I just got the iPhone20 from the future!!!!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 9:52 AM GMT
    Hey guys, something weird happened and I totally travelled to the year 2026. So I did what any fag would do. I bought the latest iPhone which is the iPhone20. Unfortunately right after that transaction and playing with it for 8 hours and ignoring everything else, I jolted back to this stupid year of 2010 (omg you retards still can't get gay married? WTF! bwahahaha). So here's the inside scoop...

    The iPhone20 is...or will be...only fucking $1,799 (totally freakin cheap for 2026). I had to go into a new BV&V plan though of $500 a month, plus $200 for unlimited hologram 3-D 3-Way talk, and $200 a month for the emotion-focused coping retinal scanner. It's a little glitchy though because my dilation/iris combo is the same when I'm horny as when I get cravings for sushi. So every time I walked by a sushi joint porno ads popped up on my 3-D screen which was TOTALLY embarrrrrrassing! But nudity is legit in public in 2026 so at least I didn't get into trouble. Full on sexual intercourse in public is still looked down upon but it's just a peccadillo and the cops just ticket you whenever they need to fill their quotas. Stupid pigs.

    So let's get to the best part. Robobear! It's not like Pedobear, but it's better. It automatically comes with the iPhone20 and is fucking AMAZING! Robobear is a fuckin 3-D hologram (like everything of course) and is as omniscient as google used to be (oh wait hahah you're in 2010 I shouldn't tell you what happens to google). But Robobear is ALSO super caring Filipino mother, psychiatrist, and like a best friend all in one!!! It picks up on your subtle behavioral cues, muscle tweaks (like an EEG) and Alpha brain waves (legally it's not allowed to read Beta or Delta waves DON'T ASK ME WHY!!!!)

    Seriously you guys are going to laugh at Grindr when Robobear can tell you the chances of having sex with any given guy you want to hit on as long as he's within 20 feet of you. See that's why Robobear is better than Pedobear (I wasn't making that analogy whimsically). I mean, I don't want to hit on a child, that's still illegal (thank god). But Robobear totally helps me get laid. And yes there's a cure to AIDS (as of 2022) so unprotected sex is TOTALLY FINE now. There's no cure for herpes but everyone has it now except for people who are in their 70s so it's no big deal. Anyway, Robobear was explaining the cure to AIDS to me, but he lost me after mutated G-protein receptors. Also there's a cure to Alzheimer's but it's expensive. Robobear told me I have the defected PRP or whatever protein that would mutate around 67 gradually giving me Alzheimer's (4-D brain scans are SO disenchanting!!! I recommend not to get them unless you have a LOT of money you want to spend on fixing up your pathetic body.) But enough with that let's get to the important stuff, the iPhone20!!

    Texting and calling are so weird because you can just think of someone and the fucking iPhone20 picks it up right away. Good thing is ASKS you first if you want to call and you have to verbally confirm (or just nod) and it calls. Reception isn't a problem because AT&T doesn't exist thank fucking god (got bought out by BV&V...name is totally a coincidence. I wouldn't make this up.)

    The iPhone20 also reads your preferences, you know if you're right brain or left brain sorta thing. Since I like seeing PICTURES on my fucking menus when I browse restaurants nearby it just shows me pictures instead of words (I don't know what a castada denada or a fetucci alagatorini is, but they LOOK great).

    Also, sorry for saying "fuck" so much. It's (finally) recognized as the most famous word by 2026, more famous than even Madonna (ugh yessss, she's still alive, fucking Cher is too WHYYYYY). So "fuck" and it's verstility and is embraced a lot, even in McDonalds commercials (still has crappy food, but everything is laced with B-vitamins now so at least poor people are happy and less lethargic). Yeah I got all this information from Robobear. Didn't even have time to look at anything in reality, though the transportation system in Los Angeles is still awful...and I think they had a big Earthquake at some point because the landscape is a little different. Sorry didn't get around to a date. Just be forewarned and super paranoid for the next 16 years if you want to live in LA. I know I'm gettin the hell outa here!

    So that's about it. I'd say more but honestly Pedobear REALLY kept me occupied with finding guys to have sex with. That's what technology is really here for. So yeah there's a LOOOOOOOT of Mexicans in the future, which is great with me since I dig Mexicans.

