SEPARATE BEDROOMS OR BEDS: How many of you with bf's or partners sleep in separate beds or bedrooms?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 26, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    Sounds pretty "separate" doesn't it? The idea of being in a relationship, but don't sleep together in the same bed on a regular basis.

    There can be a variety of reasons... interrupted sleep, the need for a good night's sleep, snoring, working hours, sleep patterns.

    My bf and I have probably spent more time in separate beds than in the same one... and not because we don't have have "plentiful" sex, but he had sleep apnea (which has been corrected) initially. I probably like sleeping
    in my own bed more, but only because I've always done it that way... I used to think I'd never sleep with a dog on my bed (now I sometimes have 3). He also sleeps in when we are together... sometimes until 10 a.m.... I'm up at 6-6:30 a.m. It makes sense for us.

    We do sleep together at various points and its cool.....it really depends on the situation and how we both feel.

    And you?
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    Jul 26, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    i love sleeping with my bf, he holds me in his arms all night long :*
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    Jul 26, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    We sleep together in a king, and I sleep better with him next to me than without him. But I know a couple that has separate bedrooms, because one of them tends to keep the other awake, and the doors need to stay closed. Although they do sleep in the same bed in a 5th-wheel RV they own.

    I also had a BF who would reluctantly sleep in my queen with me when he was at my place, since my only option was a futon in the office. But in his house I had to sleep in another room following sex. He just liked his sleeping privacy, and did not sleep well with someone alongside him.

    But I always like to sleep with a guy, at least until I see how it works out. I think of it as my "bed test." First night with someone, when it's time to go to sleep, I either feel comfortable or uncomfortable with him in bed with me.

    Makes no difference how good the sex was, it's like a chemistry of some kind, that's either there or it isn't, and there's not a lot I can consciously do about it. Nor can I predict it beforehand when we first meet, say in a bar. I won't know until he's lying naked next to me.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jul 26, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    the bf and I still have our separate houses!

    we both enjoy our "personal space", both private people who are not afraid to be alone.

    he works the night shift (7p to 7a), i work either day shift or 4pm to midnight. we both require 7 to 9 hours of solid sleep. our work schedules work against us being together 24/7; even if we would want that.

    when we get together, it's awesome! but after a couple of days together; we are both ready to go our own separate ways.

    after over 2 years, i do enjoy..even crave and desire.. having him sleep next to me...but still sleep better alone.

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    Jul 26, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    Heheh, we sleep in separate bedrooms adjacent to each other.

    Why? Because Bill snores. There's nothing wrong with him except for a long uvula.
    The doc wanted to laser it off and confidently told us he had his own done. He told he relearned how to swallow without choking in about six months. Er, no thanks. The uvula drops and down and blocks the respiratory tract when a person swallows so you don't aspirate whatever you're swallowing. Yeesh, you need that lil thing!

    So whenever we like, we sleep part of the night together, then separate for real deep sleep.

    HUGE PLUS: we play 'your place or mine' on a regular basis which adds a nice dimension to the courting of each other that's lasted 21 years this November.

    *sighs happily*

    -Doug
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Jul 26, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    I would love to say that my b/f and I can't wait to sleep over each others house every night and spoon and sleep and cuddle and caress and find the breathing of each other soothing as we fall into a safe, secure slumber.

    But it just aint so.

    We do like sleeping together (sometimes) but it is not usually the greatest night sleep for either of us.
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    Jul 26, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    rnch saidthe bf and I still have our separate houses!

    we both enjoy our "personal space", both private people who are not afraid to be alone.

    I had a good friend who did that with his partner for several years after they got together, first as BFs but becoming partners within a year (in fact, I was instrumental in their initially meeting). I thought it a bit odd that guys who called themselves partners would be living apart, about a half mile in their case.

    But my friend, who'd had his share of breakups, was very reluctant to give up a comfortable place he had in a good location in Seattle, even though his partner's was bigger & nicer. He was afraid another breakup would leave him high & dry, nor would his partner give up his own home and move into the smaller place.

    But sleeping together was not an issue. They usually took turns sleeping over at the other's place several nights a week. But after about 3 years my friend felt this one was for keeps, and so, after much anxiety & soul-searching, he moved in with the guy.

    And it worked out well, enough that they then got a townhouse together a year later and moved into that, closer to the partner's job. My friend had (and still has) his own 1-person online business, which he operates from a home office, so location was immaterial to him. A nice couple, who seem to have done OK.
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    Jul 26, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    Interesting stories about sleeping together or apart. No right or wrong answer, of course, whatever works for you is correct. But I do find the wide range fascinating.

    Again, I really do sleep contentedly with a man next to me, and uneasily when alone. Strange for me, since my self-image is of a mostly solitary & independent person, who should prefer to sleep by himself.

    But I learned a long time ago (yet not soon enough) how to objectively listen to my true inner feelings, and not tell myself what I should or should not feel. Like the "bed test" I mentioned above, a gut-feeling I go with. It may also partly be why my gaydar is so accurate.

    And so whenever my partner is away overnight for some reason, I sleep terribly. And when he is next to me I sleep soundly. We don't even have to be touching or very close in the king bed (though it's lovely when we do snuggle & spoon, the contact of naked skin marvelously soothing to me), his very presence comforting & relaxing to me. Or it excites me, depending on our mood, but discussing that may be exceeding the mandate of our topic here. icon_wink.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 26, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    sometimes I wish we had separate bedrooms, especially when his "I'll be to bed in a minute turns into an hour and a half and he wakes me up to say goodnight."
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    Jul 26, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    Very revealing thread!

