Calling The Gay Bluff

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 4:47 AM GMT
    Without fail, every gay man I engage in friendly conversation with tells me of his chance encounters/flirtations with other gay men at various venues (gym, coffee shop, restaurant, etc.). Who here can, in good conscience, claim he is bombarded with guys interested in relationships or sex on a regular basis?

    I have never once had anything even remotely resembling this happen. Therefore, I am hereby calling the gay bluff. Am I right, or just a hopeless prude? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    it's the nature of my career, so i'm not a good example.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 08, 2010 6:34 AM GMT
    Pianist saidWho here can, in good conscience, claim he is bombarded with guys interested in relationships or sex on a regular basis?


    Not me. I NEVER get approached by people. Ever. Really, never ever. I'm not exaggerating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 6:37 AM GMT
    HAY GUYS NOBODY EVER HITS ON ME SO I DON'T THINK PEOPLE HIT ON ANYBODY ELSE. YOU ALL ARE JUST LIARS. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS VARIOUS EXPERIENCES AMONG HUMANS BECAUSE I TAKE MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND IMAGINE THAT EVERY GAY GUY HAS THE EXACT SAME LIFE AS ME!!!

    Pianist, I'm rarely approached unless it's at a gay bar or online, and I'm bombarded there. But normal places like the gym, library, Chipotle...almost nothing.

    Do yourself a favor: get the fuck out of Omaha if you want dudes to hit on you. I've been there. It's a middle-of-the-road small city with no gay life. Pretty relaxing city though, I'll give it that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    Maybe it's your attitude or demeanor?


    I'm friendly and will strike up a chat with anybody...and I've gotten hit on at least twice this week from 2 diff guys...at least the chat took a turn for weird with one guy, who was eating a candy bar and after asking if I have a tanline (I get very dark) he asked to see it and then stuck the Butterfinger bar way down his throat! icon_eek.gif
    icon_wink.gif

    EDIT: Not at bars, either. One was at the courthouse where I was paying taxes and the other was at a barber shop.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    Other than married men at sports venues, weddings, funerals (yes funerals), I once had a barber whisper in my ear that he was "looking for some trouble" after I made a comment that I can't get into any trouble with the law because I wouldn't be able to cross the border into Canada easily. hahaha icon_rolleyes.gif

    P.S. Never been to a gay bar, club or anything like that so I don't know what would happen there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Pianist saidWho here can, in good conscience, claim he is bombarded with guys interested in relationships or sex on a regular basis?


    Not me. I NEVER get approached by people. Ever. Really, never ever. I'm not exaggerating.


    Join the club...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    You live in Omaha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 1:29 PM GMT
    first, omaha is fine. seriously, what's with the jabs at omaha?

    second, thank you for posting. i too have friends here locally who go on endlessly about being approached all the time. FWIW, if anyone approached me out of the blue in the produce section, i would find them incredibly creepy and would have nothing to do with them.

    third, yesterday while i was waiting for some friends at an indian restaurant, a guy a couple of tables over kept looking at me. i was messing with my phone and each time i looked up, our eyes met. i guess i could brag about how this guy "hit" on me, blah blah blah...but there could be a million reasons why. maybe he wondered what the hell i was doing sitting in the middle of a lunch rush at an empty table of five. or maybe he wondered where i got my shirt. or maybe he needed somewhere to look while he was thinking. or maybe he was a horny married guy looking for some action. at any rate, he was just looking at me...no "come hither" googly eyes, no pursing the lips and beckoning me to the men's room...

    so i think it's a matter of interpretation. a couple of my gay friends are freaks and call attention to themselves all the time with drama, talking loud and flamboyant, etc. it's no wonder people stare at them...and i think they think, because people are staring at them, they are being "hit" on.

    and tell me again what living in omaha has to do with this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    rangard saidand tell me again what living in omaha has to do with this?

    I dunno, and I think the Omaha gay scene is great. I LOVE the Max, used to be acquainted with the gay couple who own it, Stosh & DC. (Do they still? Been a few years, DC had his own pub-type place named after him, right around the block) The Max has to be one of the most beautiful gay clubs in all of the US, and in fucking corn-fed Omaha, Nebraska. Go figure... So much for stereotypes, huh?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    viveutvivas said
    Bunjamon said
    Pianist saidWho here can, in good conscience, claim he is bombarded with guys interested in relationships or sex on a regular basis?


