It's been 12 years.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    Since I broke up with my first BF after I moved to California.

    Recently, he and I have become 'friends' on crapbook (ugh my new name for facebook). I'm breaking up with that thing very soon.

    Anyways, I was the one that broke up with him and since this last week we have hung out 3 times. My feelings are starting to come back for him and he actually kissed me first as well during one of our lunch times together.

    I was young, and probably very stupid for breaking it off with him long ago, I'm older, and (hopefully) wiser that maybe we could make it work this time.

    Anyone? Anyone... Bueller... Have some of you gone through this?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    It's been almost 15 years since I broke up with my first bf. There's no way in hell I'd take him back, but my situation is different: My life is in order and stable with a career, etc. He's been in and out of jail, in and out of rehab, and constantly on probation since I left him...no hopes or signs of a career or stable life. That's just not the direction I'd want my life to go.

    Then again, I wouldn't take back ANY of my ex's because none of them are compatible in bed with me. I only dated them because I lived in a small area with little to choose from.

    As for your case, if his life is still going in the direction you want your life to go, there should be nothing holding you back from being with him again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    I have an ex I would consider getting back together with if the situation were right. We live across the country from each other.

    Treat it like something new. If the old reasons you broke up start rearing it's (their) ugly head again, then that will confirm that you were right all along.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:21 PM GMT

    If you feel like you've grown and can contribute something different than what you did previous...go for it. However how he has grown and what he can contribute to the success of a relationship is yet to be seen. proceed w/ caution
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    Yes.. thanks for all this.

    He shared with me today that... he was talking to his mom the other day, and he said..."Mom... guess who I ran into after so many years...."..and without a stutter, his mom said my first AND last name on the first try.

    He was amazed.. I guess I made a good impression on her, or ... hmm.

    I'm smiling...
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 11, 2010 11:41 PM GMT
    Listen, I think you should try it. What do you have to lose. I mean he obviously love you and you falling him again. I see no reason why shouldn't give a go. I mean you said you were older and wiser so I think now you can appreciate what you had now.
    I think it is great that he is still interested in you. Most guys would not want anything from someone who broke up with them. Dude, he is a keeper and I think you take it slow but definitely try and see if you can make it work. I think it is worth it.
    Take it from someone who has thrown in the towel. Try and see if you can make it work. I am currently looking for a monastery to join. ha ha ha ha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    Awwwww.. cute icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 12, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    It is kind of cute. Take him on face value. Go out and do stuff, go on hikes, etc. Have fun as friends. If he's had all these issues, he probably needs some low-impact, no-strings childlike fun. You could be a very positive influence on him in his life, regardless of anything else that happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    Go for it. You have feelings for him, obviously. Follow your heart, young Skywalker.

    icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 12, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    Im usually am advocate against going backwards but if he kissed you and you feel okay about it then give it a shot.

    Hopefully it'll work and those feelings you had when you first broke it off don't return.

    Best wishes!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2010 3:12 AM GMT
    The good feelings are, it was just like we never were apart for that long. We were able to laugh at one another's quirkynesses, jokes, phrases..

    He has certainly done a lot for himself.
    He did P90X last year, and is going to re-do it again this year. I told him I would do it with him.. Did I just sign up for a big challenge? I have read about the P90X success stories on here as well.

    Taking it slow. Taking it real slow.

    Thanks for the continued responses.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    Go for it. Even if you both realize you're better off as friends, you'll have your answer.

    I thought for a long time what would I do if I had the chance to get back with my ex, much less speak to him again.

    A while back, I spotted him coming off the train, as I was getting on. I first hesitated to say anything, but decided if I didn't, I'd always wonder what would have happened.

    I got off the train, said hello, he did as well. I asked him if we could talk, he bluntly said no and walked off. Got my answer.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    Well I said I would update this as necessary... The update is, I was not able to meet with him last week as he was really busy wrapping up a project he has been working on at work.

    Then, it was pride weekend here in San Diego. I needed to stay out of the sun as I had CO2 DOT laser resurfacing done 2 days ago, and sun exposure would have not allowed the nurse to use a higher power setting during the procedures. So it was staying in and watching movies and playing 'where's the ball' in an 800sq feet condo with the dogs.

    Now the laser treatment is done, I look like a drag queen without makeup and vaseline spread all over her face for the last few days and I can really see great results. (If anyone wants to ask about its benefits, send me a message, and I'll send pictures)..

    So, last night I called him (ex of 12 years), and he was happy to get my call, and he may have this Friday off, they work 9 - 80's (don't know how that works, but ok). He may be available for lunch or just come over and chill out. He has seen me at my worse before, so what is a little red and puffy this time.

    I'm very much looking forward to seeing him, and telling him how I feel. I think the added time in not telling him has added to the foundation of feelings.

