Dating a Martial Artist

  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Aug 05, 2010 1:36 AM GMT
    Hey, so I just started studying martial arts last year in October and fell in love with it. Only did it twice a week for a couple hours during the school year but for the last four months I've been training one on one with a Grand Master (7th Degree Taekwondo Kukkiwon ~~ 5th Degree Hapkido ~~ 4th Degree Kumdo Kumbub) and I love it. Been learning Taekwondo, Hapkido, Bully Techniques, Kumdo, and a little bit of Boxing.

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    I am addicted to martial arts, it has become an integral part of my life and most of my friends and dating prospects just "don't get it".

    Advice?

    ~ Riah
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    Aug 05, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    Riahtherockstar said

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    ...
    Advice?

    ~ Riah


    Lay off the anime.
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    Aug 05, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    I have been taking BJJ and Kempo Karate now for a couple of years. Even competed in local NAGA tourneys. My partner is totally cool with it, has come to events, etc.

    Never has it occurred to me that I could kick his ass if I wanted to. He is bigger and more muscular than I am, but I have better conditioning and skills...but still our relationship is very physical, but not in a dominant/sub role.

    Outside the dojo I'm pretty tame, pretty fierce when I get barefoot on the mat

    If there is a problem it is that I too have become an addict. 4-5 nights a week I train and it takes a big chunk of our week away. We're working on a compromise now. That could be one of your potential problems, most classes are in the evenings and takes away from couple time.

    Other than that, keep it up

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    Aug 05, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    Hell to the yeah I would date one... a match would just turn into something else real fast anyway icon_razz.gif
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Aug 05, 2010 4:11 AM GMT
    Riahtherockstar saidHey, so I just started studying martial arts last year in October and fell in love with it. Only did it twice a week for a couple hours during the school year but for the last four months I've been training one on one with a Grand Master (7th Degree Taekwondo Kukkiwon ~~ 5th Degree Hapkido ~~ 4th Degree Kumdo Kumbub) and I love it. Been learning Taekwondo, Hapkido, Bully Techniques, Kumdo, and a little bit of Boxing.

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    I am addicted to martial arts, it has become an integral part of my life and most of my friends and dating prospects just "don't get it".

    Advice?

    ~ Riah


    there is NEVER a problem. You do not take your combat training in any relationship. Never a fight and disintegrate conflict. Who ever gave you that advice has to re learn the way. its not a choice, its a lifestyle.
    I'm a master also and NEVER has this topic of aggression entered outside of the mat. ever. men will be men. The martial arts community is tight and there should be no problem of anyone dating anyone due to who will be a better fighter. If this topic arises, the person who asks it shouldn't practice.

    actually a lot of guys think I'm a fag basher in a personal ad and I'm not. I simply put my interest about my art and how skilled I am at doing it. if you walk in my house its everything karate, martial arts and pee wee's playhouse all in one. i have weapons you wouldn't even know is there, you think its furniture and its a staff. I know your love is going to grow stronger but competition should be left where that energy is expended. on the tatami.
    my 2 cents coming from my pocket since i was 9 years old. this is my 27 year in practice..4 styles
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Aug 05, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    Thanks guys! Haven't actually met a martial artist that I'd be interested in so it isn't a big concern haha.

    Not really sure what that "lay off the anime" comment meant earlier (because I don't watch/read/whatever anime is) but umm thanks? haha.

    But the other comments were helpful to keep in mind. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 05, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    Yes, whatever...that's a load of crap. You love your man, he loves you, that's it. Besides, some intense sparring will make the sex hotter.
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Aug 05, 2010 5:12 AM GMT
    Haha for sure. Pretty much ready for a Mr. and Mrs. Smith-like relationship.
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    Aug 05, 2010 6:44 AM GMT
    Riahtherockstar saidHaha for sure. Pretty much ready for a Mr. and Mrs. Smith-like relationship.


    icon_eek.gif

    Hahahaha... but remember the end of the movie!

    I'm not into martial arts myself, thought I admire many people into them, but I think that:

    a) There will always be an element of competitiviness in male relationships even if deep down.

    b) People into martial arts have that competitiviness in front of their noses all the time and they tame it and use it for their art, their way.

    c) I would think that people into martial arts are those who could be more aware of when and how that competitivines is leaking or may leak into other parts of their life.
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    Aug 05, 2010 8:53 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    Riahtherockstar said

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    ...
    Advice?

    ~ Riah


    Lay off the anime.


    AAAAAHAHAHAHA icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif sooo funny.

    anyways, to the OP.... it shouldn't matter at all, but since you've already created a possible conflict in your mind, it seems that you yourself would have a problem dating someone within your sport.

    I've never dated someone in my own sport (don't know any gays in judo yet either LOL) but if I were to date someone, rank or skill would never be an issue if I like the guy. but I could think of many other kinds of awkwardness in such a relationship LOL
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 05, 2010 9:17 AM GMT
    I have not studied the martial arts, but if I had a partner who wished that I would get involved, I think I probably would. It would be something we could do together. I think that you should follow your friends advice and not date someone who is into martial arts though. It seems like you predetermined that there would not be anybody out there that is as passionate about martial than you are. There is also a theory of 'too much time together'! It might be healthy to have a partner with a totally different passion.
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    Aug 05, 2010 9:40 AM GMT
    I'm a member and there is a big team right now competing in Cologne at the Gay Games

    http://www.iaglma.org/

    hpp2.JPG
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    Sep 09, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    no offense to anyone who posted here but you are all WRONG!

    by my own personally experience...

    - i dated a guy and we worked out together and he always went out of his way to do more reps them me or at the very least, match me. if i could more on something then him, he'd do an alternate exercise away from me.

    - i dated a runner and we where very competitive. we stopped running together because of it but still made sure to run either as many miles as the other or do them faster.

    and then during my first year in the Marine Corp, i dated a guy with amazing abs so then i started training harder and my six pack came in. he noticed but not long after, he defined himself and had an eight pack going with those sexy V cuts and while i thought it was HOT and LOVED it, i started doing more leg raises and oblique twist to match him but atleast, my genetics failed me and it pissed me off. i was in LOVE with him but felt like competitively, i had lost to him.

    mind you, this doesn't apply to everything. i was great at cooking and cleaning and home repairs and he was handy with cars and could essentially build, fix, repair any electronic and we never shared an interested in learning that skill to better or one up the other.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Sep 09, 2010 11:08 AM GMT
    Date me, I am martial artist ( qi gong, bagua, tai chi chuan, boxing ) in southern China...R u in Japan?
    Btw, it is true what they say about martial artists in relatinship. My ex was also into martial arts, and it didn't work for us...
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    Oct 19, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    If you claim to be a Martial Artist and you feel that you have to prove that you are 'stronger' or more 'dominate'. You're no Martial Artist.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Nov 08, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    mnboy saidIf you claim to be a Martial Artist and you feel that you have to prove that you are 'stronger' or more 'dominate'. You're no Martial Artist.


    thats the point. exactly what I said before bravo mnboy
  • Rush_

    Posts: 402

    Nov 08, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    mnboy saidIf you claim to be a Martial Artist and you feel that you have to prove that you are 'stronger' or more 'dominate'. You're no Martial Artist.


    Yes. I've only made it a point that I wouldn't want to date anyone in my martial arts school (the actual school, not style). The only reason is my school is my sanctuary away from things; it gives me time to reflect, think and take care of myself. If I were to be with a guy and have a nasty breakup, it could affect the calm of my sanctuary and I don't really want that.

    It would be awesome dating a guy who actually gets why I am so amped about my training and doesn't think that I'm crazy for it! I've dated two so far (both grapplers, I'm in mostly striking arts), and it was really fun. We'd compare stories and talk about histories and training tips (dorky, I know)...and I didn't have to explain why I enjoy doing it and why I want to train for competition because they understood.
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    Nov 08, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    Riahtherockstar said

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    ~ Riah


    lol. who said that? sounds like that can apply to anybody who is insecure about anything and try to compete with their partner in wealth, knowledge, fitness, etc. just date somebody you find is a secure in themselves.
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    Nov 08, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    Blackbeltguy said
    mnboy saidIf you claim to be a Martial Artist and you feel that you have to prove that you are 'stronger' or more 'dominate'. You're no Martial Artist.


    thats the point. exactly what I said before bravo mnboy


    Ditto these two - if that's your problem you're missing the point or have a really misguided teacher.
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    Nov 08, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    my splits are awesomer than thou! icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 14, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    mnboy saidIf you claim to be a Martial Artist and you feel that you have to prove that you are 'stronger' or more 'dominate'. You're no Martial Artist.



    That's right...


    But being a martial arts master in TKD and having had long term relationship with a female student we never had that issue of dominance or whatever... You are martial artist in and outside of the floor and you must behave as such... But when you are off the floor you don't bring the structure of martial arts into your relationship... When you walk on that floor you turn the relationship switch off and concentrate at the task at hand. So all the this struggle better fighter, dominance thing is a bunch of crap... You shouldn't have to think that way if you are interested in being with someone from your own school... Believe me, I'm going through it right now....

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    Nov 14, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    Advice? Don't worry about it. If you both are truly internalizing the best of martial arts, you both will know that no one person is dominant all the time.

    Besides, I'd have no problem dating a martial artist, especially if he looks like George St. Pierre! icon_eek.gif

    mma_stpierre_serra2_580.jpg

    Georges-St-Pierre-Jay-Hieron1.img_assist

    mma_stpierre_alves13_5761.jpg

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    I assume he would have a tighter ass that average, so yes i would.
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    Nov 20, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    Riahtherockstar said

    So anyways my question I pose is as follows. I was once warned to never date a fellow martial artist. The main reason being that at the core there will always be a struggle in our relationship between who is the better fighter and that dominance struggle would carry over into the relationship.

    ...
    Advice?

    ~ Riah


    Lay off the anime.



    LMAO @ Ciarsolo
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    Nov 20, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    Huh, I personally can't see dominance struggle as being an issue. I'd like my man to be better than me in some of the things I'm interested in and am therefore good at, or at least at a minimum to be able to keep up. Great way to stay on my toes if I have a constant friendly rival, even in the case where he might be above my league at whatever we're competing in.