forced out of the closet

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    Aug 03, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    has anybody here ever been forced out of the closet, or made one big mistake that blew your cover, or have some jealous ex or stalker out you? how did it happen and how did you/ your friends and family deal with it?
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:37 AM GMT
    Yep...

    Grew up in a religious home, did the ex-gay thing, got married (to a woman.) The marriage was never easy as she was a bit crazy, but I dealt. My gayness never really went away, I just suppressed it.

    About 3 years ago, I told her I was still struggling with the issue (I did tell her about my past before we got married) but would want to work on it, and to please keep this between the two of us. I did love her after all, and would expect the same from her. Well, she was devastated and a week later her whole family and our circle of friends knew. After that I could not trust her any more and it went downhill from there. She moved out a little over a year ago.

    The started the blackmailing. "Tell your dad or I will." So I caled my dad and told him. He thanked me for the candor, said it was a curable mental illness. I told him I had been waiting for a cure for 25 years and wasted a lot of energy on it, too, that could have been spent in better ways.

    Since she didn't get the reaction out of my dad that she hoped to get (she was thinking on the lines of isolation or death threats, like I got from HER dad...) she told me my siblings (all 4 of them) needed to know, too. I guess blood is thicker than water. My brother congratulated me, 2 of my sisters could not see it, but I was still their brother no matter what, and the 3rrd one (a pastor's) wife, told me she learned something from me and it changed her views on homosexuality from a religious perspective.

    It sucked at the time, however, being kicked out of the closet in retrospect was the best thing that ever happened to me. Too bad I didn't have the courage sooner, so that less people would get hurt in the process.
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Aug 03, 2010 1:42 PM GMT
    Ha, sorta.

    Word of advice to anybody who'll listen: When everybody you know tells you that you're dating a psychopath... you should listen to them.
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    Aug 03, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    My dad caught me and my bf (now ex) in bed, getting ready for a nice romp.
    Oops...
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Aug 03, 2010 1:51 PM GMT
    Andreas73: what a fucking cuntbag that woman is. sorry you had to deal with that
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    Aug 03, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    My solution has always been to just be out. Makes all these problems go away.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Aug 03, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    http://www.imfromdriftwood.com/2009/10/26/im-from-elkton-sd/

    I wrote about it.

    from my story ... My sophomore year of South Dakota State, I was SLOWLY coming to terms with my sexuality. After I gained 40 pounds of fat my Freshmen year, I knew I had to make a change. So, I took a weightlifting class and instantly fell in love with working out. Instead of a rotund guy who ate McDonalds and Domino’s Pizza on a regular basis, I slowly became a health nut and my body started to take shape into the build I’ve always wanted.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 03, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    Ick......I even have had issues with other gay men that want to out me....and I'm already out! That doesn't mean every man, woman, and child on earth knows, however.

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    Aug 03, 2010 2:23 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidMy dad caught me and my bf (now ex) in bed, getting ready for a nice romp.
    Oops...


    Thats not outed! Thats sprung; big diffrence.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Aug 03, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Yea, last summer I slowly started telling a few friends and one of the girls I told decided to become the newspaper and let everyone know....but most ppl are cool with it so i dont mind....but i t was kinda tough not being able to be the one to tell some of my friends
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    @Andreas73 - My story is eerily similar to yours. I am in a much better place now, though it took time.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    About a year ago, I had to call the police on my wife because she has become increasingly violent and abusive...started with pushing and screaming and ended with her trying to stab me. The police removed her from the home and then she began to plot her revenge. Over the last year she has chased down nearly my entire family including my 82 year old dad and all my co-workers to angrily scream at them that I'm gay to try to isolate me.
    She brought it up numerous times in our custody battle and divorce.
    For the record...she had known for years that I was attracted to men too, but I had never acted upon it.
    I lied to my dad, but everyone else I let them draw their own conclusions. I simply don't talk to family/co-workers about my sex life.

    Does that qualify as being outed? lol

    Geesh...what a year.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    ruck_us said@Andreas73 - My story is eerily similar to yours. I am in a much better place now, though it took time.


    this story is fast becoming cliche. try for the "cure," get married to someone you actually "love," it all eventually falls apart, in the wake of the breakup the ex uses the info as a bargaining tool (and spreads the word by commiserating with all of her -- and your-- friends), etc., etc.

    i married a crazy one too...she is diagnosed with ADHD (she has no impulse control so she is likely to say the first thing that comes to her mind...out loud..to everyone), and because ADHD usually comes with other issues (like bi-polar disorders), she is as unpredictable as a nebraska spring. she might blurt out something about me being gay in the presence of some of my professional colleagues (and some of the folks i work with don't take too kindly to gay people). she's a regular barrel of monkeys fun.

