The silent treatment...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    So...my partner and I have a friend that since Saturday has been giving us the silent treatment. He will not answer calls, text or facebook. The friend is (supposedly) a straight guy that has talked to us once every couple days for the last 2 years, even when he lived away at college. He was annoyed with our comments that night, but not in any excessive way.

    My question...how many men do you know that would act this way? I am being naive in thinking that the silent treatment is something that you grow out of in your mid-teens?
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    Jul 09, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    I think some people just don't like conflict and would rather ignore the whole situation than deal with it. Chances are he'll probably start talking to you again in a couple weeks acting like nothing happened. Hope it all works out.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 09, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    The "silent treatment" can happen at any age. I have a friend who is doing that to me right now... for what, I'm not sure. The biggest thing is that you don't make things any worse, but go on about your own life. Reach out to him, then leave it to him.

    It is a sign of immaturity. Just don't get annoyed and make it worse by making comments. Reach out and go on. If he chooses not respond, its his loss.
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    Jul 09, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    crazyboy963 said...
    He was annoyed with our comments that night, but not in any excessive way.
    ...
    I can't help but wonder what the comments were.
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    Jul 09, 2010 3:28 AM GMT


    I think it's somewhat immature but god knows I'm not the biggest grown up 365 24 7. Give the guy his space when and if he's ready to talk hear him out.
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    Jul 09, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Who does passive aggressiveness hurt?
    Everyone.
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    Jul 09, 2010 5:53 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWho does passive aggressiveness hurt?
    Everyone.


    RIGHT!
    Ugh, whatever, i'm too old for that bullshit...
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 09, 2010 5:56 AM GMT
    " He was annoyed with our comments that night, but not in any excessive way."
    ____________________________________________________
    Obviously, he was annoyed much more excessively than you realized.

    People do what works for them.
    And, shutting you guys our of his life seems to be having the desired effect.
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    Jul 09, 2010 5:57 AM GMT
    Maybe it's not a silent treatment but instead a "I need time to cool off". I know I usually do that when pissed. Either way, you've already tried reaching out so now it's all on him. Just go on with the rest of your life.
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    Jul 09, 2010 5:58 AM GMT
    The silent treatment's so high school

    mean-girls1.jpg
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    Jul 09, 2010 9:09 AM GMT
    Immature, passive aggressive behavior you shouldn't tolerate in your life. If he needs a cooling off period he should own it and tell you so. I wouldn't waste another moment worrying about him but worrying about what you said or did. You can't control other's behavior, only your own.
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    Jul 09, 2010 2:01 PM GMT
    I'm curious about what those comments were...


    -Doug
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    Jul 09, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    meninlove said I'm curious about what those comments were...

    -Doug

    Me, too. Difficult to evaluate this without knowing what was said. icon_question.gif
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    Jul 09, 2010 2:18 PM GMT
    move on adults or realk adults don't act like this. I'm of the school you want to play that game then don't speak to me ever! Life is too short for mind games! Grow a PAIR! MAN UP!
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    Jul 09, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    To you, your comments may not have been excessive but apparently to him, it was or he wouldn't have given you the silent treatment.

    Simply send him an email and ask him for an opportunity to clear up any misunderstanding that you both may have. If he still refuses, let him know that the ball is in his court and you'll welcome him when he's ready.

    Then let it go.
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    Jul 09, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThe "silent treatment" can happen at any age. I have a friend who is doing that to me right now... for what, I'm not sure. The biggest thing is that you don't make things any worse, but go on about your own life. Reach out to him, then leave it to him.

    It is a sign of immaturity. Just don't get annoyed and make it worse by making comments. Reach out and go on. If he chooses not respond, its his loss.



    Really? Please.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 09, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    The thing is that for me being on the receiving end of silent treatment from someone I care about or love is cruel and unusual punishment. It triggers enormous fears of abandonment.

    It's so much easier and less cruel and more thoughtful if someone who is angry at you simply says "...I am pissed right now. I'll talk to you in a couple of days..." or something like that.

    Just disappearing for no apparent reason is cruel.

    On the other hand, only you know what you said to the guy. If you can objectively state that whatever you said shouldn't have hurt him or angered him that much, then you are justified in being miffed or hurt. But if you said something really nasty, creepy, or offensive for any reason, then you have your answer why he distanced himself.
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    Jul 09, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    and it comes in all shapes and forms. guys just love to dish it out especially when they are not into a guy and don't have the balls to be upfront about it.
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    Jul 09, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    "The silent treatment" is kind of a sophomoric way of describing it. It implies that they're aware the whole time and feeding off of your reaction to it.

    Indifference, however, is something I use when I have to. If someone doesn't fit into my life anymore for whatever reason I don't waste anymore time or energy on them. They disappear to me.
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    Jul 10, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    Basically, we told him politely that carrying his newly-purchased-and-extremely-shiny-in-his-eyes gun as a concealed weapon to serve as his number one form of defense (even before trying to talk himself out of a situation, and also I mean "defense" and not "protection") was not the brightest of ideas. Our comments were made after he stated that my partner and I were lacking as men because we didn't know how to defend ourselves. He meant particularly with a gun, for both of us could defend ourselves quite well with our wits and body strength (although his point really did not make any sense because I was raised shooting guns, and my father even bought one for me the day I was born, but those are minor, minor details.). We made further points that both of us, without being armed, had successfully escaped dangerous situations such as my being almost mugged by two guys and my partner's being robbed at gunpoint (neither of these took place in Kansas by the way. Just wanted to let you know.), but alas, he still thought the best way to escape those situations would have been to pull out a gun and shoot the perpetrators.
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    Jul 10, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    I use the silent treatment when I know the other person will not accept my side of things and I don't want to put up with it anymore. Basically a final solution.

    You can only do so much to be friendly with someone but realistically it takes two people to get along.
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    Jul 10, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    I wouldn't worry about him if that's what you said. Not a fan of the silent treatment, I want people to be direct with me.

    If he doesn't accept your apology than I think you should make friends with someone who isn't packing a gun and doesn't think only "real men" carry guns. His comments should be offensive to you instead.

    He sounds like militia anyway.icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 10, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    To update you all...

    Ya, so my partner gave you an idea of what the conversation consisted. We were not attacking him in any real way, only trying to help him understand our thoughts. At no point did we say his owning a gun was bad; we just wanted to help him understand that it is not the solution to every confrontations or the best defensive tool. I personally feel that it would make one more of a target in a gun fight and tried to illustrate that to him.

    He did send a couple text messages last night, basically implying that he doesn't want to lose us as friends. I told him that we don't know what he is going through and will wait till he wants to open up about it.

    I am sure that this will all blow over. I just don't get how a guy would still act that way though. Are most people going to just ignore another person instead of just saying what they want and feel? Maybe I am an idealist...
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 10, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    I don't purposely give people the silent treatment, but sometimes I withdraw when I'm hurt or confused and don't know how to react. Sometimes it takes a few days. It takes a great deal for me to get angry and upset, so it is always best just to give me a little space and time to get over it myself.

    My ex would give me the silent treatment about every other weekend, I would just consider it a well deserved respite.
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    Jul 10, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    crazyboy963 saidTo update you all...

    He did send a couple text messages last night, basically implying that he doesn't want to lose us as friends. I told him that we don't know what he is going through and will wait till he wants to open up about it.

    I am sure that this will all blow over. I just don't get how a guy would still act that way though. Are most people going to just ignore another person instead of just saying what they want and feel? Maybe I am an idealist...

    What I don't get is that he replied a lot sooner than you expected and yet you're still going to question his actions? I thought you'd be happy...icon_question.gif