GQjock saidYou know what?
Get Over It
and I don't mean to be glib ... or funny
You just need to realize that comparing yourself to anybody else is a self-defeating waste of time
If people are saying you're cute or handsome? Believe them
and say thank you
for me, knowing what to do and doing it are not so easily done. there is a world of difference between what you know you ought to do and just doing it. for anyone with self-esteem issues, telling your self that you are worthy is not a lot different than trying to not be gay. you, being you, have no other point of reference. you can't pronounce yourself lovable and then make decisions that are different.
you are right, GQ, the answer is in not comparing and believing others when they compliment. BUT, the rub comes when you, and ONLY you, have to overcome the years and years and years of not-believing. it is brutally hard and it (i'm learning) takes more than a life time to over come.
i am a huge believer in changing your thoughts to change your circumstance (or at least your perception of your circumstance)...e.g., many times we are truly victims, but it is our reaction to the circumstance that determines if we are "victimized" by it. change your thought, change your emotions.
but we are keenly aware of lying to ourselves..."fake it til you make it" doesn't work because we know we are faking it. so how do you genuinely turn the ship around?
GQjock saidDon't waste your time with things you can't change and focus on the things you can
this. but i wouldn't include the "waste your time" part...i would try to notice WHY those things (you can't change) bother you, but ultimately you have to focus on the positive. the brain can't formulate negative statements. in order to say "don't hate yourself," you have to visualize hating yourself first. "don't waste your time" will assume you ARE wasting your time which will only reinforce your feeling of inferiority and eventually undermine your efforts.
think the best thought you can think about yourself that you truly believe. it has to resonate with you as true, and it can be anything at all...then focus like hell on that. with each step you get further away from self-loathing and closer to accepting yourself and loving yourself.
empty self-compliments are empty and your unconscious mind laughs at your feeble attempt to love yourself (after all it KNOWS you suck...all attempts to change are just futile efforts that are, to the self-loathing sub-conscious, all in a day's work). this is usually because the sub-conscious is trying to protect you from something...fear, most likely. so you have to team up with it. you have to find common ground with it to make it work for you. you can even ask yourself (when you find this common ground) is the current strategy working to keep you safe? is it fixing the fear? the answer will probably be "no." so offer an alternative that your deepest self can agree with.