New Member,Looking for Insight (Warning: Many will probably find this crazy)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2010 5:55 AM GMT
    Hello all, Im new and I wasn't exactly sure where to post this, so i'll do it here. Im a guy who just turned 21 a few days ago and recently I've been trying to find myself or find out whats wrong with me. Ever since I was a child, physical atheletic male to male combat has turned me on such as football,rugby and wrestling. However,turn-ons only take place when the participating members are wearing shorts,briefs,boxers etc. with crew socks.For some reason,I have been turned on by men in crew socks (or atheletic socks that are pulled up to mid-calf) for as long as I can remember...and its the only thing that turns me on. I knew from day one this was not normal...and I've never verbally shared this with anyone, not another living person knows about this (I don't think I can bring myself to talk to a psychologist). I've always had the urge to wrestle and tussel with other males while in this attire,but I have NEVER acted on it.Obviously this is a fetish, but Im not sure if its a sexual one because the thought of any type of sexual act with a male (in socks or not) turns me completely 100% off. The only thing that turns me on is what I stated previously, but as soon as I see anything about sex or a man's penis or a nude body, little jimmy goes to a shrink. Im assuming since I'm only turned on when I picture males w/socks and the physical activity etc.It would still be considered an attraction..and that would put me in the gay category.....right? Im on this site asking this because frankly Im starting to become desperate. I figured since this was a gay jock sight someone would have some insight from either personal experience w/a fetish or from ppl they know in regards to attraction to atheletic men in certain attire etc.I don't want this message to be too long, so I'll go into more detail as comments & questions (hopefully helpful ones) develop. I tried to go to yahoo answers for help and they were all extremely immature about it. Hopefully I'll get more constructive criticism or comments here..icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 09, 2010 11:27 AM GMT
    Hey man!

    A lot of what you just described are fetishes I myself have. Seeing guys wrestle/play sports in gym shorts/underwear is a huge turn on for me to.

    I won't say there's anything wrong with you. Everyone has certain things that turn them on/off, so, just because sex with a guy doesn't turn you on, but seeing that same guy run around in athletic socks and gym shorts wrestling another guy, does, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. icon_smile.gif

    If you don't mind my asking, have you ever done anything with a guy before? I understand if you'd rather not say.
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    Jul 09, 2010 12:11 PM GMT
    No, I have never done anything with another guy.
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    Jul 09, 2010 12:24 PM GMT
    Firstly, nothing at all wrong with the fetish (if that's what it is, who needs labels?).

    Secondly, perhaps a first "experience" with another guy in the attire you describe could break down some of your barriers?

    Finally ... are you into women at all? Could be a clincher question.

    Personally, I really don't think you need a psychiatric professional at this stage (but should see one if you want to). Try chatting to guys on here about what ur into. sure thee who'll be happy to "explore" your fantasies with you virtually!

    Good luck.
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    Jul 09, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    JC1989 saidHopefully I'll get more constructive criticism or comments here..icon_smile.gif

    Fetishes are not bad in my view if they do not result in harm to others, or that lead to criminal acts. At the same time, a sexual fetish can be self-limiting, and prevent you from having many other kinds of enjoyable experiences. It's like eating the same meal every day for your entire life.

    You apparently identify yourself as gay. You need to do something with another guy, carefully & safely when you are ready, and then this whole issue might resolve itself (Edit: I see Brit Bloke wrote much the same thing while I was composing this). Right now you're dealing with speculation & imagination. Once you've actually had gay sex you may discover a whole new perspective. Or not, but at the moment this is all hypothetical and difficult to advise.

    BTW, a story: very shortly after I came out, I was at a gay bar that ran soft-porn videos on their monitors, but without sound. And one was showing what evidently involved a college wrestling team, the actors actually doing authentic wrestling moves.

    And during one match this wrestler's singlet got ripped to shreds, his balls hanging out and the other 7 or so guys laughing at him. So he stripped it off completely, and challenged his opponent to continue the match. The other guy then removed his own singlet, and they both finished in the nude.

    Then the other wrestlers decided to also strip for their own pairings. Well, I had never seen anything like that in my life, and thought it was mega-hot, me sitting at the bar stiff as a poker, barely able to resist whipping it out and jerking off right there.

    So I can understand your interest in this. But it's not my ONLY interest, just one of many things I find exciting. Again, I caution you about limiting yourself to a single thing. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you, you're just getting started and learning. I would just caution against getting detoured down a narrow street and missing other experiences. Make this your starting point for other destinations, not the whole trip, 'K?
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:06 PM GMT
    I would agree with most everyone on here... I don't think there's something wrong with you, and I personally don't think a psychologist should be brought in at this point. Try acting on some of these turn ons... get a friend (or find someone) who is willing to "act out" this fantasy and see where things go... However, never let yourself feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do... so make sure the person is respectful of that.

