Not into the gay scene? I'm confused.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    I see a lot of posts and profiles stating "I'm not into the gay scene." I'm confused. Does this mean they're not into clubbing, or they don't like groups and gatherings of gay folk? If it's the former, I can understand as my partner don't go to clubs a whole lot gay or straight unless it's a group activity like a birthday or celebration. However if it's the "gay" scene in general such as activity, sports, or interest groups, I find that odd and a little bit self hating. What do you guys think?
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    Jul 22, 2010 11:00 PM GMT
    I don't go to gay bars very often because I can walk downtown to a "straight" (gay-friendly) bar, drink all I want, and stumble home...without fear of a DUI or killing someone with my car.

    I don't attend gay activities because I don't go to gay bars enough to get to know anyone who'll invite me, therefore I usually don't know about the events until after the fact.

    I don't play on any gay sports teams because most sports are played on weekends; and that's when I work.

    I'm not a member of any other gay interest groups because I've never been interested in joining any interest groups, gay or straight.

    But I refuse to say "I'm not into the gay scene" because I make my own scene, and I'm gay, therefore I am my own gay scene. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 23, 2010 5:07 AM GMT
    The "scene" usually refers to the club circuit.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 23, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    I mean gay clubs. I know I put that on my profile, and I should probably clarify that. I go out to small parties and gatherings of gay guys, but not like a big club or bar hoping session.
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:16 AM GMT
    Oh grow up u all.. go out there and see all the gays...its fun, dancing is fun at least..... I go for the dancing and good times, just to sweat a little...icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    The gay scene appears to me to be gay culture as a whole, which obviously includes gay bars. Although my profile doesn't say it I am definitely not into the gay scene. I find I don't have much in common with %90 of guys at gay bars, gay functions, gay parties, ect. Is that self-hating? I think not.

    I just don't find myself having much in common with the gay men I meet at these types of places. I really do think that when a lot of gay guys come out they become more or less effected by gay culture. Many have lost friends and/or connections when they came out, or perhaps just feel less close to the people they used to. The gay world can be an easy way of finding support and it seems its much easier to fit in if you adopt a certain set of traits, interests, and mannerisms... so a lot of guys end up becoming a part of gay culture.

    To say i dont like the gay scene is to say that I prefer not to be someone who adopts the qualities of one who is immersed in gay culture because i dont find those qualities appealing or congruent with who i am
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:43 AM GMT
    The "scene" is a quirky thing to do once every 5 years or so. I'd put a gun in my mouth if I had to do it every weekend as so many religiously do.
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:53 AM GMT
    I'm not into the gay lifestyle as a whole, and when I mean lifestyle, I mean gay guys whose life evolves around their sexuality.

    My sexuality is only 1% of me if not less and I feel there are much more important things to talk over & over about than who I'm sleeping with.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jul 23, 2010 5:56 AM GMT
    I don't get all this loyalty in minority groups. I am talking more than just the gay community. Just because I am Latino and gay doesn't mean I have to be "in" the culture. I am not into the scene at all. The only thing I do is online and go on dates with men. I don't go clubbing or go to any activities. I don't go to any activities in the Latino community. Like rug12ds said, I don't see myself having a lot in common with the gay AND Latino community. I am an individual and I have no problem speaking out against both groups if I disagree with them. Label it as "self-hate" is just ridiculous. We are all individuals in the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    It's not in my profile either, but I'm not into the gay scene.

    I'll be a bit provocative, but it's just to make my point :

    I don't think myself as a gay guy, I think of myself as an homosexual. it's 'just' related to my sexual preference, not adhesion to a culture or special interest group.

    The special connexion I can have with people is not really linked to gender or sexual orientation, rather to life experience etc...

    It's just that I don't have the feeling I share something more special with the gay next door than with anybody else. Many think the social pressure we feel create a form of bond, but I don't feel that.

    I don't think it's odd or self hating. Nothing remarquable in seeing your sexuallity just as one of the many reason which make you unique, but not significantly more important than the other.

    Should I be suspected of self hate because I don't spend a lot of time hanging out with track and field athletes, gay jocks, software programmers, hungarian descendant, biology addict etc... ? I can relate to all those things, but I'm not one more than the others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 6:11 AM GMT
    The scene usually caters more to the young (18-35) crowd, very much into clubs, parties, all that. Which is fun to a point, but the scene tends to exclude guys who are older. Hey, we old guys want to party too, see!
    I personally like to go to lounge clubs like the Abbey and Here and just CONVERSE, eat, drink, and if I want to dance, its an option.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 6:16 AM GMT
    I can't know what others mean by "I'm not into the gay scene." So here's what my partner & I are, and are not into:

    - We don't do the club circuit, way too old for that. Fine for twinks, bless them, but not us.
    - We do visit gay bars & clubs regularly.
    - Our gay friends all go out together with us to a gay bar most Fridays.
    - We also patronize gay restaurants as much as we can.
    - We attend fundraisers for gay charities.
    - We go to several gay house parties a month, or host them ourselves.
    - We always attend Pride.
    - We stay at any available gay resorts when we travel.
    - We are instantly recognized throughout this gay community, our photos regularly appearing in the gay rags.

