I have an extreme fear of getting HIV

  • brycetippe

    Posts: 688

    Jul 17, 2010 7:59 AM GMT
    I don't know why, but I just have this extreme fear.
    I've never had anal sex before; I have had other forms of sexual contact.
    But I would ALWAYS use protection, even if I was dating someone... because you have to assume the worst and hope for the best that they're staying faithful right? (Not that I don't trust them, but my safety, especially in this matter comes first).
    Like the thought of actually getting it could bring me to tears.
    No offense to anyone though!
    Does anyone share this phobia?

    This could be seen as a stupid thread, and kind of obvious... but I mean like an INTENSE fear. Looool.icon_razz.gif
  • Mohannned

    Posts: 280

    Jul 17, 2010 8:16 AM GMT
    u have to fear HIV ... last year I even thought I had it but thank God I'm not
    I know u can never be 100% safe but u always do everything u can do to be save and hopefully in the future this won't be a problem just like a lot of diseases that people even forgot about them now
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    Jul 17, 2010 8:22 AM GMT
    man, I've got the same fear, its so bad that I think Ive contracted it from stupid ways like handjobs and shit, its just so irrational. Every time I have a cold I manage to convince myself that im going through serum conversion!! Ive met someone else recently who has such thoughts and is obsessed with HIV. However, it is a scary thing and I think most people would break down in tears or worse if they found out they were positive. Just keep using those condoms, also, remember u can get it from giving oral sex too, I think people forget that.
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:04 AM GMT
    OMG me too! I don't hook up anymore cuz I don't wanna become positive, my life would be ruined, when I was a virgin I read that giving oral without protection wasn't risky (when it is and you can become positive) so whenever I hooked up I gave oral without condom and I mean it's not like the tops wanted to have oral sex with condom haha and I even swallowed and I when I was planning on gettin tested for HIV for the very first time I was really scared thinking what if I come out positiveicon_eek.gif

    and I kept postponing going to get tested cuz I was completely terrified of the results coming out positive, cuz when I didn't know a lot about sex I had sex with guys who used Vaseline as lube and that's really bad but the tests came out negative and I've only had sex once with a fuck buddy ever since (that was back in March) but I'm so horny all the time, like seriously I need dick LOL icon_twisted.gif but I don't wanna hook up anymore cuz I have like you an extreme fear of getting HIV.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 17, 2010 10:49 AM GMT
    Do you have an "extreme" fear or getting into your car?
    .... of getting onto an airplane?
    .... of eating sushi?
    .... or packing up your skis and heading out to Colorado?

    The world is full of dangers
    If you prepare and don't do anything stupid you'll be fine
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    Jul 17, 2010 10:57 AM GMT
    GQjock saidDo you have an "extreme" fear or getting into your car?
    .... of getting onto an airplane?
    .... of eating sushi?
    .... or packing up your skis and heading out to Colorado?

    The world is full of dangers
    If you prepare and don't do anything stupid you'll be fine


    Life without taking (calculated, sensible) risks is not worth living
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    Jul 17, 2010 11:01 AM GMT
    Guys....take it from someone who is POZ!

    Being HIV+ is NOT a death sentence provided you regularly see a doctor to monitor your T-cells and viral load. The meds out there are meant to do their job with a focus on taking the least amount as possible (this compared to the cocktails guys used to take before).

    And let's face it.....statistically the number one killer in our society is heart disease, aka, the silent killer.

    So put aside the fear but also USE protection! Life, no matter how careful you are, offers NO guarantees.

    Live your life to the fullest but also remember to love yourself too! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 17, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    For a very, very long time, I held the same fears that most have posted here. After some careful thought and getting to know a couple of the guys here that I admire greatly, one who is positive and one who is negative, I have successfully shrugged off that fear. How did I do it? Really, it was simple. I had to minimize the way I was romanticizing sex in that I didn't want anything to be between me and my partner during what I see as the most significant physical gift I can give to my partner-my body. Having that mindset, I had said I would never date or become intimate with anyone who is positive because there would always be that barrier between us. A bit silly when you think about it. While the sexual aspect of the relationship is important, it is not the complete package or component of intimacy and intimacy is the key to all relationships.