    I'd probably sleep better alone, but we always sleep together. I can't remember the last time we slept in separate beds other than being away for business. Must be well over a year ago, before we moved in together...even then we were together most nights.

    Ideally I would probably want to sleep apart during the week and together at weekends, but he likes me to be there, so I make the compromise.
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    Jul 26, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidsometimes I wish we had separate bedrooms, especially when his "I'll be to bed in a minute turns into an hour and a half and he wakes me up to say goodnight."


    I hope you are ok with him waking you to say goodnight?

    That would never fly in our relationship. When we go to sleep at different times, which happens once or twice a week, the other one tries his damnedest not to wake the sleeper.

    Sometimes during the night my boyfriend changes into the guest-room when I start to snore. I told him that he should punch me, but he says this is easier for him.
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    Jul 26, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    Heheh, bernd, we tried the punch, the tickle, the poke (my this is sounding a little, er, arousing) and the roll-over. It usually lasted about ten minutes or so.

    One night he snored so loudly the little dogs on the bed woke up shrieking at the strange monster in the room.

    Blame it on relationship bliss I guess. When we met Bill didn't really snore very much at all, and was a very light sleeper. As he settled into our relationship and his sleep improved and deepened, it began.

    -Doug

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 26, 2010 11:51 PM GMT
    bernd said
    Timberoo saidsometimes I wish we had separate bedrooms, especially when his "I'll be to bed in a minute turns into an hour and a half and he wakes me up to say goodnight."


    I hope you are ok with him waking you to say goodnight?



    no, it pisses me off icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 26, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    i dont sleep well with other ppl touching me. they can sleep in the same bed and we can cuddle a little, but once i want to sleep i need my space..
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    Jul 27, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan said.

    And you?


    When I was coupled, we slept together in the same bed, but I could never sustain him holding me in his arms all night. It looks good on TV, but I could never fall asleep that way.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jul 27, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    Interesting that I came upon a news story not too long ago saying that couples really do not sleep as well when in the same bed.
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    Jul 27, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    I have to say Im in shock after reading this thread. I guess I just always assumed everyone slept together.

    I can sympathize with the situations though, as I work 3rd shift and my bf works first. He falls asleep like clockwork by 10:30 or 11 pm and I am just getting my 2nd wind when im off so I usually am up watching tv until 3 or 4 am.

    We live 2 hours apart so when we are together we sleep together no matter what. Im sure it would cause a problem though if we lived together with the difference in our schedules and my constant schedule difference.

    He wakes up at 7 am and is ready and raring to go and Im just falling asleep good. Kinda sucks and I hate it, but thats life.

    I don't know if I could consistently sleep without him as we love to cuddle, but even that is short lived as we are both extremely hot natured and end up almost catching on fire its so damn hot lmao!! Then we break away to our separate sides of the bed to cool off.

    He is also a very light sleeper. As soon as my foot hits the floor to go to the bathroom hes asking me whats wrong, A bomb could go off and I would roll over and go back to sleep, lol.
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    Jul 27, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    I don't like sleeping alone. I prefer to have my partner in the bed with me. Even better, I like having my partner and dogs in the bed with me. There is just something about having someone next to me and being able to cuddle on and off throughout the night that I really like.
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    Jul 27, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    Theres pros and cons to each... different sleeping patterns for instance... another one is certain sleeping conditions such as snoring and "jactatio capitis nocturna"/"rhythmie du sommeil" known also as Rhythmic Movement Disorder (RMD) (see wiki-link below) in which the body or head is rocked back and forth in a rhythmical fashion.... That would wake anyone up sleeping next to them....

    Another one is "nocturnal myoclonus" or Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD). (link below) I once lay next to a family member who wound up kicking me with his legs several times that way and it was just impossible for me to sleep next to them...

    On the whole though, I dont mind sleeping in the same bed... My cat sleeps with me sometimes and it doesnt bother me icon_razz.gif


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhythmic_Movement_Disorder

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_myoclonus



  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jul 27, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    We sleep together with our dogs in a king size bed. To be honest I would love to sleep by myself. I wake up a few times during the night. I am a light sleeper. I wear ear plugs because I hear everything. Norm does not understand the idea of sleeping in separate beds. He is a little insecure. His dad and his step mom slept in separate rooms and he alwys thought they didn't like each other.
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    Jul 27, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    I've been sleeping alone for far too many years... and there is hope on the horizon that I won't be doing it for long.
    I was one of seven children.. and we all grew up in an 11 bedroom house. After I was born, my mom and dad didn't even sleep on the same FLOOR of the house.. I think they finally figured out WHY they had sooo many kids!!
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    Jul 27, 2010 4:43 PM GMT
    On a few occasions we have been forced to take a hotel room with two double beds instead of a bigger one. But we still just squeeze ourselves together into one of the beds and leave the other for our clothes. icon_biggrin.gif

  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Jul 27, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    When i a relationship and living together, I much prefer to sleep together, usually cuddle at first, then take our own sides of the bed, just gets too hot cuddling all night long, but love being next to him. I'll where earplugs to deal with snoring b4 sleeping in a different room. I haven't yet had a prob with anybody over sleeping patterns or movement.
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jul 27, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    I have to admit, after all of these years together, when Norm goes away for a week I really do become restless. I love knowing he is there. I just wish I slept better. My shrink says I am over sensitive to noises because I had to always be alert for when my dad would come in my room to beat the hell out of me. My sisters and brothers are the same way. We all where earplugs because we have grown up always on alert.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jul 27, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    When me and my ex started out, we slept to ether EVERY night, but after 5 months, I had to start sleeping across the hall, his snoring just became too much.