People say you have all - But you still miss something.

  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 15, 2010 8:35 AM GMT
    Does it happen with u?
    Im saying this cause i am feeling so lost and sad.
    I have all a normal person wants but i feel like ''c'mon, what's up with me? Why i can't consider myself a happy person? Why always tears in my eyes? Why i feel like i am about to fall in love and love never comes?''

    One more painfull topic/sorry/ . Writing this shit crying, thinking of giving up(?-why not?), day by day it's the same damn thing. I know people, i deal with people, i make people like me but it doesn't mean i like them... And then i see myself alone, listening to romantic songs from the 80's just wanting some attention and maybe a honest hug.

    To all my RJ friends, thanx for the support but i'm needing a time for myself, maybe to stop and find what's going on in this cold heart right here.
    Cya someday guys.
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 15, 2010 9:02 AM GMT
    HEY COLD, THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU. tHANKS FOR YOUR MESSENGE, U CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED IT.

    I decided to pick my car and travel. I even don't know where i am going but ahhhh damn, i will find a solution. Thnx
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    Jul 15, 2010 12:34 PM GMT
    I wish I could empathize, but I was 21 when I came out of the closet and moved in with my first boyfriend. The only reason I did that was to move out of my parents' house...not because I loved the guy (moved in with him the same day we met, out of convenience). But the sex was fun; and the fact that it was a fully open relationship was even funner...I told him up front that I'd been sheltered way too long and wasn't ready to settle down with one guy.

    The funny part is I'm still that way. I'd still rather be "happily single" and have fwb's on the side. I guess being raised as a loner has its advantages when it comes to relationships, because I've never felt the "need" to have someone in my life. The only relationships I ever had were only because I lived in a small area with very little to choose from, and took what I could get.

    However, I do hope you can pull out of your slump. Learning to be happy by yourself is definitely an acquired skill, but it's possible. icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 15, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    don't let chucky read this...
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    Jul 15, 2010 1:08 PM GMT
    I think it's in our psyche to always search for happiness, even when we want to turn that switch off for a second.

    I can relate with what you feel. With me I find it helps to give yourself a task, something feasible. Try to develop a (positive) habit, something to take energy away from what you lack to what you're trying to learn. For me, it was organizing the messy desk, put all my things in order around the apartment, heck i even used a filing cabinet... I swore that I would put "neat" and "tidy" into my daily habits, but I'm still working on that. It has funneled some attention into that(developing a habit, that is) and not so much into why I'm not happy with who I'm with and what I can do to improve that, or if it's even possible to improve.

    ...try it out. Lemme know how it goes.

    cheers
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    Jul 15, 2010 1:13 PM GMT
    WRESTLINGGUY saidHEY COLD, THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU. tHANKS FOR YOUR MESSENGE, U CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED IT.

    I decided to pick my car and travel. I even don't know where i am going but ahhhh damn, i will find a solution. Thnx


    Come to my island man icon_smile.gif No kidding! http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1035661

    And yeah, its funny to read this today, yesterday was my birthday and I had the worst day ever, I mean it.... from the moment it started and before that, I got depressed, felt useless, felt like life was useless, like yeah SHITE.... I didnt actually start feeling really better till this morning, long after the birthday was over....

    Some days are just plain shit, some days are better... sun and rain for me... dont know if that helps, just trying to relate here mate

    Bit hug, either way, of course I know it doesnt replace a physical hug, but a mind-one anyway.... feel better, ok?
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    Jul 15, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    WRESTLINGGUY saidDoes it happen with u?
    Im saying this cause i am feeling so lost and sad.
    I have all a normal person wants but i feel like ''c'mon, what's up with me? Why i can't consider myself a happy person? Why always tears in my eyes? Why i feel like i am about to fall in love and love never comes?''

    One more painfull topic/sorry/ . Writing this shit crying, thinking of giving up(?-why not?), day by day it's the same damn thing. I know people, i deal with people, i make people like me but it doesn't mean i like them... And then i see myself alone, listening to romantic songs from the 80's just wanting some attention and maybe a honest hug.

    To all my RJ friends, thanx for the support but i'm needing a time for myself, maybe to stop and find what's going on in this cold heart right here.
    Cya someday guys.


    Hey WRESTLINGGUY, in answer to your question, YES. So I know how you feel.

    This old song sums up very well how I felt at times when I was young. It's natural to pine for possibility. Bill, too, had times like this.

