Gay Forums - All Things Gay - I have it all but I am not fulfilled.

I have it all but I am not fulfilled.

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Jul 12, 2010 7:20 AM GMT

I don't know where else to rant about this.

I'm 27, gay, and still live in one of my parents houses. I've never had a job in my life, don't have a license, as I never needed a car (as I've always been chauffeured around everywhere), and I've never been guided or forced to do anything with my life. I graduated from a private catholic school, never cared to attend college so I didn't, and 9 years later here I am still living in my parent's beach house doing nothing really except enjoying my day by the pool or by the beach.

Since I'm alone practically all the time, me, the maids, and chef hang out a lot. They're practically my only friends, but they too don't understand my desire to now get on my own when I have everything here for me.

My days are quite easy as there's 3 maids, a chef, limo service, etc.. that are on the resort this house is located on, and they are hired solely to do everything for me so I don't need to do anything at all.

I've never had a work ethic instilled in me by my parents, as they are never around, and never had the time to spend with me. I guess I've used that as my excuse for so long, but it is what it is.

My parents both have been occupied with their jobs since I was born. I was basically passed off to the nanny and maids that work under them, and that's how it's always been. I honestly only see my parents 1-2 times a year because they never like to come to the islands, so I am always here by myself. I am only flown out to see them usually during Christmas or for my Birthday.

I basically have just been able to do what I want for this many years. So I've done practically nothing at all to establish myself or find out who I am and what I'm made of, as an individual outside of my family. I don't have any brothers or sisters, and have never met anyone else in my family as they're dead or my parent's haven't kept in touch.

I feel like my life is just getting started and I'm way behind everyone else in my age group. I don't even know where to begin as I have no one I can relate too. I guess I'm just wondering where do I go from here? How do I come out of my parents shadow into my own at my age?

I've tried making real friends outside of the maids and chef, but it's always the same story, once people see how much wealth my family has, they try to extort money out of me so I've always learned not to trust anyone. Also I live on a island people basically just come to, to vacation, and then leave.

I really want to do something with my life but I don't even feel guided or like I have a purpose to do anything. I just have a strong urge to experience something more than this. What would you do if you were in a similar circumstance as me? Thank you.

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Jul 12, 2010 7:24 AM GMT

Move to Los Angeles, let me have sex with you many times, and buy me computer equipment. That will make you happy.

No seriously if you're not really a troll, you're not fulfilled because you are in the same place which creates monotony. Go travel to different cultures. Visit poor people who need help so you can feel bad about being a lazy fag with lots of money.

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Webster666

Posts: 9225

Jul 12, 2010 7:36 AM GMT

Isn't there a site exclusively for millionaires who are looking for other millionaires ? Seriously.

Actually, you're lucky to have practically endless options, without the financial constraints which most people suffer. The problem is that you seem to be isolated. Perhaps your parents would help you acquire a place to live in a major city.

You might check out some college web sites to see what courses they offer.
There has to be some subject(s) that would spark your interest and lead to an enjoyable hobby or career.

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Jul 12, 2010 7:44 AM GMT

once, there was this guy, and he preferred pepsi two to one over coke.

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Jul 12, 2010 7:54 AM GMT

JandM said

I'm 27, gay, and still live in one of my parents houses.

I lost interest at the end of this sentence. In the unlikely event that you are real. here is your answer, though you probably don´t have the balls to do it:

Learn to drive. Then chose something you want to study (college, cooking, how to be a car mechanic, massage, whatever), move somewhere you can study it, and get a small flat there, but move away from the island. Don´t flash your wealth around, complete something and then get a job (even if it doesn´t pay the rent). You have ennui (if you are real) because you have done nothing with your life and are incapable of looking after yourself.

College etc will put you in contact with lots of people and give you something to do. This is the best advice you will get. Our sympathy has now dried up.

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GQjock

Posts: 11649

Jul 12, 2010 10:24 AM GMT

I'll have what he just said

Get away from your parent's influence
Find a city or a college that you like
Live fairly modestly so you won't attract the wrong kind of attention
and live your life for yourself
Find something you like to do and do it

Use the tools that you have .... if your parents are wealthy that means
money won't be an issue

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mtneerman

Posts: 476

Jul 12, 2010 10:34 AM GMT

volunteer you time for charities or social work. don't let people know your rich. take your maids and chef with you.

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Jul 12, 2010 10:53 AM GMT

In short, get off your ass, grow a pair, and contribute something to society. Your parents have done you no favors by their treatment of you. I, too, come from money, and my parents worked us all hard as kids and beyond to instill some sanity about it, and a strong work ethic. And I think as a whole, we're pretty well-adjusted as a result, and close to our parents and each other.

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Jul 12, 2010 11:13 AM GMT

Wow, so I guess it's true that money really doesn't buy you happiness!

Haven't got much to add to what has already been said. What I would do in your situation:

1. Travel - if I had endless wealth I would love to explore all the different countries and cultures I could, meet loads of new people and have unforgettable experiences.