    I don't know whether any of that falls under the heading of the "gay scene" being discussed here, But I'll put it another way: the gay scene is about the only scene we know here. If it's not gay, we're not very likely to be there.

    But if you wanna limit the definition to the twink club scene, then no -- we're not into the gay scene. We're just into everything else gay. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    Imagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.
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    Jul 23, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidImagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.




    Perfectly stated.

    When I hear people say that or read it in their profiles, I think "insecure." Sorry, but true. If you don't go to gay clubs, say something like "Would rather watch a ball game on TV than go to a nightclub."

  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    Jul 23, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidImagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.



    Great explanation, and I think a lot of it is they want to prove their masculinity by saying they are not into the gay scene.
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Jul 23, 2010 3:46 PM GMT


    The "scene" in my town has a taste in music, art, outdoor activities, health, etc that jives with me. The gay scene, not so much.....thus this scene, while entertaining once in awhile, doesn't interest me to participate in on a regular basis.


    I don't expect gay people to change in order to fit what I like to do, and they don't expect me to to change either. We are all cool and I think most of the guys/gals are nice, but it's an understood sentiment.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidImagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.


    You are rigth about unsecurity pushing some to avoid the 'gay scene', but you completly miss something very important.

    Why should you have more gay buddies than straight buddies ? Statistically, you should meet, and befriend, a lot of straight people.

    Separation (segregation) of gay life from mainstream life is not something I like.
    Of course, for anything sex or dating related, you don't expect to mix with straight, but for anything else, there is no need to be isolated.

    I do enjoy, big time, gay social life, particulary as I have very little access to it where I live.

    I do dislike, big time, the cultural values of the gay scene I know, I Paris. I see it as the scories and traumatic result of social pressure and gay bashing, find it unhealthy and rescipe for unhappiness when you fall in it young and are mentored by bitter passive agressive community (globally of course, individually, lot of great guys).

    My wish and hope is that someday, it will be no big deal to live a guy life in a straight world, kiss you date in bar, and never wonder if a place or activity is gay, straight or gay friendly, but just if the music is good.

    Last, unfair remark, because you last line upset me a bit :

    Who really has self confidence issues, guys living a gay life in a gay subset of the world, or guys living a gay life in the world as is it ?

    Like for top/bottom, buch/fem, monogamous/ho etc..., we should welcome, accept, embrasse the diversity and the infinite number of way to find happiness
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:42 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidThe "scene" is a quirky thing to do once every 5 years or so. I'd put a gun in my mouth if I had to do it every weekend as so many religiously do.


    That's okay as long as you didn't pull the trigger.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:42 PM GMT
    The gay scene to me = gay clubs + circuit parties. Had my time doing that. I'm older now and don't get into it anymore. Just not my thing.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jul 23, 2010 4:54 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidImagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.


    damn, if you read enough threads on this site everyone has issues. i rarely go to gay bars, and never go to any gay events. it has nothing to do with any issues, or a need to separate myself. i have many gay friends, with varying levels of testosterone, and we will do things together. it's just a choice...nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 4:57 PM GMT
    Eh I go out to bars and clubs, and started volunteering and stuff. I don't always have much in common with many gay people, but its no reason for me to cut myself off from people who understand what its like to be me.

    Besides, you never know how much you have in common with people until you actually get to know them, some of my best friends are people who on paper sound like they would probably never even notice me.
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    mtneerman said
    KissingPro saidImagine how laughable it would sound if straight guys said they weren't into the straight scene (meaning they don't go to bars or other places to drink with their buddies).

    Put a bunch of gay guys together........call it a bar......and many of you classify it as an evil activity simply because it's gay. And then the constant need to proclaim that you aren't part of it.

    Someone should look into that. Sounds like some issues are going on.


    damn, if you read enough threads on this site everyone has issues. i rarely go to gay bars, and never go to any gay events. it has nothing to do with any issues, or a need to separate myself. i have many gay friends, with varying levels of testosterone, and we will do things together. it's just a choice...nothing more.



    What I take issue with is calling gay clubs the "gay scene." How is that considered the gay scene? When did that happen?

  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 23, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    Yeah I always see people trashing the "gay scene" and yet Pride is always busy! Now if you don't drink or do drugs I think that's the scene that you're simply not part of.
    In the past there were few options for socializing outside of bars or bathhouses. Now things are different and there are plenty of options, but one has to put forth an effort.
    LA Frontrunners
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    Ciarsolo saidThe "scene" is a quirky thing to do once every 5 years or so. I'd put a gun in my mouth if I had to do it every weekend as so many religiously do.


    That's okay as long as you didn't pull the trigger.


    But what's the point of stuffing that shaft into your mouth if you're not gonna make it blow all over the place.

    tee hee ^_~
  • denverdev

    Posts: 82

    Jul 23, 2010 5:13 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI refuse to say "I'm not into the gay scene" because I make my own scene, and I'm gay, therefore I am my own gay scene. icon_biggrin.gif

    You go, gerrrl!