My bfs "friend"..

  • anysound

    Posts: 11

    Jul 25, 2010 6:49 AM GMT
    Okay, I don't know if I'm being overly paranoid but here's the deal.

    My bfs friend who is also a gay guy lives close to him. My boyfriend will often go to his house on a friday night and just hang. Sometimes his friend will pick my bf up and they will go get maccas or something random.
    Anyways, I've never met his friend.

    I think the friend might like my BF. He doesn't really have many friends (new to the area) and posts these fb status updates that are like "your beautiful its true i saw your face, in a crowded place, and i dunno what to do:S cuz i'll never be with you"

    I once asked my bf if Brad was interested in someone or something and he simply said "no idea" which I thought was weird considering they hang out a bit.

    Anyway, the friend had been away interstate for a couple weeks and just got back last night and my BF asked him if he could pick him up from a party at like 12am!
    Keep in mind I didn't get invited to the party nor have i seen him for 4 days.

    Is it just me or is that in itself a little unusual. I mean he has barely stepped off a plane and they are already hanging out.

    I don't know how to bring the issue up, I've been tempted to delete the friend off facebook, tell him to fuck off.

    How do I bring it up with my bf?
    Am i overreacting?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 7:27 AM GMT
    We are who are friends are. I would honestly be cautious since you've never met his friend. I learned this the hard way about my ex-partner. His friends were whores, but he always said he wasn't. Two STI infections later I know he really was one of them too.

    BTW, FB is the worst thing to happen to relationships. Don't be passive aggressive and try to communicate with a keyboard. That's nonsense. Simply ask to meet this mystery friend and take it from there.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 25, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    your "bf" is seeing someone else. icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 3:22 PM GMT
    He is only a BF in your mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    Don't jump to conclusions. I'd tell your boyfriend that you want to meet this friend, because someone that important in his life should pry be involved in yours in some way.

    If he still says no, I'd press as to why.

    Don't just assume things in a relationship, but keep a close on this until you can figure out exactly what's going on.
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    Jul 25, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidHe is only a BF in your mind.

    I would have to wonder, especially since the "BF" appears to be hanging out and spending as much or more time with the other guy than with the OP. Do the math. And excluding the OP from these Friday night get-togethers, and the party, are kinda troubling.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 25, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    I don't think I would have a BF that is invited and goes to a party I was not invited too.

    The issue obviously isn't the other guy, it's your disloyal BF.

    I would take great umbrage if I had a well established BF relationship and I was invited to a friend's party and they did not invite my BF.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 25, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI don't think I would have a BF that is invited and goes to a party I was not invited too.

    The issue obviously isn't the other guy, it's your disloyal BF.

    I would take great umbrage if I had a well established BF relationship and I was invited to a friend's party and they did not invite my BF.


    YESSSSSSS icon_exclaim.gif
  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Jul 25, 2010 4:12 PM GMT
    Are you sure hes your boyfriend? Also keep in mind if you two were committed and serious you would have met his best friend a long time ago. The fact that you don't even hang out with him should be a warning sign in itself. Yup! They're doing it or will be doing it sooner rather than later so dump him.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jul 25, 2010 4:13 PM GMT
    I agree with almost everyone one here, he's either cheating or doesn't think of you in the same way. drop his ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI don't think I would have a BF that is invited and goes to a party I was not invited too.

    The issue obviously isn't the other guy, it's your disloyal BF.

    I would take great umbrage if I had a well established BF relationship and I was invited to a friend's party and they did not invite my BF.


    Couldn't have said it better myself.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Jul 25, 2010 4:17 PM GMT
    I would definately confront your boyfriend about your worry/concern...and if you get another "im not sure/idk" type of answer from your boyfriend again then something is probably going on......

    But dont jump to conclusions riiiiight away, cause you never know. But def have a talk with ur boyfriend. Cause that does sound VERY shady icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 4:32 PM GMT
    Sounds like a bro’s before hoe’s situation.
    Because you have failed to directly express you feeling, I must conclude you are not in a true relationship.
    If this is not the case then you need to get your claws out and fight to the death. The river card has been shown and it’s time to go all in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    1. Have both of you established that you are in a monogamous relationship? (It really doesn't matter because even people in monogamous relationship cheat)
    2. ASK to meet your bf's friend, tell him that you want all three of you to hang out together.
    3. Ask your bf whether he's done anything with his friend and take note of his response. (Reactions always give something away unless they are really really good liars)
    4. Take note of the amount of time he spends with you exclusively and with his friend.
    5. Trust your guts. DUMP HIM if your guts are telling you that. Don't fool yourself to thinking otherwise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    if you cant trust him (weather hes cheating on u or not) you shouldnt be with him. if you can trust him you should also be able to tell him how ur feeling without makeing it a problem.

    honestly if it were me i would have said "hey lets invite ur friend over to ahng out with us since hes new to the area" and would get to knwo him.
    theres a chance that (not saying its absolutly the case) hes new to the area and doesnt have friends so hes trying to spend as much time as he can with the one he has and ur BF realizes that and is trying to help him not feel like he wants to off himself. It really could be something inocent. try to make friends instead of a problem if you can
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 5:52 PM GMT
    anysound saidI don't know how to bring the issue up, I've been tempted to delete the friend off facebook, tell him to fuck off.



    I think you are putting the blame and directing your frustration/anger at the wrong person. The 'friend' has no relationship of trust with you, unlike your boyfriend. You and the friend do not even know each other. The person that needs to be confronted is your boyfriend. There is definitely something wrong with your boyfriend not introducing you to a close friend. I have no problem with my boyfriend meeting any of my friends. Even though I have a couple of friends he does not like, they still come in the house if they are coming over to pick me up to go somewhere. I don't wait at the front window waiting to run out and jump in the car as if I have something to hide. Those who are telling you to not jump to conclusions are wrong. There is definitely something sneaky going on and you should not wait to get to the bottom of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 6:08 PM GMT
    You're young, shit like this happens. Sounds like you need to straighten some stuff out with your man. He'll keep acting like this until you do
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 6:14 PM GMT
    been in this situation, like you, it didn't end well for me.

    good luck!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2010 6:19 PM GMT
    This sounds rotten beginning middle end. Something is going on and even in the 1% chance it wasn't, its apparent he places no substantial value on you. Save yourself some time.. trash it and chuck it up to experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    Good comments from each guy. Something seems to be "shady" here. I went through this a couple of years back. My b.f. was suddenly spending just a little too much time having dinners and doing things with his ex. He claimed they were just platonic friends and he wanted to help his ex move, etc. I bought this story for awhile, until I'd had my fill of being excluded. Like you, I was never able to meet the other guy. I finally wised up and dropped this guy, and I bet he went back to his ex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2010 4:25 PM GMT
    OH HELL NO, CUT THE BITCH!!!!!icon_mad.gif
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 28, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidOH HELL NO, CUT THE BITCH!!!!!icon_mad.gif




    REALLY!? its not even that serious






    and dude he has a bro don't get all malignant
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    Red flags are going up all over the place regarding this situation. If I were in your shoes, I'd cut my losses and start doing my own thing.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Jul 28, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    First off, try not to jump to conclusions - they usually lead to unnecessary paranoia and misleading jealousy. Both are highly detrimental to a relationship especially if its one where both partners are content with each other. I'm speaking from your BFs perspective and there I've seen firsthand what happens when a partner jumps to conclusions and loses sight of effectively communicating what's on his mind. Even though you might have before- reach out to your partner and let him know that being kept in the shadows concerning his close friend makes you feel a little left out of knowing the people that brings joy to his life. This might sound like bullshit, but it let's them know you're not trying to redirect his prior relationships with his friends. I personally would have introduced my friend and partner by then since I know insecurities can spring out even in a healthy secure person if they're kept in the dark that long. Facebook is a total killer in relationships in my opinion. Tell your boyfriend that u would like to meet his friends and take them out for dinner or movies that way your boyfriend will know that its not okay to leave you out of their fun since you definitely show interest in bonding with them both as a mutual friend. My ex ended up trying to split me and my friends even though I introduced them right off the bat because he became jealous of how close I was with them. He never wanted to talk about it - just kept telling me outright that he felt he should come as a priority over them...eventually my family....after 3 weeks of dating...great experience for sure haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2010 7:30 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidOH HELL NO, CUT THE BITCH!!!!!icon_mad.gif


    lolicon_rolleyes.gificon_smile.gif