He's more into me... Help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    I met someone last week and I can already tell that he's more into me than I'm into him. What should I do? Go with it and see where it leads or immediately downshift and initiate the 'let's just be friends' conversation? He's a cool guy and I don't want to lead him on.

    Feedback? Has anyone been there, on either side of the situation?
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    Feb 11, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    It's funny 'cos I was about to start a thread but rephrased in a way that goes, Would you be in a relationship where your partner loves you more than you do? It just occured to me after re-watching "The Chicken Dance" episode of Sex & The City. My answer would be no, since this will become a threat to the relationship if at the back of your head, you're still "on a look out".

    Anyway, in your case I'd say tell him straight away (I mean now!) that you cannot reciprocate his affection in the same level as he does. But do it face-to-face, man-to-man... over dinner and/or drinks. He must just want a shagicon_exclaim.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 11, 2008 11:23 AM GMT
    Depend on how "Not interested" you are
    if you're completely not interested sexually with this guy you're gonna have to come clean
    better now than later
    if you're kinda on the fence about him give it a little more time and see how it goes
    he may grow on you or you'll realize that he's def not for you
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:09 PM GMT

    Fungi grow on things, guys don't.

    If you wait to break it off later, it's just gonna be harder to do, and more frustrating. Let him down gently now.

    I made the mistake of not telling a guy I just totally wasn't interested once, only to become more and more frustrated and annoyed by his attention. By the time I told him I just wanted to be friends, he'd already built up this whole imagined relationship in his mind. By that point it took a very loud, very public, very dramatic (and yes, very...gay) tell-off in a bar to get him to put on the brakes, and I felt kinda bad about it afterward. So yeah, trust me...if you're not interested, let him know now. It'll save you annoyance later, and you'll ultimately come across as a better guy for it.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:15 PM GMT
    Be up front and DO NOT hide anything from him! It'll never end up good! Save what you have now!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    or on the other hand some people are less closseted with their emotions it could be they have less baggage (hate that term they are experiences god damn you! ha ha), it could be that they are just more flippant with love.

    I agree if you are totally not interested then dont lead them on but on the other hand if you feel you can get the measure of someone on one date you are a better man than I
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    A guy that I met a few weeks ago and was kind of liking told me after we'd gone out a couple times that he just wanted to be friends. We hadn't had sex, but there'd been a lot of kissing and had some great conversations. Yeah, I was disappointed at first but I'm glad I found out how he felt early on and could adjust my mindset. To his credit, he actually is trying to be friends.

    If you respect this guy, I think he deserves to know how you feel.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    bfg1 said I agree if you are totally not interested then dont lead them on but on the other hand if you feel you can get the measure of someone on one date you are a better man than I


    True, you can't get the full measure of a guy on the first date, but you CAN tell if you're gonna click or not, and if you're gonna want a second or third date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:40 PM GMT
    zdrew78 said[quote][cite]bfg1 said[/cite] I agree if you are totally not interested then dont lead them on but on the other hand if you feel you can get the measure of someone on one date you are a better man than I


    True, you can't get the full measure of a guy on the first date, but you CAN tell if you're gonna click or not, and if you're gonna want a second or third date. [/quote]

    I agree with you there but sometimes nerves or shyness can be a factor tho as to wether you see the real them, ie me on a first date I talk non stop and it can be alot to handle for some but I tend to settle down when I get more comfortable (believe it or not ha ha ha)

    I guess what I am saying is that whilst you can get the measure of a book by its cover your not actually reading it and a little delving could reveal an absolute gem or a total stinker of a novel

    as a caveat to that if the subject matter is:

    'Lesbian knitting circles in the outer Hebrides' you can kinda tell from day one you probably aint gonna get on with that one!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    Absolutely true. There are times when it takes a few dates to decide if you like a guy enough to continue building a relationship. I'm just saying that from a first date, I can tell if it's someone I'm INTERESTED in getting to know more, and whether as a friend or possibly more.