    The best thing and really the best weapon you have against getting HIV (and at the same time doing your part to destroy the stigma that still exists over positive folks) is an active knowledge of how you get it. I am amazed that there are so many people who still have a massive amount of misinformation about how to get and not to get HIV. Educate yourself and have the meaningful, important conversations (although some will be awkward and uncomfortable) about status and testing. This is the best arsenal you can have to dispel your fears of getting HIV and seeing potential partners who are HIV+ in the same light as you see partners who are negative.
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    Jul 17, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    Thank you, Hermes63, for opening up about yourself and showing that POZ people are not the gutter-scum that some seem to think!
    My former boss and still one of my dear friends has been Poz for 22 years now and I wouldn't trade his friendship for the cutest Neg guy who has a pissy attitude about Poz people!
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    Jul 17, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    And Thank You, Erik! Well put!
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    Jul 17, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidThank you, Hermes63, for opening up about yourself and showing that POZ people are not the gutter-scum that some seem to think!
    My former boss and still one of my dear friends has been Poz for 22 years now and I wouldn't trade his friendship for the cutest Neg guy who has a pissy attitude about Poz people!


    You're welcome bud...my pleasure!
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:07 PM GMT
    GQjock saidDo you have an "extreme" fear or getting into your car?
    .... of getting onto an airplane?
    .... of eating sushi?
    .... or packing up your skis and heading out to Colorado?

    The world is full of dangers
    If you prepare and don't do anything stupid you'll be fine



    Good response GQjock...same answer I would of given.


    If you want to fear something, question wether every restuarant worker washes their hands after they go to the bathroom.


    In the mean time.....r e l a x
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:08 PM GMT
    One of my FWB's is POZ...has been for over 10 years. I'm not concerned in the least bit because all we do is muscle-worship, a few kinks, and masturbate. We've been "playing" off and on for the past six or seven years with no trouble at all.

    However, I do have a "rational" fear whenever I hookup with someone I don't know...but that fear is not just about possibly contracting an STD, it's about the person being a possible psycho and doing something a little more destructive when I'm not looking. Fortunately I only hookup with strangers maybe once a year if that, and am very selective when it happens.
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidThank you, Hermes63, for opening up about yourself and showing that POZ people are not the gutter-scum that some seem to think!
    My former boss and still one of my dear friends has been Poz for 22 years now and I wouldn't trade his friendship for the cutest Neg guy who has a pissy attitude about Poz people!


    why whenever this is discussed invariably it's always the Neg guy who has a pissy attitude? Why whenever this is discussed it's always a romanticizing of HIV and someone who is HIV POZ?
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:19 PM GMT
    brycetippe saidI don't know why, but I just have this extreme fear.
    I've never had anal sex before; I have had other forms of sexual contact.
    But I would ALWAYS use protection, even if I was dating someone... because you have to assume the worst and hope for the best that they're staying faithful right? (Not that I don't trust them, but my safety, especially in this matter comes first).
    Like the thought of actually getting it could bring me to tears.
    No offense to anyone though!
    Does anyone share this phobia?

    This could be seen as a stupid thread, and kind of obvious... but I mean like an INTENSE fear. Looool.icon_razz.gif


    It is not stupid. A healthy dose of fear is a good thing. You are talking about a potential life changing event after all. Do whatever you need to do to ensure you remain HIV neg.
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:26 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said And Thank You, Erik! Well put!



    Thank you! icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 17, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    I think the biggest thing is to educate yourself. Fear comes from the not knowing. I'm negative, but my X of 7 years was positive. Found out he was positive a few dates in, and I have to admit it was a real struggle for me at first. I was kinda terrified. But, went to a few doctor's appointments with him, asked a LOT of questions.

    The thing is you will never know who has it or not. Sometimes they tell you, sometimes they lie, sometimes they don't know themselves. But you can't be afraid to try. Just always be safe, always be smart, and you'll be fine.

    #1 rule, no unprotected anal sex.
    #2 keep bodily fluids away from an open wound.
    #3 get yourself tested yearly

    It's a heck of a lot more difficult to get than people think it is . . . again if you are smart.

    I.E. Big bloody cut on your hand . . .don't give him a hand job. or you just bit your tongue and are bleeding . . . don't give him a blow job . . . it's really common sense.
  • Thomas757

    Posts: 260

    Jul 17, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    briefboi1974 saidI think the biggest thing is to educate yourself. Fear comes from the not knowing. I'm negative, but my X of 7 years was positive. Found out he was positive a few dates in, and I have to admit it was a real struggle for me at first. I was kinda terrified. But, went to a few doctor's appointments with him, asked a LOT of questions.

    The thing is you will never know who has it or not. Sometimes they tell you, sometimes they lie, sometimes they don't know themselves. But you can't be afraid to try. Just always be safe, always be smart, and you'll be fine.

