Virginity, is it really that important? need help

  • Regbial

    Posts: 14

    Jul 08, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    Ok I'm new here, hi everyone!

    now onto my issue: I came out when I was 15 (so naive), anyway, I'm 20 now and so far, no first kiss, no boyfriend, no nothing. Being gay in the place I am is really hard, it's like a small town full of nosy conservative people. People just DON'T come out of the closet here, reoutation is everything.. what I did was a big mistake. Anyway, because I live here, I am extremely lonely. I have no gay friends.

    Recently I made a profile on manhunt, and I've gotten several of people interested in me (I have a nice body and am not bad looking), but a few I am actually interested in. Truth is, I wish I didn't have to resort to it (manhunt), but I've no other choice... here, most gays really aren't into the boyfriend thing, it's more of "be discreet, have a little fun, and then it's over, let no one know and go back to your girlfriend (a beard)."

    I've gotten really depressed. I don't know if it's the loneliness, it's probably because I'm a romantic... What I wanted was to get a boyfriend in high school, and have a nice monogomous relationship, and have my first time with him. Have it be sweet, somewhat innocent, with love, etc.. But I'm just kidding myself. (I think I'm the only out guy in my high school) Years fly by, and nothing happens, not one guy a prospective boyfriend. I'm tired, I want my sexuality to give me some sort of joy, I want to enjoy it.

    Yet the whole "save it" idea always lingers in my mind. I REALLY wanna have sex, and kiss, and receive and give bjs, and cuddle and all that shit, LIVE my sexuality. But at the same time, I wanna hold that off so that it's special.. But time flies by so fast, I feel my youth just slipping through my fingers with nothing happening, I don't wanna be old and regret all these years of great sex lost (when I'm in my youth) because of the romantic illusion of saving myself when I'll probably be dissapointed.

    Not long ago I started chatting with this guy from the internet, he's really hot. But he's really only into the sex. We have spoken about meeting, thinking about it really turns me on.. But I don't really know the guy. And this guy is gonna give me my first kiss, and my first sexual… thing. I'm not sure about going all the way with him. I was thinking of just fooling around and giving him a bj (my first), still, it's being intimate for the first time with someone. What do you guys think? Is it really a big deal? what about going all the way, is that such a big deal as well? (I'd be bottoming I think)

    The guy wants to do something REAL soon (I do too, but I don't know if I should hold off). I hate being so conflicted. I want to get it over with, but at the same time I want my first time to be with someone I really care about. AARRG! just because the first time isn't special doesn't mean the others won't right?

    what do you guys think? how was your first time? is it something you think about a lot? you regret a lot? any help, advice, personal experience would be greatly appreciated icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    Sex is a basic physical need. Holding out for "Mr. Right" may work for a few people, but it's physically and mentally unhealthy to wait too long.
  • brycetippe

    Posts: 688

    Jul 08, 2010 2:47 AM GMT
    I say do what you feel is comfortable.
    If you feel that you may regret doing so in the future, just because you were impatient, then don't do it.
    I'm in the almost exact situation; Small town, conservative, only out gay guy; And I'm saving myself for Mr. Right; I'm a virgin as well.
    Don't get me wrong, I've done other stuff with guys; But mostly when I was dating them.
    Anytime I just hooked up I felt dirty, and regretted it.
    Sorry about your situation, and I think your best bet is to move!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2010 3:57 AM GMT
    Don't let anyone coerce you into anything until you feel comfortable and ready. If it is your first time, make it beautiful and memorable. Pick the best person you can and definitely someone you love and respect.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jul 08, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    No, unless you're some off in the deep end Southern Baptist or whatever.
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    Jul 08, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    For your first time, what matter is not to feel dirty after all is done.

    There are many first time : first date, first kiss, first touchings etc.....

    You don't have to do all that on the same event or with the same guy.

    I would advise you not too wait for mister right, but instead to jump in testing the water with any nice guy you meet. Nice guy, as in making you feel respected, instead of used.

    You don't want to mess up your meeting with mister right by being overly nervous and scared about sex. Sex is simple, technical, hormonal. Mister right is about emotional connexion, far more complicated. Fix the simple stuff first.

    When we are young and bath in hormones, it's hard to think with brain instead of dickhead, so it's NORMAL than most guy would want to get in your pants given a chance. The good guys, for you, will be no less horned up, but should be able to respect your well being, even if it frustrate them. If they show sign of pushing too far, just run away. Never do something you don't want to do.

    The whole 'keeping your virginity for the right one' was invented by male ruled societies to make sure girls are virgin on the wedding night, out of the fear not to be the father of the first kid. It's not romantic at all, it is a nasty way to control women sexuallity (because in practice, the same advice young men to be sexually experimented before wedding).