    i bet there are a ton of guys on this board who have very, very similar stories.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    moscowmikey saidAbout a year ago, I had to call the police on my wife because she has become increasingly violent and abusive...started with pushing and screaming and ended with her trying to stab me. The police removed her from the home and then she began to plot her revenge. Over the last year she has chased down nearly my entire family including my 82 year old dad and all my co-workers to angrily scream at them that I'm gay to try to isolate me.
    She brought it up numerous times in our custody battle and divorce.
    For the record...she had known for years that I was attracted to men too, but I had never acted upon it.
    I lied to my dad, but everyone else I let them draw their own conclusions. I simply don't talk to family/co-workers about my sex life.

    Does that qualify as being outed? lol

    Geesh...what a year.


    the good news is that when an angry ex screams that you are gay, everyone looks at her and sees it as her just trying to discredit you. she could just as easily yell that you are terrible in bed or that you wear women's lingerie. crazy ex-wives are taken by all with a grain of salt. i confided one time with a GF about me feeling overweight. when we broke up, she called me "lard ass." make no mistake, when you piss a chick off, they go for the jugular.

    the fact you never cheated on her speaks volumes for your integrity. good job by you.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Aug 03, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    I was actuallly caught while having sex by my dad, it was cool though,, all he said was '' I didnt know you liked boys''.. He told me later just be careful and next time lock my door.....
    Afterwards, a DL uncled sat me down and explained to me that its okay to be gay but you have to have your shit together , you have to be on your game because he said '' Theres nothing more pathetic than a dumb homosexual''...icon_eek.gif........True
    Story
    This made me study harder in school plus i needed to place 1.2.or 3 at city championships, i'v used what i'v learned to mentor some some of the younger queens just hanging out in the village doing nothing..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    Coming out to my family was kind of a train wreck. I was deeply closeted for my first year and a half of college. I had goofed around with a couple of friends in high school, but chalked it up to curiosity and raging hormones. By the end of my freshman year of college I had noticed that I was way more attracted to guys than to girls - both physically and emotionally. So I guess I knew I was gay, but I didn't like the idea at all and I wasn't about to tell anyone about it.

    Anyhow, I went out to my family's place in Jackson Hole for Thanksgiving of my sophomore year. My older brother and our parents were there too. I went out one afternoon and came back and my brother was obviously rocked by something. I really had no idea what. But after a while he told me that
    he thought it would be funny to embarrass me by digging up the porn stash on my laptop while I was out. Of course, it was all guys.

    Not exactly a moment of brotherly love. I guess I panicked because I went off on my brother, which I hadn't done since I was like 15. He's almost two years older than me, a good three inches taller, thirty pounds heavier and just better with his fists. It didn't take long for my brother to get over his guilt and start hitting back. That, of course, brought my parents running.

    My mother was terrified and my dad was pissed. Both my brother and I were bruised and cut. Neither of us would tell them what it was about so we had a pretty awkward afternoon. That night my brother told me he was really sorry about doing what he did and told me it didn't matter to him at all if I was gay or straight or bi or whatever and that I didn't have to tell him anything if I didn't want to.

    I told him, but kind of panicked again only this time I was pissed at myself and started talking about offing myself. We didn't tell my parents what was up so Thanksgiving was pretty much a mess. I think it was the weekend after Thanksgiving that I told them. They couldn't have been better.

    I went back to school, got a therapist, talked to my brother and parents a lot by phone and after maybe a year stopped being so freaked out. I'm now (six years later) out to pretty much any one who knows me really well.

    So, I guess I wasn't outed maliciously, but it wasn't very smooth. On the other hand, if all that crap hadn't happened, I might still be stuck in my closet.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidYea, last summer I slowly started telling a few friends and one of the girls I told decided to become the newspaper and let everyone know....but most ppl are cool with it so i dont mind....but i t was kinda tough not being able to be the one to tell some of my friends


    I had the opposite problem. I told a couple of girls at work, hoping they would spread the word. I only chose the two most discreet girls in the world, ever! Apparently they didn't tell a soul.
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    Aug 03, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    Haha yep, got caught red handed with some porn when I was a sophmore in highschool.. hadnt been planning on pursuing anything gay for an indefinite amount of time. But since my parents knew, hey why not the world. Life has had a few ups and downs since then.. but I'm so high now, that if life was really a rollercoaster i would not be able to see the point where I came out because it's so far down.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Aug 03, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    REALLY watered down

