What if he just can't find the words to say "I love you".

  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 12, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    I am not talking about a guy who you met..um....recently.
    But lets say someone with whom you have been exclusively emotionally tied to ....for a while.

    He might be able to say:

    "xoxoxoxo"

    He might be able to call you his "soulmate".

    He might write you poems, he might even write you songs.

    But he just can't find the words to say ...."I love you."

    Deal breaker or no?



    My answer is forthcoming, I just wanted to get some responses first before rocking the boat.


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    Jul 12, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    Only you can decide how important those 3 little words are for you.

    But actions speak way louder than words. If you feel loved the line shouldn't matter so much anymore. Boyfriend and I almost never say it, but it's how we treat each other that tells the other that he's loved.

    so, not a deal-breaker for me.
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    Jul 12, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    bernd saidOnly you can decide how important those 3 little words are for you.

    But actions speak way louder than words. If you feel loved the line shouldn't matter so much anymore. Boyfriend and I almost never say it, but it's how we treat each other that tells the other that he's loved.

    so, not a deal-breaker for me.




    This: wise and poetic.
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    Jul 12, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Dealbreaker.
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    Jul 12, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    If you need to hear those three little words, your love should feel joy in saying them.

    ...and then there's this:





    -us
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    Jul 12, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    Saying "I love you" is quite easy for me, if I love the person.
    I even tell my straight friends I love them.
    But then again, I don't confuse love with lust, and they know that.
    For me to say "I love you" in a relationship is nothing more than saying it to other people I love. Unfortunately, my ex's hated that. They wanted my exclusive love, as though I'm not supposed to love anyone else. That's part of the reason they're now ex's. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 12, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    Any liar can say, "I love you!" What does that mean? And don't abusive spouses usually say those three magical words after they've given a good beatdown?

    I agree with bernd, it's all about how you treat the person.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 12, 2010 3:26 AM GMT
    Note from the Op:

    Interesting responses one and all. Here are my thoughts:

    Though action does speak loud, I don't agree that it necessarily speaks louder than words. Saying "I love you" takes courage I think. When you say it to someone for the first time (talking of someone you have a relationship with) you have to be prepared for the answer.
    There is a good chance it might not be "I love you too.".

    I have found myself in the past saying "I love you"....just to hear it back.
    Now if I were to say "I love you" it would be because I love the person I am saying it to. Period.

    But what are the chances that two people come to the conclusion that they have fallen "in love" at the very same time?
    Maybe I can say those words easier than someone I am establishing a relationship with. Perhaps he might say them first...and I may not be ready to say them back.

    I think of "I love you" as I think of a marriage ceremony, a ring, or of any commitment between two people.

    Is it a deal breaker for me if a guy cannot say the words "I love you"?
    No.
    Hopefully it is an example of him being honest with me which is far more important than someone saying something....just to say it. The fact is-
    He just may not love me.
    Or.....
    He just may not love me....yet.

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    Jul 12, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidSaying "I love you" is quite easy for me, if I love the person.
    I even tell my straight friends I love them.
    But then again, I don't confuse love with lust, and they know that.
    For me to say "I love you" in a relationship is nothing more than saying it to other people I love. Unfortunately, my ex's hated that. They wanted my exclusive love, as though I'm not supposed to love anyone else. That's part of the reason they're now ex's. icon_biggrin.gif


    We resonate on this point, Paul. Also, I have a new urgency in telling all of the people in my whom I love, that "I love them". Recently, my father's health has declined sharply. It's nothing for anybody to be sad about. He's 82, he's lived a full long life, and he is content and at peace whether he lives another 20 years or another 20 minutes. My immediate family has been blessed in that we have already said "I Love You" across the years and with actions, not just words.

    Like you, Paul, I also tell my friends, and even some colleagues, "My brother/sister, I love you very much". I tell them in a way that both lets them know how much I am grateful for them sharing their lives with me, and at the same time making sure that my statement is not confused with lust.

    My message to all of you from the lessons I have learned is to tell those whom you love that you love them...while you still can. And, for those persons who may be distant from us for one reason or another, just "leave some kind of door open". Tell them you love them, even if you do not get a reply or a response.

    Do it for yourself.

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan

    P.S. I love ALL of you...yes, even you SouthBeach.
    icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 12, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    silverfox1 saidI am not talking about a guy who you met..um....recently.
    But lets say someone with whom you have been exclusively emotionally tied to ....for a while.
    He might be able to say:
    "xoxoxoxo"
    He might be able to call you his "soulmate".
    He might write you poems, he might even write you songs.
    But he just can't find the words to say ...."I love you."
    Deal breaker or no?

    My answer is forthcoming, I just wanted to get some responses first before rocking the boat.


    There are many shades/degrees of love, with its' possible levels of progressions.
    "Someone with whom you have been exclusively emotionally tied to ....for a while" already means that there already is love at some level. I don't see where any deal breaking can come in then. Saying "I love you" always takes some time. Some people may say it on the first 'date' - making it worthless IMO. Not vocalizing it when they are already is an established exclusive emotional tie is something to explore together without making one's partner feel uncomfortable. A person is an assemblage of feelings, thoughts and actions. One shouldn't shove preconceived slogans, or feel despair due to one's partner's pace of opening up.