    Here: I'm always Chasing Rainbows

    'At the end of the rainbow there's happiness,
    And to find it how often I've tried,
    But my life is a race, just a wild goose chase,
    And my dreams have all been denied.
    Why have I always been a failure?
    What can the reason be?
    I wonder if the world's to blame,
    I wonder if it could be me.
    Chorus:
    I'm always chasing rainbows,
    Watching clouds drifting by,
    My dreams are just like all my schemes,
    Ending in the sky.
    Some fellows look and find the sunshine,
    I always look and find the rain.
    Some fellows make a winning sometime,
    I never even make a gain, believe me,
    I'm always chasing rainbows,
    I'm watching for a little bluebird in vain.'

    I think your heart is growing and exploring itself. Sometimes it can be painful, but other times it can be very very good. Be patient with yourself, young Jedi (I like that phrase, lol) and remember that when you call out , others will listen. Really listen......like we are.

    hugs and more hugs -Doug and Bill of meninlove
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 15, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    Recently spent a weekend with an ex of mine. We broke up a couple of years ago because it was a long distance thing and he just didn't think it would work. When he left after the weekend it was so emotionally painful. It was great to spend time with him again side by side all weekend and I haven't had that in the longest time.

    Hang in there OP, you just haven't met someone for you, yet. The only thing we got going for us is hope.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 15, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    Wrestlingguy, a couple of things I gleaned from your post suggest that what you are feeling is more than just a case of the temporary blues that come and go in everyone's life. It sounds like you may suffer from depression. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about the extent of your inability to feel happiness?

    Just my two cents here: though finding a special someone definitely brightens one's life, it's not a very effective path to achieving real happiness. That has to come from within, and until you have gained a certain degree of inner peace or happiness, a healthy relationship will be elusive.

  • thatonedude21

    Posts: 223

    Jul 15, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    I have been in your shoes more than once, and I'm sure it will come again.. they (the feelings) will pass, if you let them.. just go with the flow and recognize that maybe these feelings are just in your head. Distract yourself with another activity as suggested by other members, try not to dwell on the thoughts too much - and if you do, again, recognize the facts.
    It sounds like you are trying, that's the first step icon_smile.gif!

    Over the past year, since I started seeing other people for the first time, I've undergone those same feelings of loneliness so I know how bad it feels. The good part of this, is you get used to the feeling, and eventually adapt around it and become happy again (at least in my case).. I am now happy single because being sad single is just no bueno!
    I had to accept that fact before I was able to become happy again though icon_smile.gif
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 15, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    oh my... im in the same situation a month ago when i started thinking a lot of things that didnt come in my favor like not being w/ someone you could share everything to and a lot of sad stuffs...
    just a lil advice here: focus more on the positive, wonderful stuffs that comes in your way.
    that thing thats making you lonely/sad is gonna subside as days go by, and one day u are just gonna feel silly that u felt that way when u realized that wonderful things do happen to u too...
    so hang in there, it'll get better...
    also, exchanging mail/IMs to other realjockers also helped me get through that depression thing in my mind(i still owe a reply to lilTanker, he's the best)...
    (cant believe im actually the one giving advice now haha)
    best of luck!
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 15, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    oh my... im in the same situation a month ago when i started thinking a lot of things that didnt come in my favor like not being w/ someone you could share everything to and a lot of sad stuffs...
    just a lil advice here: focus more on the positive, wonderful stuffs that comes in your way.
    that thing thats making you lonely/sad is gonna subside as days go by, and one day u are just gonna feel silly that u felt that way when u realized that wonderful things do happen to u too...
    so hang in there, it'll get better...
    also, exchanging mail/IMs to other realjockers also helped me get through that depression thing in my mind(i still owe a reply to lilTanker, he's the best)...
    (cant believe im actually the one giving advice now haha)
    best of luck!
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jul 15, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    I really do understand how you are feeling. I really do have it all, I have been with the same guy for 22 years and I love him to death. I am always thinking, why can't I consider myself a happy person? Why always tears in my eyes? Don't think about giving up. It does sound like depression. I have always been depressed. I was on meds for a long time, but have decided to give them up. I find myself crying very easy, but I am working on it. I have found that talking out your feelings with someone you can trust or better yet a counselor helps. I think a counselor is better. It is someone you don't know and you would be amazed at what they can bring out of you. My heart is with you and I hope you feel better very soon.icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 15, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    Do what makes you feel good man, just try to stay positive.
    Have you tried volunteering? That's what I do when I'm feeling down.

