Why do I beat myself up about things?

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    Jul 21, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    I like to do things to the best of my ability as I don't like to let others and myself down. However some of the times it can go too far: I end up beating myself up over little things such as...not getting a very high mark in an exam, pronouncing something wrong in a different language, hitting the ball out on a tennis court, playing a wrong note in a concert etc.

    And it's f*****g annoying. It doesn't happen all the time but when it's with things I care about it can be very extreme. For example, there was one time my piano teacher (who is very critical) said that I performed really well in a concert. Now she doesn't normally say this and not give any critique along with it; but then I was the one who turned round to her and said that what I played wasn't good enough. Also, when I used to play tennis I would hit myself either with hand or raquet out of fustration if I lost a bad point to the opponent icon_redface.gif

    What's funny is that when I give advice to other people, I tend to think more rationally, and I say to them things like 'No that was very good, don't beat yourself up about it', 'what happened happened and you can't change that' 'nobody's perfect, you did a good job'...but I can't seem to take my own advice! Although there are times what I say is out of politeness, most of the time I do say what I think (except I never say something like 'that was shockingly s**t, go die!)...somehow I can't bring myself to say that lol.

    So how can I learn to go easy on myself? It's not a nice feeling when you're obsessed with your own flaws...especially when you're preaching to others not to be obsessed with theirs!! icon_rolleyes.gif
  • solak

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    Jul 21, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    beating off is the new beating up.. jus sayin
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    Jul 22, 2010 5:04 AM GMT
    solak saidbeating off is the new beating up.. jus sayin


    Lol, oh I do that too. icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 22, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    I figure maybe it's because you try to compare yourself with other people too much, and in the process, you always wanna be the best.

    Just remember

    There's always someone who's gonna be better, younger, smarter than you (and someone better, younger, smarter than that person)..so if you try to be better than every single person you meet, your life is gonna be miserable.

    as they say Perfection is the enemy of good.

    So just go easy on yourself.
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    Jul 22, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    I used to be like that too. A wrong answer in class and I would immediately scratch up my arm. You just have to learn that beating yourself up over it accomplishes nothing. It won't fix the mistake you made, it won't make it up to whoever you think you're letting down (even if it's yourself), and it won't redeem yourself.

    If you give better advice to others than you tell yourself, how about thinking what advice you would give to someone in the exact same situation? In fact, try practicing it by replying to your own post as if it was someone else's.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    If you can do better you would've, but all things take time and patience, not frustration and arrogance.

    And I don't think you're comparing yourself with others but I agree with at_the_ivy, they'll always be someone better than you and worse than you.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    Typical artist's mindset: You'll never match up to your own standards.
    That's what makes artists so great. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    at_the_Ivy saidI figure maybe it's because you try to compare yourself with other people too much, and in the process, you always wanna be the best.

    Just remember

    There's always someone who's gonna be better, younger, smarter than you (and someone better, younger, smarter than that person)..so if you try to be better than every single person you meet, your life is gonna be miserable.

    as they say Perfection is the enemy of good.

    So just go easy on yourself.


    Very true. Very wise words~: Thank you
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    Dahas saidI used to be like that too. A wrong answer in class and I would immediately scratch up my arm. You just have to learn that beating yourself up over it accomplishes nothing. It won't fix the mistake you made, it won't make it up to whoever you think you're letting down (even if it's yourself), and it won't redeem yourself.

    If you give better advice to others than you tell yourself, how about thinking what advice you would give to someone in the exact same situation? In fact, try practicing it by replying to your own post as if it was someone else's.


    I like that advice, I'm going to start practicing it now (though I won't actually answer it on the forum cos that would look weird lol). Thank you icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    I really like everyone's response here! Very wise words. Most of the time it feels like there's this inner voice who is pushing me to strive for better (which is good) BUT it is also the same voice who says 'if it's not perfect/if you don't win, it's not good enough'. Echoes of my ego.

    I have to always remind myself that I can't always be the best, or there will always be someone better (who is annoying)! lol icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    striving for perfection to do justice to the great masters is noble.
    perfection to be "the best in the west" means you're just using an art form and the works of geniuses to aggrandize yourself .

    what would you rather have ? :p

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    Jul 23, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    Do the best you can....am sure u are aware of that... Its going to be ok... icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 11:19 AM GMT
    FunStud91 saidDo the best you can....am sure u are aware of that... Its going to be ok... icon_smile.gif


    It's going to be ok. I'll try not to committ suicide when I come third place in a competition lol. icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    Gbob said
    FunStud91 saidDo the best you can....am sure u are aware of that... Its going to be ok... icon_smile.gif


    It's going to be ok. I'll try not to committ suicide when I come third place in a competition lol. icon_lol.gif
    If I came third in a competition, I'd just enjoy the fact that I got to watch two others come before me, then laugh at the rest who are still trying to come.

    That IS the type of coming competition you're talking about, right? icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 26, 2010 10:21 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Gbob said
    FunStud91 saidDo the best you can....am sure u are aware of that... Its going to be ok... icon_smile.gif


    It's going to be ok. I'll try not to committ suicide when I come third place in a competition lol. icon_lol.gif
    If I came third in a competition, I'd just enjoy the fact that I got to watch two others come before me, then laugh at the rest who are still trying to come.

    That IS the type of coming competition you're talking about, right? icon_razz.gif


    Hahahaha sexually inclined jokes are never beneath you..icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif