again...

  • Jimmy201001

    Posts: 40

    Jul 07, 2010 1:10 PM GMT
    I was meant to meet this guy for lunch today, waited for 20 mins and then decided to leave. I chatted to him on an internet dating site and we arranged to meet at a restaurant, picked a time and that was that.
    Just got into an internet cafe and messaged him saying I'm very angry that he hasn't turned up - I received no texts or messages telling me he might be delayed or that he wanted to call it off.

    So annoyed!!

    How can people do this? It took me hours to get ready - I even bought a new shirt as it was kind of like a date (well lunch date).
    Is 20 minutes a long enough time to to wait? Well couldn't really wait any longer since I had to be back at work by 3.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 1:14 PM GMT
    His loss. You're a hottie.

    Happens to everyone. The world is full of flakes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    (Half joking - half serious obviously)
    Perhaps RJ should make a requirement that all members must keep a respectable dignified standard including not leading other people falsely, being responsible and setting a minimal level of dating conduct. Younger and less experienced guys learn from screwed up counterparts and perpetuate that behavior. Let's help start a concerted change.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 2:06 PM GMT
    20 minutes? Why not send an amicable email or text instead of an angry one? There are a number of things that can happen to make someone late for an appointment.

    If you get stood up, it's their loss not yours. In fact it's your gain because you just found out something about them very early in the game.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 2:10 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidHis loss. You're a hottie.

    Happens to everyone. The world is full of flakes.

    Agree on both your points: Jimmy is a hottie, the loss being the other guy's, and the world is indeed full of flakes.

    Especially GAY flakes when it comes to keeping appointments and commitments. Which is one of MY pet peeves, maybe because I come from a military career, where everyone is reliable & punctual to the minute, or else they shoot you.

    Well, OK, maybe not shoot you these days, but seriously, you might get a reprimand, or Article 15 punishment in the US. Blowing off someone is NOT an option in my book, even today as a civilian. And fortunately my partner, also former military, is exactly the same way.

    When our friends invite us somewhere, they know they can expect us to be there at the very minute specified, so they could set their watches to our arrival. Therefore, I empathize with the OP, and can only say that this behavior he experienced is SOP in the US gay community, and perhaps also there in the UK. He shouldn't consider this incident a verdict on himself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    Yeah, his loss mate, and Im impressed with how coolly you're taking it, I'd wanna bash his face in over making me lose all that g-dd-mn time!!! I dont mind waiting for something, but I hate waiting for nothing...


    But on the other hand, he might have gotten into something, so I'd wait a while for an answer to explain...(And if he doesn't, leave it alone, cuz thats just rude) ...though you're from London... big city, I would have expected an immediate message if he needed to cancel or be late... OTOH, Here in the caribbean, I wouldnt have bothered to be surprised... 20 minutes is a minimum waiting time icon_smile.gif

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 07, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    For me, 15 minutes is minimum waiting time. 30 minutes is maximum waiting time. Still, if you're running over ten minutes late, txt or call.....in this day and age there really is no excuse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:14 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said(Half joking - half serious obviously)
    Perhaps RJ should make a requirement that all members must keep a respectable dignified standard including not leading other people falsely, being responsible and setting a minimal level of dating conduct. Younger and less experienced guys learn from screwed up counterparts and perpetuate that behavior. Let's help start a concerted change.


    I would totally be all for this bro!
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 07, 2010 4:17 PM GMT
    agri_sci said
    BuddyinNYC said(Half joking - half serious obviously)
    Perhaps RJ should make a requirement that all members must keep a respectable dignified standard including not leading other people falsely, being responsible and setting a minimal level of dating conduct. Younger and less experienced guys learn from screwed up counterparts and perpetuate that behavior. Let's help start a concerted change.


    I would totally be all for this bro!



    That's why I think we should all use the testimonial page more often. It would be cool if it was un-delete-able so if you had something like "didn't show up for date" he couldn't erase it but maybe respond.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    you guys you guys this is the internet you should know better,im gonna sound like a bitch but dont u have a life i don think u need to look for guys on here,me personally never i dont need that so that will never happen to me,u should of asked him to get on cam fist he was probably fake..icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:39 PM GMT
    This happened to me five times in a row in the past six weeks! I would never do that to someone! Well they all canceled within like two hours at most of meeting. Its really annoying I was like wtf. I look forward to meeting people too. I would date you icon_smile.gif you are so cute.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Jul 07, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    Jimmy201001 saidI was meant to meet this guy for lunch today, waited for 20 mins and then decided to leave. I chatted to him on an internet dating site and we arranged to meet at a restaurant, picked a time and that was that.
    Just got into an internet cafe and messaged him saying I'm very angry that he hasn't turned up - I received no texts or messages telling me he might be delayed or that he wanted to call it off.

    So annoyed!!