    Hit me up if you are so inclined to. I'd be happy to talk to you privately about anything.
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    Insight, schminsight. Here, happy hour came early for you today, have yourself a ball:

    resize?sq=500&uid=542548750
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:29 PM GMT
    At my age... I can remember going through MANY phases of things that I find a turn on. I can't even list how many I've gone through... it would take a whole page to list! I can't think of even ONE that has stuck with me for a very long time...certainly NONE for life.
    I personally don't like the word "fetish"... to me it sounds dirty or nasty. But, I know... it's the best description for what you are describing. So don't start bashing me cuz I don't like that word... and I don't like labels either, like TOP and BOTTOM. Why limit the possibilities? Be open, spontaneous, adventurous... especially at YOUR age. You have your whole life ahead of you... and you will re-invent yourself a thousand times by the time you get to be my age... and HAVE fun, but be careful, too. Not only health-wise, but protect your heart as well.
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    Talking with a professional may be of help to you. We all have thoughts that may scare us but it is simply a matter of putting things into perspective and sometimes a guiding hand and mind will help. (no pun intended). I have always been turned on by guys in tight football outfits, tight jeans, and especially speedos (I was on the swim team in high school and college). Everyone has some type of clothing that turns them on in some fashion. I even molded and stripped for 15 years and found the psychology of it very interesting. If you feel the need to talk with a professional do so. I did it when I had some trouble dealing with being gay and was told that there was nothing wrong with me and that it was just a part of the whole that makes me the individual I am.
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    I know guys very much into wrestling, MMA, etc. who love the physical contact, along with emotional intimacy, but are not into sexual acts. There's probably a wide range of relationship types that could be called "normal".
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    I don't share your fetish, but I completely understand fetishes of that nature. My fetish also does not involve sexual acts, except for masturbation.

    Sounds like your best bet is to put a very detailed description of your fetish on your profile. That way people who share it can contact you. Since I went "open" with my fetish, I've had hours and hours of muscle-worship fun...but before that, I simply thought I was a gay outcast. Turns out once you admit what you like, others will follow suit.

    Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    I agree with the others that commented on here, if you're seriously feeling any kind of confusion or frustration regarding your "fetish" it's not a bad idea to consider speaking to a counselor or therapist about it.

    I was an assistant to a sex therapist for years, and I've heard a lot about atypical sexual interests. You are not weird, and should consider, is this really a fetish, simply a turn-on, or both? There are most likely serious reasons why, and it would be in your best interest to learn more about that. You're ability to speak with someone more in-depthly would clear the confusion, as you explore the emotions tied to this obcession. Seeking a conversation with a professional will be really great for you and the future of a healthy sex life. This IS important to address, and if you got anything from your membership at RJ, I hope it's that you found comfort in knowing you're not weird, and it's OK to find a professional to talk to. Now do it, and good luck! Cheers... icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 09, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    JC1989, You're likely bisexual to a small degree. Yes you have a fetish. Because it's something different from the mainstream, it's natural for your brain to panic a little and make a mountain out of a molehill. No, I'm not insulting you, just trying to explain what people often do when faced with personal unknowns.

    You'll be just fine. Your own particular exotic turn-on trigger is rather tame compared to what a lot of straight folk get up to. For example, take a look at

    http://gloria-brame.com/

    ...and I'll finish this up with a little song from long ago.


    Be well! -Doug of meninlove

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    Jul 09, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    dude, you don't need therapy. check out www.recon.com and you'll find other like-minded dudes (who aren't necessarily into the physical aspect of their fetishes). the "sports gear" subcategory may be of particular interest to you...
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jul 09, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    Relevant questions:

    Are you sexually interested in women?
    If it turned out you were gay, how would your parents/friends/church/etc take it?

    Fetishes aren't really controllable; if anything you should be happy yours is both possible and legal, unlike the poor guys out there who are turned on by the idea of sex with a 50 foot tall woman or something equally out of reality.

    If you are turned on by women too, there's a good chance that you're at least partly bisexual. Whether or not you need to act on that will depend on how satisfied you would be not doing so. If you're not, then it's really likely that you're gay.

