let's talk about what makes a relationship a failure~~

  • frankyzhang

    Posts: 40

    Jul 22, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    i go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    Lack of communication.
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:26 PM GMT

    Forgetting what you first saw in each other, and not just visuals. Forgetting the tactile thrill, the sense of deep discovery, the sensations of his voice across your nerve endings. The huge and secret thrill you bit down into just before seeing him again after a short parting.

    Forgetting that arms remember when eyes forget. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Jul 22, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.
  • frankyzhang

    Posts: 40

    Jul 22, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    dancerjack said
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.

    after being honest, here's something we need called communication~~icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 22, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    frankyzhang said
    dancerjack said
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.

    after being honest, here's something we need called communication~~icon_biggrin.gif



    you should have had that first.
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    Jul 25, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    I only have 2 absolutes that I will not compromise on when I am in a relationshio (which has been over a decade now) and they are:

    1. Lying-No reason for it. Upfront, I let you know that the messenger will never be harmed and chances are I will have the greatest admiration for being brave enough to trust me to tell me the truth, no matter what it is.

    2. Cheating-You already know and have agreed upon this being a closed relationship. You want to be with someone else, say so, be on your way and you will have my respect for still doing number 1.

    Break these and it's over with no reason or necessity for communication. Pack your stuff and get out. Or if it is really your place, when you come home, I will already be gone.

    It amazes me the number of guys who can not for the life of them keep these 2 simple things in place.
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    Jul 25, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    My miserable ex!
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    Jul 25, 2010 10:37 PM GMT
    family and friends are always priorities icon_mad.gif
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    Jul 25, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    Ive only had one bf, but I know what messed us up... it wasnt cheating... he wanted to see other people I could accept that... he was honest about it, we didnt keep secrets, and Im Caribbean, I know monogamy is a myth in out culture... but what did us in for me was, he was way too much into doing drugs and partying and I would try and push him out of it, trying to get him to calm down, which he couln't accept lol after a few weeks of constant figting over taht, he ended it, but we stayed friends.. after a few years of his lifestyle he became a different person and he stopped talking to me... Several years late, i've been told by mutual friends on the island that he calmed down by now... I mailed him and turned out he coulnt remember who I was... that was my first and last, life sure is a bitch icon_rolleyes.gificon_redface.gificon_confused.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 25, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    Hey Amar_m, sorry to hear that; I went through something similar with my ex. Drug/alchol abuse are poison to a (healthy) relationship, and dishonesty and cheating are more likely than not all rolled up into that, at least that's what I learned from being with my ex.
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    Jul 25, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    amar_m saidIve only had one bf, but I know what messed us up... it wasnt cheating... he wanted to see other people I could accept that... he was honest about it, we didnt keep secrets, and Im Caribbean, I know monogamy is a myth in out culture... but what did us in for me was, he was way too much into doing drugs and partying and I would try and push him out of it, trying to get him to calm down, which he couln't accept lol after a few weeks of constant figting over taht, he ended it, but we stayed friends.. after a few years of his lifestyle he became a different person and he stopped talking to me... Several years late, i've been told by mutual friends on the island that he calmed down by now... I mailed him and turned out he coulnt remember who I was... that was my first and last, life sure is a bitch icon_rolleyes.gificon_redface.gificon_confused.gif


    You did well to get away from him.
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    Jul 25, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    highly insecure and uncontrolled temptation.
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    Jul 25, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    dancerjack said
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.


    that is only true regarding people with things/pasts to hide. If you don't have bad things to hide (that you consider or that others may consider bad), then honesty will not fuck anything up.
  • Runningonempt...

    Posts: 119

    Jul 25, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    In a relationship you have to accept the other person for all of who they are and not just the parts that are easy to like
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Jul 25, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    Lack of interest.
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    Jul 26, 2010 12:03 AM GMT
    Fully agree with MuchMoreThanM... if one of the two persons is not honest with himself in terms of what he is looking for, the strength of the commitment, and what they really need, the relationship is bound to fail. Everything else--cheating, lying, etc.--is simply a guise.
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    Jul 26, 2010 12:05 AM GMT
    needineeeeeeeeessssssss
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    Jul 26, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    new_in_town said
    dancerjack said
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.


    that is only true regarding people with things/pasts to hide. If you don't have bad things to hide (that you consider or that others may consider bad), then honesty will not fuck anything up.



    Yeah, right...
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Jul 26, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    amar_m saidIve only had one bf, but I know what messed us up... it wasnt cheating... he wanted to see other people I could accept that... he was honest about it, we didnt keep secrets, and Im Caribbean, I know monogamy is a myth in out culture... but what did us in for me was, he was way too much into doing drugs and partying and I would try and push him out of it, trying to get him to calm down, which he couln't accept lol after a few weeks of constant figting over taht, he ended it, but we stayed friends.. after a few years of his lifestyle he became a different person and he stopped talking to me... Several years late, i've been told by mutual friends on the island that he calmed down by now... I mailed him and turned out he coulnt remember who I was... that was my first and last, life sure is a bitch icon_rolleyes.gificon_redface.gificon_confused.gif


    He couldn't remember you? Sorry, amar_m; doesn't sound like you lost much.
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    Jul 26, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    Video games. Yes I said that. I was in a relationship for 4 years, but for the last year he didn't want to shop, cook, clean, go for walks, go on dates, ... all because World of Warcraft came first. I felt single for the last year of our relationship.
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    Jul 26, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    dancerjack said


    Yeah, right...


    let's see...

    Case 1
    A has incurable disease that may be highly contagious. A meets B and both fall in love. A is afraid of being honest about disease because B may not want to take a risk with this person (whether risk is based on fear/cultural ignorance is beyond the point). A tells B. B chooses to end relationship.
    Result -- A will conclude that honesty fucked things up.

    Case 2
    A is an ex convict. He was in jail for murder and drug dealing. A meets B. B is educated and has everything going for him. A and B are attracted to each other and get into a relationship. A has changed, but decides to hide his dark past from, B for fear of rejection. A tells B. B chooses to end things.
    Result -- A will conclude that honesty fucked things up.

    Case 3
    A is a prostitute. A sleeps around with multiple people regularly for monetary gain. A meets B. B is into monogamy. B (and the vast majority of society) believes prostitution is immoral -- whether the moral judgment is misguided is irrelevant to the honesty outcome. A hides his past from B for fear of rejection. Months go by. B eventually find out after A decides to be honest. B ends things.
    Result -- A will conclude that honesty fucked things up way worse.

    And so on....
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    Jul 28, 2010 7:47 AM GMT
    Communication! and I cannot stress that enough

    and going to bed with a mind full of doubts or conflicts.

    I think most mature LTR experienced people will agree with me over the second point, since the first is quite obvious.

    what do you think meninlove?
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    Jul 28, 2010 7:51 AM GMT
    1- No willing to put the time and effort to make it work.......

    2- giving up to ease , without trying to work it out

    3- BORINg SEX,.... spice it up....get creative...( muscle worship, trrying being versatile everyones in a while even not your forte, try and enjoy the other person

    4- LACK of QUALITY TIME..............have preschedule dates and spontaneous dates
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    Jul 28, 2010 8:15 AM GMT
    dancerjack said
    frankyzhang saidi go first, dishonesty is the main reason why many relationship screwed up.icon_sad.gif



    i completely disagree. honesty can fuck things up WAY WORSE.
    Ain't THAT the truth! icon_lol.gif