Having a great first date; Ie: he talks about going to places together or watching movies at his big screen tv with his frineds or bringing his dogs to your house to play with your dog.....and you have a great good evening kisses.....( Was invited to dinner at the one guys house)

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    Jun 01, 2007 11:56 PM GMT
    and even the next day you get an email and about a nice evening blah blah blah.....

    and then the guy never tries to connect with you again.....

    this has happenend to me twice this year.

    And another thing, when I spoke to these guys before the first date...they always used the word "babe" when they ended the converstaions.

    Both these guys were very close to my age, so their ""youth" had nothing to do with it. Both were professional guys...and I mean professional...not closeted, home owners, well traveled, athletic, no ex wife or kids. We weren't drunk or on drugs.

    Seems like a lenghty set up...but just wanted to get most of the "facts" out.

    ANd you guys know when a date "clicks" and these clicked.

    I had a 11 year ltr...so I know when something clicks.

    Ok guys.....lay it on me..... Tell me what's up.
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    Jun 02, 2007 12:45 AM GMT
    How about we try a date?
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    Jun 02, 2007 1:05 AM GMT
    Oh, maybe they did not call you back cause you are not verified on this site.
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    Jun 02, 2007 1:10 AM GMT
    lol
    I am verified
    but did not meet them on here.
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    Jun 02, 2007 9:53 AM GMT
    hes just not that into you
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    Jun 02, 2007 1:45 PM GMT
    some guys just come off as personal people and seem to connect with anyone maybe, or they don't wanna offend you and misled you into a false sense that every thing's going fine....or they're just arseholes, it's seems that it's their problem mate 'cos you seem to have your head on straight

    it happened to me once, wasn't nice but it was only one date so it didn't get to me that much, but you do wonder.....lol beginning of a new relationship's different to a 11 year one though
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    Jun 02, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
    Well, generally if someone wants to see you again, they will make it happen. Trying to figure out another person's behavior will only drive you nuts and waste time. I do admit, though, his actions are rude and he showed bad form, but when you are single, you encounter this kind of thing a lot.

    Once more: if he wanted to see you again, he'd be pursuing you. That doesn't seem to be the case here, but it happens all the time, and life goes on. Now you could move on and start looking for someone who actually returns your calls.
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    Jun 02, 2007 6:47 PM GMT
    Have to agree with owl975. Crappy as it sounds.... he`s just not that into you.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jun 02, 2007 8:19 PM GMT
    I'm having to agree with a couple of the other wise posters here. He isn't that into you.

    Listen, men are cowards when it comes to telling the truth, and will lie if they think it's what you want to hear and if it's easier for them.

    Don't take it personally, you look fit in your pics and have had a long relationship, so obviously you have what it takes to make things work. So it'll happen again with someone worthy of you.

    The guys a jerk and you can do better.

    Cheers

    Loz
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    Jun 02, 2007 9:02 PM GMT
    Speaking from my personal experiences here in the "sheltered" heartland. Most of the "professionals" I have met here are scared to commit to anything because of a fear it may lead to career ramifications. Let's face it, some of us can be "out" at our jobs and our co-workers have no problem. But, for some who are self-employed or in a partnership (lawyer, physician, etc.), being gay can cause loss of business by the "narrow minded" community.
    I had a relation with a guy in real estate a few years ago. He broke it off for fear of being "outed" to his clients. A few years later, he was outed and he business suffered as a result. I don't think he is in real estate today.
    Now, this may not be true for you, but I have had a few dates that "clicked" and I was sure something more would come about. My response to why not has been along the lines of, "you are a really great guy, but ..." usually something like not ready to explore a long term relationship, not emotionally prepared or, my personal favorite, what if my co-workers found out.
    Long story short, you seem like a great guy and chances are you are better off not going through the frustration of a relationship with some one who will just not be "in" the same place (mentally, spiritually or psychologically) you.

    Just my 2 cents... scotty
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    Jun 02, 2007 11:46 PM GMT
    I know guys complain about NSA hookups but they avoid fake dates like this one. And some good clean honest sex can at least develop into something more. All you got was an ingenuine kiss.
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    Jun 03, 2007 1:34 AM GMT
    Thanks guys,

    The "babe" part thru me off.

    Guess I gotta be ready for that one next time.
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    Jun 03, 2007 11:57 AM GMT
    I guess that it did'nt connect for him. Once, I had a strange date with a nice guy. He invited me for dinner, I spent the night at his place and everything... He asked me for another date then 2 days later, I received an e-mail saying that the date was over because I was going to fast ?! D'Oh ! He was the one chasing me ?! I never heard from him again.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 03, 2007 2:46 PM GMT
    Maybe the good night kiss didn't click??
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    Jun 03, 2007 5:26 PM GMT
    kiss clicked...
    He emailed me the next day.....and was ready for the next weekend to go out.


    none of you guys said anything about the "babe"

    It's just that it's weird how 2 different guys...during the long date talked about going places together... how we would travel well....and or go biking or to the beach....kind of not just general talk...but THEY said such...

    I'll be more AWARE next time. LOL





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2007 5:34 PM GMT
    Hey Leanathleticdc....

    Well, you live and learn.

    First, the guy was rude because he undoubtedly knew he was leading you on or at least encouraging you a bit.

    But, second, he was probably "on the fence" about continuing with you to begin with, for some reason, and I don't believe it had anything to do with a kiss that "didn't click". (Good grief, does it all come down to whether a kiss clicked...geez!!).

