Would you take them back?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2008 2:08 PM GMT
    Imagine that you've just ended an otherwise seemless relationship because your long term partner 'decided' that it was 'probably' be in both of your best interest if you went off and learned how to be more ambitious, passionate and pretty much more like them.
    Now imagine, that you've agreed, with a brokenheart and a slight misunderstanding as to why something so trivial, that had nothing to do with your role in the relationship, and it's some any number of years later. You've 'learned' to be ambitious, found your passion in life, and have become more work focused, rather than life or love focused. You meet up with the guy mentioned above, circumstances allowed you two of you to be single for a reasonable amount of time before you meet again, so there are no other commitments or issues to stand in your way. You both remember what he asked of you, and for better or worse, you've found those certain qualities he thought you were lacking before.

    Do you take him back/ask for him back?

    Do you go still love him, though in a big way he didn't love you for less?

    Or do you ask him to get out of your life, because what love you did have was squandered away into different aspects of your, and now seem unrecognizable?

    Or do you do something else?
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    Feb 11, 2008 3:12 PM GMT
    From what you're telling me, it seems as if maybe the guy you mention had some validity in what he was saying since you "learned" to gain these things. I have friends who lack these traits and therefore I do worry about the person they get into a relationship with because they haven't even found themselves yet, and this might lead to problems later on in the relationship.

    So, the answer lies in how you feel. Do you want to give the relationship another chance? I don't think he has wronged you. I think he felt like you guys were at two different points in your lives and because of that the relationship would not work. I've been in those relationships before and they are very hard to maintain.

    If now he wants you back because he sees that you have become the person he has wanted you to become (and which you brokenheartedly agreed to [without ill will I'm assuming?]) then he's only keeping his part of the agreement by wanting to be back with you.
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    Feb 11, 2008 3:52 PM GMT
    Nope Id do what I did to the guy who told me to aspire to his body and that is get better than him let him make the advances and then dump him on his arse for the sorry shallow SOB that he is
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    Feb 11, 2008 4:22 PM GMT
    bfg1 saidNope Id do what I did to the guy who told me to aspire to his body and that is get better than him let him make the advances and then dump him on his arse for the sorry shallow SOB that he is


    bfg1... you scare me now. officially.

    i'd say fooq the mutha outta him then tell him you were wrong to assume that it would revive even a strand of feeling you have for him. icon_twisted.gif

    why would you give him the gratification of you becoming what HE WANTED YOU TO BE whereas that is NOT supposed to be the case... well at least not in his faceicon_rolleyes.gif

    sorry to be cheesey but that is sooo mariah carey's song "someday"

    [url][/url]

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    Feb 11, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    Geez. He's like God -- wants to make you in his own image. Please become an atheist.
  • justjk

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    Feb 11, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    sounds to me like there would be too much resentment, that is always a recipe for disaster! i'd say move on and find someone who dosen't care how good or bad you are to begin with
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    If I still dugg him, i'd take him back...or, I could just snuggle up with my Pride at night.
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:57 PM GMT
    bfg1 saidNope Id do what I did to the guy who told me to aspire to his body and that is get better than him let him make the advances and then dump him on his arse for the sorry shallow SOB that he is


    l tend to agree with you. You love someone for there good and bad qualities as we are all not perfect and the same thank god?

    l think that was an excuse to say by by in the first place?

    Too late Baby its too late now as the song says (sorry its an old song) Carly Simon i think?
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    Feb 11, 2008 6:59 PM GMT
    yep too many people go into relationships with pre conceived ideas and then try to mould the person they have met to fit those ideals.

    Love me as I am not what you want me to be is what I would go by and if that wasnt what you want then good luck and good bye
  • AirForceGuy75

    Posts: 51

    Feb 11, 2008 7:06 PM GMT
    I would never want that in my life. I would never change for anyone. I am who I am and I make the most out of life. I might not be the sexiest thing out there but at least I have character, charm and lots of love to give. So if some fool said to do that...I would kick them in the nutz and maybe they would gain character. No, matter how hot they look they are still so ugly on the inside...for goodness sakes we are all human the last time I looked and most humans want to be loved.
  • Kevin82

    Posts: 273

    Feb 11, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    No. I would not.
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    Feb 11, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    This is really strange, but I had the EXACT thing happen to me after a fourteen (yes 14) year monogamous relationship! I was still in love with him, but HE decided I needed to make some changes on my own, so he dumped me. It has now been some 10 years later, and there is NO WAY I would take him back!!!!!!!! Once bitten twice shy! If he dumped you once (for HIS own reasons) he will dump you again!
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    Feb 11, 2008 9:03 PM GMT
    This question is so trivial; if all that growth truly had been accomplished, how on earth would you even consider taking someone so selfish back? As if that progress couldn't have been made while IN a relationship. He was looking for a way out, and rationalized it with his assertion that it would be the best for both of you.

