Sex Addiction

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2010 11:55 AM GMT
    Hi Guys,

    So Ive decided to apply for a job with the local centre for addiction management.. one of the addictions they see there is sex addiction... Does anybody know anything about this? Any experiences anyone is willing to share? Any info appreciated... thanks
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Aug 02, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    This is very real and I am actually recovering from it. I would spend 70% of my time online looking for a hook up. Staying up late to chat and find the perfect guy. Didn't care when or where as long as I got off. There is a book out there on it called Cruise Control. I suggest it as reading since it is a bit obscure.
    Good luck!
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    Aug 02, 2010 6:44 PM GMT
    I have been to SLAA (sex and love addicts annonymous) and a counselor for sex addiction. I went when I was with my ex for 4 years. During those 4 years, we had sex a total of 10-15 times because he didn't like to be dirty in any way and sex was me pleasing him more than anything.

    As a result, I was always wanted more. I would look at porn and jerk off by myself, and he thought there was something wrong with me that I wanted to have sex more often. Go figure. I did cheat on him; it was wrong of me but I did it because I was frustrated at lack of great sex.

    I'm now seeing a hot muscular guy who loves sex. I've realized that my "sex addiction" was really just normal urges that weren't met. I don't think about sex as much nor need porn as much since my needs are currently being met.

    When I went to SLAA I met guys who had more of a problem than me, where there actions became illegal. It's mostly caused from low self-esteem or lack of love from others.
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    Aug 02, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    I read the SLAA book, and realized I was not truly a sex addict. in that regard, that organization helped me.

    Check it out.
  • yankeesblazer...

    Posts: 243

    Aug 03, 2010 10:11 AM GMT
    I once thought I did have this problem...very early on in a long term relationsihp (over 3.5 years) I cheated on my BF on multiple occasions. A ridiculous amount of times actually, too embarrassing to say.

    There was no way I was going to be caught, but that didn't stop me from feeling insanely guilty every time I did it. Yet at the same time, despite knowing how bad I would feel post-hookup, I continued to pursue them anyway.

    I felt like the only way to gain control over my problem was to just come out and tell my BF about what I had been doing, no matter what the cost. It just wasn't fair to him to continue doing these things behind his back while allowing my potential problem to spiral out of control.

    I finally sat him down one night and told him. He was very upset, as I expected, and ordered me out of his apartment. I obliged, knowing I was in the wrong. However, the next day he asked to come over and to see me, to chat about it more. We talked it all out, and in the end he did tell me how much he appreciated that I actually cared enough about him to tell him what I had been doing and to ask him for help. He called a couple psychiatric professionals who specialized with sex addiction within gay relationships, and set up some free consultations.

    Those consultations helped me beyond belief. It came to my attention that some horrible things that happened when I was a child contributed to a lot of my actions...without going into too much detail on such a personal matter, I was made to realize that I was in constant search of sexual approval from as many people as possible, and that it was very hard to stop while living in obscurity. Just simply letting my boyfriend know, and having him be as understanding as he was helped me beyond belief. I didn't need drugs, or multiple therapy sessions. I just needed to be able to put my trust in another human being the way I did in my boyfriend of the time. Despite the fact that he and I are no longer together, this helped me in a very positive way. It potentially saved my life, literally.
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    Aug 03, 2010 10:14 AM GMT
    Wow thank you all for the wonderful contributions.. This is really enlightening and its great to see how you all took control of your lives... GO MEN!!! lol
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    Aug 03, 2010 10:16 AM GMT
    I haven't had any experience with sex addiction, but I'd be more than willing to cum help you out in person. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 03, 2010 10:28 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI haven't had any experience with sex addiction, but I'd be more than willing to cum help you out in person. icon_biggrin.gif


    I've not had the experience myself ... always worth trying new things, right? lol
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    Aug 03, 2010 12:05 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    paulflexes saidI haven't had any experience with sex addiction, but I'd be more than willing to cum help you out in person. icon_biggrin.gif


    I've not had the experience myself ... always worth trying new things, right? lol
    Of course. It's hard to know if you're addickted to sex until you try it...several times per day.
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    Aug 03, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    amar_m said
    paulflexes saidI haven't had any experience with sex addiction, but I'd be more than willing to cum help you out in person. icon_biggrin.gif


    I've not had the experience myself ... always worth trying new things, right? lol
    Of course. It's hard to know if you're addickted to sex until you try it...several times per day.


    YAY! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    There's a flip side to this where an addiction is used to justify fully cognizant and specious behaviour.

    We've known men that used 'sexual addiction' to justify pre-meditated philandering. For example, affairs where the plans to meet up secretly can take weeks til fulfillment.
    We both feel an addiction has a bit more urgency than that.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    meninlove said There's a flip side to this where an addiction is used to justify fully cognizant and specious behaviour.

    We've known men that used 'sexual addiction' to justify pre-meditated philandering. For example, affairs where the plans to meet up secretly can take weeks til fulfillment.
    We both feel an addiction has a bit more urgency than that.


    I absolutely agree. thanks for that clarification icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    meninlove said There's a flip side to this where an addiction is used to justify fully cognizant and specious behaviour.


    I think it's hard to dichotomize addictive behaviors from purposeful flirtation and sex. When I was with my ex, I had a problem with going to a computer lab and flirting with guys online. The entire time that I walked to the lab I was thinking about how I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't force myself to stop. It was if there was someone else inside my body moving me around.

    The first step in any addiction is to recognize that one is powerless over addiction and that one's life is unmanageable. I think that is left up to the individual to recognize and not from others. It's sad if someone is trying to use addiction to cover up his or her actions, but from my experience most people would not want to admit to being powerless.
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    Aug 03, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    choc, the entire post of ours needs to be considered, not just one part, as the first part pertains to the second. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    There is an excellent book called Out of the Shadows. I absolutely recommend it. I helped one of my ex's recover from sexual obsessions/addictions. Good luck with your job, it is heavy work.
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    meninlove said choc, the entire post of ours needs to be considered, not just one part, as the first part pertains to the second. icon_wink.gif


    I understand. I was trying to explain that some actions that are delayed can still be part of addictive behavior. I'm also sure you know this guy better than I.
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    Aug 15, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    Being in search of a father's love was my case. I also had a very strict Mother so that caused me a lot of fear with Women. Sex addiction is brutal to your self-esteem... BELIEVE ME. I am just in limbo now and trying hard to form healthy relationships with friends and family. The most I can do is not act upon my impulses. I know the bible says to think lust is the same as acting upon it but, I do not believe that is true. NO MATTER WHAT I do not act upon it and I know the decrease in my self-esteem has been brought to a reasonable amount of control. I don't take bad things said about me to heart like I use to. I know as a fact I have so much more to give besides sex... I WANT to give so much more than just sex. I also know I cannot blame either of my parents for my addictive nature... THEY WERE MY CHOICES and I am the only one that will suffer from them in the end. I have prayed in a sense to be relieved of some of it all though I still cling to some of those crutches still. Progress, not perfection.