    #1 rule, no unprotected anal sex.
    #2 keep bodily fluids away from an open wound.
    #3 get yourself tested yearly

    It's a heck of a lot more difficult to get than people think it is . . . again if you are smart.

    I.E. Big bloody cut on your hand . . .don't give him a hand job. or you just bit your tongue and are bleeding . . . don't give him a blow job . . . it's really common sense.


    Couldn't have said it better myself.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jul 17, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    Read up about what the virus is/does. Knowledge is power and everything you learned is school was fear mongering crap. You should absolutely be careful; but you don't need to be a nut job about it.

    My best friend is pos, his partner is not. They use condoms and take precautions. They've been together two years and have sex regularly and his partner remains neg.

    Having HIV is not the end of the world. I'm not saying you should be the polarity either, and not care. What you should do is get educated...use condoms, and don't brush your teeth immediately before or after oral.

    Probably a good idea to really educate yourself on all STIs while your at it. Consider getting the gardasil vaccine. Be aware that somethings like herpes and hpv are contactable even with diligent use of condoms, but that they're a fact of life, not some scary monster. And be aware of the rest of the STIs - not to be feared, but to be intelligent about. Listen to Dan Savage - he'll help you out in that department.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jul 17, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    GQjock saidDo you have an "extreme" fear or getting into your car?
    .... of getting onto an airplane?
    .... of eating sushi?
    .... or packing up your skis and heading out to Colorado?

    The world is full of dangers
    If you prepare and don't do anything stupid you'll be fine
    Well said.
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    There are many things that come into play with HIV. One thing I have done -- and this applies if both parents are of Northern European descent -- is to go test and see if you have a heterozygous Delta 32 genetic mutation (a copy from each parent allele.) If you test and posses the homozygous mutation then relax. It would be a miracle for you to contract HIV. But.....do not be stupid as carriers of HIV are notorious for carrying Hepatisis C, etc.

    Next, as most have said here, do not be stupid. HIV enters mucousal membranes including the one associated with an uncut cock.

    Don't complain about HIV if you are a drug user and share needles. Never get out-of-your mind drunk while at parties. As I've said, do not be stupid.

    Lastly, a biggy because you're going to have your doctors help with this, consider postexposure prophylaxis where you are treated with HIV antivirals from the five classes of current antivirals, after any exposure.

    Lots of guys on RealJock are going to grip, laugh, and made snide comments about the above, but perhaps you will have the opportunity to attend their funerals.

    First and foremost, test for Delta 32. You may luck out.
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    twomack saidThere are many things that come into play with HIV. One thing I have done -- and this applies if both parents are of Northern European descent -- is to go test and see if you have a heterozygous Delta 32 genetic mutation (a copy from each parent allele.) If you test for the heterozygous mutation then relax. It would be a miracle for you to contract HIV.


    No, it is only if you are homozygous. You need to have two copies of that mutation, one from each parent. If you only have one copy (which is what heterozygous means), you can still catch HIV (although progression of the disease would be slower than normal).

    About 10% of Northern Europeans are heterozygous for the mutation, and only about one percent are homozygous, and thus immune.

    I did the test. Unfortunately I am in the 10% with some resistance, but not the 1% that is immune.

    I hope you haven't found that you were heterozygous and then thrown caution to the wind. If you are heterozygous for the mutation, you are still able to catch HIV.
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    Lucky Eastern Europeans and their faulty receptors..
    I'm sure he just confused homo with hetero, vivi, because he mentions that you need an allele from both parents.
    How much is this test?
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    A1EX saidLucky Eastern Europeans and their faulty receptors..
    I'm sure he just confused homo with hetero, vivi, because he mentions that you need an allele from both parents.
    How much is this test?


    This was a couple of years back so I don't quite remember, but I think it was in the ballpark of $300.

    I did it because the peace of mind would have been worth it. Not that I am really all that worried, but still.
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    Jul 17, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    I used to be very fearful, but got over it by exposure to the source of the fear (just like they do with behavioral therapy).

    Set simple safety procedures and always follow them no matter what. Mine are to always fuck with a condom, while oral is fine without a condom for me as long as I haven't bit my lip in the last couple of days (which unfortunately happens quite often).

    With time, as long as I kept to these, my fear went away (and I stayed negative).

    Whenever I would get fearful, I would remind myself that the alternative was to not live my life, and have an old age full of regrets.