80/20 Rule....

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    Aug 06, 2010 7:16 AM GMT
    It seems now adays straight or gay people are looking for the next best thing to make them happy or "person" to make them happy. Especially as gay men since we are influenced mostly by visual aspects, do we have a harder time staying with a mate? When is the 80 enough, or do we always want the 20?

    LIke a friend of mine says..."just because the grass is greener on the other side of the fence doesn't make it better, it just makes it harder to mow".

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    Aug 06, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    the 80/20 rule is one of those things that keep showing up. You only wear 20% of the clothes in your closet, 20% of the people at work do 80% of the work.

    I think the problem isn't just in the gay world. Seems like the more choices you have the unhappier you are with the choice you finally make.

  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Sep 14, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    it is simple if u live life by the 80/20 rule u r destine to be alone the rest of your life. it iis simple really if u have the 80 then why want the 20. MORE IS BETTER LAST I CHECKED. and if anyone says the 20 is better then they r a fool.
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    Sep 14, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    wow, awesome analogy, simple yet so convincing.
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:48 AM GMT
    I love my boyfriend enough to let him get that extra 20% when he needs it.
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    Sep 14, 2010 7:22 AM GMT
    Andre_SD saidwow, awesome analogy, simple yet so convincing.


    Ditto that this is spot on!
  • metta

    Posts: 39167

    Sep 14, 2010 7:49 AM GMT
    Actually, it is human nature to be unsatisfied. I think that it is important to be aware of this. It is one of the reasons man has progressed so much throughout history.

    In regards to 80/20....it really depends on the person.

    Personally, I don't want perfection. I value commitment way more than wanting to look for something better. But mutual admiration, honesty and respect for one another is of key importance.
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    Sep 14, 2010 7:57 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI love my boyfriend enough to let him get that extra 20% when he needs it.


    Do you not think he should love you enough for you to be his 100%?

    I'm not being combative, just playing Devil's advocate really. If it works for you it works!
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Sep 14, 2010 8:13 AM GMT
    I don't think I'd want 100% of my needs met by one person... talk about all your eggs in one basket.

    If all my needs were met by one person, would I be motivated to cultivate a wider circle of supportive people - friends and family.

    And in my particular case, it isn't possible for one person to meet all my needs, because I thrive on having a number of different friends - some very close and some just for pursuing hobbies together. That said, my partner is easily the most important person in my life.
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    Sep 14, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    drypin saidI don't think I'd want 100% of my needs met by one person... talk about all your eggs in one basket.


    I thought we were talking about sex - if not, then I'd agree.
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    Sep 14, 2010 8:25 AM GMT
    NickFit said
    MunchingZombie saidI love my boyfriend enough to let him get that extra 20% when he needs it.


    Do you not think he should love you enough for you to be his 100%?

    I'm not being combative, just playing Devil's advocate really. If it works for you it works!


    If I was with a guy and we were both 100% for each other, then grand. But, the reality is, no one can satisfy all the needs and wants of another person. The argument in the video is that your partner only gives you 80% so you should just forget about the other 20%. I am saying that if you are only capable of giving 80% to your partner why deny them the rest?

    That is just my opinion. You are free to have any sort of relationship you like, Mr.Fit. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 14, 2010 9:57 AM GMT
    Seems overly/ oddly specific to me.

    I am not sure I understand the point of anyway.
    J.D. Power & Associates rating?

    How about this. If you feel like you are giving too much relative to what you are getting, move on. Although I suspect you would anyway.



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    Sep 14, 2010 12:16 PM GMT
    metta8 saidPersonally, I don't want perfection.

    I like to tinker and improve THINGS, but not PEOPLE, to get as close to 100% as I can. People are people, and I don't think in terms of any kind of scale or percentage rule with them, whether as my friend or my lover.

    Oddly, though I'm very precise & demanding of the things I choose to get & keep, with people I'm just the opposite. I have perhaps 4 levels of reaction to people, now that I'm thinking about this subject: those I dislike, those about whom I'm ambivalent, those I definitely like, and finally that one special guy who stands out from the crowd.

    And those feelings are pretty much automatic, not truly calculating. I've learned over the years to trust my instincts, letting them work in the background on their own, and not fuss over these matters a great deal (this current post notwithstanding).

    Furthermore, as I've also written about here before, once I have a guy of my own, my "hunting" behavior completely shuts down, all by itself. I just stop looking, and couldn't cheat or keep searching for something better if you paid me. For me, the guy I pick as my partner is my final destination, not a mere pitstop along the way.

    For some guys the chase is the thing. For me it's the capture, the prize, and once I have it I don't let it go, or jeopardize my keeping it. I don't know if that makes me insecure, or just wiser, that I know what I want and choose carefully, so I don't have to choose again.