2. Move to a place where there's a bit more going on and join clubs, societies etc so you can make friends!

3. Learn how to do things - if you don't know how to cook, clean etc then ask your maids and chef to teach you!

4. Hire a personal trainer and get an awesome body

5. Find out what you are interested in and see where it could lead. Money is a ticket to so much, when it's not a problem there are no barriers to what you could do if you put your mind to it.

I can appreciate with your background that you might not know how to dig yourself out of this rut but at least you sound like you want to! Now go and make some changes in your life and quit whining

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Jul 12, 2010 11:39 AM GMT

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jlly_rnchr

Posts: 1759

Jul 12, 2010 11:57 AM GMT

Money's not an issue?

If I were you, I'd go to school. Learn something I'm passionate about.

And move off the damn island if you're so friggin' rich.

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HndsmKansan

Posts: 16412

Jul 12, 2010 12:08 PM GMT

Basically what you are saying is, you don't have any challenges in your life.. nothing really to live for. I don't mean (in any way) that you don't want to live, but what I'm saying is you missing that challenge to life. You've developed nothing that is yours, no real achievements, no plans, no thrills... it sounds like no "highs or lows". You didn't even name any really good experiences that you cherish thus far in your life.

Nothing wrong with you being "guarded" because of your family background, but you really have to begin to cultivate your interests and education. I'd start with things that you find interesting. You must have things you'd like to explore.
Ask some questions, do some reading. Get additional education. If not that than consider something business related.
Like hot men's swimwear? Consider buying a swimwear company, but you'd have to determine if its a prudent expenditure. You might have to employ business specialists to determine if it's prudent... (just a simple example) It could be anything.

Think about this: Are you going to be 50 years old someday and have not explored who you really are? If you are disenchanted now, imagine how you will feel someday if you didn't life a finger to discover what life's challenges are all about.

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Jul 12, 2010 12:23 PM GMT

A good friend of mine came from a family that was part of the original owners of Coca Cola, and was set for life. He still went to college, then law school and started practicing law to prove to himself he "was not a bum". In his case, he found that his malpractice insurance would be so costly because of his deep pockets, that it made no sense to practice. (He could have continued practicing, obviously able to afford the insurance, but it kind of soured him on doing something that a negative cash flow.) What he started doing is managing his investments full time, getting up early each day, going to his home office.

As others have suggested, you need to learn to drive, enroll in a college, start learning new things that will hopefully point you in some direction. You can't do anything about the past, but you've got years ahead to accomplish something.

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Jul 12, 2010 12:28 PM GMT

Plenty of rich people live productive lives. Go to school. Help others. Now!

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Jul 12, 2010 12:33 PM GMT

hmmmm... an "Arthur" redoux, except the island here isn't Manhattan. But even Arthur could drive a car; because it can be entertaining in itself, even if not essential for transportation. I attended private prep schools, where many of my classmates arrived by limousine, but as soon as they were old enough to drive they'd start showing up in Ferraris and other exotica. Driving a lovely, high-powered sports car is just plain fun. That never appealed to you?

Also odd is the lack of parental interest in your future. Most usually want their children to have some involvement in their family concerns, especially in a case of having only 1 heir. But this complete disinterest is very unusual.

I also know some "trust fund kids" (though some approaching middle age, not at all kids anymore) who don't have to work, either, but they manage to keep themselves pretty busy. If nothing else they do the social scene, which can include charity events & worthwhile community involvement. And do lots of travel.

I know one who puts up money to produce art films, many with gay themes. I know another (and used to date him) whose passion is art, so he's got an enormous collection, and he sits on the boards & committees for more museums, galleries, theatres, and cultural entities than you can count. Dating him was a challenge, because he would have several of these meetings a week, and other functions to attend, and I'd get more use out my tuxedo tagging along with him than I ever had before in my life. (That pic of me here in the iPhone was taken for a party with one of his social groups)

Believe me, you can keep more busy than you can imagine, if you want. Don't your parents set such an example for you? You're certainly old enough to socialize on your own. Do you control any money yourself, or are you entirely on an allowance?

Even if your financial leash is short, I would present a proposal to your parents outlining your desire to engage in some meaningful activities, and request they help to underwrite them. That would likely require your moving to an urban center for at least part of the year, ideally a gay-friendly one. You might need the assistance of a private secretary or personal manager, especially initially. Your parents may be able to advise you about engaging one. But staying on the islands as a beachcomber, even a wealthy one, will likely not resolve the issues you have presented here, and break the cycle of personal inactivity.

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calibro

Posts: 8888

Jul 12, 2010 12:40 PM GMT

if you have no photos, no profile, just joined the site, and wrote a ridiculous thread, then you're a troll who creates multiple accounts just to pass the day by posing stupid scenarios.

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Jul 12, 2010 12:45 PM GMT

calibro saidif you have no photos, no profile, just joined the site, and wrote a ridiculous thread, then you're a troll who creates multiple accounts just to pass the day by posing stupid scenarios.

