Should I confront my children about this?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 5:12 AM GMT
    Last week I came home from work early because I promised my son we'd work on his pitching before dinner. I wasn't able to find him in the house so I went to check the shed where he sometimes hit the punching bag.

    I heard some voices inside and figured I would sneak up and try to scare him. When I peeked inside, I saw my son (12) with his pants down, I thought for a moment he was peeing or something, which was weird.

    But before I turned away I saw my daughter who is 13 also with her pants down. I didn't look long but it appeared that they were playing with their private areas while the other watched. This shocked me so I turned around and walked away.

    I know this is not acceptable behavior but also don't know if I should tell my partner. Should I confront my children about this and let my partner know, or continue pretending that I didn't see anything?

    Thanks!
  • spunkywasabi

    Posts: 126

    Jul 11, 2010 5:21 AM GMT
    oooh. that is a toughy. First a foremost, I would definitely tell your partner, if he is the understanding type and not quick to anger. Even if he is, you should find a way to bring it up to him. When the kids are away and you guys are in private. In regards to your kids, it is actually fairly common for kids to masturbate with one another. It is when they start touching that I really see it as a problem. I have heard many guys tell me that their brother(s) and them have masturbated in the same room before. I think it seems like a bigger issue because they are not the same gender and you run the risk of incest occurring. Have you talked with them about sex and masturbation before? I imagine if you haven't then this may be rather difficult to confront. Because you do not want to get it into the heads that masturbation is wrong, or even general curiosity is wrong. Just that they shouldn't be doing it together. Hope that helps/
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    Jul 11, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    *takes a double take*

    umm lets pretend that your post is actually real for a second...

    there should be punishment possible a doctor as well to teach them that this conduct isnt allowable

    also not only tell your partner but their biological mother should also know..

    .....

    i cant picutre a real parent even asking this question to be honest. im old enough to know what to do when my kids do such behavoir (if i had any) as well wouldnt need anyone to help me deal with it nor want anyones input. find out where they learn the act and explain why is so wrong.

    i could list more advice and better help to give the kids but i quite honest dont believe the post... what father walk away from his daughter doing such a act... you dont have to be straight know how to be a father...

    you sir would fail if you had kids...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 5:33 AM GMT
    Tell your partner NOW. Then, the two of you deal with the kids.

    We're assuming you and your partner are a gay couple with kids. Are we right?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 11, 2010 7:03 AM GMT
    I agree that you should tell your partner.
    And, if you haven't had the sex talk with these kids, it's WAY over due.
    They're old enough to be taught everything about sex.

    Then, I'd have a talk with them about what you witnessed.
    DON'T MAKE IT SOUND BAD OR DIRTY.
    I'd explain that all kids are curious when it comes to sex and what each other's bodies look like.
    Keep it calm, casual, and highly informational.

    I would also provide birth control for both kids.
    They're going to have sex with somebody, whether you like it or not, and whether you know it or not.
    You owe it to them to help them to keep disease free, and not pregnant until they're old enough to take on that responsibility.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 9:43 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Webster666 said[/cite]I agree that you should tell your partner.
    And, if you haven't had the sex talk with these kids, it's WAY over due.
    They're old enough to be taught everything about sex.

    Then, I'd have a talk with them about what you witnessed.
    DON'T MAKE IT SOUND BAD OR DIRTY.
    I'd explain that all kids are curious when it comes to sex and what each other's bodies look like.
    Keep it calm, casual, and highly informational.[/quote

    Yes... do not load them down with the "sex is bad, your bodies are dirty" crap that conservative america loves so much
  • Thomas757

    Posts: 260

    Jul 11, 2010 10:39 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Lostboy said

    Yes... do not load them down with the "sex is bad, your bodies are dirty" crap that conservative america loves so much[/quote]
    Thank you for saying this...as i wonder on a daily basis if people who do this ever consider how much damage they are causing.
    Wait...that requires thinking for oneself...nevermind
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:34 AM GMT
    yip - its time 4 the birds & the bees speech

    icon_biggrin.gif

    good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:39 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]knightrider2009 said[/cite]I honesly hope this is a hoax... Or a fake story, so to speak, otherwise I feel really sorry for the kids and your behaviour is worth one big fat pink PARENTING FAIL



    I guess you think having kids that turn out gay is a parenting failure too.