    How can people do this? It took me hours to get ready - I even bought a new shirt as it was kind of like a date (well lunch date).
    Is 20 minutes a long enough time to to wait? Well couldn't really wait any longer since I had to be back at work by 3.
    I totally hate being stood up. I had it happen to me a couple times years back and since then, I verify with the guy an hour before the date that the date is actually going to happen. If they don't reply, then I don't risk it.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Jul 07, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    BlackLabSD saidThis happened to me five times in a row in the past six weeks! I would never do that to someone! Well they all canceled within like two hours at most of meeting. Its really annoying I was like wtf. I look forward to meeting people too. I would date you icon_smile.gif you are so cute.
    That sucks but the good thing is they at least let you know. The worst ones are those that just won't call or respond to your messages of "Where the Fuck are you?"
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 07, 2010 4:42 PM GMT
    BELLO saidyou guys you guys this is the internet you should know better,im gonna sound like a bitch but dont u have a life i don think u need to look for guys on here,me personally never i dont need that so that will never happen to me,u should of asked him to get on cam fist he was probably fake..icon_rolleyes.gif


    Have to disagree. I've met a lot of great guys online. I've met guys more specific to my taste and preferences and vice versa. Lately before anything gets too complex or lengthy I meet them soon after I chat with them online. If it is at a bar then regardless if they show up or not you still can have a fun time with your friends.

    I don't feel like I HAVE to meet guys online, I don't NEED to meet guys from online, it's just an option, especially if you don't go out that much.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 07, 2010 4:43 PM GMT
    any guy who would dump a cute guy like YOU is not worth persuing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    rnch saidany guy who would dump a cute guy like YOU is not worth persuing.


    I know, the OP is freakin adorable! I don't get it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:51 PM GMT
    As meninlove pointed out, someone being 20 minutes late can be explained by traffic or whatever, and is not that long to wait. Of course, if you are being stood up, then 20 minutes would come and go.

    But to send angry text messages after 20 minutes means you hadn't even considered that there might be a logical explanation. I would have waited till the evening to send him a text message or voice mail, and then you could have lambasted him.icon_biggrin.gif

    (By the way, for some reason, in today's culture, being on time means it's OK to be 15 minutes or more late. I think that is rude and it sucks.)

    {Addendum: hope you guys are not serious in suggesting that because the OP is good looking that it's not OK for him to be stood up, meaning that if he were not hot, it would be OK for him to be stood up.}
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    sorry buddy

    yeah alot of people are a little flaky. i hadnt dated in 2 years (liveing in bumfuck nowhere for college) jsut got back home and had 7 separate dates lined up. everyone of them either stood me up or cancled. the first one i went on that didnt stand me up turned out to have a boyfriend already. ...and he jsut wanted to get to know me so he casually didnt mention that it wasnt a date.

    ...hmm come to think of it then i technically havent had a date in over 2 years

    eh fuck it buddy. we're good looking people and we dont need someone ELS to define our happieness
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    Midas426 said
    Jimmy201001 saidI was meant to meet this guy for lunch today, waited for 20 mins and then decided to leave. I chatted to him on an internet dating site and we arranged to meet at a restaurant, picked a time and that was that.
    Just got into an internet cafe and messaged him saying I'm very angry that he hasn't turned up - I received no texts or messages telling me he might be delayed or that he wanted to call it off.

    So annoyed!!

    How can people do this? It took me hours to get ready - I even bought a new shirt as it was kind of like a date (well lunch date).
    Is 20 minutes a long enough time to to wait? Well couldn't really wait any longer since I had to be back at work by 3.
    I totally hate being stood up. I had it happen to me a couple times years back and since then, I verify with the guy an hour before the date that the date is actually going to happen. If they don't reply, then I don't risk it.


    Dude I do the same thing for the same reason... good thinking!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    BELLO saidyou guys you guys this is the internet you should know better,im gonna sound like a bitch but dont u have a life i don think u need to look for guys on here,me personally never i dont need that so that will never happen to me,u should of asked him to get on cam fist he was probably fake..icon_rolleyes.gif


    I too have to disagree with you. I have only ever dated via the internet. Most have been good, some have been bad, but I have never had the unfortunate experience of being stood up. Sorry to hear you were let down, Jimmy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 5:11 PM GMT
    BELLO saidyou guys you guys this is the internet you should know better,im gonna sound like a bitch but dont u have a life i don think u need to look for guys on here,me personally never i dont need that so that will never happen to me,u should of asked him to get on cam fist he was probably fake..icon_rolleyes.gif


    LOL, u have a point, but yeah, I still like to know whose fake or who isnt here.. people do date people on this site at times
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 07, 2010 5:11 PM GMT
    I've never had this happen in the context of "a date".. ever.
    (Thats because I've only had 1 bf and it started before I was really out.. so I've never been in this situation).. but..

    I've had other gay guys I've met socially stand me up for lunch (but only on a couple of occasions). It happened last with a guy who I was to meet at "Old Chicago" for dinner. He knew it was for a social thing (only). Nothing else.
    I gave him my cell phone number in case something came up (he had an out even). Went to Old Chicago and waited for 20 minutes. I finally texted him. His response.. "Who is this"? I told him and his comment back was,
    "I'd pay for your dinner, Chris, but your ass had better be a part of it".
    I saw him about a week later at a party and he looked kind of uncomfortable.
    A mutual friend asked me about it and confided, "he thinks you are going to hit him or something"....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    the internet sucks. it never works.

    sorry bud.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jul 07, 2010 5:21 PM GMT
    His loss, you are a hot guy Jimmy.

    I also particularly hate it when people flake since time is a precious commodity, plus you work your ass off trying to make sure you are ready and in the zone for the date.

    I want to offer some nuance of words of wisdom, but I'm still brand new at the whole dating game. You just got to keep on going.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 07, 2010 5:21 PM GMT
    On the other hand he could have been punctual, you end up dating him for awhile, moving in with him, find out he's been cheating on you for five years.

    Life is full of bullets to dodge. Yours was a pebble.