    Not me. I NEVER get approached by people. Ever. Really, never ever. I'm not exaggerating.


    Join the club...


    Really viveutvivas? never? I doubt that.

    What matters is location. If you were in a gaybar, then they'd be all over your.

    It's like showing a house, Location, Location, Location...

    If you want to get hit on, hang out in the gay area Starbucks (affectionately known as Gay-bucks in Toronto), some guy will hit on you while you wait to order a latte. Of course if you don't say "Hi", it will be all for nothing

    Jake said it best... icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Pianist saidI have never once had anything even remotely resembling this happen. Therefore, I am hereby calling the gay bluff. Am I right, or just a hopeless prude? icon_wink.gif

    I just don't know, my friend. I have in fact been hit on a lot right there in Omaha. And fucked like a bunny there (actually nearby in Council Bluffs).

    And yet I'm no prize, trust me, even 15 years ago when I came out. But what I can do is watch, study, and learn from others.

    So I studied the guys who were successful, and the guys who were not, and learned from them. One failing I quickly learned about myself was that I project a "do not touch" barrier around me, a vestige of my senior Army Officer days. It's still a good tool to have at my disposal, to use against the guys I DON'T want approaching me, but I also had to learn how to turn it off at other times.

    That took some work, and I still have problems with it, even now; 25 years is hard to undo. I fear it will always be my "default" mode that I have to constantly remember to disable. icon_sad.gif

    So what I did, when I wanted to be cruised (being rather inept at cruising others myself), was to copy what the cruised guys did. And sure enough, I got cruised like crazy.

    Among my "tricks" was arriving on a motorcycle, and being dressed in authentic leather riding gear, not the faux-biker crap some guys attempt, as if it were Halloween. I have "old" eyes, no doubt from too much sun and a drawback to my appearance, so I tend to wear sunglasses indoors. But if you're just off a bike from outside, guys will accept that look as natural.

    I realize you're unlikely to become a biker like me, but point is, exploit yourself, in whatever way works. Evaluate, make a plan, and execute. You don't simply drift along aimlessly with the current, but you set a course and follow it. I know, my military coming through, but hey, it does work, so that's my suggestion.

    And so back to your original question: yeah, I still get hit on, at several times your age, and with only a fraction of your good looks, and, I suspect, totally lacking your winning personality. You got the goods; now put them to good use. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    I usually take these claims with a grain of salt but suspect that anyone looking for sex can find it if they're willing to be indiscriminate. Same goes for relationships. Based on your profile, you don't fit that profile. Despite being very attractive being disciplined, honest, sensitive, empathetic, logical, uncompromising, independent, nonconforming, introverted and intuitive are not typically qualities sought by the indiscriminate. Don't change!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    Pianist saidWithout fail, every gay man I engage in friendly conversation with tells me of his chance encounters/flirtations with other gay men at various venues (gym, coffee shop, restaurant, etc.). Who here can, in good conscience, claim he is bombarded with guys interested in relationships or sex on a regular basis?

    I have never once had anything even remotely resembling this happen. Therefore, I am hereby calling the gay bluff. Am I right, or just a hopeless prude? icon_wink.gif


    You're right.

    Like the swish, or a certain demeanor, some gays think it's the gay identity to behave in a certain why. Many gays are completely incapable of enduring relationships at a personal level (especially closet cases and all the head fucked garbage they carry around).

    It's not you.

    As you get a bit older some of that will change. Folks mature a bit. If you're hanging out in a gay bar, though, you're going to get hit on, like it, or not; bad taste or not. I've literally smacked folks in the bar for how obnoxious they can be. Just because it's a club doesn't give them privilege to touch me, or drool on me, or hang on me. I find it extremely offensive, and have smacked folks when they don't back off.

    You just have to sort through the garbage. Life is like that. Don't waste time on folks you don't see value in. Walk on by.

    Wilton gave you some sound advice.

    Hang in there. Not every gay guy wears pumps, acts like a girl, and wants to fuck anything with two legs. Many of us are regular guys that know how to behave properly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidI usually take these claims with a grain of salt but suspect that anyone looking for sex can find it if they're willing to be indiscriminate. Same goes for relationships. Based on your profile, you don't fit that profile.