  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Jul 08, 2010 5:27 AM GMT

    My first time with a guy happened when I was 24. I went to a club and left with a guy to have sex. However, I've had sex with girls before that..

    I don't think back about my first time with a guy. It was terrifying at the time, sort of clumsy. Looking back, it was just the way it was supposed to be. No traumas.

    I say, just do it. You say you're horny so just go ahead and get it over with.

    If you live in a hick town, just fly to your nearest metropolitan city and go to a bar/club. Just remember to be safe, always.

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    Jul 08, 2010 6:28 AM GMT
    Regbial, do what feels natural. If you're a romantic and require emotion with sex (we're that way, too) then go get some of that. It's out there.

    You're 20. Can you not move to place that's a little more relaxed?
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    Jul 08, 2010 7:45 AM GMT
    My "first" time I was pre-teen and with my best friend. We were too young. It felt good but I didn't feel good about myself. He and I went on to data and have sex with girls. I didn't go man-on-man until I was 21. It was with my best friend I met in college and was a positive experience. We went on to have an eight year relationship. He remains a good friend years later.

    Losing your virginity isn't as important as being able to respect yourself after having done so. To act in a way contrary to your core being will only be detrimental to your psyche.
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    Jul 08, 2010 8:42 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidSex is a basic physical need. Holding out for "Mr. Right" may work for a few people, but it's physically and mentally unhealthy to wait too long.


    I haven't had sex or been intimate with anyone in 8 years, going on 9, and I haven't "imploded." I guess I'm just not that hard-up to hook-up with whomever especially since I'm quite selective with whom I would wind-up in the sack with.

    Regarding Regbial's question, I believe time will eventually give you your first kiss with that special someone who is meaningful. You don't want to look back on your first time, especially a sexual encounter, with questionable mental suppression and regret if it was with someone you didn't care for or someone who disappeared immediately after your encounter. There's no need to rush into banging a guy, or being the catcher, unless you really want to let this out of your system just because of societal influences of getting laid.

    For goodness sake: You're 20 years old!! You have SOOOOOO much ahead of you! Resorting to absolutely filthy and slutty avenues like Manhunt should not even be an option, especially where other closeted "men" are concerned! There's NOTHING wrong with listening to your conscience about "saving it." Even if you were to find yourself dating someone, don't rush into it, especially when he gives that "not tonight, but I definitely want to see you again" vibe.

    As for this hot guy you've been chatting with, I would raise my guard up. Sure, if he's hot and you two get it on, great. But if he doesn't get into contact with you afterward, don't be surprised -- he's moved on. You think you'll be able to do the same, too?

    Another suggestion I wanted to give is since you live in a small town full of nosy conservative people, you should consider moving away!! Go to where there's more open-minded folks, the big city. There you'll find a bigger support network than dealing with small-town nimrods who will attempt to make a big scandal of your sexuality while potentially shaming your family. Think about it.

  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Jul 08, 2010 8:59 AM GMT
    Regbial saidOk I'm new here, hi everyone!

    now onto my issue: I came out when I was 15 (so naive), anyway, I'm 20 now and so far, no first kiss, no boyfriend, no nothing. Being gay in the place I am is really hard, it's like a small town full of nosy conservative people. People just DON'T come out of the closet here, reoutation is everything.. what I did was a big mistake. Anyway, because I live here, I am extremely lonely. I have no gay friends.

    Recently I made a profile on manhunt, and I've gotten several of people interested in me (I have a nice body and am not bad looking), but a few I am actually interested in. Truth is, I wish I didn't have to resort to it (manhunt), but I've no other choice... here, most gays really aren't into the boyfriend thing, it's more of "be discreet, have a little fun, and then it's over, let no one know and go back to your girlfriend (a beard)."

    I've gotten really depressed. I don't know if it's the loneliness, it's probably because I'm a romantic... What I wanted was to get a boyfriend in high school, and have a nice monogomous relationship, and have my first time with him. Have it be sweet, somewhat innocent, with love, etc.. But I'm just kidding myself. (I think I'm the only out guy in my high school) Years fly by, and nothing happens, not one guy a prospective boyfriend. I'm tired, I want my sexuality to give me some sort of joy, I want to enjoy it.

    Yet the whole "save it" idea always lingers in my mind. I REALLY wanna have sex, and kiss, and receive and give bjs, and cuddle and all that shit, LIVE my sexuality. But at the same time, I wanna hold that off so that it's special.. But time flies by so fast, I feel my youth just slipping through my fingers with nothing happening, I don't wanna be old and regret all these years of great sex lost (when I'm in my youth) because of the romantic illusion of saving myself when I'll probably be dissapointed.