    As for the original poster, it sounds like he's pretty much decided he's not all that into the other guy. For me, once I have that sense that someone is friend material versus dating material, it's hard to get rid of that mindset, and it's best for all parties to have that out and open.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    oooo you jaded cynic icon_smile.gificon_smile.gificon_smile.gif

    I read "he is more into me than I am into him" not "He likes me but I dont like him"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:09 PM GMT
    Don't lead him on it will be harder later it seem's that you are not all that interested so judt be up front and tell him!
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Feb 11, 2008 7:09 PM GMT
    You aren't doing either person any justice by continuing. Sometimes, through no fault of either party, you just don't click with someone the way you'd like to. Some people like red purses, others like blue. So avoid the drama, and just let the other guy know your feelings are different that his.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    bfg1 saidoooo you jaded cynic icon_smile.gificon_smile.gificon_smile.gif

    I read "he is more into me than I am into him" not "He likes me but I dont like him"


    Oh posh, I'm no cynic! Simply a hard-nosed, no-nonsense realist! icon_razz.gif

    I do my best to be brutally honest and upfront about such things these days, because in the past I've been accused of being an awful scoundrel who leads guys on simply for being too "nice" to tell a guy I'm not interested rather than trying to do the "nice" thing and give them chance after chance to change my mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:15 PM GMT
    ha ha ha ha Im more your glass is half full kinda guy and like to give the benefit of the doubt

    theres always a bruised apple in the barrel but you wouldnt want to throw the whole barrel away every time just in case
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:15 PM GMT
    Yes it will be hard but for the best.
    My ex who was an ok kind of guy semi pro footballer. l was with him for some month's we lived away from each other and he visited me after one month of not seeing him i realised i was not "in love" with him as i did not miss him in that month we were apart so i called him and told him? lt was hard he was hurt and i hate myself for it but it had to be done.We are friends and he call's me all the time but he still think's i will change my mind that i know but i will not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    I'm kind of going through the same thing. I was dating this guy and after a while a started to notice certain things that really turned me off. Some things I was okay with and just didn't think anything about...other things really drew some red flags for me. One major thing was that he became really possessive almost immediately and i'm not at all the type of person to be told what to do or when to do it. I decided that calling things off was a better idea now then waiting and the process becoming more comlicated and painful. We met for dinner the other night...it had been the first time we'd seen each other in several weeks. I made sure that we were in a group, in a more neutral type of environment. He almost immediately went right back to the behavior as before so I knew that I made the right decision. He required somebody who is more passive and that is not me at all. I say always follow your instinct, as cliche as it sounds, because I swear every time I don't listen to my instinct I am regretting it.
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    Feb 11, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    This is one thing I have become extremely frustrated with in the gay community. It seems like guys take things the wrong way and when you are just being nice and personable, they think you're in love with them. So whenever you do tell them that you don't see them that way they get all pissy. It's so damn annoying! haha. maybe I'm just in the wrong area, but it seems like when I try to be a nice guy someone thinks I'm hitting on them.
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    Feb 12, 2008 5:46 AM GMT
    I'm on the same situation right now but me being on the other side. I'm seeing a guy and everything seem's to work out well. We are very comfortable with each other, in bed and otherwise.
    I'm pretty sure that we do like each other, but not on the same level of interest. I'm more into him than him into me.
    We talked about it and it did help that we are aware about the real score and took it from there. We still see each other but, at least i know where i stand.
    It's better to just come clean i guess. And it's quite more sensitive.
    It's so difficult being on the other side.

  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Feb 12, 2008 5:59 AM GMT
    Don't pull a "plan b" on this guy. I've had this happen before to me. I said fine and lost interest, only to have the guy start calling me again. (Was there another guy in the picture that didn't work out?) So you need to ask yourself, do you like him and think he's moving too fast or do you just not like him period?

    Be careful here, because as soon he gets the message and stops calling/bugging you, you better not change your mind, like some guys often do.

    Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.........icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2008 6:16 AM GMT
    bfg1 saidI agree if you are totally not interested then dont lead them on but on the other hand if you feel you can get the measure of someone on one date you are a better man than I


    So true. Sometimes your feelings about people change. Only you can know it if that's a possibility.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2008 9:55 AM GMT
    I'm always more into everyone else than they are in me. icon_sad.gif

    So... be kind to his poor heart. Say NO immediately, don't lead him on. Do it kindly though. And buy him coffee. icon_razz.gif