  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 11, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    Whether this is real or not it begs to point out that
    Children are sexual beings ... we don't get granted sexuality on our 18th birthday
    Children will be curious about their parts
    That being said like driving a car - they need the proper guidance
    and that's where a parent comes in
    as with anything that happens with you children you tell your partner
    Why would you keep this secret?
    Handling something like this is touchy because you come down hard on them they'll find it all the more taboo and think it's even more interesting
    You take them separately and discuss what it means for a boy and a girl having these new things happening to them
    and that it's very private and you don't show them to other people
    For now don't address the show and tell issue
    They should get the message
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:46 AM GMT
    your children are messed up because your gay. monkey see, monkey do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:47 AM GMT
    this sounds like a child molestation case real quick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:48 AM GMT
    Sorry, but I don't buy into this crap for one minute. I think you're just a dodgy perve.
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    Jul 11, 2010 12:02 PM GMT
    yes they are your children. You should confront them
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Jul 11, 2010 12:06 PM GMT
    This so reeks of fakeness. I hope to God that this isn't true.

    I'm going to assume you have a gay partner since you posted to a gay forum. Are your children adopted, or one of you is a biological father? In any case, this definitely requires a talking to in presence of your partner.

    This reminds me of the movie "The Dreamers".
  • twostroke

    Posts: 184

    Jul 11, 2010 12:06 PM GMT
    I DON´T THINK its parental failing nor do i think it´s because you´re gay, nor should they be punished for it. I wouldn´t make a bit issue of it either.

    I THINK I would take it as part of normal behaviour. I would tell my partner, of course. I would also try and have a chat with them about all the changes they´re getting trough.

    I would LET THEM TALK and guide them to tell you what they feel about certain issues or what one should or shouldn´t.

    DON´T MAKE A BIT ISSUE OF IT (to start with, at least).







  • twostroke

    Posts: 184

    Jul 11, 2010 12:15 PM GMT
    Furthermore I´m quite surprised by some of the comments made on this issue (invented, a pervert, they should be confronted, parental failing, child molesting...., etc, etc.)

    I´m really surprised although maybe I shouldn´t be -one hears and reads so much about the deep rooted religious "mormonism" in the ,suposedly, 21st century US. -no offence intended-
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    Jul 11, 2010 12:18 PM GMT
    LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    twostroke saidFurthermore I´m quite surprised by some of the comments made on this issue (invented, a pervert, they should be confronted, parental failing, child molesting...., etc, etc.)

    I´m really surprised although maybe I shouldn´t be -one hears and reads so much about the deep rooted religious "mormonism" in the ,suposedly, 21st century US. -no offence intended-


    I'm pretty much crazily left wing and generally open minded about everything. There's just something not quite right about this post. Why would you ask around here? It's the only post this guy has ever written. And would you really want to "go public" on an issue like this, given that the societal norms you speak of are pretty much common knowledge.

    I suggest you empoy the intuition that most "lefties" tend to have.

    Maybe it's just common sense here.

    It's all just a bit dodge.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 11, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    I would agree a serious conversation is in order. Most kids that age explore.
    I'd approach it lovingly and talk about it.. never to leave them with the idea they did anything "wrong", but whats up with sexual behavior and the ramifications.
    I think the emphasis should be on "lovingly" not on "doing something wrong".
    The word "confront" isn't appropriate.

    That could haunt them for the rest of their lives.
  • twostroke

    Posts: 184

    Jul 11, 2010 12:30 PM GMT
    Brit Bloke.

    Even if it were invented in this case, the case itself can happen (as I´m sure it does) and it´s interesting to see how people would handle the situation.

    I find it an interesting issue even if it were hypothetically.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    I can't say whether the OP is legitimate or not, but kids have been "playing doctor" for as long as I can remember. I suppose the creepy part here is the brother & sister aspect (biological?) but that happens, too.

    In fact, I did something similar with my own sister when I was around 9 or 10, out of curiosity. I think it was a result of my beginning to explore the big home medical book that I would sneak out of a book cabinet. It had lots of anatomical illustrations, and I suspect I was just "verifying" my discoveries in it. I didn't need to do the same thing with neighborhood boys my age because we were all nude together often enough as it was, from skinny dipping, camping and sleep-overs.

    And I did get caught with my sister in my bedroom by our mother, and I recall she got mad and chased her off. I can't remember her exact words, but I think she may have said it was "dirty" which was her standard response to anything of a sexual nature.