    I know I wont be able to give him much more than just a quick peck on the lips as I may slime him with the goop that I have to wear to keep the skin moist where the laser went (hairline to chin, and ear to ear).

    More later...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    9/80. You work 9 hours a day instead of 8 hours, then you get every other Friday off. It's great!

    You and he have certainly both changed after 12 years. Give it another try but take it slow.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:15 PM GMT
    Thanks... I worked 10-11 hours each day for a while, and I didn't get days off 'during the week'... Ahh..Salary... hmm oh well.

    Thanks yes.... I'm looking forward to talking with him. I have many options happening for me right now (not just relationship wise) and he is a big part of my thoughts....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    This sounds promising! I say give it a go! Sounds very sweet, and if it works out it would be a great story for the kids, and grandkids. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 11:34 PM GMT
    I broke up with my first love 30 years ago. Never saw her again.
    But last week, heard about her and her about me, we shall meet sometime.
    No way for it to go further than friendly meeting, but I had dreams about her for more than 20 years (even sexual dreams) ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    Here's a little song for you. We think Mr Adams (the performer) has some idea of how you feel. icon_wink.gif



    I've been down - I've been beat
    I've been so tired - that I could not speak
    I've been so lost that I could not see
    I wanted things that were out of reach
    Then I found you and you helped me through
    yeah you showed me what to do
    And that's why I'm comin' back to you... yeah

    Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean
    That's how your love will take me home back to you
    And if I wish upon that star - someday I'll be where you are
    I know that day is coming soon - yeah, I'm coming back to you.

    You've been alone, but ya did not show it
    You've been in pain, but I did not know it
    Let me do what I needed to - you were there when I needed you
    Mighta let you down, mighta messed you round
    but ya never changed your point of view
    and that's why I'm comin' back to you... yeah

    Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean
    That's how your love will take me home back to you
    And if I wish upon that star - someday I'll be where you are
    I know that day is coming soon - yeah, I'm coming back to you.

    Mighta let you down, mighta messed you round
    but ya never changed your point of view
    and that's why I'm comin' back to you... yeah

    Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean
    That's how your love will take me home back to you
    And if I wish upon that star - someday I'll be where you are
    And I know that day is coming soon - oooh, I'm coming back to you.

    I'm coming back to you
    I'm coming back to you
    I'm coming back to you
    That day is coming soon

    I'm coming back to you....... yeah
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    Posts: 7190

    Jul 24, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    awww cute

    12 years and ur rekindling ur love.
    I mean, maybe it's in the stars that u 2 were meant to be together.
    U just needed to grow up a little bit, I dunno.

    U should def find out.
    Good luck. I wanna report back in 3 months how EVERYTHING is going.
    omg, love is in the air!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    Well.. I did it.

    I told him exactly how I was feeling.
    He came back and said, life is a Journey. He too has made some mistakes in his life.

    (that is the short version).

    I had to leave on a business trip to Austin for this week, and he said to touch base with him when I get back. He is dealing with a large project at work (wrapping it up) and moving onto the next thing at work.

    I will take it slow and I sorta feel like the ball is in his court.

    UGH..MEN!

    icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 27, 2010 1:58 AM GMT
    Sounds intriguing indeed..... my comment.. take it slow, both of you aren't the same people you were 12 years ago, lots of life experiences since 1998.
    Don't fall in love with the memory, make sure you are the same page in 2010.

    Good luck with it!
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jul 27, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    Ball is a game. Get off the court, get off the dime, and tell him that he's more important that work to you at the moment, and find the time to spend some quality time with him.

    You're too old and too smart and learned too much to play games. Respect his timidity, granted, but really - if you want to call him from Austin, then call him.
    If you want to send flowers to his office while you're away, to say "hope you get through the project without too much stress - thinking of you" then do it.

    Stop with balls and courts and games and get to the point - you're feeling something old made new again, and this time with a perspective that hopefully has taught you the value of taking risks, and not playing it safe - or playing anything.

    XO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    Thanks.

    Sometimes it is hard to stay with the present and not think about how he was in the past, as well as myself.

    1998 was a different decade and millenium all in its own.

    Thanks for the comments!
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jul 27, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    LOL....oh, I have to laugh, because I posted before Kansan did, and here you have a CLASSIC example of two polar approaches. WOWicon_lol.gif

    I'm a deep end cannon ball diver, and Kansan, he's a test the water, check the ph and step slowly down into the shallow end while keeping an eye on the weather guy.

    They both work. It's true. Just be true to who you are and how you feel, don't take advice from either of us if it doesn't feel like "you".

    And Kansan...man, I love you!
    xo
    MCB
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    Ex-es are ex-es for a reason, if you start seeing each other again, you're gonna break up cuz of the same reason that u broke up for in the first place, (ok that was a long sentence lol) so move on!