    Not long ago I started chatting with this guy from the internet, he's really hot. But he's really only into the sex. We have spoken about meeting, thinking about it really turns me on.. But I don't really know the guy. And this guy is gonna give me my first kiss, and my first sexual… thing. I'm not sure about going all the way with him. I was thinking of just fooling around and giving him a bj (my first), still, it's being intimate for the first time with someone. What do you guys think? Is it really a big deal? what about going all the way, is that such a big deal as well? (I'd be bottoming I think)

    The guy wants to do something REAL soon (I do too, but I don't know if I should hold off). I hate being so conflicted. I want to get it over with, but at the same time I want my first time to be with someone I really care about. AARRG! just because the first time isn't special doesn't mean the others won't right?

    what do you guys think? how was your first time? is it something you think about a lot? you regret a lot? any help, advice, personal experience would be greatly appreciated icon_smile.gif


    LAME....SORRY
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2010 10:05 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidSex is a basic physical need. Holding out for "Mr. Right" may work for a few people, but it's physically and mentally unhealthy to wait too long.


    And Mr. Right almost always ends up being Mr. Wrong.

    Regbial, I recommend you not seek your adventures on a site like Manhunt. If I were you, I'd wait until I were a bit more ... seasoned. Why not go to your local Catholic Church, or become a Wash. D.C. intern, or something like that? Anything's better than sucking Manhunt cock. Seriously.
  • Regbial

    Posts: 14

    Jul 09, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    Thanks a bunch you guys, for your advice and support. I did do something with the guy. strangely in person he wasn't as hot as I imagined. It was fun and educative to say the least, but a little dissapointing, particularly because he was kind of a geek, opposite of my expectation, but still that adds a kind of sweetness haha.

    I was shaking a lot at first, all nervous and stuff, clumsy, but then I calmed down. He was really patient, kind and very respectful. He started to go all the way but then I told him to stop. Not because it hurt (jesus some guys are so overreactive) or whatever, but because it just didn't feel right with him.

    Sex is.. well.. it was good in some ways, but in others it was lame. maybe I've just been watching too much porn. Either way, I think that when I have sex with a guy I really love, that's when it'll be "real", as stupid as it sounds. In that sense I feel I haven't lost my virginity.

    Felt somewhat relieved afterwards I guess. Like I changed, growed. The impatience and eagerness is gone, now I will be able wait for that guy patiently, and chill. No more Manhunt lol. I didn't know it was considered slutty :/.

    It was a good first I guess. Very hot. Still I will now wait for my "real" first, with emotions in play, unlike this one. icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 09, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    dude, you are way too young to be thinking about a relationship. if your town is too small then pick up and move to the city. what are you doing with your life? do you have any goals? what about aspirations? now as far as sex is concern: here is what i think you should do. i think you should meet with the guy. if he makes you feel comfortable than you go as far as you want you. if you are not comfortable going all the way then you stop. if he does make you feel comfortable than go all the way. listen, gay guys are different. most guys could care less if you are a virgin or not. what guys don't want is someone who has no sexual experience at all. this is because they want to be patient and have to wait for something that may or may not be good to them. not say that you wouldn't be but it would be awkward for you both. anyhow, get yourself experience especially with kissing.
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    Jul 10, 2010 9:17 AM GMT
    Regbial saidThanks a bunch you guys, for your advice and support. I did do something with the guy. strangely in person he wasn't as hot as I imagined. It was fun and educative to say the least, but a little dissapointing, particularly because he was kind of a geek, opposite of my expectation, but still that adds a kind of sweetness haha.

    I was shaking a lot at first, all nervous and stuff, clumsy, but then I calmed down. He was really patient, kind and very respectful. He started to go all the way but then I told him to stop. Not because it hurt (jesus some guys are so overreactive) or whatever, but because it just didn't feel right with him.

    Sex is.. well.. it was good in some ways, but in others it was lame. maybe I've just been watching too much porn. Either way, I think that when I have sex with a guy I really love, that's when it'll be "real", as stupid as it sounds. In that sense I feel I haven't lost my virginity.

    Felt somewhat relieved afterwards I guess. Like I changed, growed. The impatience and eagerness is gone, now I will be able wait for that guy patiently, and chill. No more Manhunt lol. I didn't know it was considered slutty :/.