    But at 13 & 12 this sort of thing does need to be stopped between siblings. Yet don't be surprised if it continues with their friends. I remember very clearly an 8th grade house party when I was 13, where the girls organized a "boner" game away from our adult chaperones. They claimed they could get us boys to tent our pants when they pressed us in the stomach a certain way. And remember, this is 1962, the girls all wearing sorta cocktail dresses, the boys in jackets, many with ties.

    I failed, BTW, but the other guys who lined up for their stomach poke all responded favorably, I think more from being already turned-on rather than from any magic touch the girls used. And one girl took a guy to another part of the house for a private demonstration, where she could see the results in the flesh.

    She was the same one a teacher had almost caught giving a blow-job to a boy on school grounds behind a garage. He claimed she would "take it down" (swallow) which made the other boys want to get with her, too, but only one ever said he succeeded. But I wasn't even sure about the swallow statement, since he had the smallest & least developed equipment among us, like a little boy, as I knew from the jerk-off contests we'd have when camping, and I never saw him manage to shoot.

    So yeah, these 2 kids are ripe to explore their emerging sexuality, and time for the Dads to decide how to handle it. Because if we were doing all this and more way back in 1962, almost as bad as in the Porky's movie, imagine what they're up to today. That's why I gave my own 2 sons the "talk" when each was about 11.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jul 11, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    U need to speak to ur children about the perils of what they've done!


    They have disgraced u and ur family!
    They have brought shame to u. U must kill them icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    As a father of 3 sons...you definitely talk to your partner if that partner is living with you and is actively part of the kids lives as a "parent".

    Regardless of the partner/parent issues, the parents MUST talk to the kids.
    This isn't about some religiously/politically based notion of "right vs wrong" or the "shame of sex being dirty " or the "body is naughty"...nothing like that.
    Didn't we all live through some version of this?
    (If you had to "come out" as a gay man, you at some point in your childhood were told that men don't sleep with men and men don't kiss men, and that men only marry women....don't burden the kids with that religious and politically motivated crap...They will get enough of that from the media and society..)
    Instead, give the kids the sex talk, with lots of information.
    Let them, ENCOURAGE THEM, to ask questions..and don't make anything off limits for questions. Use simple illustrations, or anatomical dolls, or paper and crayons...but communicate! Obviously they must know that there are consequences in society for certain sexual acts, their are legal prohibitions and laws that govern some acts and relations. They need to know the mechanics of sex, the anatomy of sex, diseases and problems of bad hygiene and irresponsible sex...what molestation, incest and rape are, etc...
    Children are doing what kids have historically always done...they "explore and test"....they need to know more information, it is how we as a species learn. If the parents and schools aren't providing the information and the chance to ask their wildest questions, they will talk to their peers, or the internet or compare notes in person with their friends and playmates, etc.
    Responsible parenting is not easy, comfortable nor simple. It is a challenge. As a parent, you have to step into difficult situations and be the advocate, protector, teacher, disciplinarian and role model for your kids.......Is it any wonder most parents abdicate these roles to the government and public "hero's"? This is not so much a "gay" question, as it is a "parenting" question....If the parents are not that strong or well versed in their parenting skills, then the parents need to admit that weakness and consult trusted professional help, from teachers, doctors, psychologists, etc.

    As a personal example...with the advent of the internet, porn has become almost ubiquitous...
    Over the years, I have walked in on each of my sons at different times, with one hand surfing the web and the other hand in his pants masturbating....(sound like any one here?..LOL!) The boys were embarrassed of course, as was I. I would quietly walk out of the room and later had a conversation with each of them privately about what was going on. We would have an information and Q/A session....not a real comfortable situation for either of us but it was the responsible parenting thing to do.....NOW after all of that, my sons all know that they can talk to me and ask me anything....to this day, my 25 year old and 18 year old sons will still ask me sexual questions....the 15 year old is a bit more shy...

    If this thread is a "real" situation or not. is not all that important....being a mature and responsible parent and handling it appropriately IS important for ANY parent...gay straight, biological, adoptive, foster...etc..
    GOOD LUCK!
    Sporty_G
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    Jul 11, 2010 7:52 PM GMT
    I have no issue at all with kids playing "doctors and nurses" (as we tend to call it - what's with Americans calling it "doctor"? Are you all gay or just very PC/pro-equal opps?) ...

    Aaaaaanyhoo ....

    I very much enjoyed playing "rudies" as a kid, with males and females.

    But never with my sister.

    Maybe cos she's five years younger than me?

    Still think a parent would be loathe to ask about the topic on a forum like this and doubt its authenticity.

    Many, if not all kids play rudies. They just don't usually get caught.