Did I Just Go on a Date?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2010 11:58 PM GMT
    I keep going back and fourth with myself over this and need some insight.

    I went out to lunch recently with a friend from school and we went to a place near my house as we live a couple of miles from each other. We payed separately. I noticed he was being chivalrous and holding doors for me, offering to clear my things away, etc... He drove me home which was nice.

    After this lunch he sent me a text saying, "Was nice to see you and to keep up the good work (with jobs, school)."

    I keep wondering if this was a freindly lunch or something else.

    Just some background info:

    He sent me an email on my birthday which totally surprised me and wrote he was going to (jokingly) "serenade me" in it. No one has sent me an email on my birthday before- the only other person who has sent me a birthday email was my aunt.

    I got some flirty vibes from him after being introduced through a friend and when we started hanging out. I told him about my plans after getting my degree he told me he "likes guys who do something with their life."

    We've had lunch on campus every week together and text each other about every week about classes, random things, etc...

    He mentioned his (ex?) girlfriend way back in the winter semester but never mentioned girls again until last month. Something about them wearing shorts in summer...

    In fact he has brought up things related to gay rights and has said the word 'gay" more times than he's said the word "girl." He even knew there was a gay rights march on campus. I didn't even know there was a march going on.

    Now, I know I attract bi and gay guys. I've developed my gaydar pretty well over the past couple of years. Spend some time with me and you'll figure out I'm gay after a while. People can tell just by looking at me (see avatar).

    Maybe he wants to be friends. Or more...? icon_confused.gif What do you guys think?
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    Jul 11, 2010 12:17 AM GMT
    It wasn't necessarily a date, but it sounds like he's certainly sending out signals. Go to a movie or dinner with him and let your leg make contact, see if he pulls away... bet he won't
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    Jul 11, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    OK, that sounds pretty straightforward to me... or may I say .. gay-forward
  • MrXanderM

    Posts: 49

    Jul 11, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    sdgman saidIt wasn't necessarily a date, but it sounds like he's certainly sending out signals. Go to a movie or dinner with him and let your leg make contact, see if he pulls away... bet he won't


    i really like that tactic! lol... it seems i'm always falling for straight guys and i find out they are purely straight in awkward ways lol..

    I don't think it was necessarily a date, but i agree with sdgman, there were certainly signals.
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    Jul 11, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    Keep going life to short
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    Jul 11, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, I was starting to drive myself crazy. I'm going to invite him out for next weekend.

    sdgman said let your leg make contact, see if he pulls away... bet he won't


    That actually happened to me in a college class two years ago. A bi guy sat worked up the courage to sit down next to me in class and shared my arm rest with me. Very smooth and very refreshing since that's never happened to me before. Touching arms during lecture= confident and sweet. I'm sure there was leg brushing but I can't remember.

    And I'm sure we looked like a gay couple but we didn't care and no one else did either. Second to eye flirting this is a great way to flirt and will eventually land a guy, especially if they have smooth skin.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 11, 2010 2:40 AM GMT
    I see you both getting drunk one night....his idea....you both having wild monkey sex...him passing out.....then him telling ya in the morning....I don't remember a thing.....all wide eyed and shit......poison gives ya a warm feeling after you swallow it...but you still end up dead....BUD
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    Jul 23, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    Went out to lunch yesterday and it felt like a date again, even sent me a text saying how nice it was to see me again an hour after he dropped me off at home.

    But I checked his facebook and it says interested in women. I should have checked that sooner. I know going the Facebook route is silly but he put it down so that's who he's interested in... icon_question.gificon_neutral.gif

    Next time I see him I'm going to come out to him and see what's going on. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything and getting my hopes up.

    Though, I need to come out in a way that doesn't freak him out or will make for an awkward situation. Thoughts?
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    Jul 23, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    Just talk about you life matter of factly. If he talks about an ex then you reciprocate, not shying away fromusing the proper pronouns or names. Are you in a gay sports league? If so maybe sports can be the topic to breech the subject. Maybe "yeah I'm in a gay softball league...we played really well in our last game...words words words". Just be up front and don't act like it's a big deal (cause it's not!) and most people won't act like it is either. Just don't hide, he'll either be into you/guys or not. It's your life, take control!
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    Jul 23, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    sdgman saidIt wasn't necessarily a date, but it sounds like he's certainly sending out signals. Go to a movie or dinner with him and let your leg make contact, see if he pulls away... bet he won't