    True, but these are 2 different issues we're discussing: first, are you getting hit on, and second, how selective are you? I learned some tricks to increase my chances of getting hit on, but I also learned how to be choosy when guys took the bait. Call me a selective slut. icon_wink.gif

    Sometimes you have to cut bait and try somewhere else. But first, you've gotta develop a successful bait, yes? And that's what I was talking about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say I'm "bombarded" with offers, but I experience a respectable number of come-ons.

    I'm not sure I understand your post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:04 PM GMT
    JakeBenson saidHAY GUYS NOBODY EVER HITS ON ME SO I DON'T THINK PEOPLE HIT ON ANYBODY ELSE. YOU ALL ARE JUST LIARS. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS VARIOUS EXPERIENCES AMONG HUMANS BECAUSE I TAKE MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND IMAGINE THAT EVERY GAY GUY HAS THE EXACT SAME LIFE AS ME!!!


    My post was not about that at all. I have no doubt that it happens to many, many guys around the world every minute. I'm not jealous, and I don't feel left out or bitter. My aim is simply to gauge just how common this is while framing the post in a mildly entertaining way. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    PS: I also don't feel the need to go around telling people about my opportunities, unless the subject comes up.
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Jul 08, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    In the past year or so I've experienced an increase in people hitting on me, unfortunately it's been 90% female and 8% unrequited.

    Still I wouldn't say it happened on a regular basis...mores the pity.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jul 08, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    actually, it could be you. your friends that are telling you these tales probably act upon things such as eye contact, where you do nothing. if you want these interactions, you have to watch for the clues and make them happen. if you ask your friends for specifics i bet it's very rare someone just approached them and asked for sex, or anything that bold. your friends recognize a sign or action from a guy, then respond to it until it leads to conversation, or more, then later just say they were hit on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    Hokenshi saidIn the past year or so I've experienced an increase in people hitting on me, unfortunately it's been 90% female and 8% unrequited.

    Still I wouldn't say it happened on a regular basis...mores the pity.


    Yes, I get the female thing too. That's ok - like the song says, "Love the one you're with..."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    mtneerman saidactually, it could be you. your friends that are telling you these tales probably act upon things such as eye contact, where you do nothing. if you want these interactions, you have to watch for the clues and make them happen. if you ask your friends for specifics i bet it's very rare someone just approached them and asked for sex, or anything that bold. your friends recognize a sign or action from a guy, then respond to it until it leads to conversation, or more, then later just say they were hit on.


    That's my problem too. I don't see the clues until way after the fact, when I get my "oh yeah, he was flirting with me" moment.

    Same thing happened to me at pride this past weekend. Thought I was going to get through the whole thing without being hit on once. It wasn't until I spoke with a friend I went with yesterday, that he had a lot of his other friends asking if I was single or not.lol
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 08, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    soulman1969 said
    mtneerman saidactually, it could be you. your friends that are telling you these tales probably act upon things such as eye contact, where you do nothing. if you want these interactions, you have to watch for the clues and make them happen. if you ask your friends for specifics i bet it's very rare someone just approached them and asked for sex, or anything that bold. your friends recognize a sign or action from a guy, then respond to it until it leads to conversation, or more, then later just say they were hit on.


    That's my problem too. I don't see the clues until way after the fact, when I get my "oh yeah, he was flirting with me" moment.

    Same thing happened to me at pride this past weekend. Thought I was going to get through the whole thing without being hit on once. It wasn't until I spoke with a friend I went with yesterday, that he had a lot of his other friends asking if I was single or not.lol


    Could be a lot of reasons, but I agree some people are clueless to the signals. I'm pretty clueless and my friends are helping me out and let me know. Let's put it this way, if someone winks at me I just assume they have something in their eye.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 08, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    Oh yeah, and I do have a friend (don't we all) that thinks any interaction with a guy means they want him. Just a friendly hello and it's "did you see how that guy was coming onto me?".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 08, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    It never happens to me in public places, but it;'s a part of my job. SO yes, now men do hurl themselves at me with more fervour and more often. but its the job.