Need Advice when Going out with Workaholics

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    So I have a workaholic friend in NYC who I only can see based on the "kindness" of his boss. We were supposed to go out on Saturday night, but the boss is leaving on a trip on Sunday so he will probably end up working past midnight. So now it's a Sunday, late evening event.

    Because I am usually limited to Sunday, late evening (past 9pm) choices, I usually stick to drinks and/or dinner. It's becoming too much of a routine now. I'd like to do something a little different. Any good suggestions?
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    Jul 23, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    There's a big difference between a workaholic and someone who values his job in this shitty economy. With unemployment at nearly an all-time high, bosses are firing people for much less than they used to, because they know more workers are waiting to fill the spot.

    You should applaud him for being proactive to keep his job, rather than belittling him for choosing career over you. Good guys are a dime a dozen...good careers are not.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 23, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's a big difference between a workaholic and someone who values his job in this shitty economy. With unemployment at nearly an all-time high, bosses are firing people for much less than they used to, because they know more workers are waiting to fill the spot.

    You should applaud him for being proactive to keep his job, rather than belittling him for choosing career over you. Good guys are a dime a dozen...good careers are not.
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's a big difference between a workaholic and someone who values his job in this shitty economy. With unemployment at nearly an all-time high, bosses are firing people for much less than they used to, because they know more workers are waiting to fill the spot.

    You should applaud him for being proactive to keep his job, rather than belittling him for choosing career over you. Good guys are a dime a dozen...good careers are not.



    Crap line.

    Then again.. the guy clearly does value his work more than the OP. Guys with a job are a dime a dozen, guys worth putting up with this shit for... very, very, VERY few. Find someone else.
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    Jul 23, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    I fully understand the risks of the current economy. However, my friend works from 8am to 10pm/11pm on average and on some occasions until 2am or 4am. He works weekends too. An early day is when he leaves the office at 8:30pm.

    Nonetheless, the posting was not focused on complaining about his hours. It had more to do with suggestions on what to do when we are hanging out. Please note that he is only a friend, nothing more.
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    Jul 23, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    uy, this is why americans are so angry and stressed....to be honest I don't know what you can do. It doesn't sound like he gets any off time, so you'll just have to deal with what you get.
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    Jul 23, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    I think the OP was looking for activities. So, I'll answer.

    A movie. A walk in a park. Going window shopping after all the businesses are closed. A late showing of a show. Volunteer at a shelter/serve food etc.

    I dunno, it seems in a big city, there's a ton of stuff to do. Because I live in a small city (some wouldn't even call it big enough to constitute "city" status), I'm not sure what all the options are, but those are the ones that crossed my mind.
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    Jul 24, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    Being the guy that used to work those kinds of hours and more; I applaud your perseverance.
    I’m surprised he even wants to go out at all. I would have dinner and a movie at home—comfortable couch and a back massage.
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    Jul 24, 2010 12:05 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidBeing the guy that used to work those kinds of hours and more; I applaud your perseverance.
    I’m surprised he even wants to go out at all. I would have dinner and a movie at home—comfortable couch and a back massage.


    great answer. I used to be one of those guys too and I would have loved to have someone do this for me.
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    Jul 24, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    I also generally work 13-15 hour shifts. He is probably very tired afterward, and probably does not want to go out. Like others said, do things at home. Invite him to watch a movie, get together with other friends, cook. You can also do any activities you enjoy out of the house that do not require too much in the way being social (I have gone to play tennis at 1am more than once), things alike swimming or other two people games-golf, bowling, etc.
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    Jul 24, 2010 12:16 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's a big difference between a workaholic and someone who values his job in this shitty economy. With unemployment at nearly an all-time high, bosses are firing people for much less than they used to, because they know more workers are waiting to fill the spot.

    You should applaud him for being proactive to keep his job, rather than belittling him for choosing career over you. Good guys are a dime a dozen...good careers are not.


    This is why you get a career that takes special training and education so it's an inconvenience for them to find a replacement
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    Jul 24, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    wpjbm7V8tPmWu0P.jpg

    You should be like Kel and and hang out with him at work. icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jul 24, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    Addiction is addiction. The addict in active addiction will always choose their "drug" over you.

    Unless the addict is willing to change, get ready for a frustrating and painful ride.

    Consider attending an Al-Anon meeting to understand what you face as one who loves someone with an addiction. When you hear "alcohol", substitute the word "work". It will be the same thing at its' core.
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    Jul 24, 2010 2:07 AM GMT
    I seriously doubt the OP's sole intention with this thread was to find activities of what he can do with his "friend" because he is absolutely hapless in figuring out how to spend a date by himself. Lest of course he wanted extremely bizarre suggestions.
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    Jul 24, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    Well, ask him what he'd want to do other than dinner and drinks. Chances are dinner and drinks are exactly what he wants after a long day at work. My best friend is in that exact situation right now; he basically doesn't have any days off as his boss is basically treating him like his personal assistant, having him run errands and do accounting on his days off and late into workday nights.

