Good Friend- Str8 has no idea about me. Puts! if you are gay - please remove yourself from my facebook page.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 8:51 PM GMT
    Hey guys.

    Here is a friend, close friend, frat brother someone I grew up with and know well. of course he doesnt know about my sexuality. He put on his facebook, "If you are gay please remove yourself from my page".. This really, hurts me, I spent days thinking about it , how terrible this is. and how ignorant he sounded putting it. also some other people were encouraging him on it. I took myself out of his page but I know he will wonder and I dont really care but he had been a great friend and we have been through a lot together. What now? I am usually one of those guys who really dont care to tell people I like guys unless I am asked or the situation forces me too.
    Should I say something to him or let him be a forever loser. After that statement, it hurts bad to lose him as a friend but I dont know if I want a jack ass as a friend anymore. icon_redface.gif

    I wanted to show you guys!!

    2cqmq7o.jpg
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    Jul 23, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    awwwww nomo fuck it if he is an asshole like that then you shouldnt waste your time with him.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    ...strictly speaking for me, since I'm not in your shoes, I would tell the mofo. You say that he's a bro, then he deserves to know... and if he can't live with it then fuck him (no, not in that way). You never know how someone's going to respond.

    ...like most of my frat bros, before I came out to em, most of them probably would've never been anywhere close to some "fag" but after they got to know me and I came out later on, most of them were pretty accepting of me. But, I came out to them because they're my bros, they're close friends and I honestly didn't want to keep a secret like that from them. (well...most of them anyways, ya know?)

    But, whatever you decide to do, the dude did act like a jackass with that.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:02 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidr someone I ... know well. of course he doesnt know about my sexuality.

    I am usually one of those guys who really dont care to tell people I like guys unless I am asked or the situation forces me too.
    Should I say something to him or let him be a forever loser.



    he knows you so well and of course doesn´t know your terrible secret. Problem one.

    if this is not a situation which calls for openness I don´t know what is. Tell him why you removed yourself and challenge his trite view of what a gay guy is like. If you disappear in silence he will learn nothing from it.

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    Jul 23, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear this. Tell him, this is probably the best time to tell him how you feel what he wrote. His views will change once he knows someone very close to him is gay.

    Visibility changes perception.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:07 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidShould I say something to him or let him be a forever loser. After that statement, it hurts bad to lose him as a friend but I dont know if I want a jack ass as a friend anymore. icon_redface.gif

    He invited your removal, and that's what you did. If he is unclear why you removed yourself, and fails to make the connection, he will get in touch with you. His action, or inaction, will answer your question. I think you should do nothing until such time as he contacts you first, if ever.

    I'm truly sorry this happened. I admire the stuff you post here, and I hate to see you hurt. The important thing to keep in mind is that the fault is his, not yours, the blame on his shoulders, not on yours. Be strong, guy -- we're with you! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    I'd blow the guy off until he contacts you. Then tell him why you did it. You'll find out if he is actually a friend.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    Are there any Fraternity brothers that do know about you and are at least supportive? Maybe they could intervene a bit, if so.
  • Jerbeasley

    Posts: 114

    Jul 23, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about that. I lost my very best friend under similar circumstances.
    not with facebook....this was about 15 years ago.

    If you need another facebook friend....please look me up Jerry Beasley
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    If he's really such a good friend, why haven't you come out to him before now? Real friends won't really care. Confront him. Don't just brush it off. You're his friend, and he was essentially (unknowingly) singling you out. Maybe if he knows that someone so close and cool with him is gay, he'll think twice about saying stupid shit like that.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidHey guys.

    Here is a friend, close friend, frat brother someone I grew up with and know well. of course he doesnt know about my sexuality. He put on his facebook, "If you are gay please remove yourself from my page".. This really, hurt me, I spent days thinking about it , how terrible this is. and how ignorant he sounded putting it. also some other people were encouraging him on it. I took myself out of his page but I know he will wonder and I dont really care but he had been a great friend and we have been through a lot together. What now? I am usually one of those guys who really dont care to tell people I like guys unless I am asked or the situation forces me too.
    Should I say something to him or let him be a forever loser. After that statement, it hurts bad to lose him as a friend but I dont know if I want a jack ass as a friend anymore. icon_redface.gif


    I am one who believes people can change, and that lessons can be taught (if not learned!). If you approach this in the same manner you did just now (sincerely, and sincerely hurt), you might just, if not regain his friendship, at least make him reevaluate a couple of his personal issues.


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    Jul 23, 2010 9:26 PM GMT
    comeback_kid saidIf he's really such a good friend, why haven't you come out to him before now? Real friends won't really care. Confront him. Don't just brush it off. You're his friend, and he was essentially (unknowingly) singling you out. Maybe if he knows that someone so close and cool with him is gay, he'll think twice about saying stupid shit like that.



    Thats the thing, not everyone in your life come fully open minded and ready to love you unconditionally. I would like that too be the case. I am also a drama-free kind of individual, even though i seem like a " Fukk you -up kinda dude.." LOL joke. I am a teddy bear.. but yeah! drama free so I remove myself from situations sometimes because i know some people like drama and interesting stories to tell and I really don't like to be the spot light. whats funny is I think that he is gay too... He has all the vibes, he is a younger brother trying to prove that he can get all the females but i think he wants some cock.
  • spunkywasabi

    Posts: 126

    Jul 23, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    God that seems so incredibly painful that your friend would hurt you like, indirectly or not. I think the answer of what you need to do can only be found within yourself, and not through others. Personally, I feel very similar to you, I do not let people know I am gay unless it comes up through a direct question or if I feel like I need to stand up for my gay brothers. So I understand it is a difficult situation.

    The thing about facebook is, you might have removed yourself as his friend, but this does not show up on his feed or anyone else's. So it could be quite awhile before he even takes notice.By then, he may not associate the reason, and could even feel like you have ended the friendship, and not take responsibility for himself. So it may be better to let him know, if you really hope he can learn something from his insensitive statement. If he doesn't know your gay, you may very well help to adjust his image of what a "gay person is like".

    I'd like to make a point to tell you I have been through similar situations in the past. When a friend says such hurtful, hateful things, all sorts of feelings of betrayal, being judged, and even anger can arise. It might be more beneficial to you (stop thinking about just him, you are the one that is hurt) to let him know exactly how much his words really hurt you. Even if he responds negatively and doesn't want to be friends with "a gay guy", at least you know that you stood up for yourself and refused to be treated like something is wrong with you.

    Overall, whatever you choose to do, you have my support. And I hope more loving, and understanding people come into your life. icon_smile.gif

    -Dave
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    You are better off without that "friend's" bigotry. He voiced his concern plain and simple and there is no need to keep that kind of immature drama around you.

    He may have received messages from someone and it may have offended him, however, he should have voiced his 'disgust' with that person and NOT put a status update shunning EVERY GAY person -- god forbid a coworker/employer see that who just happens to be gay.

    Either way, you don't need it. He is more than a facebook friend, he is your frat brother, so you two are fairly close. When he realizes that you are out of his life, he will either approach you about it, or he will move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    You should post to that thread "Does that include me too, (his name)?"

    That should publicly embarass him well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:32 PM GMT
    spunkywasabi saidGod that seems so incredibly painful that your friend would hurt you like, indirectly or not. I think the answer of what you need to do can only be found within yourself, and not through others. Personally, I feel very similar to you, I do not let people know I am gay unless it comes up through a direct question or if I feel like I need to stand up for my gay brothers. So I understand it is a difficult situation.

    The thing about facebook is, you might have removed yourself as his friend, but this does not show up on his feed or anyone else's. So it could be quite awhile before he even takes notice.By then, he may not associate the reason, and could even feel like you have ended the friendship, and not take responsibility for himself. So it may be better to let him know, if you really hope he can learn something from his insensitive statement. If he doesn't know your gay, you may very well help to adjust his image of what a "gay person is like".

    I'd like to make a point to tell you I have been through similar situations in the past. When a friend says such hurtful, hateful things, all sorts of feelings of betrayal, being judged, and even anger can arise. It might be more beneficial to you (stop thinking about just him, you are the one that is hurt) to let him know exactly how much his words really hurt you. Even if he responds negatively and doesn't want to be friends with "a gay guy", at least you know that you stood up for yourself and refused to be treated like something is wrong with you.

    Overall, whatever you choose to do, you have my support. And I hope more loving, and understanding people come into your life. icon_smile.gif

    -Dave



    aww thanks dave such beautiful words icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    [quote]

    I wanted to show you guys!!

    2cqmq7o.jpg[/quote]


    Am I the only one who doesn't see this as a "bigot"/"hating" message?

    Of course it's wrong and, above all, stupid. But I think that doing what Wrestle... said might be both a way to take it lightly, express your hurt, AND show him what an ass he was for writing something like that.

  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Jul 23, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    I'd like to see this posted on a web page.

    A cousin of mine I hadn't seen in ages "unfriended" me for this very reason. It didn't hurt my feelings, but I thought maybe he had grown up, I was wrong. So I told his mother (she likes me by the way) icon_cool.gif and she gave him a call to bitch him out. His excuse was, it was against God etc, which was laughable. This is the same guy who did drugs and alcohol, cheated on several wives, put his parents through hell, walked out on one of his kids, and the list goes on.

    Maybe if you say something, it will make him think, maybe not. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    BrainyBrainyBrainy said[quote]

    I wanted to show you guys!!

    2cqmq7o.jpg



    Am I the only one who doesn't see this as a "bigot"/"hating" message?

    Of course it's wrong and, above all, stupid. But I think that doing what Wrestle... said might be both a way to take it lightly, express your hurt, AND show him what an ass he was for writing something like that.

    [/quote]

    Define BIGOT -- a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

    His friend BLATANT statement "if you are GAY, please remove yourself from my friends list..."

    How so you NOT see the bigotry? Homosexuality is a 'differing creed, belief, or opinion' when compared to Heterosexuality.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidYou should post to that thread "Does that include me too, (his name)?"

    That should publicly embarass him well.


    Thats one of the reasons why I have shun away from my fraternity brothers and their macho hyper-hetero ideals. I know they have reputation to uphold, with their parties and the girls joining and all that extra stuff. coming out on facebook would really start this ugly cycle on campus, especially with other fraternities- I can see this ending up on CNN somewhere , not sure I like fame like that. I think I can handle come out slowly versus as coming out all at once to the entire world...
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    nv7_ saidI'd like to see this posted on a web page.

    A cousin of mine I hadn't seen in ages "unfriended" me for this very reason. It didn't hurt my feelings, but I thought maybe he had grown up, I was wrong. So I told his mother (she likes me by the way) icon_cool.gif and she gave him a call to bitch him out. His excuse was, it was against God etc, which was laughable. This is the same guy who did drugs and alcohol, cheated on several wives, put his parents through hell, walked out on one of his kids, and the list goes on.

    Maybe if you say something, it will make him think, maybe not. icon_rolleyes.gif


    NV --- it kills how the idea of who we are... Is like the worst crime known to man. I mean society really fukks us up ... We grow up hating something we have no idea about. all thanks to the Bible.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    A test of true friendship is being able to share the truth, openly and honestly. If push came to shove, I'm sure you'd like to know he'd always have your back. Iron sharpens iron. Go and help him be a better man. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    What surprises me, that in this day and age that NO ONE that posted a comment made any mention of objecting to his statement. A simple "they're not all evil" or "that's mean" or anything. This guy is surrounded with people who are just like him. I'd say dump his ass for someone who understands that friends come in all shapes and sizes and no matter what, a friend is someone you care for unconditional. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2010 9:58 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidNV --- it kills how the idea of who we are... Is like the worst crime known to man. I mean society really fukks us up ... We grow up hating something we have no idea about. all thanks to the Bible.


    This needs to be qualified: "All thanks to misguided interpretations of the Bible." The point is... the Bible itself is not the problem.

    I live in Japan where the Bible is not a significant part of cultural norms and being gay is still not "commonly accepted" and on the social fringes. Human beings will find a way to justify whatever it wants to justify, one way or another. It just so happens that the Bible is used in more Christian-influenced nations.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 23, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    wow... I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. I would like to say first and foremost, I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of a fraternity. I had some peculiar experiences with fraternity guys who were in the closet (and to my knowledge, still are) during college.

    Knowing me, I'd say tell him. It would put an end to this mental torture of living a lie. I'm in a similar situation with my family - most of whom would echo the thoughts of the commenters on that FB status post. I haven't yet told them, but I am going to do it very soon. I hope it all works out for you!