Ditto

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Jul 12, 2010 12:49 PM GMT

Even though you have the opportunity to do many and or all things most folks cant, there still MUST be things in life that excite you. Or at least interest you. Specific hobbies or activities. Why not focus on them? Maybe turn the hobby into a small part time job, obviously not focusing on the money. Doing it soley for fun! Absorb yourself in the things you love the most! You have the the convinience of doing these things to the fullest my friend. Maximize on them and enjoy!

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Jul 12, 2010 1:53 PM GMT

Dude, you remind me of one of my buddies at the airport...somewhat. All he ever does is go boating (or flying) to the islands, fishing, airboating in the everglades, etc. etc. etc. The only difference is he owns and drives his own toys (airplanes, boats, airboats, etc.) Oh and sometimes he bitches about having to outrun pirates because they want his boat and loot.

I'd suggest you open your own business. Then you can create your own income stream and separate yourself from your parents' financial chains. It will also give you the opportunity to meet new people who already have their own wealth (or are working on getting it) instead of trying to take yours.

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Jul 12, 2010 1:55 PM GMT

What would I do?

Just what I did. I was downsized in '02, received a separation package ($$$) and began a personal exploration of who and what Doug is all about. I wrote. I volunteered in community work. I discovered volunteer palliative care and it altered my life for the better.

While I'm tempted to give you all kinds of advice, there's an old saying that you can't help a chick to hatch, so instead I've told what I did.

-Doug of meninlove

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Jul 12, 2010 2:16 PM GMT

Wilton saidhmmmm... an "Arthur" redoux,....

I was thinking more along this line:

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Jul 12, 2010 2:17 PM GMT

[quote][cite]cold said[/cite]
Lostboy said
JandM said

I'm 27, gay, and still live in one of my parents houses.

I lost interest at the end of this sentence....

I thought the exact same thing.

When ya have to say you're GAY on a gay website, it raises a red troll flag. I just stopped reading.

I have to say, lately, RealJock must be the place to post "character development" projects for high school creative writing class!

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Jul 12, 2010 2:20 PM GMT

I kinda get where you're coming from. When money isn't much of an issue then you kinda fall into the "why should i do anything" frame of mind, and certain parents take so much pride in "providing for their family" that the prospect of you moving out on your own is almost offensive to them....which feeds into the whole "why should i do anything" psyche.

I guess my motivation stemmed from the realization that i have the resources available to actually help people and do some semblance of good in the world...if i can combine that with a decent education and proper intentions, then there is alot of good to be done with this life you've been given. I mean of course, there's also the fact that while mommy and daddy's wealth is a good cushion to have just in case the shit hits the fan, you need to forge your own identity and build a life and lifestyle that's truly your own, (regardless of how relatively meager it may be) rather than on loan from the bank of mom and dad...so you'll want to make some sort of a living for yourself, but since the primary motivation isn't the student loans to pay, the rent thats due, or where the next meal is going to come from, the opportunity has been presented to you to do truly great (or at least really really good) things and letting that opportunity go to waste will be sad. At the end, its kinda a waste of a life if all you're going to do is sit around and spend someone else's money.

Have the conversation with your parents...they might be receptive to it, or if they're like mines, they'll take it as a persona attack, be all drama about it then figure it out on their own and come to. Either way, you choice is between having a meaningless existence and an existence where you get to die knowing that you made a difference....choose wisely

Btw...i'm still not 100 percent that the OP is for real, but i figured i'd put my 2 cents in if it helps

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Jul 12, 2010 2:31 PM GMT

I knew a girl like that. What she did was join the service. i spoke with her one time. she told me that even though her parents were rich. they did all the work to get to that point. even though they spoiled her. she in turn wanted to prove to herself and to her parent that she was more than a "rich couple's daughter"
so she joined the army. every now and then they do stuff for her but for the most part she earns her money and works her ass off. she even became soldier of the year i believe, last time we spoke. i had to go to promotion board the same time as her. she maxed it out. a very smart girl.

look at what your parents did to get that lifestyle. if they had to work hard to get it. then emulate that hard work. but you have to do some soul searching to find ur own way. to even discover the drive to wanna find your own way. the fact that you are having these concerns are reason enough to go out there and find your way. u obviously want something substantial to make ur life mean something. so welcome to the world bro...its not much but it all we joe schmo's have out here.

my mama used to tell me that u dont know what you got till u dont have it anymore. so try comin back to main land and make it with out help. a bit extreme. but it will teach a lil work ethic. its tiring, taxing, and will stress you out, life is not always a cake walk. you wanna learn humility, go to a 3rd world country and live as they live, eat as they eat. you cant fully appreciate the good without experiencing the bad. all the things you wanna learn. put yourself n situations where you have to learn those things. and then apply them to you life. so that you get a better understanding of what those things are. ive learned and il be 27 this year. from my experiences in the army, before it got soft. they broke me down to my lowest level, and then built me back up. in essence you have to do the same but to yourself.

good luck on the rebirth!
CP

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Jul 12, 2010 2:41 PM GMT

Get out and travel. See how the world really is. Use a back back and not a chauffeur. Find a friend who has some street smarts to go with you because you have led a sheltered life.

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I have it all but I am not fulfilled.