Awesome guy, just one problem...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    Alright, so I've recently met this awesome guy (actually, thanks to my Priest, he actually set us up if you can believe that :shockicon_smile.gif ....and, he's a really great guy, good looking, funny, smart, kind, etc, etc, etc. There's just one thing about him that I don't like (and to me it's kinda a biggie)....he's....extremely effeminate.

    I mean, knows nothing about sports, let alone how to play...can't teach him how to play anything... the way he dresses and talks... and all of that. I dunno why, I guess I should be able to look past that; however, it actually bothers me... I just never have liked that. I haven't even brought the guy around the house because I know that my fraternity brothers would make fun of the guy. (and yeah my frat bros know I'm gay and they're cool with it)

    I just don't know what to do about it... he's pretty much perfect in every other way than that one. Any advice?
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    Jul 21, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    When your frat bros start picking on him, tell them that if it weren't for the queenie guys like him, gays wouldn't have any rights at all because the masculine guys were too afraid to stand up for themselves.

    I, too, hid behind my masculinity while the fem guys paved the way for my rights as a gay man. Now that I realize that, I thank the fem guys for being who they are. They made it possible for us to come out of the closet without fear of govt intervention.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 22, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    there's a difference between not being attracted to a guy and thinking a guy is too femme
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidWhen your frat bros start picking on him, tell them that if it weren't for the queenie guys like him, gays wouldn't have any rights at all because the masculine guys were too afraid to stand up for themselves.

    I, too, hid behind my masculinity while the fem guys paved the way for my rights as a gay man. Now that I realize that, I thank the fem guys for being who they are. They made it possible for us to come out of the closet without fear of govt intervention.


    Well said!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    There is a need for feminine dudes, just not everybody's style. I am NOT opposed to dating one and have but common interests are limited!
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    Our advice is to be his Good Friend and his Big Bro.

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    Jul 22, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    For which ever direction you take it sounds like someone keeping as a friend at minimum. However remember this - a real friend or significant other is worth supporting and even with differences. It's what makes us unique individuals.
  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Jul 22, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    If he's a great guy, why not try, he could make you very happy in other areas of your life than sports. I'm sure you have friends you can talk about and play sport related stuff with. Maybe he can help you open up to more recessed parts of your personality. I have dated very fem guys, and learned a lot about my self through them.

    Obviously you're interested, or you wouldn't be asking opinions on a forum. If it's just too much for you to look past, maybe just friends.

    I wish you the best

    T
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    ChangedReality saidAlright, so I've recently met this awesome guy (actually, thanks to my Priest, he actually set us up if you can believe that :shockicon_smile.gif ....and, he's a really great guy, good looking, funny, smart, kind, etc, etc, etc. There's just one thing about him that I don't like (and to me it's kinda a biggie)....he's....extremely effeminate.

    I mean, knows nothing about sports, let alone how to play...can't teach him how to play anything... the way he dresses and talks... and all of that. I dunno why, I guess I should be able to look past that; however, it actually bothers me... I just never have liked that. I haven't even brought the guy around the house because I know that my fraternity brothers would make fun of the guy. (and yeah my frat bros know I'm gay and they're cool with it)

    I just don't know what to do about it... he's pretty much perfect in every other way than that one. Any advice?


    Someone's personality and the way they are is part of the reason people are attracted to him. By not being attracted to how fem he is, you'll have to consider if you're willing to invest time into a relationship or not.

    It's like saying "he's a great guy and he treats me awesome but....the sex isn't good or it's not there at all"...is that enough to break you guys up in the future?

    Nobody's perfect, a relationship is a compromise from both parties. Think about it.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    Ok, this is my ex. He does not give one the impression in this photo that he has a strong feminine streak. He is the type guy who might surprise you and be under the car changing oil and then floating through Bath & Body works ooing and ahing over the latest merchandise.

    I found it wonderful. Some call behaviors feminine but I call them gay male and wonderful. We're allowed you know.

    Don't push him away. You'll regret it.

    Hubby


  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 22, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    I say you keep him as a friend. Listen, I have met people who were very nice and probably ok the way around. However, I like so many want to be with someone masculine. I was in a similar boat as you. However, he was just not masculine at all. I don't know, maybe its mental but at the end of the day I want to have that guy that can kiss and is good at it and is masculine. That is what attracts me to men. Any for the guy who said tell your frat brothers that it was the effem. guys who helped gays get to where we are today. Dude, his frat has no idea what he is talking about and therefore would not give a rats ass about who helped gays get there rights. Anyhow, dude, I will say this follow your heart if you can live with that one thing then go for it. But if you are like most guys who think a guy should act like a guy then I say break it off now and just be friends. It will save you a lot headache in the end
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    Somehow this seems relevant...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    acinthecity saidSomehow this seems relevant...



