my first one night stand

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2008 9:36 PM GMT
    I feel worse than dog shit today i just found out today that the guy i was courting with wanted nothing but sex. Not that sex is a bad thing but i put all my eggs into one basket. He seemed perfect everything about him was right for me and two nights ago when he was here i couldn't help myself I wanted to make love with the man i had fallen in love with so quickly. I let the l word slip out the other day when i got high and so i opened up that can of worms he didn't so much as call me yesterday and now i feel like a useless slut. Nobody has ever done that to me and now somebody has. I was an emotional trainwreck yesterday when he didn't call and then i missed his phonecall this morning because i fell asleep. I woke up tried calling him back and he never answered . I was talking to him earlier this afternoon on myspace and he basically admitted that it was just a one night stand. I felt literally sick to my stomache threw up and continued to converse and I never cry for anybody and i cried for him. This was our conversation earlier.

    I'm "should i go blond again?"

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 12:09 PM


    i guess

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 12:08 PM


    hell no i'm never a one night stand. i guess your my first?

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 12:05 PM


    oone night stands

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 12:01 PM


    my what?

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:59 AM


    busy......look im not gonna give you the list of what im going through right now....not that i wouldnt ....but im not in the mood....you know.....one night stand...your trying to tell me you havent had yours?

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:53 AM


    how busy were you yesterday? did something happen with your mother again? I know you aren't as social as I am but how does making one or two phonecalls hurt. I practically felt like a one night stand man.

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:45 AM


    not at all......

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:41 AM


    ...from doing what you need to get done for school work and everything else am I?

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:28 AM


    IT HAS TO DO WITH ...PASSION...ACTING.....JOB.....BILLS....WORK.....AND WITH THAT BEING SAID.....WE SHOULD SLOW IT UP A BIT....YA HEARD.....

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:25 AM


    I'm in the fog let me out of this fog

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:23 AM


    I DONT EXPECT YOU TO.....

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:22 AM


    I can't say I understand honestly. What happened yesterday?

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: NALDO......
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:21 AM


    HEY.....WHATS UP....MY APOLOGY BOUT YESTERDAY....BUT I GOT CAUGHT UP.....I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I NEED SOMETIME FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW.....I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

    ----------------- Original Message -----------------
    From: Should I go blonde again?
    Date: Feb 9, 2008 11:18 AM


    If i simply took the bus over to the library to go see you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    i think you are in love. You sure he's in love with you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2008 10:08 PM GMT
    I know he's not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2008 10:09 PM GMT
    I was in a such situation ...not exactly, a guy who was a one night stand.. I wanted more .. but he didn't ..
    his attitude was similar to that guy you were with when I talked to him the next day , I guess you gotta move on ..I know how painful it is to waste the first time (or first kiss) on someone like this ..
    but I'm sure that you'll find someone way better than him someday ...

    In my story I was the one who got cought .. my dad called me on phone while I was in the middle .. I couldn't think of an excuse why i'm so late so I told him the truth (which was a mistake..) .. hmm..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2008 10:41 PM GMT
    didn't have to deal with parents. I live on my own.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Feb 10, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that this guy isn't who you thought he was, and the relationship didn't turn out the way you hoped it would.

    It's a sad fact that the world is full of people like this. I'm not saying one-night-stands are a bad thing, what's bad is that these people hide their true intentions.

    I've never understood why guys put so much time and energy into one-night-stands like this. If you need to get laid, hit a bar or a hook-up site. Why spend days/weeks working some guy just for a few hours of fun?

    I know you let yourself develop feelings for this guy, but you know that he's not the only guy out there, a better one's going to come along in no time.
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Feb 10, 2008 3:14 AM GMT
    I just found about this concept yesterday -- Limerence -- it's a concept psychologist Dorothy Tennov named to describe the whole process of infatuation, all its various aspects.

    This is a great read and I think very relevant to what you are going through.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

    It was an incredibly enlightening read to me, not because I'm unfamiliar with all those phases, but just the way she puts it all together. In particular I love this quote:

    "Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty."

    I'd argue you're right in the throes of it -- the uncertainty makes you anxious, you have the intrusive thoughts she mentions, etc. But I'd argue that you pushed too far too fast with the other guy, and so removed all the uncertainty, so destroying the limerence for him.

    It makes a lot of sense to me -- the delicate balance of courtship is the balance of both sides maintaining that hope and uncertainty simultaneously.

    It's really easy for one guy to eliminate all uncertainty for the other guy, as I'd posit you may have done to this guy, and it comes crashing down; he loses interest which only drives you mad with craving and anxiety.

    Totally great read, an awesome concept. I came across the term reading this book, The Erotic Mind, which is a very good book, albeit written a little more self-helpy than I'd like. Arousal, by Michael Bader, is another good one, although more explicitly about sex.

    I think understanding the many aspects of limerence help because when you feel the urge to go overboard on communication because you're all anxious, it becomes easier to step back and chill out and not make it all tumble down.

    Anyway, sorry you feel like crap. If it's any consolation I think I may have just done something similar to a guy I kinda liked just yesterday. One text message too many = open mouth, insert foot. It totally stings, because you end up feeling both totally insecure and also like a jerkoff.

    Oh well, you'll find someone new & better. Take care. icon_smile.gif
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Feb 10, 2008 3:14 AM GMT
    Err, here's a real link:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 3:23 AM GMT
    I've never done a one night stand before, and never will willingly. I understand the emotion of this though. If he wants something different than you, then get far away from him. Dont sleep with him again....
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Feb 10, 2008 3:33 AM GMT
    Learn from it.

    That's all you can do.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 3:58 AM GMT
    Never before was i making love to somebody that i felt was loving me back at the same time. I invested my heart into him and that's probably worse than investing in the market. He crushed me. He was so good at everything too I have never been with somebody that could match my skills in the bedroom. He love foreplay as much as i did and he seemed like such a romantic hearthrob. I guess he's just another gay player. I still want him though. I feel like stlkerish without the actual stalking.icon_eek.gif
    I am never a sad person and today I am after years of boosting my own confidence and self esteem he seems to have grabbed most of it along with my heart leaving me naked and raped of what little pride i had.icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    Shit happens.

    Plunge forward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 4:31 AM GMT
    Alexander89 I am sorry this happened and you got hurt, it is one of the hard lessons I think we all learn at one time or another, guys we have feelings for don't always feel the same way.

    When I was single and I met a guy in which there was mutual sexual attraction I tried to come to some sort of understanding with him before the sex whether he was interested in a relationship, just sex, or a fuck buddy arrangement. It sounds kind of unromantic but there are fewer hurt feelings all around.

    What you described is why I was never keen on casual sex, I either felt used afterwards or felt I had used the guy, either way I didn't feel great usually.icon_cry.gif There were periods in my late 20's where I could have become a monk I was so asexual!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 6:04 AM GMT
    Alex, charge it to experience. Sorry for your hurt feelings, you will get over it. Keep your values intact. Your use of the word "courting" speaks volumes of you.
    I remember a line in the movie "Vanilla Sky" when the character of Cameron Diaz was yelling (in anger) "When you fuck somebody, your body makes a promise!"
    That sort of got stuck in my head and I thought the writer was brilliant. x
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Feb 10, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    After years of playing the "one nite stand" games with
    HUNDREDS of men from USA to Australia, I have learn the way of playing the games. Enjoy sex as it is, now. Tommorrow he probably do not even remember you anymore. Some sexual encounter are so romantic that its hard to believe he is not at least attracted to me. But I just being realistic. What do you expect , a one nite stand that lead to a happy ending love, ever after. It a cruel world out there. A lot of gay men are into it for the fun only.

    Here and there I make a mistake of getting infactuated, but for most of the time, I know better that to entertain any ideas of falling in love with any hook up I pick on the street.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 6:50 AM GMT
    he wasn't just some hook up i found on the street. We met last spring semester at my college when i was still with carlos.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 6:55 AM GMT
    that's why i don't cross the borderline between friendship and romance... landmines ahead!
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Feb 10, 2008 7:07 AM GMT
    barf.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 7:25 AM GMT

    I know exactly how you feel and so most of the guys here ..
    I guess the majority of us was in a similar situation or close to .. you can't keep crying forever.. get over it, it was a great sexual experience ..
    but what he did to you wasn't good.. just get over him cuz he didn't worth it..

    You can't do much I guess.. maybe try to tell him your feelings so you can close the last binding of this story ... as long as this story is opened you'll still be stuck in the confusion ,crying , longing part ..

    It'll just go with the time .. you'll meet better guys and have better experiences..icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 8:55 AM GMT
    He's a jerk. You're better off without him. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 10:23 AM GMT
    Sedative14 saidHe's a jerk. You're better off without him. icon_wink.gif


    THANKS MANicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 11:18 AM GMT
    yeah, lots of rainbow fish in the seaicon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 1:09 PM GMT
    Learn from it, next time If you really like the guy, see just how much he likes you. Take your time before give him your body.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    Well at least i didn't let him past 3rd base.icon_neutral.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 10, 2008 2:06 PM GMT
    I know when the people that you put your trust in and open up to don't live up to what you believed them to be but...
    that's what is was
    you believed him to be something that he wasn't
    Yeah these things do hurt but you learned something about him
    and about yourself....

    try not to jump to conclusions about people too soon