    The answer to the second question may have a lot to do with your loss of arousal once the guy gets naked. If you think your parents would disown you, or you'd be shunned by a religious community that matters to you, or if you friends would abandon you if you came out as gay, then you might be killing your own arousal as a defense mechanism. Quite a number of us gay guys at one time tried to convince ourselves that we weren't really gay, it was just that....we wanted to look like that guy/naked men were taboo and that was exciting/we were really bi (no offense to you truly bi guys out there, but for a decent percentage of gay guys, bi identification is merely a temporary stopover in the coming out process). It's not out of the question that at some level you'd rather not be gay, and thus are keeping yourself from fully accepting your attraction to men, and thus limiting it to only men dressed as athletes.

    It's also worth keeping in mind that what being gay means is merely a sexual attraction toward other men without a sexual attraction toward women. What form that sexual attraction takes is highly variable. Lots of people immediately conjure images of anal sex, and while many gay guys enjoy that, not all do; there are long term gay couples who never have had anal sex because that isn't something they enjoy. Merely being gay doesn't mean that you have to do any particular thing if you don't want to. Realizing that may make it easier for you.
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    Jul 09, 2010 4:51 PM GMT
    Hmmm, I noticed there's a high degree of sneaker fetishes in French porn...
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jul 10, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    I used to lose my woody when the actual possibility of sex with another man got too close - so I can identify with the conditioning that makes you lose wood around men. After all - we all learned that wood when naked in the locker was a bad thing in the eight grade - even though we all got wood when the wind blew at that age.

    It took me 30 years before I had sex with a man - even though I was turned on my them . (Don't wait that long - trust me).

    Someone else said it above. Have some contact with another man - even just light touching, don't do anything that feels creepy or repulses you. Maybe just find another equally curious dude (it won't be hard on sites like this or Adam4Adam) that just would like to sit in a room and watch each other jack off to straight, bi, fetish, or gay porn.

    Punchline - I am 46 now and I think about all the hot dick I turned down when I was younger and am so sorry about it. I am perfectly happy bi guy who still loves to have sex with a woman 80 to 90 percent of the time but won't be giving up my sucking and jack off buddies any time soon.
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    Jul 10, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    It's a fetish and it's normal. Once you are comfortable enough to put yourself out there and meet other guys you will meet guys who are similar. It's cool, no worries. As long as it doesn't involve animals or children.
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    Jul 10, 2010 3:13 AM GMT

    I think you just have to figure out for you how to enjoy what turns you on. No need for a psychologist in my opinion. Job one is to relax, go with the flow. I think at some point you'll find someone who allows you the freedom to exercise your fetish and go as far as you can for that time. I think you'll find it easy to stretch your limits as time passes.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jul 10, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    Think about the shit that really turns you on. Make a profile on a dating site and say what you're into. I'd probably let a guy beat off to my calves in soccer socks or something. You dont have to have sex with a guy if you're meeting him... just say what you're into. icon_smile.gif Good luck dude. Fetishes aren't weird. Vanilla's weird. ;)
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    Jul 10, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    JC1989 saidHello all, Im new and I wasn't exactly sure where to post this, so i'll do it here. Im a guy who just turned 21 a few days ago and recently I've been trying to find myself or find out whats wrong with me. Ever since I was a child, physical atheletic male to male combat has turned me on such as football,rugby and wrestling. However,turn-ons only take place when the participating members are wearing shorts,briefs,boxers etc. with crew socks.For some reason,I have been turned on by men in crew socks (or atheletic socks that are pulled up to mid-calf) for as long as I can remember...and its the only thing that turns me on. I knew from day one this was not normal...and I've never verbally shared this with anyone, not another living person knows about this (I don't think I can bring myself to talk to a psychologist). I've always had the urge to wrestle and tussel with other males while in this attire,but I have NEVER acted on it.Obviously this is a fetish, but Im not sure if its a sexual one because the thought of any type of sexual act with a male (in socks or not) turns me completely 100% off. The only thing that turns me on is what I stated previously, but as soon as I see anything about sex or a man's penis or a nude body, little jimmy goes to a shrink. Im assuming since I'm only turned on when I picture males w/socks and the physical activity etc.It would still be considered an attraction..and that would put me in the gay category.....right? Im on this site asking this because frankly Im starting to become desperate. I figured since this was a gay jock sight someone would have some insight from either personal experience w/a fetish or from ppl they know in regards to attraction to atheletic men in certain attire etc.I don't want this message to be too long, so I'll go into more detail as comments & questions (hopefully helpful ones) develop. I tried to go to yahoo answers for help and they were all extremely immature about it. Hopefully I'll get more constructive criticism or comments here..icon_smile.gif


    I've seen this a lot over the years in non-athletes. It's hard to have a fetish if you wrestle, or play hockey, etc. The attraction of the unattainable....