    Maybe he was 60/40 as opposed to 80/20 etc. Then he realized he was getting in too deep.

    Or....

    ...he was a chicken shit, and always knew that e wasn' that interested. And he thought that stringing you out would let you down gently.

    But, as I said to begin with, you live and learn.
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Jun 03, 2007 9:12 PM GMT
    Intimacy issues.... pretty simple. you don't won't to be with someone who obviously has issues. especially at this level. There are too many that i have experienced as well. you are not alone. They are alot of talk but no action and moving to fast, talking about making travel plans on first date is way too fast. First BIG RED FLAG! Run...run very far away!!!!

    apply a little of "The Secret"....attact healthy availble men... think what you do want, not what you don't want. Also a good book for setting boundiers is "If the Buddha Dated" and Joe's Kort book..www.joekort.com.

    all is well!!!

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    Jun 04, 2007 12:24 AM GMT
    i'll admit that i have behaved something like your date before. It was not to be ingenuine though. I found myself in the position of having to entertain my date who was too quiet. I also had to project a fun, optomistic, personality to keep the date going so that took talking about past exciting experiences and painting a picture of fun times to come. Its sort of a ploy that he could have jumped into at any time to make those projections come true but he didn't. i had to do all the work. Some times when i meet up with young guys its really bad and i feel like i'm the tv and their sitting back watching. that too passive for me.
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    Jun 04, 2007 12:36 AM GMT
    in regard to the "babe" comment, don't take that too seriously..

    i refer to ALL guys as "nene, baby, papi, etc."...cute little terms..they don't mean i like you really. that's just how i refer to guys lol.

    so, they probaby meant it in the same way.

    ~sP
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    Jun 06, 2007 11:31 PM GMT
    Sometimes when I talk too much about the past and present I find myself discussing the future. I, however, have no true intentions of seeing those future realities. I mean if I did, it would be great, but I'm not hurt if I don't. From childhood I adopted an if it happens it happens if doesn't it doesn't mentality. I think sometimes I just naturally assume that men know that it isn't a 50 percent guarantee no matter what we discuss. Anything can happen at anytime.

    I mean I usually see older guys and I just assume that they are experienced enough to know that talk is talk and reality is reality. If I'm just meeting someone I could decide at any moment that they don't fit me and those future ideas won't take place. What I mean is they aren't future plans, they're just discussions. Talk, things meant to discuss, a way of accessing possibilities and so on.

    I know this usually only occurs with people who after liking so much I realize make way better friends than lovers. But at least I have the balls to speak up and say so. Honesty is always the best policy in my book. He's just not that much into you. Maybe he was trying to consider from the beginning if you were a possibility or not, and decided after that night that you weren't. He should have just manned up and told you though rather than avoiding you.
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    Jun 09, 2007 10:57 PM GMT
    I wouldn't assume he's into into you. Before I met my partner, I was dating a lot, and right before, I dated a really nice guy that I liked a lot. But then I met someone I quickly fell in love with, and I stopped contacting the ones I dated (although if they contacted me I explained that I was seeing someone exclusively). I figured if they didn't contact me, there was no point in calling them just to tell them I wouldn't be seeing them.

    Other possibilities are that he's conflicted about being gay, is cheating, or for some other reason decided not to see you. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you-- even if you are the hottest guy on earth, you can't help some of the guys out there who just aren't ready for a serious person.

    Or he might not be into you.
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    Jun 10, 2007 4:22 AM GMT
    Babe..ha good word babe! Ha! When I've listed my profile on diff sites I'm AWAYS very specific b/c I KNOW alot of guys are not into what I am.
    Yet I get guys wnating to meet me. I met one guy who said he was REALLy, REALLY into my music scene and hoe great it would be to meet another guy like that. He said he was also a published author and blah blah blah.
    When we finally met not only was he not anything like he said/I pictured he was also very BORING and barely talked that I couldn't imagine why he responded to me on DudesNude. When we left he said he was gonna go get dinner. It was very weird. He then sent me an email saying we didn't click. I was like...McFLY! WHY ON EARTH did you even contact me?!!!! I don't know what this guy saw in my profile there that made him think he should contact me and when he did he obv. upped his interests to mine. Because he didn't know anything really about why he contacted me.
    Case in point....Sometimes people think they'll like you and it doesn't work out. Sounds like it sukked more in yr case but hey u tried. You'll find someone better for you eventually I hope!
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    Jun 11, 2007 2:55 AM GMT
    A lot of us have experienced the 'weird' date aftermath when it seemed like a good deal when it happened. I take my advice from a Madonna song (I know) which resonates no matter what the circumstances:

    "If you have to ask more than once or twice, it wasn't worth the asking for in the first place"

    This one line puts every pursuit in perspective I think. What do you guys think?
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    Jun 11, 2007 3:22 PM GMT
    dont ask me, same senario's here as well. Just keep going on, thats my motto!
    I think alot of guys are in love with the idea of dating but when push come to shove they have an attention span of a 2 year old.
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    Jun 13, 2007 3:15 AM GMT
    Don't worry, I've moved on.
    Actually had a great date on sunday...and he emailed me on Monday and we're going out again on Saturday...

    and btw...

    we did frottage in underwear only....

    btw.... we had the exact same pair of underwear on. :)P