    It was a good first I guess. Very hot. Still I will now wait for my "real" first, with emotions in play, unlike this one. icon_smile.gif


    Congratulation, it seems you did what felt right to you, and felt was is perfectly normal in those circumstances.
    There is no way to predict when sex will feel awsome, sometime you are really into a guy, and sex is lame, sometime the guy is not exactly your type, yet sex is fantastic.
    Welcome to sexually active life ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2010 9:54 AM GMT
    Knightrider, it's obvious you know more about sex than about classicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2010 10:26 AM GMT
    knightrider2009 said
    minox saidKnightrider, it's obvious you know more about sex than about classicon_rolleyes.gif


    Now why would you say that? I'm only pointing out that he changed his mind about the importance of his virginity over night, LITERALLY... Trust me, I got class icon_smile.gif Although sometimes I wonder why do I even try being polite, most of the guys on these forums don't seem to fidget over being rude or overly frank (in the way it becomes rude)


    Just that, he did not change his mind.
    His post was about the conflicting feeling he had, a fear to make a mistake whatever the path you take.
    He did choose a path, and can now move forward.

    But he should be respected for thinking before to act, you make him look as if he was a fool to follow his head before his dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2010 12:12 PM GMT
    Regbial saidOk I'm new here, hi everyone!

    now onto my issue: I came out when I was 15 (so naive), anyway, I'm 20 now and so far, no first kiss, no boyfriend, no nothing. Being gay in the place I am is really hard, it's like a small town full of nosy conservative people. People just DON'T come out of the closet here, reoutation is everything.. what I did was a big mistake. Anyway, because I live here, I am extremely lonely. I have no gay friends.

    Recently I made a profile on manhunt, and I've gotten several of people interested in me (I have a nice body and am not bad looking), but a few I am actually interested in. Truth is, I wish I didn't have to resort to it (manhunt), but I've no other choice... here, most gays really aren't into the boyfriend thing, it's more of "be discreet, have a little fun, and then it's over, let no one know and go back to your girlfriend (a beard)."

    I've gotten really depressed. I don't know if it's the loneliness, it's probably because I'm a romantic... What I wanted was to get a boyfriend in high school, and have a nice monogomous relationship, and have my first time with him. Have it be sweet, somewhat innocent, with love, etc.. But I'm just kidding myself. (I think I'm the only out guy in my high school) Years fly by, and nothing happens, not one guy a prospective boyfriend. I'm tired, I want my sexuality to give me some sort of joy, I want to enjoy it.

    Yet the whole "save it" idea always lingers in my mind. I REALLY wanna have sex, and kiss, and receive and give bjs, and cuddle and all that shit, LIVE my sexuality. But at the same time, I wanna hold that off so that it's special.. But time flies by so fast, I feel my youth just slipping through my fingers with nothing happening, I don't wanna be old and regret all these years of great sex lost (when I'm in my youth) because of the romantic illusion of saving myself when I'll probably be dissapointed.

    Not long ago I started chatting with this guy from the internet, he's really hot. But he's really only into the sex. We have spoken about meeting, thinking about it really turns me on.. But I don't really know the guy. And this guy is gonna give me my first kiss, and my first sexual… thing. I'm not sure about going all the way with him. I was thinking of just fooling around and giving him a bj (my first), still, it's being intimate for the first time with someone. What do you guys think? Is it really a big deal? what about going all the way, is that such a big deal as well? (I'd be bottoming I think)

    The guy wants to do something REAL soon (I do too, but I don't know if I should hold off). I hate being so conflicted. I want to get it over with, but at the same time I want my first time to be with someone I really care about. AARRG! just because the first time isn't special doesn't mean the others won't right?

    what do you guys think? how was your first time? is it something you think about a lot? you regret a lot? any help, advice, personal experience would be greatly appreciated icon_smile.gif





    Did you use the same silhouette pic on Manhunt that you used here? Gimie a break!
  • brycetippe

    Posts: 688

    Jul 22, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    knightrider2009 said
    brycetippe saidI say do what you feel is comfortable.
    If you feel that you may regret doing so in the future, just because you were impatient, then don't do it.
    I'm in the almost exact situation; Small town, conservative, only out gay guy; And I'm saving myself for Mr. Right; I'm a virgin as well.
    Don't get me wrong, I've done other stuff with guys; But mostly when I was dating them.
    Anytime I just hooked up I felt dirty, and regretted it.
    Sorry about your situation, and I think your best bet is to move!


    Why don't you guys just fuck each other? You are both virgins, so there is no "dirtiness" since you are maidenly pure LOL

    And I bet you could both use some twinkish action icon_razz.gif J/k

    I'l never "fuck" anyone.
    I'll make love. icon_wink.gif