    Outstanding! Loved when he said "...put the fucking mayonnaise away...". Savage really has some great points in this video. I've been with my partner for nearly ten years and everything said in the video rings true. Thanks for adding it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:40 AM GMT
    acinthecity saidSomehow this seems relevant...





    That was wonderful!

    Thank you, I needed to hear that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    be honest with yourself, dude. you're just not that into him. if you were, you wouldn't care what other people think. move on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    If anything you seem to be the one with the problem so my advice would be to just let this one go and just keep him as friend because you would more then likely be the reason why the relationship doesn't work if you can't get passed something you have no control over. Don't try to change him. Change yourself first.

    You are your own worst enemy when it comes to matters of attraction and the heart. You are limiting yourself because you can't get passed something you see in the guy. The problem doesn't lie with him. It lies with you and also you seem to be extremely worried about what others might think if you were to engage in something more personal with this guy. That's a sign of weakness, peer pressure, and shallowness. Your true colors just showed. Hope you are happy with what you see in the mirror. This guy sounds like he'd be better of without you since you seem to have the problem and you can't appreciate him for who he is. That's kinda disrespectful and very shallow of you to make a list.

    I can't knock you too hard because everyone has preference and it's a right to have those but clearly this guy isn't your deal if you can't get passed something like him not being "manly" enough for you. Do yourself and him a favor and don't attempt anything intimate until you can get passed your vices. Don't waste his or your time.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jul 22, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidWhen your frat bros start picking on him, tell them that if it weren't for the queenie guys like him, gays wouldn't have any rights at all because the masculine guys were too afraid to stand up for themselves.

    I, too, hid behind my masculinity while the fem guys paved the way for my rights as a gay man. Now that I realize that, I thank the fem guys for being who they are. They made it possible for us to come out of the closet without fear of govt intervention.


    how does this have anything to do with dating the guy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, while the feminine side of our culture is a turn off for me sexually, I have the most respect for them.

    Can you imagine what it was like for them growing up? Knowing they were going to get picked on, or worse, beaten up? Yet they still act the way they think is best for them. Props to them i say...

    However, yes i am un-attracted sexually to anyone that has femininity. Just a personal preference.. You don't have to find them sexually attractive. But you do have to give them respect for who they are i think.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Jul 22, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    onejock saidbe honest with yourself, dude. you're just not that into him. if you were, you wouldn't care what other people think. move on!
    must agree with this and if u liked him the way u think u do then it woudlnt matter.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:52 AM GMT


    Guess what? He's still Awesome, the one that has the prob is you! If your bros have any respect for you they will come frm a place of open communication and non judgement. If they don't I say your biggest prob is the relationship you have forged w/ guys you call friends. Some ppl might call it sleeping w/ the enemyicon_eek.gif
  • AlanGZ

    Posts: 385

    Jul 22, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    Well he might be a great guys but if, because he is effeminate, u are not attracted to him, better stay friends!
    I know i am not into effeminate boys either...nothing wrong about that it s not the kind of boys i love that's all!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    I can understand if you aren't sexually attracted to the guy, but I never heard that in your information. If its just because he's effeminate, I'd think about it a little bit. Are you concerned more about the fact he's that way or how others are going to perceive him? And you?
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 22, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    I feel you on this. I used to say, I have no problem with effeminate guys but I didn't think we would be friends because we didn't have anything in common. I now have a really good friend who's... gay flag flies high haha. However, I still don't want to sleep with him. I have met many EXTREMELY attractive guys that are great guys but I'm not sexually attracted to them. Whether people want to admit it or not there has to be more than a physical attraction to be sexually compatible. Persona, confidence, mannerisms, all things that factor in. I tried pushing past it but there's nothing you can do about it. It's no ones fault. My advice just be his friend.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 22, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI can understand if you aren't sexually attracted to the guy, but I never heard that in your information. If its just because he's effeminate, I'd think about it a little bit. Are you concerned more about the fact he's that way or how others are going to perceive him? And you?


    Also a good point. If you are sexually attracted to him but you are worried about what others think thats a different problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    Join a different frat.

    We all have things that bother us. Some of them are silly and we know it's wrong to be bothered by them, but we are.

    If you don't think you can get over your problem with him (despite his many great qualities), you should break it off with him as nicely as possible and as soon as possible. But if you really otherwise think he's great and hot, the day may come when you'll feel differently about the things that bother you now and you'll regret that you did it.

    But, as you seem to realize, it's not fair to string him along.