    I say, if you take him back, you haven't progressed at all. I would never take a step backwards after all that effort. Puhlease! ::snaps fingers::

    Ok, sassy-ness aside, he'd be an idiot to think I'd take him back. My self worth is too great for that.
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    Feb 12, 2008 1:26 AM GMT
    Everyone who replied so far. Thank you for reading and understanding the question I asked. To be honest, in the early stages of the relationship he gave himself up to be in the position where he pretty much wanted me to judge him on every little thing, and assumed I was going to critical of him and tell harsh things about few screw looses. I really didn't acknowledged any of his short-comings until he pointed them out as bad things, then comparing to similar aspects of me he thought were "perfect". But I really liked him at first and suddenly realized I was in love with him a few months after that. I could given up on him and all his faults, but I kept looking the guys I was waiting to come home every afternoon before dinner, and not his immature behavior and his ability to one see things in one clean cut way. I actually admired him for that. When he went to Iraq I was ready to take him back without an arm or a leg, or blind, or whatever! I even told him this when he came home... but after all this, and reading your replies I'm not sure what I'll do with him. He hasn't come back to me, nor me to him, since we only broke up in the beginning of winter. I think I'm going to leave it far in the back of mind until he comes around to me, because I'm not going to beg, and I've got to go my own way.
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    Feb 12, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    I would not take him back, however I would thank him for the "motivation" and continue to be friends on MY Terms!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 12, 2008 2:06 AM GMT
    It sounds like he hurt you pretty bad...
    I know it sounds tempting to take someone back after you've been with them before
    kind of rub out the mistakes you've made
    but be careful...
    if he hurt you once he's likely to do it again
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2008 2:15 AM GMT
    Tell him this:

    "A funny thing happened while I was off growing, as you required."

    "I outgrew you."

    Congrats, boiwunderkind.
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    Feb 12, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    Remember this one?

    Make a fool of me once, shame on you. Make a fool of me twice, shame on me.

    I know this sounds like such an old rhyme from our grandparents, but for me it makes sense and I try to follow it - and keep myself out of trouble.

    Good luck man.

    Gregg
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    Feb 12, 2008 3:21 AM GMT
    Feed him four knuckles....
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Feb 12, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    I'd look for a man who's got the wherewithal to stick around as i grow and change into the person I want to be. A taller one hopefully!
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    Feb 12, 2008 10:32 AM GMT
    oh no no no no.

    I'd rub it in his face how he let me go. icon_razz.gif Hopefully, by then, I'd feel nothing for him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2008 10:50 AM GMT
    LOL .. so he sent you an a mission eh? You needed to tell the Great OZ that you are not Dorothy and that he needs to go get his own damn broom!
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    Feb 13, 2008 3:37 AM GMT
    Question: If this is still hypothetical and I suspect it isn't, did this guy sending you out to grow and gain focus in your life directly effect or even enhance your desire to do so?

    If the answer is yes, take him back! You owe him.

    If the answer is no, clean slate....youda made it with or without him so why carry a Grudge?
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    Feb 13, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear saidQuestion: If this is still hypothetical and I suspect it isn't, did this guy sending you out to grow and gain focus in your life directly effect or even enhance your desire to do so?

    If the answer is yes, take him back! You owe him.

    If the answer is no, clean slate....youda made it with or without him so why carry a Grudge?


    I agree. I don't believe in being stubborn and spiteful just because you have bettered your life. If you feel like he still has something to teach you and vice versa... of course you should try again. Life is short.. there is a reason why some people resonate with you enough that you would make a post about it.
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    Feb 13, 2008 3:51 AM GMT
    I don't agree with most of you guys on this one. From what it sounds like, the guy asked him to grow as a person, not change as a person. To have ambition is to have motivation. To have passion is to have love for life. To become more work focused is to have responsibility.

    If someone is asking you to increase your levels of these traits, it sounds like you might want to keep an open ear. Reacting in a way that shows you are too stubborn to grow as a person does not show maturity.