    We usually do just the same, get dinner, maybe watch a movie. It definitely is routine, but I appreciate whatever time I get to spend with him...
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    Jul 24, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    Actually, it was my intention to get suggestions for various types of activities late on Sunday. And yes, I do appreciate the insights into what he must be feeling. I've already discussed the workaholism with him directly and he feels its his priority--required for his choice of field/industry. So I don't debate it. It's not a date. It's a friend meet-up and I was just looking to make the occasion worthwhile.

    A workaholic would be a turn-off for me in an amorous relationship. In all fairness, I feel sorry for this guy because I think he's sacrificing a lot for his career. He's good-natured and a great conversationalist so I am willing to adapt to his schedule from time to time.
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    Jul 26, 2010 2:58 AM GMT
    So it's now Sunday. And I'm curious to know what everyone's opinion of the events that transpired are:

    I mentioned to Workaholic that he may be tired and would want to do something more leisurely. He said no. He wants to have dinner somewhere nice. Then he says he'd be done around 6 or 7pm. So I say, let's make it 8pm to be safe. At 7:30pm, he texts that he can't make it by 8pm maybe we can just have drinks. So I reply and suggest 9 or 9:30pm. He says 9pm is fine. At 8:30pm he texts, he will make it at 9:30pm. So I was already outside the venue at 9pm sharp. He shows up at 9:25pm and looks upset. He then says we have only a half hour because he must return to the office. So we have our drink. And he apologizes for me having to put up with his b.s.. And then he goes on to tell me about all the people, he's had to stand up for work. So at 9:50pm he says time is up. So we head out. He asks me what subway I'm taking and I point south. We walk up to the corner and I'm just walking when he stops. And he say, "I want to hug you." So I gave a rather cold hug because I thought the situation was just awkward. And then asked me where I was going. I said home. And it was just odd. So here I sit feeling rather weird, not knowing what to think or what to say.

    Your thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    I don't know if this would work for you and your friend...

    I was working on a project (it lasted about 6 weeks) that was consuming my life. My boyfriend at the time called me up mid-afternoon and asked me if I could break away for 15 minutes. I could. He asked me to meet him in the lobby. He had a pint of my favorite ice cream with him, so, we sat on a bench outside of the building and ate the ice cream together and talked. It was such a nice/considerate thing for him to do and it was a much needed break for me.

    It sounds to me like your friend has a very stressful and isolating job. I imagine he really appreciates you going to the trouble to work around his impossible schedule.

  • Jul 26, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    What does your BF do? Work in finance or something? Even doctors on call have more free time than your BF does.

    This thread makes me want to earn a high powered degree so that I too can earn good money working 80 hours a week. It sure does take an intelligent fellow to keep himself so busy earning money that he never has time to spend it.
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    Jul 26, 2010 2:25 PM GMT
    Yes, the guy works in finance. :-(
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    Jul 26, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidSo I have a workaholic friend in NYC who I only can see based on the "kindness" of his boss. We were supposed to go out on Saturday night, but the boss is leaving on a trip on Sunday so he will probably end up working past midnight. So now it's a Sunday, late evening event.

    Because I am usually limited to Sunday, late evening (past 9pm) choices, I usually stick to drinks and/or dinner. It's becoming too much of a routine now. I'd like to do something a little different. Any good suggestions?


    Anything that would take his mind off of work for a mental break and take stress away. Hard to speak more than in generalities as I don't know the whole situations. If you workout, maybe he could use a workout buddy. But if that sounds like one more thing to fit into his day, well ?????
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2010 2:57 PM GMT
    This is his career his livelyhood. You knew hw works these hours frfom the outset. It seems pretty unfair for you to "FLIP THE SCRIPT" now and start making demands. If he was a resident or an intern would this be such a big deal, I would think no b/c you would see as he saving lives. If this is the begining of his career he has to do what he has to do now so in future the he will have the time you desire.

    Did he explain to you fresh out the gate that he works these hours? If he did it really unfair of you to start complaining about it now. Always have a plan B when your plan falls apart. Do things on a smaller scale if the dinner and a movie falls through.

    It's the quality of the time spent with each that important at this moment not the quanity because right now he just does not have it to give. If you can't live with the situation then perhaps it's best to move on.
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    Jul 26, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    paulflexes said With unemployment at nearly an all-time high, bosses are firing people for much less than they used to ..


    Actually that all depends on his skills and the job market. In my situation finding someone to replace a valued employee is quite difficult.



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    Jul 26, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    ...Office Sex!!!
  • LJay

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    Jul 26, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    A worker who works that kind of hours and can't organize well enough to have an evening to hang out once a week has serious problems. It is not his boss that is making him this way.