Ever wish you could make everyone happy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    (this isn't suppose to sound dirty)

    If I could I would =

    It's hard when your parents are going through a divorce this late in your life and I never thought I would be this affected but to see my family drifting apart hurts me the most =[ and I feel like my parents are making me choose a side and using me as a messenger of what the other is talking about with their lawyers. I want both my parents to be happy with what ever they end up doing but it's taking a toll on me.

    It's so annoying and I was wondering if you guys had any advice on this situation?

    Or if any of you have gone through this before?

    Thanks =]
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    Aug 03, 2010 10:43 AM GMT
    Hey Standard...

    I'm going through the same kind of thing right now .... my parents are in the midst of a separation, and both of them talk to me.

    Luckily right now, it's amicable, and both are agreeing on many fundamental things, so there are no lawyers involved, but I'm not so sure it's the best thing in the long run for my mom's fiscal future.

    Anyhow - I don't have any advice other than this - keep neutral - they both love you, but they also want to know what the other is thinking, and I've told them both flat out I'm not discussing what the other one is talking to me about. And they shouldn't expect me to spill that kind of info, it's not fair to me.

    You should do the same.

    Having said I was keeping neutral, it is in regards to what the other is saying about the other, however, I am providing more support to my mom because she needs some strength to come to terms with the end of their relationship, and leave.

    It's a rough time.... I didn't think it would affect me so much, but yesterday was their 35th anniversary, and I called my sister, to find out whether or not she was calling them to wish them a Happy Anniversary or not ...

    It's these little things that really hit home.

    Good luck!
    Gerry
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Aug 03, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    I tried that before I was the most misserable self loathing person walking the planet, don't even try, your only doomed to fail sorry its just a fact of life. You can never make everyone happy no matter how much you love them and they love you.
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    @Dolge- ive tried to be that neutral person in this whole situation. i even went out to lunch with my mom and she told me to be "Switzerland", the neutral party but she just keeps pushing me for info about my dad. Then she had the nerve to say when i refused to give her the info that i was only being nice to her the other day "because i wanted stuff" which isn't true, i just wanted to here her side of the story.
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    Ever wish you could make everyone happy?

    No. I guess I am smart enough to realize that that would be impossible.
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    Aug 03, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    Tell them to stop putting you in the middle and maybe they will realize this divorce is about more of the seperation of two but the children as well. If you're the only source of civil interaction between the two it might make all the difference if they see their squabble is taking a toll on you as well. Best of luck stay strong.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Aug 03, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    "Ever Wish You Could Make Everyone Happy?"

    An impossible feat -- but good luck with that icon_lol.gif
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Aug 03, 2010 5:52 PM GMT
    Imagine going through this between the ages of 8 to 14. I learned a lot during that period, not just about my parents, but about my relatives, and people in general. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 03, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    Always, and its a double-edged sword... if everyone is unhappy, I am automatically unhappy.. if I try to make everybody happy, Im unhappy... the middle way is everyone not being particularly happy, but the situation is tolerable that way
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    Aug 03, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    I'm learning that when you try to make everyone happy, you wind up making no one happy. You are not responsible for the happiness of others; they are responsible for their own happiness. You can only control yourself and your own happiness. Trying to control others (even under the guise of making them happy) is not right.
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    Aug 03, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    Standardsocal said(this isn't suppose to sound dirty)

    If I could I would =

    It's hard when your parents are going through a divorce this late in your life and I never thought I would be this affected but to see my family drifting apart hurts me the most =[ and I feel like my parents are making me choose a side and using me as a messenger of what the other is talking about with their lawyers. I want both my parents to be happy with what ever they end up doing but it's taking a toll on me.

    It's so annoying and I was wondering if you guys had any advice on this situation?

    Or if any of you have gone through this before?

    Thanks =]


    I know at your age this advice will be hard to take but tell them both that you will not allow them to USE you in there petty tit-for-tat arguments and that if they truly LOVED you they would respect your wishes and that if they can't you will refuse to have anything to do with either one until they decide to grow up. Life is too short to allow toxic people to poison your life, whether blood or not. BE STRONG! DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THIS!

    Trust me; I was raised by two toxic idiots. I know the damage they leave in their wake.
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    Aug 03, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    Standardsocal said(this isn't suppose to sound dirty)

    If I could I would =

    It's hard when your parents are going through a divorce this late in your life and I never thought I would be this affected but to see my family drifting apart hurts me the most =[ and I feel like my parents are making me choose a side and using me as a messenger of what the other is talking about with their lawyers. I want both my parents to be happy with what ever they end up doing but it's taking a toll on me.

    It's so annoying and I was wondering if you guys had any advice on this situation?

    Or if any of you have gone through this before?

    Thanks =]


    I understand what you are going through, I was in that same situation when I was a senior in high school, bad timing. lol. Divorce is very tough and it's a battle that goes on for a while. In my case I knew what parent was right and which one was wrong, my dad had numerous affairs and did some mean stuff to the family. But it's a sticky situation. So I can relate. Good Luck and keep your head up!.
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    Aug 05, 2010 5:21 AM GMT
    Yeah, and I've put myself into a major funk because of it. Sometimes people really have to work through things themselves and the best help you can give is moral support. I've fallen into the trap of making myself too available to others and losing sight of taking care of my own needs. It's definitely a difficult balance for those of us with a natural tendency for empathy. Sometimes showing your love means taking a step back, a lesson I am still learning.
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    Aug 05, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    RudeMech saidYeah, and I've put myself into a major funk because of it. Sometimes people really have to work through things themselves and the best help you can give is moral support. I've fallen into the trap of making myself too available to others and losing sight of taking care of my own needs. It's definitely a difficult balance for those of us with a natural tendency for empathy. Sometimes showing your love means taking a step back, a lesson I am still learning.


    couldn't have said it better. I am still learning that lesson at almost 40.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Aug 05, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    yes when i was 8 and it was the same way. it forced me to grow fast and i didnt get involved after a while.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 05, 2010 6:08 AM GMT
    Ya man...my parents divorced years ago.....Don't take it personally....their divorcing each other.... not you.....If you feel they're asking you to take sides...Tell them that....they may be unaware that they're are actually doing that...Change is a part of our daily lives...you can grow from this situation learning life lessons that will serve you later in life....Good luck brah....BUD