    Anyway yeah, iPhone20 FTW!!! Sucks if you only have an iPhone4 huh.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 16, 2010 10:04 AM GMT
    Hahaha Dude...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 10:15 AM GMT
    When you coming back to LA Space Cowboy?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 16, 2010 10:18 AM GMT
    Aug 20, but I think I'll be cutting my trip short and come home earlier
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 10:47 AM GMT
    Awesome, I'll be in New York until Aug 14th. FYI everything about this video is actually TRUE (ironically) in 2026.


    New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 16, 2010 11:40 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]JakeBenson said[/cite]Awesome, I'll be in New York until Aug 14th. FYI everything about this video is actually TRUE (ironically) in 2026.

    Lulz at your video haha and cool icon_biggrin.gif I hope you have fun in NY I am doing to NYC in Oct to get a tattoo for my birthday icon_biggrin.gif well I'm thinking about it icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 11:55 AM GMT
    I read all of this icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 12:16 PM GMT
    omg where can I make my appointment??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]
    So that's about it. I'd say more but honestly Pedobear REALLY kept me occupied with finding guys to have sex with. That's what technology is really here for. So yeah there's a LOOOOOOOT of Mexicans in the future, which is great with me since I dig Mexicans.

    Anyway yeah, iPhone20 FTW!!! Sucks if you only have an iPhone4 huh.[/quote]

    Couldn't sleep eh?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 1:23 PM GMT
    it's already obsolete.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 1:38 PM GMT
    i feel like i just read a short story by David Sedaris!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    I'm sure that was hilarious, but I lost interest after about a paragraph and a half.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    stop licking toads
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 3:56 PM GMT
    I think everything from version 5.0 on up is going to be implanted directly in the skull.
    Of course, they'll have to start removing some brain tissue to make room.


    (Or are they already doing that?)
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 16, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidstop licking toads

    i'm not not licking toads
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    lol oh Jake...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 6:01 PM GMT
    sexyactionnick saidbut I lost interest after about a paragraph and a half.


    Everyone does in the future. That's why books don't exist in 2026 (thank god). I only typed as much as I did because I was super high off of iPhone20. Normally I would just typed 4 sentences and leave it at that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidI think everything from version 5.0 on up is going to be implanted directly in the skull.
    Of course, they'll have to start removing some brain tissue to make room.

    (Or are they already doing that?)


    No legally they can't do that in 2026. The "apocalypse" in December 2012 was just a giant solar flare, but it destroyed a great deal of technology. So paranoid politicians re-thought a lot of laws, making it that only organic and non-metal material can be inside a human if it's intended to aid or emphasize human intelligence or physical performance (unless it's the only option to keep them alive). That way the humans don't accidentally explode if another solar flare happens.

    Nothing is in human brains in 2026. Not even close. The Japanese REALLY perfected the robot, but the U.S. is (as always) far behind because their Artificial Intelligence budget is so low. Yes, they're still in a bunch of wars and putting money into that instead. You don't even wanna know which countries because you'll roll your eyes.

    FYI nothing else happened in December 21st, 2012. The Earth's poles shifted slightly, but only enough to give Iceland a really nice Summer for a couple of years. Oh yeah btw we FINALLY have a Latino president in 2026...he got re-elected in 2024. He's really good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    LMFAO. if robobear comes wit a holographic candy dispenser and discounts on tinted pedo-vans, sign me up for 5! hahahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    Wow... this was funny icon_smile.gif I lolzed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    This is a user video. Apple made Comedy Central / Youtube (google) pull the original vids, but I found this 'Eye Phone' episode of Futurama so accurate.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    i_love_you.jpg?w=500&h=375

    saturn_aura_green_line_07.jpg

    paramore-riot.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2010 4:47 AM GMT
    ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    Big question - Has the StrayGay app been perfected, so you can record video to analyze mannerisms to provide the orientation determination? Today's app only matches picture to the national database, but the new app is supposed to add mannerisms to the mix to achieve a 99% correct probability.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2010 5:24 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidAug 20, but I think I'll be cutting my trip short and come home earlier

    Earlier return related to the other thread? Inquiring minds.