    That is one smart advice. Thanks for sharing.
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    Jul 23, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    It was not necessarily a date, generally gay or straight you usually sent up an understanding that you will be going on a date. I have a lot of straight guy friends and we have had that discussion about chivalrous behavior. What it boils down to (I have found out through asking them) is the fact that he likes you as a friend. Him knowing you are gay in his eyes makes you less of a man and more like a woman (not saying you are not butch or that mood of thinking is correct) and something he instinctively feels he needs to protect.However it sounds like you have a good thing going so just keep being you because that is what he like from the start and over time if he is closeted eventually he will feel comfortable enough with you to come out.Just let things take it course.If you make him uncomfortable he will run!
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    Jul 23, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    RudeMech said It's your life, take control!



    totally agreed!!
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    C_J35 said...over time if he is closeted eventually he will feel comfortable enough with you to come out.Just let things take it course.If you make him uncomfortable he will run!


    I want to take control but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable. Hopefully coming out to him wouldn't make him uncomfortable and push him further back if he is closeted. To use a metaphor I feel like I'm cutting glass and trying not to shatter it.

    I'm thinking of setting up something for next weekend and possibly coming out then. It needs to be mentioned in a way like it's no big deal because it isn't. Maybe I'll come out on Facebook?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 23, 2010 4:14 AM GMT
    Ehanson said
    C_J35 said...over time if he is closeted eventually he will feel comfortable enough with you to come out.Just let things take it course.If you make him uncomfortable he will run!


    I want to take control but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable. Hopefully coming out to him wouldn't make him uncomfortable and push him further back if he is closeted. To use a metaphor I feel like I'm cutting glass without trying to shatter it.

    I'm thinking of setting up something for next weekend and possibly coming out then. It needs to be mentioned in a way like it's no big deal because it isn't. Maybe I'll come out on Facebook?


    Come out on Facebook?.....Dude....respectfully...be a man.....or like my daddy always said,"shit or get off the pot".....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:15 AM GMT
    Ehanson said
    C_J35 said...over time if he is closeted eventually he will feel comfortable enough with you to come out.Just let things take it course.If you make him uncomfortable he will run!


    I want to take control but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable. Hopefully coming out to him wouldn't make him uncomfortable and push him further back if he is closeted. To use a metaphor I feel like I'm cutting glass without trying to shatter it.

    I'm thinking of setting up something for next weekend and possibly coming out then. It needs to be mentioned in a way like it's no big deal because it isn't. Maybe I'll come out on Facebook?


    Oh... I misunderstood, I thought he already knew you were gay. I think he actually does know or at least he is pretty sure of it! Maybe he is gay and thinks your in the closet! Wouldn't that be great for you :-)
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    I think he might know I'm gay also after knowing me for about 9 months but I'll come out to him just to be sure.
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    Jul 23, 2010 7:18 PM GMT
    HI,
    Interested by your forum topic. I have caught up on what was said. My advice: Move on and treat the lunch rendez-vous as lunch between friends. Even though you are gay and he is a guy, doesn`t mean having lunch together means its a date. Gay men can have straight guy friends, whom we dine with from time to time.
    Don`t waste thought energy on this dude.
    I am picking up that you want to be in a relationship with him. What is it about him that is attracting you to him?

    Dave
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    Jul 24, 2010 5:28 PM GMT
    Thanks for your input Dave, all those things are something to keep in mind. I have my backups if I should move on.

    I still think it's best to come out to him in the next couple of weeks, friends should be honest with eachother. I have to be prepared for any kind of reaction though.

    What's attracting me to him? It could be just because he's showing interest in me but it's deeper than that. He's smart, funny, mature, patient with my being shy and is very considerate of me. More than half the traits I look for in a guy.

    It's important for me to remember there's probably a gay version of him out there if he is straight.
  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Jul 24, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    It sounds like you are working it. Hes definitely sending out signals. But dont waste your time with it.

    I had a guy that did the same thing to me. I felt like he was secretly my boyfriend. He ended up dating a girl that lived four hours away. I even tried to give up my ass one night at his house and he wouldnt get in it.

    Straight/Bi-curious guys make me want to drink. Forget him. If you easily attract all types of guys youll have no problem with attracting a gay guy who wont have to give you signals because theyll be honest!