    Try your local Gay and Lesbian center...believe me, there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse.
    You could have a handicap, you could be stuck in a bed or a wheelchair, you could have a STD, you could be homeless and have no place to live or no warm bed to sleep in....

    You could be over 50....(LOL)...icon_biggrin.gif

    Take it day by day and count your blessings.....Don't sit and worry about the future or what you don't have....

    The traveling thing is good but, just remember.....

    Anywhere you go.......there you are......
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    Jul 15, 2010 7:42 PM GMT
    calibro saiddon't let chucky read this...


    icon_lol.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 16, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    A lot of guys want a boyfriend but they do absolutely nothing to make it happen.
    You've got to set up some dates and take your chances.
    Have the attitude that you're just out to have some fun, and, if it turns into something more than that, great.

    --Have some business cards made up, with just your first name and your phone number on them. Then go where ever gay guys congregate and hand them out to any guys who look good to you, telling them, "Call me if you're interested."

    --Get your profile on some dating sites.

    "Mr. Right" can't find you unless you let him know that you're available.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Jul 16, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    You need to let me come over and hit that ass, that'll cheer you up...For 15 minutes atleast.
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 23, 2010 4:03 AM GMT
    I wish i could thank everybody for the messenges face to face!
    I read each one and i only can say is that i appreciate your effort so much guys!

    I`m a little bit better, traveled to a beautiful and calm place, relaxed a little bit, had a few problems again then i`m back to work.

    I still feel the same way, but i don`t know what to think. I`m just trying to give me a chance. that`s all.

    Thanks.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 23, 2010 4:27 AM GMT
    WRESTLINGGUY saidDoes it happen with u?
    Im saying this cause i am feeling so lost and sad.
    I have all a normal person wants but i feel like ''c'mon, what's up with me? Why i can't consider myself a happy person? Why always tears in my eyes? Why i feel like i am about to fall in love and love never comes?''

    One more painfull topic/sorry/ . Writing this shit crying, thinking of giving up(?-why not?), day by day it's the same damn thing. I know people, i deal with people, i make people like me but it doesn't mean i like them... And then i see myself alone, listening to romantic songs from the 80's just wanting some attention and maybe a honest hug.

    To all my RJ friends, thanx for the support but i'm needing a time for myself, maybe to stop and find what's going on in this cold heart right here.
    Cya someday guys.


    Dude....sometimes the only thing we got is hope......It will happen for ya and it will cause someone will look into your eyes and see all that is you.....They love your strengths and weaknesses....they'll stand by your side ....They'll tell you daily that they're the luckiest person in the world to be a part of your life.....he's coming dude...Just have hope.....Stay positive babe....BUD
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 23, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    Thank u Bud! Thanks Cold, paulflexes, Draoiocht, amar_m, meninlove, Celticmusl, NC3athlete, thatonedude21, cromi, Geoedward, KingBee38, Webster666, MadeinMIch and all the others that IM me.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:41 AM GMT
    Google: Existential Crisis

    I had my first one at 35. You'll live through it and and up being happier than you could ever imagine if you don't do anything foolish like kill yourself.

    Hint: Suicide is NOT the answer.

    Also, get counseling/therapy. It works.

    Love and Hugs,
    Alan
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    BTW, here's another hint. Ask yourself, and answer these questions:

    "Who Am I?" (Don't expect the answer to come overnight.)

    Once you've answered that question (you'll know when you've REALLY answered it), then ask youself:

    "What is my purpose?" (This one should come easier if you've REALLY answered the first question)

    Then ask yourself:

    What do I value?

    Later, you can then ask yourself what you see yourself doing in 5, 10, 20, 50 years (your "bucket list", etc.).

    Hope this helps.

    That's all the hints I can give right now. I can't do push ups for you. You've got to do them for yourself.

    Hugs again,
    Alan
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    One more hint: Massive amounts of sex and drugs only makes the pain worse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    Ok, one last hint: Less is more (more or less).
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    Jul 23, 2010 4:54 AM GMT
    GAMRican, i really thought abpout suicide..... honestly.... I was intending to do all the things i could do in one year and then say bye bye, but somehow the support i had here sent me nice energies, i just cannot explain it.

    Thank u guy! Thank u so much.