    I think the attraction is that for some folks, it's the fact that they can't or won't do it in real life that it turns them on.

    As an athlete, the skinny guy with the fetish is a huge turnoff, but, whatever works for you.
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    Jul 10, 2010 6:04 AM GMT
    Well first of all let me say thanks for the huge amount of support and insight...but to try to answer everyone's questions Im gonna try my best to break this down piece by piece....I thank you all for your responses
    Brit BlokeSecondly, perhaps a first "experience" with another guy in the attire you describe could break down some of your barriers?

    I don't know anyone currently who would do such things with me...but I do agree that if I experience it, perhaps it would help broaden my horizons
    Brit BlokeFinally ... are you into women at all?

    I am physically attracted to girls...but not sexually, my situation with females is kind of the same with men, I think about a certain girl I may have a crush on and what not..but im not at all in any way shape or form sexually aroused by them
    WiltonOnce you've actually had gay sex you may discover a whole new perspective.

    How can one have sex, if there not aroused?...the thought of any type of sex act turns me off 100%icon_confused.gif
    MSUBioNerdAre you sexually interested in women?
    If it turned out you were gay, how would your parents/friends/church/etc take it?

    Sexually, I don't think im interested in men or women...I've equally tried to picture myself engaging in sexual acts with both and neither one arouses me...at all
    MSUBioNerdIf it turned out you were gay, how would your parents/friends/church/etc take it?

    I come from a Christian background and friends...but their all relatively open minded, no one is homophobic or ignorant.I have a cousin who is openly gay and he is well accepted. So, I would have to say they would take it well, and probably wouldn't treat me any differently...I was always raised to love who I want, no matter what sex,race,religion etc.
    LanceKCwatch each other jack off to straight, bi, fetish, or gay porn

    Porn doesn't turn me on...At All...I've seen all types....it does nothing for me
    There are scenes from certain non-sexual movies that turn me on...and I guess you could say would be the equivalent of porn to me...of course these movies all revolve around contact sports...primarily football.
    twomackI think you just have to figure out for you how to enjoy what turns you on. No need for a psychologist in my opinion. Job one is to relax, go with the flow. I think at some point you'll find someone who allows you the freedom to exercise your fetish and go as far as you can for that time. I think you'll find it easy to stretch your limits as time passes
    .
    I know EXACTLY what turns me on...and it BOTHERS ME that I don't have ppl to do it with...I hope really soon that I can find ppl to excercise this with,soo I can discover weather its pent up curiousity which will break barriers once experienced and lead to other things in the future or if this is how I really am for good and thats it
    To go into a bit more detail...in all these instances CREW SOCKS with shorts etc. are involved..take away that and these scenarios turn me off
    -being in a pileup or dogpile like in football or rugby with muscular sweaty,smelly guys = ultimate fetish/fantasy...I've been turned on by the thought of this since I was little..as a result I reframed from wearing crew socks and shorts in public and played absolutely no contact sports ever...I guess it was a fear that other ppl (spectators) would be thinking like I think...recently got over this (the fear) roughly a year ago
    -a sweaty wrestling match
    ..thats about it...those are the only two things..and the second one (wrestling) usually in my mind evolves to a muti-man match that ends in a multi man pile...of course all in crew socks..this is the only thing that has ever gotten me hard ..in my life ...ever!!
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    Jul 10, 2010 6:19 AM GMT
    "what being gay means is merely a sexual attraction toward other men without a sexual attraction toward women"

    . . . merely? . . . well, where to begin? . . . this is just so wrong . . . let's just homogenize the eschaton, shall we?

    . . . no, being gay means so much more . . . it is beyond the physical and beyond conjugal logistics . . it is a stance in time, standing athwart the mundane and sorry world . . . it is an assault on inertia . . .
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    Jul 10, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    Join Globalfight.com and you will find plenty of guys with wrestling and combat fetishes - you may even find one with the exact same desires. It is a good site which you can join for free. It is predominantly gay, but there are some guys on it who identify as bi or straight.

    http://personals.globalfight.com/

  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jul 10, 2010 6:41 AM GMT
    there are MANY men with wrestling fetishes. i used to wrestle with one years ago, and at that time he had no desire whatsoever to do anything else, but he would get hard when we wrestled. he has since started doing more with men sexually. check out http://www.globalfight.com/ talk to guys in your area into wrestling and when you feel comfortable with someone act on it. feeling like your the only person like you can be rough, so the sooner you talk and meet guys with similar interests the better you will feel.