    Guy is gay is new to school cute face but a twink so I'm not really interested and I'm super hidden in the closet well I think I am at this point

    guy becomes besties with my best friend *a girl* and she's all liek be nice to him he is new and shit I'm out of hs by this time but I stayed home for a year b/c of mom asked me to but still doing Uni

    So I invite the guy to eat icecream with me and he then invites me to spend the night I know why but I act bumb

    I go to his house anf bring a bottle of patron we play movies and I get so drunk I wake up with my cloths off and I'm like WTF where are my unides I put them on and go upstairs still a bit drink might I add I jump in his bed and he jumps in after me

    I act like I am sleeping and throw my leg over him and he flips me over and starts giving me head then bites my cock I was like WTF get off of me and he leaves the room the next day i act like it didn't happen he took advantage of me and I felt like crying and then he goes back to school and tells everyone I did that to him I was so pissed I ruined that kids life and if he moves to Cali I'll have him fucking killed but no one believed him I made sure of that
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    Aug 03, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Dammit these stories really suck

    @Space Cowboy *shudder*
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    Aug 03, 2010 4:14 PM GMT
    Ten years ago, at the age of thirteen, I started a relationship with somebody I knew at school. We 'messed around' a bit, however after a few months he decided to break it off (saying that he was in fact straight). He proceeded to tell our classmates that I had given him a blow job (he spun the story so that it didn't reflect 'badly' on him) and, to cut a long story short I was effectively ostracised from the entire community (I grew up on a small island in Scotland, a country where gay sex was illegal until 1980 and an area where homosexuality was considered immoral and disgusting).

    One year later I had enough and ran away to London (at the age of 14). The police ended up returning me to the island, where I stayed until I could run away again at the age of 16 (at which point I was legally free to leave home).

    The experience was close to unbearable and very nearly ruined my life at the time, however I am undoubtedly stronger as a result and given where I have gotten to I would not change a thing.

    Whilst gay rights have advanced a great deal in the last seventy or so years in many parts of Europe and the United States, many young gay/bi/trans people still face extreme difficulty when dealing with their sexuality, which is still considered 'abnormal' by many (if not most) people. Outside of major cities it is usually particularly difficult and I am angered no end when 'older' people dismiss the struggles faced by the youth of today as being less difficult than their own.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Aug 03, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    RoddenShaw saidTen years ago, at the age of thirteen, I started a relationship with somebody I knew at school. We 'messed around' a bit, however after a few months he decided to break it off (saying that he was in fact straight). He proceeded to tell our classmates that I had given him a blow job (he spun the story so that it didn't reflect 'badly' on him) and, to cut a long story short I was effectively ostracised from the entire community (I grew up on a small island in Scotland, a country where gay sex was illegal until 1980 and an area where homosexuality was considered immoral and disgusting).

    One year later I had enough and ran away to London (at the age of 14). The police ended up returning me to the island, where I stayed until I could run away again at the age of 16 (at which point I was legally free to leave home).

    The experience was close to unbearable and very nearly ruined my life at the time, however I am undoubtedly stronger as a result and given where I have gotten to I would not change a thing.

    Whilst gay rights have advanced a huge about in the last seventy or so years in many parts of Europe and the United States, many young gay/bi/trans people still face extreme difficulty when dealing with their sexuality, which is still considered 'abnormal' by many (if not most) people. Outside of major cities it is usually particularly difficult and I am angered no end when 'older' people dismiss the struggles faced by the youth of today as being less difficult than their own.


    I look up to you as a person icon_smile.gif
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Aug 03, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    amar_m saidDammit these stories really suck

    @Space Cowboy *shudder*


    I know but he got his kind of, but I will have him killed if he moves to LA even if I have to so it myself
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    Aug 03, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    My sister told my mom that I'm gay. I never actually told my sister, but she just assumed.

    Then my mom locked herself in her room for three days and cried. To be fair, though, she does that a lot. I didn't take it too personally.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Aug 03, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    It was a long time ago. I didn't officially come out until university. Closest friend in high school comes to visit. I tell her I'm gay (and these few words hardly describe the agony of indecision I went through that evening). She acts very understanding at the moment, but she shrivels up and dies inside because (I find out later, clueless ass that I was) she's so deeply in love with me and thinks I'm planning to make the next step. She goes back and - through vulnerability or vindictiveness - "confides" in the one friend that would be certain to see to it that nary a soul in my hometown didn't know about it.

    My mother calls me up to tell me that word is getting around and she's worried it'll somehow affect my father's career (the man was a manager, not a politician, but whatever). I respond that, if she's calling to warn me to be more cautious about who I choose to tell, the point is moot because our world has pretty much been informed already. Dad got a huge promotion two years later, so I guess having a gay son wasn't the career suicide she feared.