I felt better off.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    Well idk i just need to vent get some advice. I recently lost alot of weight and changed everything clothing,hair i became a new man. Secretly i hoped it would help my dating life but idk i feel lower and less attractive then when i first started this transformation. I get stood up, guys drop me cuz they feel they didnt really like me they were just horny for me....and maybe its because i wear wear my heart on my sleeve or maybe cuz im young but want something serious...idk can anyone or everyone help me cuz unlike my screen name im not feeling too cute......
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    Jul 08, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    Lol, slow down, young Jedi. When you changed yourself you forgot patience. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 08, 2010 7:19 AM GMT
    Honestly your right but why are guys jerks lol
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    Jul 08, 2010 10:33 AM GMT
    meninlove said Lol, slow down, young Jedi. When you changed yourself you forgot patience. icon_wink.gif


    cute_mex56 saidHonestly your right but why are guys jerks lol


    Listen to Yoda - "Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him you will."
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    Jul 08, 2010 11:33 AM GMT
    You're not going to like to hear this because I didn't when I was your age, but you're young. You need to slow down. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin and love yourself a little more before you can expect anybody else to love you either physically or emotionally.

    Oh, and you're cute icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 08, 2010 11:49 AM GMT
    Slow down and enjoy being 18 and (relatively) irresponsible. I'm 24 and I already wish I was 18 again, haha. And I bet in 6 years you'll be singing a different tune, because almost everyone does.
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    Jul 08, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    But i was never raised like that i dont know how to be 18 i just know how to be myself...responsible more adult like compared to others my age. I dont drink party dont do anything that my body or my mind will regret later except for date which causes me to regret things =/ ill slow down i guess go with the flow of things idk thanks guys anymore advice about being my age i can honestly use it lol
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jul 08, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    Sounds like you're dealing with a full plate. But what you're dealing with is completely normal. It can be a bit overwhelming, but yeah you've got to slow it down.

    As for the guys are jerks, yes they are. And though I think they're a bit worse at around your age because hormones are raging, I'm not sure when gay men grow out of that. Some don't, trust me. So, you have to make sure you're meeting up with the right ones. You might try meeting guys slightly older, more settled. If you want more than sex, then you probably want to avoid sex for the first few dates -- make sure your date knows you want to get to know them first so they don't have unrealistic expectations those first couple of dates, or they're going to move on quickly.

    But, you ARE cute, so that's not the problem.
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    Jul 08, 2010 5:15 PM GMT
    reppaT saidYou're not going to like to hear this because I didn't when I was your age, but you're young. You need to slow down. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin and love yourself a little more before you can expect anybody else to love you either physically or emotionally.

    Oh, and you're cute icon_wink.gif



    You're so fuckin hot in those UA jocks
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 08, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    The more attractive you become, based on standard norms of attractiveness, the more opportunities come your way for dating, relationships, and hook ups. Agreed? So, if most guys are jerks (let's face the facts, lol) then you will have a whole bunch of jerks hitting on you and trying to use you.

    But it also has increased your opportunities of meeting a great guy. You just have to weed through all the time wasters.
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    Jul 08, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    Dude, the easy explanation is the hard truth. You're 18 years old. Most guys don't know what they want yet around your age. Also, the "hotter" you make yourself, the less genunie the group will be that finds you attractive. It's a blessing and a curse. I've been a heavy guy all my life and have never had a problem finding guys I like and who like me for me.

    It's probably becuse who don't have great bodies HAVE to be nicer, and more genuine to get other people's attention. They can't just walk into a bar, pose for two seconds and walk out with the hottest guy there.

    My advice would be this: change your expecations. If you sleep with a guy, that's not grounds for an automatic callback. Don't expect it to be. I always found this to be a good rule of thumb when I was single. If I slept with a guy for the first time, and we got up and went our separate ways, even if we exchanged numbers, it never went anywhere. On the other hand, if I slept with a guy and after we woke up we went and got breakfast, hung out for a while etc., I knew there was enough chemistry for at least another date (most of the time).

    Good luck.
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    Jul 08, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    reppaT saidYou're not going to like to hear this because I didn't when I was your age, but you're young. You need to slow down. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin and love yourself a little more before you can expect anybody else to love you either physically or emotionally.

    Oh, and you're cute icon_wink.gif


    reppaT always has the best advice. This couldnt be said any better. and even when u realize it and start liveing it. its incredibly easy to go right back.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 08, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    I would agree with some of whats been said here so far. Lots to do and see and experience at 18. You look great, Take some time and just enjoy being 18.. with friends, going out. That doesn't mean you can't explore who and what you like with men.. but do it at your leisure. You've already achieved something significant.. you lost alot of weight because you chose to do it. You know what your made of and who you are. Don't let some gay guy who may or may not appreciate you cause you to question yourself.
    You have the time. Approach it all on your terms.
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    Jul 08, 2010 7:21 PM GMT
    Last year I lost a lot of weight and got in shape, really good shape. While I find that a lot more guys look at me when I walk down the street, it hasn't really translated into relationships or even dates. Not sure why. I suspect that physical appearance has a lot less to do with actual attraction than people are even willing to admit to themselves.
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    Jul 08, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    cute_mex56 saidBut i was never raised like that i dont know how to be 18 i just know how to be myself...responsible more adult like compared to others my age. I dont drink party dont do anything that my body or my mind will regret later except for date which causes me to regret things =/ ill slow down i guess go with the flow of things idk thanks guys anymore advice about being my age i can honestly use it lol


    Wait a minute. No.
    Don't "go with the flow of things." Be yourself as you wrote. If you aren't flowing with a mainstream, that's ok. You want to remain yourself, not flowing with the others just to fit in, that isn't you and you already know that. Eventually you'll find someone, just make sure you really fit together, and not because you forced yourself into a stranger's mold. No one ever knows how long it will take to find THE one. However long that may take, it will be genuine and fulfilling. A forced fit will only complicate and make matters worse.